Dean.] Ooga booga.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

[itsjamesdean]

Meow

[itsjamesdean]

*farts and runs*

[itsjamesdean]

james’ state of the union

My fellow Americans,

We are gathered here today to discuss the State of the Union, the Union of us Celebrities whom have chosen to viciously harass each other, to keep each other humble, to have and to caress, to stroke one another. Our Union of such glory is being THREATENED, by THIS MAN:

We must join together across the polarization of our society to END THIS FIEND’S REIGN OF TERROR!

This man has violated the Geneva Conventions. This man has violated theGibson Guitars *begins convulsing, head rotating like an owl*

I feel so unsure

As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor

As the music dies, something in your eyes

Calls to mind a silver screen

And all its sad good-byes

I'm never gonna dance again

Guilty feet have got no rhythm

Though it's easy to pretend

I know you're not a fool

I should've known better than to cheat a friend

And waste the chance that I'd been given

So I'm never gonna dance again

The way I danced with you, oh

Time can never mend

The careless whispers of a good friend

To the heart and mind

Ignorance is kind

There's no comfort in the truth

Pain is all you'll find

I'm never gonna dance again

Guilty feet have got no rhythm

Though it's easy to pretend

I know you're not a fool

I should've known better than to cheat a friend (should've known better, yeah)

And waste the chance that I'd been given

So I'm never gonna dance again

The way I danced with you, oh

Never without your love

Tonight the music seems so loud

I wish that we could lose this crowd

Maybe it's better this way

We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say

We could have been so good together

We could have lived this dance forever

But now, who's gonna dance with me?

Please stay

And I'm never gonna dance again

Guilty feet have got no rhythm

Though it's easy to pretend

I know you're not a fool

[itsjamesdean]

On my way to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee 6 sugars 8 creams 32oz milk!!!!

[itspaulmccartney]

woah there buddy leave some room for the coffee

[itsjamesdean]

*stares deeply into Paul’s eyes, connecting their minds through lightning bolts pulsating like neurons, then…*

[itsjamesdean]

*reaches under the podium* My fellow Americans. *pulls out a 4 ft tall bong* We must stop the ecoterrorism brought on by the 1.5 million frog army. Now watch this rip *hits bong for 6 straight minutes, throws up blood*

[itsjamesdean]

We have got 1.5 million frogs in the backyard folks the ecosystem will be tarnished our bees will die my crops will dry up YOUR crops will dry up the well will dry up along with the rivers and oceans then the grass will pull its own self out of the ground we must kill the frogs *hands bong to vice president Bob Dylan* hey dont fuck it up *hits bong again* Who will help me!? Where are the real patriots!? What would Teddy Roosevelt do!????

[itspaulmccartney]

[itsjamesdean]

*reloads bong, then gets down from his primary color block stepstool behind the podium and marches down to Paul* Sir. Sir! SIR! *formally marches 4 feet away, turns to face him* SIR! *places both hands on the bong and flips and whips the bong around akin to the style of a ColorGuardPerformance or Milotary Gun Flip About, EXCESSIVELY, using the speed and momentum to keep the water and Herb still within the Apparatus*

SIR!

*kneels, dips head towards the ground, and holds bong out to Paul* Please use this weapon with discretion

[itsjamesdean]

VOTE 4 ME!!!!! Me on the phone w JFK my sponsor who wants me to Continue Being President!

[itsjamesdean]

So This Is It. So this is what the friendship between James Byron Dean And James Paul McCartney comes down to. Paul McBlartney Mall Cop has asked for votes upon my stage and decided to run against me. Honestly I am not even mad anymore I am so sad. Sorrowful if you will. Unhappy. Dejected. Depressed. Melancholy. Downcast. Miserable. My Best Fwend In The Whole Wide World has Betrayed me…… he knows that I can run against others but not against my own Buddies And Pals And Also Bill Clinton. I can’t believe this. I am sickened. Paul u have never purposely hurt me before but now u have. I trusted u!!!! How could u do this. How can I work in these conditions? How can I live. What am I going to do with my basement filled with various types of melons? What about the pudding mixes I keep stocked for you!?!? Do you know how expensive it is to buy 3 cases of Jell-O Pudding mix in every single flavor once per week in order to keep it replenished in the order you prefer!? U didn’t ask me to do that I did it bc ur my bff my bffl my best friend 4 life. Yet u have backstabbed me. How fucking could u Paul.

Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end, before we'd begun Yes, I saw you were blind and I knew I had won

So I took what's mine by eternal right Took your soul out into the night It may be over but it won't stop there I am here for you if you'd only care

You touched my heart, you touched my soul Changed my life and all my goals And love is blind, and that I knew when My heart was blinded by you

I've kissed your lips and held your head Shared your dreams and shared your bed I know you well, I know your smell I've been addicted to you

Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me

I am a dreamer and when I wake You can't break my spirit, it's my dreams you take And as you move on, remember me Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile I've watched you sleeping for a while I'd be the father of your child I'd spend a lifetime with you

I know your fears and you know mine We've had our doubts but now we're fine And I love you, I swear that's true I cannot live without you

Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me

And I still hold your hand in mine In mine when I'm asleep And I will bear my soul in time When I'm kneeling at your feet

Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me

Goodbye my lover Goodbye my friend You have been the one You have been the one for me

I'm so hollow baby I'm so hollow I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow I'm so hollow baby I'm so hollow I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

[itsjamesdean]

Story Time: I Was Attacked By Paul McCartney (NOT CLICKBAIT) (TEARS SHED) (POLICE CALLED) (BASEBALL BAT USED)

[itspaulmccartney]

@itsjamesdean

[itsjamesdean]

James

[itsjamesdean]

Who The Fuck Goes There…

[itsjamesdean]

Paul McCartney

[itsjamesdean]

Obunga.

[itspaulmccartney]

*shits on his doorstep, lights it ablaze*

THIS IS AN ATTACK

[itsjamesdean]

*high pitched whining sound from the sky above*

[itspaulmccartney]

*kill bill sirens start blaring*

[itsjamesdean]

*morphs into a transformer and lands on the ground from the sky, farting with reverb as he appears*

[itspaulmccartney]

*stops running, staying perfectly still, a single bead of sweat dripping off his buttocks*

[itsjamesdean]

*throws robot poop at him*

[itspaulmccartney]

*shits on his doorstep, lights it ablaze*

THIS IS AN ATTACK

[itsjamesdean]

*high pitched whining sound from the sky above*

[itspaulmccartney]

*kill bill sirens start blaring*

[itsjamesdean]

*morphs into a transformer and lands on the ground from the sky, farting with reverb as he appears*

[itspaulmccartney]

*shits on his doorstep, lights it ablaze*

THIS IS AN ATTACK

[itsjamesdean]

*high pitched whining sound from the sky above*

[itspaulmccartney]

*shits on his doorstep, lights it ablaze*

THIS IS AN ATTACK

[itsjamesdean]

*pees on the fire until it goes out*

[itspaulmccartney]

this is my last straw james

[itsjamesdean]

How is this your last straw after all the worse shit i’ve put u thru pauK. Can u be so for real. I’m- *stomach gurgling sounds*

[itspaulmccartney]

*maces him* THIS IS THE LAST!!!!! STRAW!!!!

[itsjamesdean]

*shits because of the mace* I DIDNT MEAN TO I HAD SPICY JALAPEÑO!!!!!!!!! *farts**quiet but steady hissing sounds*

[itspaulmccartney]

heh … *tips hat * yer motor is runnin

[itsjamesdean]

*hissing sound intensifies*

*throws binoculars, begins running in the opposite direction*

[itspaulmccartney]

*gears turn until head is tilted at 45° angle, his eyes begin glowing like freddy fazbear and his mouth drops open to reveal the barrel of a minigun *

[itsjamesdean]

*hissing comes to an abrupt stop*

*explodes*