i hate myself

20 | TW self harm, starving/binging/purging, suicide

[its-my-only-salvation]

My family make me want to kill myself

[its-my-only-salvation]

I forgot how powerful fasting makes me feel, it’s been months since I’ve hit almost 24 hours only water and I feel so good (but my brain is making me feel so bad ahh)

[its-my-only-salvation]

Do you just ever realise that you know youre going to eventually kill yourself one day and you’re just waiting for the best time to do it to minimise the impact it’s going to have on your loved ones?

The only reason I haven’t hurt myself in the last three months is because I don’t see a point. I’m not better but why hurt myself more before doing the final deed? I find myself just waiting for a good time to just leave. I can’t now, it’s mums birthday soon. I can’t afterwards because I have to stay for my sisters sweet 16. I have to wait until my other sister has her baby so it doesn’t stress her out. It’s a waiting game and I’m just a time bomb with a detonator no one can see but anyone who bothers to look deep enough can hear it ticking away.

[its-my-only-salvation]

Gang gang

[its-my-only-salvation]

Been a while since I’ve wanted to swallow all the pills in my house so that’s fun

[its-my-only-salvation]

Fuck I’m done with life

[its-my-only-salvation]

I’m so fucked up that if I wasn’t drunk I’d kill myself lmao

Surprise thats legible, I think

[its-my-only-salvation]

I’m absolute trash and I need to be taken out, not on a date but by a sniper

[its-my-only-salvation]

I’m such a disgusting human being

Not only in the way I look but also my morals are crumbling all around me

[its-my-only-salvation]

I should have cut myself earlier today when I wanted to instead of just avoiding uncomfortable feelings with loud music and sleep

[its-my-only-salvation]

Lol i get so insecure about this particular almost ex for a reason, she affects your mood so much ahahah

[its-my-only-salvation]

*masturbates to release serotonin because you’re off your meds and sad*

[its-my-only-salvation]

I can’t tell anyone I want to kill myself because I’m not close enough to anyone like that anymore. And I know I can’t go through with it and hurt my family so I’m just fucking suffering

[its-my-only-salvation]

Quite frankly all I want to do is swallow every pill in the house and go to sleep

[mangotrash]

me: i won’t get jealous me: who…that… :-)… .…

[its-my-only-salvation]

I don’t think love is supposed to hurt this much and be full of confusion and misplaced trust

[its-my-only-salvation]

*has only eaten two burnt minimal fat shortcut bacon slices in 24 hours, feels good so puts food in oven for 40 minutes, mood completely falls in that time and even though you’re hungry you just wanna throw it out and throw up the nothing*