It’s a Saturday. A Saturday evening, about 8pm. I’m watching Golden Girls on DVD. Eating a ring pop because I don’t want rice for dinner. Rice and pasta are all I have.
I’m working a dead end job at a place that tells you up and down that they promote from within. So you think, yeah! Great! This is WONDERFUL! A position opens up at your location and you apply. Takes them 2 weeks to contact you to schedule an interview, another week to interview. They tell you you’ll hear by the end of the week, good or bad, either way. You hear nothing. Time goes on, you wonder what’s going on. Nobody knows a damn thing. A month passes. You get called into your manager’s office, thinking the worst because you’ve since moved on. It’s a second interview. Surprise! You’re in jeans and wearing a superhero cape, it’s a theme day. He tells you this is your second interview but that the position has been put on hold. They may or may not even full the position. He says you interviewed well for the position but organisational restructuring, this that and the other thing. Asks a question of “if had a magic wand and could change one thing to make your job easier”… Many things go through your mind, who are you going to throw under the bus? Well, what was said is getting a supervisor’s attention is hard. What you wanted to say was that it’s bullshtick that communication is so pitch poor in a communication company. Employees are kept in the dark about business goings on. That it’s pretty hard to understand how you can go from unlimited overtime and upgraded bonuses to work shortages and sending people home. A few more days or weeks go by and you get called in again. Hey, so we’re not filling the position after all, chuckle. But if you’re interested, you can be the receptionist THREE whole days a week! You think gee whiz this is great I’m not on the phones. A week into being at the desk you finally get the official letter that they’re not filling the position AT ALL. It’s whatever. Life goes on. About another month into the desk, you get word that they’re bringing somebody from another location to fill the empty position. The one you had applied for MONTHS ago. Well, you also get word this means you won’t be at the desk as much, if at all, anymore. Newbie is there for a few days/weeks and nothing changes. You don’t say anything. You’re not going to be the one to jinx your good fortune*. Monday morning, full lobby, 30 minutes in. “By the way, go back on the phones. Now. We’re gonna count this morning time as variance too.” You’re in a fucked up mood for days, blood boiling angry the rest of that Monday. End of the next week they say you can come back out one day a week. You’re supposed to be grateful and kiss ass that they even give you that. Gee thanks for patronizing me. Now and then you get an extra afternoon or even FULL DAY if you’re super lucky. You check the career site every time you’re up at the desk. Nothing is open nearby. Something opens up in Akron, and that’s a hella drive but, you apply anyway. You’re qualified, you have good word. However, you get a letter the next time you sit down at the desk that they’re not even going to interview you. That’s pretty much the last straw. Your assignments have sucked recently. You’re barely making above minimum wage. You can’t really pay your bills. Living paycheck to paycheck sucks. You have a college degree. This is seriously below you. You haven’t worked a full Sunday in weeks. The person that took the job that was ALMOST yours figured out you’re being paid night wage instead of days. The last straw is when it’s finally processed. You now make $40 less a week. The tiny paycheck you brought home before is even smaller now. You work a shit job for a shit wage. There’s OT available but you’d rather go home early than get told to go to hell one more time. You wouldn’t wish this job on the people that tell you off. Maybe you would. People are mean. You say “I hate people” more than you say anything else. You’re exhausted. All you want to do is sleep. You realize you’ve been sucked into saying the same phrases and things that coworkers say out of habit. You realize you need to get the hell out of the fishbowl. Get rid of the chains. Jet pack the hell outta Dodge. You’ve made friends there and that’s all that’s kept you. They’ll miss you. You’ll miss them. But the truth is, they know you need to move on. It’s not a goodbye. Never a goodbye.
It’s closer to 9 now. You’re supposed to go to work in the morning. Tomorrow is a Sunday. You hate Sundays. Sundays hate you more than Mondays. You always get up and go any other day of the week. Just something about a Sunday, you can’t. You wonder what excuse you’ll use to call off this time. You start to resent yourself for thinking about not going, you remember you haven’t worked a full weekend days in months and months. You think about how the worst day to get told off is Sunday morning. Nobody want to hear you. You don’t want to hear yourself. You’re not really a church-goer anymore but Sunday is still the day you rest. Your day of rest even though you just had 2 days off in a row. You need another day to do nothing because your job every other day is so mundane and cringe-worthy.
You tell yourself that if you apply for new jobs while you should be at work, then calling off is justified.
You would rather take an 8 hour cut in your check than go into work. It’s a vicious cycle. You don’t get paid shit, but if you don’t work- you get paid even less. You keep using yourself, I’m better than this. I don’t deserve, nobody deserves, to be treated this way. I deserve to know what is going in this company. It’s not rainbows and butterflies. The light doesn’t shine out of anybody’s ass here.
I’m not expecting rainbows and butterflies. I’m expecting respect. I’m expecting to not get pressured into agreeing to something I already said no to once. Nothing’s changed you still don’t want to. You’ve applied for countless other jobs. Jobs that at least pay high quality peanuts. You don’t even care WHAT the job is. You just want something, anything else.
You’ve taken the chances in your dead end job that wasn’t supposed to be a dead end. You’ve tried to climb and rise above at least 3 times. Empty promises and so-called courtesies. Fabricated job openings. See? You can move up here, oops sorry. Clicked the wrong button. That’s not actually open, move along.
You get a magical email about a new place you had applied, and a spark ignites. You have hope again.
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