Seriously Joking

Description

[itsdominyck]

were oozing slowly up the side of their glass tank and a fat white rabbit kept changing into a silk

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[itsdominyck]

Gonna miss the hell outta this kid.

[spudbogues]

[nbaoffseason]

Forearms to the throat ain’t nothin’ new.

[itsdominyck]

Enjoy YOUR Time With Loved Ones

Shit. I don't care about much and I was damn sure tested last night. A thing about me most people don't know is I get seriously attached with people that I hangout with a lot. Whether it was a "mad cool chick" (which one was) or "down ass homie (Anthony)". Anthony and Karli came to us from the good ol USA. The thing that separated them from most Americans is how down to earth they were. Right away I was fan of the two but Karli didnt actually like me at all at first. Reason being is I acted like a complete asshole (which I can't help) everytime I competed in anything and usually to most I come off as self entitled. During a pretty memorable weekend Karli was really drunk and told me what she actually thought of me. It wasn't at all what I expected but it was a billion times better then what I thought (Nice guy that acts like an ass). After spending so much time with them I couldn't even fathom bullshitting without them (which I know is crazy). They were legit family at this point and thinking about them leaving killed. Anyways since I'm supposed to be a grown ass 23 year old man I did my best to hold it together and pretended I didn't care leading up to the final night out (last night). Night was going well until we all were on our way home which meant the last of Karli and Anthony for along time..... F*** was I crushed. The whole way home I wanted to just jump out of the car when we stopped at a light and run away to avoid saying goodbye. We get to my house where 4 of us were getting out to say our final goodbyes for awhile.... I'm not trying to be some big shot but tears aren't something that come very easy to me. It's not that I have no soul or anything but I feel as a man you have to be a rock for others and showing emotion isn't how you do it. Anyways right as soon as I get out of the car it hit me. I felt like a 15 year old girl that got broken up with for the first time. It was a side of me all of my friends have never seen and I legit broke down. I hugged them and told them I will stay in touch and went inside for our after party. When I went inside I was numb sitting around 11 drunk people having the time of their lives. I missed those two more than anything in the world already. I'm using this as motivation because I have a huge opportunity to make a lot of money in the summer and upcoming years. I will work hard to build up the funds necessary to make sure I visit them on the regular and THIS IS A PROMISE. Anyways the reason I'm writing this is to warn y'all that time with loved ones can be cut short. Make sure you ENJOY the time you got with them! Dom

[itsdominyck]

Tsnaraltnig Wmoen

Translating Women

I’ve had a reasonable amount of experience dealing with women now and I’m slowly starting to figure them out.  When I say starting to figure them out I mean like literally starting… Still have my training wheels on and still learning how to pedal. I need a lot more time with them before I’m only using two wheels. Anyways women say a lot of things and I mean A LOT and the problem men have is translating their words to what they actually mean. Just remember when I say “Women” I’m not generalizing but it is true for 99.99% of them. My opinion on most of these is as the point of view of a man that is in a relationship where he actually likes the girl and wants to keep her happy.

“Whatever”- Most men know what this actually means but most men (including me) never take this seriously. Whatever directly translates to “You are so dumb. I am done trying to explain my point because you are so dumb.”

“Sure, I don’t care”- When this is brought up it’s in a situation where she doesn’t want you to do something but she is testing you to see how you will answer. It literally directly translates to “You know I know that you know the right answer and if you don’t choose what I want all hell will break loose”. I just wrote that and it doesn’t even make sense to me but this is what they mean. Usually when a girl says this it’s in a situation where the man wants to go out with his boys and get really drunk. Most men will weigh out the options in their own head whether going out with the boys is worth the 3 days of damage control after. Whatever you choose, choose wisely.

“I need some time to myself”- She’s messing/texting/talking/hanging out with another man.

“Why do you like/love me?”- This is one of the hardest things to overcome. When a woman asks you this she is expecting more than “Because you’re beautiful, funny and smart”. She is expecting a whole 5000 word essay with APA format, references and she will put it into Turnitin.com to make sure you didn’t steal another man’s words. When I’m in a relationship this serious I usually am prepared and write down a bunch of things and memorize it so she can’t catch me off guard which is a strategy I recommend for all males.

“I deserve better”- Now I will give women some credit here because not all of you are crazy just 99.99% of you are. Sometimes it means you (The man) better start treating your girl better before she leaves your sorry ass faster than a slave that was set free. The other half of the time it directly translates to “My friend’s boyfriend compliments her all the time, buys her gifts, opens her door for her, surprises her and tells her why he loves her every day and you don’t”. This is where you have to figure out what type of man you are if what she means is the second translation. Personally I try to do as little in the beginning of the relationship so my girl doesn’t expect much in the future so when I do something its extra special. If you start the bar high you better expect that she expects you to keep it high and be a fairytale boyfriend until you can’t anymore and you break up.       

“Are you serious?”- When a woman says this it means you already either a) answered her question wrong or b) said something that you shouldn’t have said. The translation to this is “I dare you to repeat what you just said you dumbass”. My advice when your girl says this is to think back to WTF you just said and say or agree with the opposite. All I have to say is if you don’t expect WW3 on steroids bro

.“We need to talk”- If a girl says this the relationship is pretty much over. You trying to fix it is so useless because in her mind it’s over and if it’s over with the girl (who are creatures that make decisions based off emotions) it’s over man. It translates to “I want to bring you down easy so I will put it all out there”. The reason I say that it’s over is because think back to when your girl brings up a problem when the relationship is strong. It’s 100% different from normal. I suggest you go download Drakes Take Care album and cry this one out bruhh… Shits over.

“I’m fine”- Now for me this has been the downfall of most of my relationships due to the fact that I hate asking people things more than twice. So when I ask a girl “what’s wrong?” and she answers “nothing” I ignore the fact that she’s obviously upset because to me grownups talk and if you’re too immature to tell me I won’t dig which obviously leads to more problems. Anyways this translates to “I’m so pissed off and you need to keep asking me to show me you care”. Now for most men because we are prideful human beings this is tough because most of us hate asking things more than once but if you are in a relationship that is important to you it is imperative to keep asking till she cracks.

Now like I said earlier this obviously doesn’t apply to all women (Just 99.99% of em) but I bet it does to most. My recommendation for my males out there is to be careful. Women are one of the few things in life that can bring out the absolute worst in a North American man.

[itsdominyck]

I found your blog off your twitter and you never post anymore :((( I really liked reading your stuff. Are you gonna post again?

Thanks! I started posting on another blog site so that people that don't have tumblr can read it. I'll start posting them on here again.

[itsdominyck]

I can't figure out how to reply to you, but glad to know the only person who probably reads my blog likes it haha and has good taste in music :). But here's a question for you, how does a guy who doesn't trust women end up wanting 4 to 6 kids? Also feel free to respond to this privately haha but I guess it doesn't matter.

No problem! I'll grow up one day and trust women enough to get married and have kids.

[itsdominyck]

What do you want to do with your life?

I'm gonna be famous and I honestly believe this. Most importantly I want 4-6 kids.

[itsdominyck]

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

A basketball.

[itsdominyck]

What happened to cause your complete mistrust of females?

I will blog about the two main personal stories in the near future.

[itsdominyck]

Comparing Relationships to Alcohol.

Now I've had a drink or two tonight and It was just natural that I compare two of the things that I love and hate the most in this world in alcohol and relationships with the opposite sex.

Stage 1. In the beginning of every relationship everything is awesome. You will do anything for your significant other and nothing can or will stop you. You text them good morning, buy them little gifts all the time, make sure you remind them that they are beautiful/handsome, go out of your way to show that you care but most importantly you don't think about how much you are investing into them... and if it were to fail it will hurt more due to the amount you invested into your "lover". Also you don't completely show all of your cards and by cards I mean you don't get mad at something they do because you don't want to seem like a controlling freak. You just do everything in your power to not show the reasons why they should jump ship and avoid your ass. Now how this is comparable to alcohol is simple. When you make your first drink you make sure it tastes good by mixing it appropriately, you carefully take sips/drinks to make sure you don't overdue it right away. Most importantly you don't really think about the consequence's of drinking when you first start taking those initial sips. This is the exact same as the beginning of most relationships.

Stage 2. Now the next stage of any relationship is when it starts getting serious and this is what most people like to call the honeymoon stage. Nothing your boyfriend/girlfriend can do is wrong. Too many people think they are in love at this stage but I like to call it infatuation. People are dumb and any new good feeling they feel with the opposite sex is almost always what they think is love. It doesn't matter.... Anyways this is pretty much the climax of most relationships because a lot of people jump into relationships without getting to know their companion and fail to see all of the bad qualities. Why is this comparable to drinking?... Because at this stage you don't give a F***! You are drunk enough to not even taste that the drinks you're pouring are too strong and any shot that is given to you, you down it like Bobby Brown did Whitney Houston. Nothing can go wrong at this stage of drinking. You are killing it on the dance floor and you love everybody that crosses your path. You have heart to hearts with people you hate, you hug people you can't stand and for the ladies you act like your worst enemy is your childhood friend and you hug the shit out of her while she stands there confused. THIS IS THE CLIMAX OF DRINKING and most relationships in 2013.

Stage 3. At this stage of the relationship shit starts getting old and you start noticing that your girlfriend complains too much and is over jealous for no reason. Or you notice your boyfriend isn't doing anything with his life and is a momma's boy. You still enjoy the relationship but it's getting harder and harder to put up with that significant other little habits. This is the easiest comparison to drinking. At this point you're at the bar and you have just finished killing the dance floor for a solid hour and that $100 OVO shirt dripping like Shaq's face in his prime. People are still offering you shots but its getting hard to put them down and you are slowly starting to kind of sober up. In a relationship you get into a fight and have makeup sex even though you know it's bad for you. This is comparable to that hot dog stand outside the club... You shouldn't be eating this shit but you just have to and it just tastes so good.

Stage 4. Your relationship is complete shit and you regret it so much. You finally break it off and you sit there wondering where it went wrong? Did we move to fast? Were we just not meant for one another? Whatever it is its over and its over for good and the last thing you want to think of is your ex. This is those mornings where you wake up in the morning and life is just not being fair. The room is spinning, you feel like puking, you don't know where your phone is, you try and piece together what you remember from the night. You sit there trying to figure out where you went wrong... Too many Tequila shots? Did I eat enough? Drink enough water? It doesn't matter. You drank to much and you feel like shit. You dated a complete asshole and it hurts and you have to do your best to move on. DRINK SOME WATER!!! Watch a funny show or something.

If you just got out of a relationship where you actually cared I personally suggest either rebound quick but don't catch serious feelings or GTA 5. If you woke up hung over as a mofo I suggest water, bananas and rest. I'm not a prophet or anything but I bet your future will be better. Trust me. I'm just seriously joking here man....

  Dom

[itsdominyck]

Why am I blogging?

I just want to start off by saying this will easily be the lamest blog post I will make but I need to start somewhere.

So as of right now nobody is following my blog and I guess that means I'm talking to myself technically right?.. But what else is new? I was told so much growing up that I cope with my problems with jokes and that I don't take life seriously enough. I struggled finding other outlets to hide my pain from others when one day one of my biggest role models showed me how to write poetry... (Yes I know this is suspect) and I was in love with it instantly. Anyways for years now I have secretly wrote pages and pages full of lyrics and songs to express myself and have only shown three people. For some reason I was embarrassed by something that I loved which makes no sense except to the people that know me well because I rarely make any sense.

I needed to find another way to get my message out there so to make poetry "cooler" so that I could share with my friends I started calling it rap and started texting friends the meanest bars. Ask Travis about our rap battle! I knew I was not destined to be a famous rapper.. Well I could live the lifestyle with ease but that's not the point so I wanted to find another way to express myself and I started writing this book called "Why To Never Fully Trust a Woman". People think I'm joking when I talk about not trusting women but it's a real deal. Like I said earlier I have a tough time expressing myself and I cope by making jokes mostly due to the fact that sometimes my jokes bring joy to others lives. I had made approximately 15 pages of progress on this "book" and realized that it was a stupid idea. Well not a stupid idea but just unbelievably unrealistic and not worth the time.

I started thinking to myself is there not another way to get shit off my chest in a less time consuming way? I thought back to a blog I read that was owned by a local hooper/coach/sports mind that goes by the name of Kyle Palmer.. AYEE! I quickly hopped onto my favourite method of social media in Twitter and asked for some help. I received a text from Cristy Duce and Braydon Epp (Both are filled with unlimited wisdom) and they gave me some ideas. Now here I am writing probably the wackest blog that I will create to get out the nerves. I have so much to blog about throughout the year.. Some funny, some hilarious, some depressing, some down to earth, some sad but mostly just real. I feel I get misunderstood a lot and if people are interested this is a way to get to know me more without actually putting up with me. My next blog post will get into my trust issues with women.

Thanks for reading!

  Dom

  P.S. Follow me on Twitter doeee... Dom4Prez