Ithinkimightbestr8

24, professional real-life procrastinator/chef. I think I'm straight, but sometimes.... man, those ladies make me crazy

[starlight829]

i want a girlfriend who i can be so in love with that shopping for groceries can be one of the most fun things

[four-toed-creed]

[i-have-been-thunderstruck]

So sweet

[macarons-and-corpses]

I don’t know if you’ve actually seen this episode, but Pam invites the entire office to her art show that she’s been gearing up for for a really long time. Nobody shows up except for Oscar and his partner (and they critique her work, calling her “lacking in courage” among other things, not realizing she is standing right behind them) and then Michael. And Michael is the only one who tells her she is great just for putting herself out there, and the only one who places value on what she’s done, and he points out all the little details she got right and notices absolutely every bit of hard work she put into it. And then treats Pam like the artist she is by not just paying her for her art, but displaying it where literally everyone can see it.

It’s one of my favorite episodes.

[oliviascolmans]

[duplexity-blog]

It kind of really confuses me when Barbie commercials have little girls dressing them up and brushing their hair Like no Barbie is not about fashion. Barbie is about collecting as many dolls as you can get your grubby 7 year old hands on and dominating the living room with your expansive empire of plastic women. Barbie is about creating intricate social structures and spicy inter-family conflicts between town house residents. Barbie is about formulating complex back stories for tortured Ken dolls with emotional scars. It’s about creating near-sadistic dramatic plot twists that split up marriages and cause that one Barbie you really dislike to be ceremoniously tossed down the stairs in order to be offed by the jealous ex-wife of Ken #4.

[kerryrenaissance]

Yes, but how do you make it into a marketable commercial that won’t freak parents and caregivers out?

[quasi-normalcy]

I’ve always had the impression that advertisers don’t really understand how girls play with their toys.

[everdeen420]

When I played with Barbies I had this thing called “The Dead Pit” which was a purple bratz laundry hamper. So whenever a Barbie got killed off she would go in there. And what I would do was I would carry her to the dead pit while singing the dead pit song. The dead pit song was just saying “The dead pit” over and over again in different tones. Anyway, once I finally reached the pit I would announce “(name) has died.” And drop her in. I would wait a few moments. Then, I would violently shake the hamper while shrieking, pretending to be the tortured souls of dead barbies from the underworld. I thought it was hilarious.

[thecrazytowncomics]

No One Forced You To Get Married

[nihilistic-bitch]

Me: *immediately forgives someone for their hurtful behavior towards me*

Me, later: actually, you know fucking what,,

[ithinkimightbstr8]

Some days I look in the mirror and think, "I look particularly gay today..." shrug, not change and leave the house.

[hbbibasghera-deactivated2016041]

[01101010-01100100]

*person falls, in a loud destructive manner*

voice off camera: Hey, Ron.

fallen person: Hey, Billy!

[tylerchokely-deactivated2014081]

*skips tutorial* how the fuck do you play this game

[that-girl-i-never-had]

Me in life

[weloveshortvideos]

[nutfertiti-deactivated20160504]

I love this

[uglyassprettyboy]

I’m crying

[lame-gamer-kensou]

*calmly* “Ma’am, put your hands up.  Ma’am.  Ma-”

*excited* “We have a runner, requesting backup!  White female, 3 weeks old!”

[unforgaytable]

I need a girl to give me her hoodie and over sized sweatpants, let me play with her hair and try different makeup styles on her even if she hates makeup. I need a girl who’ll watch scary movies with me and let me squeeze her hand as tight as I need to, and a girl who’ll motivate me to get out of bed at 4am just so she can satisfy her craving for Taco Bell. I need a girl who’ll brush their teeth next to me in the morning and watch my favorite shows with me even if she can’t stand them. I need a girl who’ll let me cuddle and lay on top of her and fall asleep while she runs her fingers up and down my arms or trace little shapes on my back with her fingers. I need a girl who’ll be head over heels for me and any girl who looks my way, she’ll feel safe knowing I have the same love invested in her, as she does in me. I just need a girl who’ll stay and put up with my craziness, and let me bite her shoulder or put my head up her shirt, or even lick her face when things start getting heated just to piss her off. I need a girl who’ll take all my flaws and rearrange them in her head to make me out as someone perfect to her, and I need a girl who knows I’d do the exact same for her.

[fckrightoff-deactivated20211007]

THIS

[sadbitchezonly]

Being able to find someone you click with so naturally is the best feeling ever. You feel like you’ve been best friends you’re whole life, it feels like you’re coming home. You’re so comfortable with them. Maybe that’s what a soulmate is. Not someone who shares every single thing in common with you, but someone who feels like home.

[alissabutt]

[seefloor-deactivated20160424]

[quoting-shakespeare-to-ducks]

“I could claw this hapless human to death… but she’s so cute… and I love her…”

I think somebody wants attention

[pardonmewhileipanic]

^^^^^ V E R Y  G E N T L Y  T H R E A T E N S

[longislandbisexual-deactivated2]

@my-moments-of-being

[marizworld]

Alicia & Kristen 👭

[forfuckssakejim]

Omg so I’m at the cafe by campus and this guy came in and went to hug this chick but she went in for a fist bump

[forfuckssakejim]

OK OMG SHE SAT HIM DOWN AND SAID “I think we should break up”

[forfuckssakejim]

I’m legit 3 feet away from them pretending to be invested in my science book

[forfuckssakejim]

She said “it’s not you it’s me” and before he could respond the barista called his name. It’s Bob. Poor Bob

[forfuckssakejim]

The move was effective. The lady looks defensive

Bob has come back.

[forfuckssakejim]

It was a few minutes of awkward silence as he took a sip of his drink. It’s the same kind as mine. Meaning he ordered Hot Chocolate

[forfuckssakejim]

He started out with “You know, I think.” And I could hear this lady’s eyes roll. No one cares what you think Robert

[forfuckssakejim]

FINGERS ARE FLYING. SHE POINTING AT HIM. SHIT IS GETTING REAL.

[forfuckssakejim]

she calmed down and he legit did that thing where you steppe you fingers together in front of your mouth and take a huge breath. Bro. Leave it. It’s done. She’s too pretty for you.

[forfuckssakejim]

He freaking snapped his fingers like he’s got this grand plan to make up for things.

[forfuckssakejim]

She Said she still wants to be friends. She starts this by asking about his day

[forfuckssakejim]

Apparently something bob said made her laugh.

[forfuckssakejim]

She has not been able to say a word since she got him talking. It’s too loud in the cafe for me to make out anything even tho I’m legit behind this chick

[forfuckssakejim]

He talking about his struggles now and how much he needs her. Run lady. Run. Run far away.

[forfuckssakejim]

She tried to get up and his hAND SHOT OUT TO GRAB HERS

[forfuckssakejim]

She’s literally folded in herself. Hands not going out further than the table. Limited hand movements.

Now she’s talking about her self. He doesn’t look that invested.

[forfuckssakejim]

“well some people are bitchy” -bob

[forfuckssakejim]

Lady does not have a drink. I don’t think she planned on being here this long.

[forfuckssakejim]

Bob is again talking about himself 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 no one cares bob.

[forfuckssakejim]

Well he said something that made her laugh again. It sounded fake tho.

[forfuckssakejim]

He’s talking about school. APPARENTLY HE IS A PROFESSOR

[forfuckssakejim]

“Promiscuousness leads to disease” -Bob again.

[forfuckssakejim]

I’m done with my hot chocolate and I don’t know if the bitter taste in my mouth is from the chocolate residue I drank or my disdain for Professor Bob.

[forfuckssakejim]

She adjusted her chair so she’s further away

[forfuckssakejim]

SHE GOT UP! She went to take her purse but bob said to leave and he would watch it. I think she’s headed to the bathroom.

[forfuckssakejim]

I can’t leave! But he’s doing that voice to text thing for his phone. Talking to someone about this? Idk?

[forfuckssakejim]

I’m trying to figure out what he’s saying by looking at his lips but I suck as this. Also where are his lips?? Bob is lipless. Further proof that lizard people exist.

[forfuckssakejim]

I just noticed the lady left her phone in her purse.

Ok she’s coming back. She is pretty. Too pretty for Bob. But probs old enough to be my mom.

[forfuckssakejim]

He’s talking about his students again.

[forfuckssakejim]

She was talking and he interrupted her and she was like “I was talking” and he like flinched and he apologized. Yes queen.

[forfuckssakejim]

“but this is why this democracy is at its purest.” Wtf Bob that doesn’t make sense

[forfuckssakejim]

They’re talking so quietly now I can’t hear them.

[forfuckssakejim]

“I should have said this a long time ago. But I can’t get anyone to love me” -Bob what the fuck.

[forfuckssakejim]

“I feel like I’m projecting my self onto you” -bob once again

[forfuckssakejim]

She’s leaving! She said something about picking up her son, Kevin, from school. Good job lady!

[forfuckssakejim]

HOLY SHIT HES REACHING INTO HIS PANTS WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF

[forfuckssakejim]

*pocket. But still.

HE PULLED OUT A RING BUT THE CHICK IS ALREADY OUT THE DOOR. OMG

[forfuckssakejim]

OMG OMG OMG ITS A MENS RING!! HE PUT IT ON HIS HAND HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT. HES PICKING UP HIS PHONE

[forfuckssakejim]

“Hey babe, nah sorry about not answering your call. I was in a meeting with a student. I’m leaving my office now. Yeah I can pick up dinner. Is Tanner home from school yet?”

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT

[cliffordsbigquestion-deactivate]

Fuck you bobert

[theoldgodsarealiveandbitching]

This was a wild ride from start to finish

[dogvines]

[Person: its my little russian lady! please, please get me some beets]