i don't have any jokes to tell

“ THERE'S NO SHAME IN TRYING TO MAKE STUFF WORK, IS HOW I SEE IT. IT'S BETTER THAN JUST ACCEPTING the BROKEN , ” H A L E Y Santiago 19 years old, sophomore at COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY ❥ l i k e s: her boyfriend, her dog, naps, coffee, disney movies. ✘ ...

[itshaleysantiago]

notbatesmotel:

bates had gotten up fairly early, and that was mainly because blaze and bates had planned on making the girls breakfast with the help of the two dogs, atlas and luna crowding by their feet. it was a normal breakfast, but it was not the normal day. bates was jazzed about today, to a gross amount said by blaze who was still figuring out his plan for the day. he had gotten lexi a card and chocolates and roses, but he was never one with a plan. as for bates- well, he planned on doing what he thought was best was take them back to their bridge, and their park that would always belong to them, regardless of how long it had been (two years), but it was special, because they were getting married, and they were going to expand on the family that they had now, and sure it was a while until then, but the it was happening. bates made the coffee while blaze flipped the pancakes and bates filmed it on his phone to keep it on record for the rainy days for blaze to prove to him that sometimes, just knowing that you flipped a pancake for someone you loved was enough. levi was going to swing by later to pick up the dogs from bates and haley, he had a girlfriend now, and he was growing up fast and it made bates emotional half the time but it was okay. they were all growing older, their lives falling into place, into a step that they were learning and loving. “happy valentines day, slash two year anniversary!” bates yelled from the kitchen as haley and lexi came from their slumber, bates was cooking the sausage while the biscuits were toasting. 

haley woke up to the smell of food cooking and when she rolled over and her cheek didn’t squish against bates’ chest, she knew he was making breakfast and the girl’s lips curled into a happy grin. settling back on the pillows, haley dug around on her phone for an annivesary picture to post and while she did so, lexi tiptoed in and flopped on the bed, clad in hysterically long plaid pajama pants and a t-shirt haley knew she’d seen on blaze many times. she grinned at the petite girl, offering her some of the blanket. “are they cooking?” lexi asked with a shy smile, hugging her knees to her chest. “i wouldn’t expect anything less. it’s mine and bates’ two year anniversary, and he always tops my gifts by like, a million,” haley beamed, sliding out of bed and quickly yanking on cheer shorts so her ass wasn’t hanging out before heading into the kitchen. “you’re so fucking cute,” she giggled, wrapping her arms around him from behind and resting her chin on his shoulder. “lemme kiss the cook,” she tugged at him to turn before pressing her lips against his. “happy valentines day slash two year anniversary, babe,” she smiled. lexi took a more gentle approach and merely slipped under blaze’s arm and snuggled close to his chest, giving him a swift kiss on the cheek. “happy valentines day. our second one!” she exclaimed.

[klaroline-secrets]

[itshaleysantiago]

“Bates, you do realize that you’re too old to trick or treat right? And that I’m supposed to be picking out bridesmaids dresses right now instead of going shopping for halloween costumes, yes?” Haley asked goodnaturedly, being tugged along by Bates who was already headed for the superhero section of Halloween costumes. “I thought you were gonna be Danny Zuko for Halloween, I was looking forward to the leather pants,” She pouted, hanging off his shoulder.

[breathtakingwomen]

[notbatesmotel]

“sort of like in harry potter- chocolate makes everything better,” he chuckles, rubbing his arm as he sat down next to her on the floor, looking at what she was doing. he looked at one of his favourites of her and his twin, always together. whenever haley needed somewhere to escape they always went back to bates’ big mansion, and would jump on the expensive beds and make a right mess that angered his mother, but it was rather fun. “you alright?” he asks lightly, helping her as best as he could with her creation, which meant grabbing the tiny pieces that fell from what she was cutting up and throwing them in the trash can. “we don’t have to talk about it- but it’s there if you do,”

[itshaleysantiago]

nodding in agreement, as she ate the chocolate he’d brought her, haley felt herself relax a little. his easygoing manner and just having his company was helping, she could feel it as she eased into his side, the two of them quietly working on her scrapbook. when he asked if she was alright, she began to chew on her thumbnail as she nodded, green eyes glancing up at him. “m’fine,” was all the girl could mumble, shoulders tensing just from those two words. these times were difficult, because she needed someone, she needed to be with someone and to feel loved, but at the same time, that required talking and it made her want to crawl out of her skin.

[notbatesmotel]

he didn’t see her at school today, neither did jacob, they had been looking for her all day before they realized that she had gone home. he could feel that it wasn’t a very good day for her, so he hadn’t said much, other than offering her a chocolate their first period together. when school had finished him and jacob had their private piano lessons, and the other activities that his mother had signed them up for, but all he wanted to do was to see haley. when he had gotten done with everything he had brought more chocolate and slid through her fire escape and smiled at her. “hey,” he said, normally jacob would have tagged along, but he had other things to do today. he walks closer to her and then hands her the chocolate 

[itshaleysantiago]

as haley sat there, she heard bates come in and as she turned to look at him, she noticed the chocolate and the corners of her lips turned up a small bit. “hi,” she whispered, taking it and patting the floor beside her. he was in almost every picture she was carefully pasting into the book, along with his twin. it was like seeing double, looking down at the pictures. wherever haley was, bates was there and normally jacob wasn’t far behind. she loved the twins to death, they were her favorite people and the little trio wandered around high school together, looking for all the world like children. leaning over, she rested her head on his shoulder, chewing her lip with a worried frown on her face. she hated when she got like this, and she knew everyone who cared about her worried, which made it worse. she’d stop if she could.

[itshaleysantiago]

Sitting on the ground in her room, Haley had scrapbooking supplies spread out all over her rug and was currently arranging different photographs on different pages, seeing what fit best. She’d had to come home from school early that day, it was one of her bad days, and she hadn’t talked since the night before. Her mother had just left to run some errands after leaving her phone number and some money for pizza, then it was just Haley. Sometimes Haley liked the quiet, it gave her a chance to breathe and reflect a little on things that were bothering her. But now, the quiet made her uneasy. Her window slid open and a lanky boy climbed in through from the fire escape, and she turned with a faint smile.

[notbatesmotel]

“it’s the happiest place on earth!” he replied with a laugh. though for bates’ actual birthday he did go to a liquor store and bought a bottle of wine and insisted that the person ID him because it was his birthday. and although it was a happy day for him, he missed his brother, but he tried not to think too much on that part. it happened every year. the surprise – his mother actually wished him a happy birthday, their relationship was strained but that one phonecall was an improvement. “i actually do too,” he admitted, wrapping an arm around her as the guy went to go grab the van from around the back where they kept the cars. “we should go before we hit the park, i’m gonna be too excited to stop,” he chuckled. 

[itshaleysantiago]

laughing a little, haley beamed as she leaned into his embrace; he was so excited to celebrate with their group of friends, his second celebration for his birthday. first, they had bought alcohol- as he’d practically skipped through the liquor store- and they’d watched his favorite films all night. she knew birthdays were incredibly hard for him, so she figured he’d want a quiet low key birthday before Disney. she was excited to go through the park, being the giant Disney nerd that she was, she already had her Minnie Mouse t-shirt that went along with the Mickey Mouse shirt she’d bought Bates. "agreed. plus Lexi has the bladder of a peanut," she chuckled, glancing over her shoulder at the rag tag group of young adults standing in the parking lot. haley stifled a grin, looking out as cam and alex leaned on each other, talking quietly amongst themselves. lexi was on blaze's back with her chin on his shoulder, chattering on while blaze smiled a little. andy and carly were gonna catch up to them later, and eli and autumn had texted to let them know that they'd come with andy once autumn got more coffee in her. "this has been such a great vacation, it's so nice to be back in california," Haley remarked, tying her hair off her neck from the heat.

[notbatesmotel]

“man i am so excited for today, this is like a late birthday present for me, i’m so excited,” bates said with a happy sigh as he was still filling papers out to rent a car since you couldn’t get anywhere LA without one. he looked at the rest of the group that was going with them to disney land outside. he was getting a van, he knew it wasn’t ideal but he said if they were all going to vacation together they were going to do it right with a van. 

[itshaleysantiago]

“only you would be celebrating your twenty first birthday by renting a van to take to disney land,” haley snickered, coming up behind the boy and pressing her lips to his cheek with an exaggerated smack. haley, however, was practically buzzing with excitement, she couldn’t wait to hit disney with all her favorite people. “i’m so excited i have to pee already,” she giggled a little as she bounced from one foot to the other, hanging on bates’ arm like an over excited kid.

[klaroline-secrets]

[notbatesmotel]

bates had grown to love levi. really love levi as his own person, as someone who would be his brother eventually when their parents got married. he remembers them sharing a bottle of champagne that levi had stolen when his dad was having a rough time with the business, he called bates for him to pick him up and bates was there in a heartbeat, and they had just sat down at the central park bench, and talked for hours, and levi had come home with bates and he made the couch since blaze had the spare bedroom and when everyone woken up in the morning all of them made breakfast together and it was a good day. bates counted the good days instead of the bad days when he thought about his brother. he had been thinking about him more lately, as the semester was closing to an end he had missed him when things got particularly hard at school. “i love him too,” he admitted with a small smile. he laughs at the thought of matchmaking, shaking his head he shrugs, “i guess so, why not matchmake him? could be pretty funny.” the thought makes him a little bit happy, the boy needed some happiness in his life. “we can go to harry potter world, too! i’m so pumped for this summer.”

[itshaleysantiago]

haley was glad to see bates opening up more to his soon to be step-brother; for awhile, neither wanted anything to do with the other and it seriously worried her. of course, haley was ever the peacemaker, so she’d work on both sides and with this new truce, she of course took some credit for it. “maybe lexi’s sister? she’s close to his age, and lexi’s been wanting her to come visit,” it was cute, now that lexi and blaze were together, lexi wanted to fix other people up the way that haley and bates had helped her and it was sweet. haley found herself having a shadow most days, with lexi hanging out at their place so often. not that she minded; sometimes she needed some girl time when alex was off jet setting to paris. at the mention of harry potter world, haley snapped out of her musings and nodded eagerly, a wide grin on her lips. “if we go, we’re getting wands. and robes. and you’re gonna wish you’d never met me because i’m going to nerd out so much, it’s insane,” haley warned with a chuckle, bouncing on her feet as they walked.

[notbatesmotel]

bates loved being a dad. he couldn’t imagine not being a dad once he had became one. the kids had brought life to his eyes, made him feel like he was whole of something much bigger than himself. he fell in love with parker when he laid eyes on her and held her in his arms, she was so small but so feisty even as a baby. he was proud of how they had turned out, when olivia and parker had gotten older, they were maturing into their own person, and after a couple of long years things were on track, they had their own group of friends that they had made a family out of much like haley and bates, and they took turns hosting things much like their own group of friends did, it was nice seeing that everyone was so close to each other – no matter what they would always love each other. when bates got his job being a drama teacher he didn’t know what he was getting himself into, but his assignments were personal – people had to write a play about a moment in their life, no one else would read it unless they wanted them to, and they picked or wrote their own monologues and bates found it beautiful that whatever they did reflected on who they were as a person. when a new class graduated he always cried going to the ceremony – he had a tradition that they had to impromptu at some point on their last day to sing Seasons Of Love. so far, it was working out great. hearing his sons laugh he smiled proudly, knowing that the mess would be a pain in the ass to clean up but his kid was happy and that made bates happy. “you were the one that listened to me you big stupid,” he teased, pressing his lips to her forehead, “want some help cooking dinner?”

[itshaleysantiago]

haley’s family was her life; if anyone were to ask, that would be her immediate answer. before she’d even met bates, she’d been worried that she would never be secure enough to start a family herself, but here they were, three kids later, and she wouldn’t have changed a thing. the getting there was rough, and she wished she could’ve spared bates a lot of pain so many years, but they’d gotten here and she was proud of them. they’d raised two beautiful daughters and while she hadn’t exactly planned for a third, she loved jacob more than words could say. he was so much like bates, it was cute seeing them together. jacob just wanted to be a mini version of his dad, which was fine with haley seeing as she broke out the camera often when the two were together. “yes please. i finished the dough, but the girls won’t be here until right before it’s ready so i figured we could do the toppings. liv and james picked out invitations today, and hunter took parker to a show, that’s why they’ll be a little late,” haley filled her husband in, before pressing a kiss to his lips while no kids were around to protest good naturedly. “i love you very much, colton bates,”

[notbatesmotel]

when they started having kids it was by accident, but they were happy accidents bates would tell them when they would protest,“dad!” but he never minded – the planned on having kids, it just came as a surprise and he couldn’t have been happier. parker was the experiment baby, as she liked to point out every time she came for dinner watching them work with jacob, who was a fireball. by the time liv came around bates and haley had somewhat of a grip, and by jacob they were pros and a little more laid back. they hadn’t had a lot of tremendous years, parker with her ex boyfriend, liv with james and her own issues – but the family stuck together. and he was proud of all of them. he was delighted when their third was a boy, he cried. he lived in a house full of women and often would tease about it but he couldn’t be happier. he could hear something fall in jacob’s bedroom, which could have been his blocks or his legos it made bates cringe for a moment, and then he heard a laugh and he let out a sigh of relief. “he’s totally my kid,” he admired, shaking his head. “well that just sounds riveting,” he teased, wrapping his arms around her and then he moaned, “i have so many papers to grade. how did i become one of those people that grades papers? i sound old,” he laughed, shaking his head. “it’s that point in the semesters where the kids are saying eff it to class and not show up but i try to make it fun,” being a teacher was a lot harder than it looked in the movies, but he loved his job, and he loved being able to see his kids when they were in high school. now, his second eldest was getting married and it was just a reminder that things really were going pretty good. 

[itshaleysantiago]

haley had long since mastered the ‘mom stare’ which she found herself using on bates more often than not. she loved their family, and she was proud of them for what they had accomplished. sure, it wasn’t easy, especially having one daughter who didn’t communicate or open up and then another daughter who had too many emotions than she knew what to do with. they’d then had a son and holding him in the hospital, haley prayed that he was even keeled. and at four years old, he seemed to be okay, as long as he had his light-saber and some ice cream. hearing the legos or blocks spilling from jacob’s room, she cringed visibly and tried to muster a laugh although she knew that’d be an hours worth of clean up before bed. “he’s definitely your kid. let’s have a kid. let’s have another kid. let’s have one more!” she mimicked his voice, resting her head on his shoulder. his description of the students he had made her laugh a little though, picturing him being a stern but loving teacher. she’d sat in on a class once when parker had brought her to school. he loved his kids, and had every good intention, but sometimes he got so off track and began teaching life lessons instead of the curriculum. 

[notbatesmotel]

bates and haley had both been scared of marriage and that kind of commitment. watching his mother go through a string of bad relationships after his dad died was painful, he saw it on the news and magazines, it was sad that he had to find out that way than her herself. though, it made sense. they didn’t talk much. when she moved back to new york to be with her now future husband he didn’t know what to think of it. he didn’t have a good feeling about it still but he kept it to himself because for now – his mother was happy. “i guess levi will do for now,” he said, no longer cringing or have any bitter feelings when his name came up. “he texted me earlier, wanted to wish you a happy valentines day,” he laughed for a moment, he had developed a crush on haley, but it was harmless. he took a deep breath, thinking about levi, it was hard to let him in, but the kid wasn’t bad –  just a little lost and a little broken like the rest of him. he needed someone – and bates didn’t want to admit it, but they needed each other. it made him emotional sometimes when he thought about his soon to be step brother, but he wormed his way into his heart after numerous of fights, bates literally pushing levi out of his way, levi calling bates nasty names, they used to fight but something happened – when bates picked him up one day from school he watched levi get bullied and bates intervened because it had hurt him, and then he knew – he really did love him. “in the summer, we’ll go to california. why not? could be a little road trip and take lexi and blaze too if they wanna go. maybe levi.” he shrugs his shoulders, “i miss in-n-out too, holy shit. you don’t get that here, it’s a shame.”

[itshaleysantiago]

laughing a little, haley nodded. she had taken a liking to bates’ soon to be step brother. the kid just needed some friends and luckily, their group had slowly but surely accepted him into their little family. she knew it had been hard on bates, he didn’t want to replace his twin brother, and there had been a lot of talks where haley gently insisted that he wasn’t replacing jacob, he was just giving this kid a chance to have a real family instead of bouncing from person to person wherever his dad went. “i love him, he’s awesome. we need to find him a girlfriend- oh my god, we can set him up! oh please let me matchmake him,” she tugged on his arm excitedly, grinning a little. when bates mentioned a roadtrip, haley’s green eyes widened and she wrapped her arms around him, nodding enthusiastically. their summers were always so busy, with work and traveling, it’d be so nice to just take time off for a vacation. she was already planning it in her head, even though it was only february. “that’d be so fun, i love roadtrips! we could go to disney land!”

[notbatesmotel]

jacob was so full of energy all the time bates knew that it wasn’t his best idea to reward him with more ice cream, but he couldn’t help it. when bates got off work he always picked jacob up from school and they always ended up doing something, even if it was going to the park and feeding the ducks before they came home. it was a lonely nest since the two girls had moved out and jacob and bates often stuck together until mom came home. which, bates didn’t mind. he was just glad they still had a little one running around because he just loved being a dad, not that because his daughters had moved out – it was just nice to be needed in that kind of way. olivia had recently gotten engaged, and parker was finally in a healthy relationship, the bates family was coming back together after a couple of long years and then jacob had come out of nowhere and blindsided them, but he was a happy little mistake with a big toothy grin that you couldn’t help but love. “parker said i can’t have ice cream at dinner,” jacob had smiled up at his mom, “i can’t persuade you to give me some, huh?” he questioned with another toothy grin, bates had ran his hands through his kids hair and shook his head, “oh, he’s gonna be an angel, aren’t you jake?” he rose an eyebrow and nodded his head, which made him laugh, kissing haley and wrapping his arms around her, “how was work?”

[itshaleysantiago]

haley had spent a lot of time with the girls when they were younger, while bates worked longer hours and worked in directing and producing. but after she’d gotten a law degree and was hired at a great firm, parenting roles shifted and both had been okay with the change. bates had gotten his teaching degree when parker and olivia were in preschool, so now he picked up jacob and hung out with his son until haley got home which explained the ring of chocolate around the boy’s mouth. he was a cutie though, and haley couldn’t ever really get mad when he gave her a sweet smile. “no, you cannot have ice cream for dinner, parker was right. how about you go wash your face and i’ll start dinner. i’m thinking spaghetti,” haley gave her son a squeeze, and he darted off obediently. taking a minute to kiss her husband and relax for a split second, haley laughed a little. “you are trouble, colton bates. but work was fine, we’re between cases right now, but we should be getting another tomorrow or the day after. how was school?” she asked, referring both to bates’ class as well as jacob’s preschool. they did a letter a week, and jacob always came home with a million art projects and papers shoved into his star wars backpack to show them.

[notbatesmotel]

with his mothers wedding coming up soon he had been busy, with plays, his school, work his mother, and levi who he was learning to love like a brother instead of a replacement. it had taken a long time for him to accept levi who just needed people around him. like bates, they had become used to jobs coming before kids, and it wasn’t a way to live, but bates was learning to be okay with the fact that he was going to be family soon. he didn’t mind him, and haley seemed to like him. “i can’t wait to be a dad,” he further explained, tugging her closer as they trudged through the slush. it was already a good day, he thought. he had his best girl and he assumed everyone in their group of friends were having a good day, too. he was happy that the sun decided to shine just in time. “i’m proud of us, too,” he kissed the side of her head, walking down the apartment stairs and out into the concrete jungle. “god, i love new york,” he said, even though it was always busy, there was a certain magic to new york city that he loved. when they both came here, it was a fresh start, even if it wasn’t together, they had found their way back to each other like soulmates. 

[itshaleysantiago]

“easy there, let’s get through college first, then we can talk kids,” haley laughed a little, resting her head on his shoulder as they walked with his arm looped around her waist. it was surreal, that she felt at ease enough to talk about marriage and kids, that she was engaged. michael had done such a number on her that before bates, she’d honestly given up on a future that involved a family knowing that she’d somehow mess it up. her track record with men in her life wasn’t great, but with bates- it was like a fresh start with a beautiful future and sometimes she thought about bates and how honestly and valiantly he loved her even when it wasn’t easy, and she thanked god every single day that her path had led her to him. he was her entire world, and it was the best kind of love; it wasn’t dramatic, or daring, it was gentle and constant and that was what she wanted- what she needed. “i love new york too, but i do miss california. honestly, i just really miss in-n-out,” haley laughed a little, walking to the subway that they’d take on their way to their picnic. no matter what they did, as long as she was with bates, it was an adventure.

[notbatesmotel]

“—- we had ice cream today, i learned about the animals and we got to do coloring pages, daisy gave me chocolate…. i  think she likes! aaaaaand now we’re back home,” jacob had proceeded to list of the numerous amount of things that they had done over facetime with parker, who was nodding her head before saying,”dad! you cannot give him ice cream at this time, he’s gonna explode from all the sugar!” bates had peeked his head to the screen while jacob laughed and stuck his tongue out, “no i’m not! daddy said it fine!” the ice cream was still all over his face, it was chocolate from what parker could tell, “okay, i gotta go, hunter says hi, but no more ice cream. you don’t get any tonight after dinner,” she instructed, pointing her finger, “hey, who’s the parent here?” bates cut in, grabbing jacob and setting him on his lap and taking the screen, the door had opened and bates looked up, “okay, gotta go, your mom’s home and she’s gonna kill me,” hanging up the two boys looked up at haley with a small angelic smiles on their faces, “hello,” jacob had said in a sing-songey voice, “now i know what you’re thinking, why give our son ice cream? well, he got a gold start today for his drawing!” bates nodded to jacob and jacob had gotten up and then ran to his star wars back up and shook his paper around to show haley. “see?”

[itshaleysantiago]

haley got home from work with a headache and a briefcase full of papers she needed to go over, but the sight of her guys made her smile as she set her stuff down on the countertop and leaned down to press a kiss to her littlest one’s cheek. “ice cream huh?” she remarked, an eyebrow perfectly arched- something she’d long perfected with her first two kids. on the other hand, this was her third kid- she was much more lenient. poor parker got soccer/pta/polo shirt mom, while olivia got a more laidback version. jacob, though, was an unexpected child and as the girls had pointed out often, he was so cute he was spoiled rotten by everyone. “i dont suppose dad remembered to get any for mom did he?” haley asked jacob, who shook his head. taking a wet paper towel, she wiped his face and took his art, admiring it with a wide smile. “this is definitely gold star work, it’s going right on the gallery,” she promised, attaching it to the fridge with a magnet along with all of his other masterpieces. leaning in to peck her husband’s lips, she gave him a level stare afterwards. “when he’s bouncing off the walls later tonight, he’s all yours,” she remarked.