Escrites

I write sometimes.

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

The one thousand and one voices In my head all sound like you Saying over and over again You're safe You're safe You're safe

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

Badge

My heart isn't Purple It's bloody beating red When's the last time you saw a coward Make it through the war without remorse?

If I was gentler, I'd rearrange the stars So our constellations looked the same in our respective skies And maybe for once in my god dammed life I'd be able to see the sky behind the clouds

But here we are with different peaks as cages And my stupid, bloody heart in my hands (I took it out four years ago and got used to it there) I'm not brave enough to pin in on your breast

I'll never be able to reach the stars with my dirty fingers I'm not worthy of touching their undying light And when I kill them nobody knows until it's too late My ledger is drenched with iridescence because I always Always Grip them too tightly

I'll keep soldiering on and fighting when I'm called Parched with bloodlust when I'm furloughed into isolation It's hard to hold a sword with my heartbeat on my palm It's hard to focus on the fight, when it beats harder in your light

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

I think of the birds who don’t need to touch the ground How easily they can travel in this ice How easily they can get to you I think that maybe it’s a sign that for the first time in years I have something real in my heart For a person who is so far away Without the sex and the pretense maybe for once I have a chance Jesus I don’t know, to make it count? That sounded better in my head I still want to fuck you, if that’s alright But when I wake up in the morning and we’re together I won’t regret letting you see the way I look when I come

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

Every day I wonder if This is a phase Or something more That I want to memorize Every single inch Of you

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

Inventory

This world consists of Wet Autumn leaves On gravel roads and Terrible hair days and Instant lunches and Fruit you bought but Forgot to eat and Boys who are so Endlessly devoted to You but you can't seem To find the time to Return the feeling

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

Love In Six Parts

I.

I am the first choice I am the ray of sunshine Burning and bothering you and Your flushed skin through A closed window in fall When you refuse to shut the blinds Because you miss that sun

II.

I am the promise Who is coy and confident in how I twist my body around yours With open mouth and closed Eyes who see nothing but A kaleidoscope of color Behind that shut tight lid

III.

I am the ailment The sickening need for Attention and a smile from me When I see you in the hall Or on a leaf-mosaic street And you find yourself desperate When you never intended to be

IV.

I am the ailment The sickening need for Ignorance and silence from you When I see you on a walk Or when I need to be left so Alone and I never wanted you to Be so desperate this way

V.

I am the promise Who is distant and cold to You when we touch and I cower From your hand while I close My sleep heavy eyes and all I see is an empty darkness Behind my shut tight lids

VI.

I am the second choice And I know it all too well as I am alone and quiet in The middle of the night when I Touch a silver laced moon but I can't stop tearing her dress With my unskilled hands

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

An Open Love Letter

You're the blue moon that lights the sidewalk silver Like all the lights in New York City you are bright And your skin tastes like the summertime heat It's the best kind of aphrodisiac in the world

You're like a song bird voice, a french kiss Forget that, never mind, you're more you're my Paris Gold glory and baroque frescoes painted on your palms You stain my body with your art and I have value

The kiss you leave on my mouth is like sugar Sweet and lasting taste in my mouth I never want gone The way I need you is my greatest indicator I think That our love is greater than the sum of its parts

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

Damaged Goods

I feel I was girl then with you And you told me to read you poetry You said you like to fall asleep to my voice You begged me every night to come and see you You told me you slept better when I was in your arms We told each other so much about each other I knew you You initiated it all in my house in my car in my bed in your bed Back before you told me you didn't like me more than friends And the thought stuck in my head every time we kissed When you touched me held me and undressed me Then you acted off and would stop me cold You told me you didn't want it to go far Funny to care about me one day Call me a whore the next

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

Dark and Light

In the miraculous dawn you could go blind, I know this Before the sun rises over the half cut mountains And the man across the street eats his breakfast alone Too early to be too early, nighttime still with the deepest blue He is the lone light on the street apart from me And we share a space, a bond, and I've never seen his face

I feel so much power when I hold your back down to the pavement An alleyway soiree where I'm the happiest I've ever been You beg me so dearly for more like a greedy child tugging at my skirts Step away from me boy you might get hurt by the clamor Where thunderclouds eat the sky alive and the stars The stars hide behind their mother, night sky, whimpering

I'll miss the bright day time as I always do in this place I haven't seen the sunshine in weeks but there are no clouds Suppose I wait patiently at the train station for it to return Suppose I hadn't had it in the first place but instead kept an empty jar Maybe I'd find it in a bar somewhere sitting alone with a drink And it would smile at me and say "There you are" like a lost friend

I'm much too tired for somebody so young, it's clinging to my bones In the night I am awake and alive looking from my window The man in his kitchen has no idea what I've done And nor do I for him, but I like it that way, this way we know each other A shared space and a quiet sigh from our weary chests For now, he sees my sunshine and I comfort the frightened stars

One day I will learn to walk in the daylight One day he will learn to see the night

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

The Lover's Quarry

The last time this happened it was quicker My hair was stuck on my forehead The darkness outside was thicker And the city was nighttime dead

He says, Coldness can stick in your bones The same way it lives in your heart Come and stack up your all unknowns When we're done we can pull them apart

I shout out into the silence with rage Give yourself to me! And I will give back! It's a lust that even the devil couldn't gauge We will all have wounds from the attack

I don't want your memories, heart, or soul Keep all your careful words of kind For a lover's heart will take it's toll And I'm not dumb enough to go blind

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

They tell me so often That I am a good girl They tell me so often That I am truly not so

If I could just show To all those who tell That I am the grey area They should fear most 

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

An Eyefull

I've given my heart away To the middle of the inbetween To the not sure to stay To the virgin skin unseen And there are soft oceans Of finger combed hair Two not-so-lonely has-beens An ear on my chest there

I feel the smoothness of a cheek On the sharp edges of words The sky is cloudy-dark and bleak But sometimes we still hear the birds

I may stray from reckoning For a napping bed in the sun A moment of sultry beckoning To comfort in the day done

But fear is a bitter pill And I've taken so many now I'll keep myself quieter still And look as much as I can allow

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

I've been dead for

months now I think

the same coroner

gave the final word

and maybe I will

learn some day

how to sit still

when I see you

in the line of my

eye in a room

where I know I

am dreaming

about the day

you used your color

less lips to slay

me on the altar

of our sister

and the night

haunts me the

way a ghost might

who wants some

love and care

from it's enemies

it doesn't want there　

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

Dear sweet silence Hung from her teeth Mistaken for compliance The girl forgot to speak

And seashells braided In her gold'ntwine hair Skin dark and raided Eyes hollow with despair Broken tea cups on the floor Saucers littered on the street You cannot make it to the door Without scarlet on your feet

Trapped and tricked like the doe Hunted for the sport Dingy jewels put on show Uncomfortable now comfort

Giving up a flighty dream Doorknobs burn hot red The dollies torn at the seam The good girls end up dead

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

They lay us down Restless body Upon restless body Calm tidal wave

Patience is not easy When you miss the warmth A setting sun Over soft skin and dark valleys

I'll wear white and you black We'll meet where we did The day my heart beat again What is loneliness now?

Taking skipping rock steps Take all the doses of love I can get How do you miss a man　 You haven't even met?

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

isolation is not

being left alone

it is being in

a room of those

closest to you

and though you know

they care so much

you still feel

completely alone

[itsallpurelyfictional-blog]

Some times when I

Look away from

You I

Forget that

You are even

There at

All