Cats ate her face.

Dewey knows more about it than I do. --------------------------------------- - leni - twenty-three - goofball -  ------------------------------------------------------- TAGS books - film - tv - art - photography - gifs quotes - poetry - comics - spaces - places real life adventures - me - my stuff - things PLACES flickr - twitter - instagram - spotify

[softgrungecersei]

Pride + text

[zmije]

[itsleniokayhi]

[itsleniokayhi]

[itsleniokayhi]

[itsleniokayhi]

hello again

[365filmsbyauroranocte]

Landscape in the Mist (Theodoros Angelopoulos, 1988)

[leniwrites]

so what was love then?

if not a mountain collapsing in on itself if not a trench slowly filling to the brim

an ocean spills over the highest cliff a cloud freefalls heavy from the sky forgets to let itself loose til it crashes

impact sets off the explosion impact sounds like wailing impact sounds like silence

defeaning quiet grows from the ground fills rooms like post-sex cigarette smoke

alarms choke on the sound of their rings shoulders stuff mouths when they open

knows the mouth wants to name bodies wants to speak using the dead language

cities have grown where flowers bloomed communities prevail where rivers ran wild consideration looks like constant terror

facing fear for the sake of appearances facing failure for the sake of kindness kindness defined by another man’s hand

i will not have it i will not stand for it

i am still terrified of stage lights i am still terrified of rejection

this does not make me a failure this does not make me a letdown

the letdown lives in the shame that mounts the peak of a mountain falling below sea level

the failure lives in the pity that runs reckless across a cliff edge into deep waters rising and expects me to know how to swim

i will not have it in my home i will not have it in my head

what is love if love sounds like an implication what is love if love surfaces complications what good is love that doesn’t help or heal

only a wish to undo the way the world burns only a command to reverse all that damage

turn cars over in the moment before they roll soften the blow of fists you never saw coming

carry mistakes to term before they can spill plant all your flowers in concrete jungles

raise generations you did not mother be ‘mother’ when you are still ‘child’

heap your expectations on hollow ground watch it crumble before your own eyes shake your head in disappointment

i still will not have it i still will not rise like this

i will learn to rise how i was raised it is not on anyone’s terms but my own

[itsleniokayhi]

I’ve lost all my energy. I wish I knew how to get it back

[itsleniokayhi]

i'm slowly learning (again) that it's ok to be blunt sometimes and just say when something or someone is not ok and not worth your time and energy, or that it/they are taking more than you get. like you're allowed to just fuck that right off and that doesn't make you a bad person. how'd i convince myself being selective over who and what gets how much of me was wrong or exclusionary?

[itsleniokayhi]

but also can we pls appreciate the looks i've been serving up to london this week

[leniwrites]

when did the world lose its charm? did we pull too many trees from the earth? steal too many shells from the shore while the tide was out one day? did we dream the wrong dream? work too hard to make it a reality we can’t wake up from? i want to write home, tell it the feel of it is missed daily, but the postman shakes his head. says i need an address before he can pass my sentiments on. i ask him to try my parents’ house, the place where my lover sleeps, all the driveways where friends and their muses and all their wild musings dwell in the late hours. it doesn’t work. always comes back to wherever i am, marked ‘return to sender’. their letterboxes are too full already with the hopes of others to take the weight of my heart. i want to ask if they’ll someday have room for me, but i am too afraid of what they’ll say. too afraid of wasting time fighting to be held still in all the wrong places to just wait and see. i think time is a poison chewing through the brickwork i scraped my knees on as a child. sometimes, i wonder if it had entered my bloodstream, slept quietly in my veins for all that while until my body shook it awake. now it eats me up from the inside out, weakens my spine, grips at the words in my chest. i want to cut it out, but i don’t know where i would make the first incision. don’t know where i should look. don’t know how much would be left of me if i tried.

(via leniwrites)

[itsleniokayhi]

took my guitar on a tour of london the other day

[itsleniokayhi]

real talk tho how the fuck are female artists so brave and vulnerable like where tf can i find the courage to express myself creatively and pour my heart and soul into my work and then actually share it with the world

[netfelix]

pinegrove - old friends

first video in my new flat.

[itsleniokayhi]

this is fkn lovely

[senseitive]

do what gives you peace

[leniwrites]

listen: there were luxuries then they are lost now listen: the boat is docked and I mean the boat is a destroyer and I mean it is only stationary but it is always prepared and there is always fire burning beneath the surface and it is so loud you cannot hear anything else when everyone falls quiet listen: you have to go to higher ground sit at the edge of a cliff between a home that doesn’t know you and a steep fall over water just to get some peace listen: even then it is still there distant humming in your ear it follows the wind carries it over listen: you’ve got it so good you can go anytime you like for you it is just a week of home drowning under the sound of war coming listen: no one believes you belong here it is the freedom you were afforded the last time the harbour caught alight look: the harbour catches the light of a dying sun look: the water glimmering the trees suspended in a haze look: it’ll be gone before you know it and can you feel it? your body blazing, blistering just to be here remember it remember it it’ll all be gone before you know it

look: our two bodies could not have met like that now. (via leniwrites)