Little Black Diary

my thoughts, my desires

[itsmollyslife05]

I've tried. Ive said sorry, I've tried to make it right. But nothing has changed. Things are still not back to normal. I don't know what to do... I'm so lost. I know I don't wanna be like this anymore. This feeling... I don't like it. So why? Why do I have to do this?

[itsmollyslife05]

Children.

Where do I begin? I know having children is the most greatest thing that God can offer, especially if it’s a first born. I understand the need to always want to nurture your children & make sure they know they’re loved everyday. But when does “babying” stop? When are they old enough to not be carried like a baby & being told no w/o giving into their tantrums?

Now I’m not a mother to any children at all, not right now at least. I am around toddlers all day though; of course, I’m an aunt to 4 (3 minus my pre-teen niece). & I love being an aunt, it’s the most rewarding experience ever. I have a really good relationship with the children’s mother. My cousins, both sisters, which I will leave unnamed - I grew up with them & we have a fairly close relationship... well, I’m more closer to one than the other. That one... we’ll call P. Since I spend majority of my time around them & the children, I develop almost a habit of watching how they educate & care for the little ones. P does a fairly good job at being an authority figure, but also showering her child with love & support. Her sister.... I’m not even gonna get into that mess.

Well, this post is primarily about the experiences I witness with P’s mothering skills. Now like I said, she’s a great mom. There are just some things that I disagree with when it comes to her child. When she does something wrong/bad, she’ll get disciplined for it, but P turns around & gives her what she wants until she stops crying. How is telling her something is bad, but then turning around & letting her get carried, babied? Every time she wakes up from a nap & reaches her arms out to be carried, P carries her & cradles her like a baby. My niece is 3 years old. She can already walk, talk, use the restroom on her own. She’s independent. But P treats her like she’s still a small baby who needs so much attention. I understand, it’s her first baby. But when is enough... enough? The more she babies her child, the more spoiled behavior starts to show. & it’s getting prominent now. Her child basically walks all over her.

*sigh* I choose not to say anything bc it’s not my place to do so. She knows her child is spoiled. She acknowledges it. But she’s enabling her to be that way. It makes me not wanna be around bc it’s irritating & I can’t be around them when they enable behavior like that. Smh... idk. I guess I won’t know what it’s like until I have my own 🤷🏻‍♀️

[itsmollyslife05]

Confused.

I’m not exactly sure how I feel this morning. Yesterday, I spent half my day crying from being so confused & so hurt by the actions caused by the one person who claims he never wanted to hurt me. All the lies, all the pictures, everything was & still is too much to bare. I keep replaying the scenario over & over again in my head, just to give myself some clarity on what actually happened. Even a new day, I’m still as confused as ever. He spent his time telling me how much he loves me, how much he’s scared to lose me... but in the moment of it all, I actually question it. Honestly, I was hoping he wouldn’t come around last night. I needed my time to heal & to give myself a break from crying. But he had to come back last night... when he did, he did what he always does. Thinking that maybe scratching my back would ease my pain a little, when all it really did was made me feel even more disgusted. I really have no words to say to him. I did leave the ball in his court, meaning that this is all his doing & he needs to find some type of way to correct his actions. Right now, all the trust that we’ve worked so hard to build... isn’t there anymore. Do I question everything he tells me? Of course I do. & I have that right to do so. This wouldn’t have happened if he was being honest w/ me in the first place. He did try to flip it on me a few times, but I did not let him do it. Oh no, this isn’t because of me buddy; this for once, was actually your doing. I’m not taking the fall or being guilt tripped into this. As of today... I’m going to do my job & do me. I can’t wait around or sulk in my pain. If he wants to fix things, he needs to show it & be sincere. Until then, I’m gonna pay more attention to me. ✌🏼

[itsmollyslife05]

Ridiculousness.

I'm just so aggravated right now. Anthony is being such a dickhead, I can't even be around him. Just because I took his car to pick my niece up from school, not because I wanted to, but because I HAD to. My car's tire has holes in it & it's not drivable right now. So I had to take his car. He was okay w/ it, whatever 🙄 But when I come back, his attitude is so pissy. I ask him to move his car because I'm uncomfortable doing it, so he goes & does it. Fine. But when he gets out of the car, he's like "what did you do to my car?! It makes a noise when you turn!" How is that my fault?! It worked perfectly fine when I drove, all of the sudden it has a weird noise? 😑 That's just plain ridiculous. I tell him I didn't do anything & walk away; he comes into the house & throws tissue on the chair, says "you left your trash." Wtf. He's out of his damn mind! So I go in the room & I ask if he's mad at me. He gives me such a douche answer, he says "LEAVE ME ALONE!" WHAT.THE.ACTUAL.FUCK. 😡 At this point, I'm pissed. Don't be giving me attitude for something that I don't have control over, getting mad for no damn reason & now, he's giving me the silent treatment. He's keeping his distance & not even looking at me. GOOD. He wants to act like a child, go for it. Not my problem. I didn't do anything, I asked if he's mad at me & he answers w/ an attitude? Cool bro. Stay mad. I don't care. I'm so over his attitude. If he wants to act like that, fine. I can play that game too! Stupid ass. I'm so mad. I tried to resolve the issue, I did. But since he wants to act like a damn brat, I give up. I'm not gonna try anymore. I don't wanna talk to him, his presence pisses me off. Like I want him to go away. Go back to your momma's house. Ugh. I can't anymore.

[itsmollyslife05]

A New Start.

I know I never write anything OUTSIDE of my relationship w/ Anthony on here, but I just felt like I needed to vent a little bit. 

So, as everyone knows... I hate my job at CVS. I hate everything about it, the company, the managers, the PEOPLE. Don’t get me wrong, there are some good people out there at CVS, including a few good customers. But honestly... it’s not worth it. I’m constantly under so much stress, I get bitched at for nothing & most importantly, I have to pick up after people’s slack. I didn’t sign up to be someone else’s babysitter. I’ve always wanted to leave as soon as I could, but I haven’t been able to apply to too many places because of my busy schedule with school & work. (you know, adult life 🤦🏻‍♀️). But today was a little different. I made the decision to apply to a job that I’ve been dying to apply to since my sister started working there.... Aetna. It’s not THE dream job, but trust me, it’s a lot better than CVS. I don’t get ANY weekends off at CVS & I’m always working the holidays too; but at Aetna, you get the weekends off & holidays off to be with family ♥️. That’s all I’m really asking for; just to be able to have a life outside of my job. 

Now... here’s the part that’s been keeping me from applying to Aetna. My PARENTS. Yep, I was too scared to tell my parents that I’d have to quit school & work full time if I wanted a job there. I was scared they were gonna tell me NO & that I was stuck at CVS for the rest of my life; but to my surprise, my parents are okay with it. 😱 My mom asked if I had quit school already & I said no. My dad said “good!” every time I brought up that I had apply to my sister’s job. Honestly, they always wanted me to apply there; my mom said their benefits are super good. They’re happy that I’ve finally made the choice to leave CVS behind me. They’re okay that I might not be able to finish school. & that’s a big weight lifted off my shoulders.

But that’s the easy part. The hard part has yet to come. Either I get accepted & get a phone call from Aetna OR they send me another email saying I’ve been denied the position. Please pray for me, as for i need all the strength as I can get. 

[itsmollyslife05]

Aftermath.

I feel like everything around me is crumbling before my eyes. My relationship is at its worse right now, my school life isn’t going that great & my work life is just as stressful as it normally is 😢 I’m so stressed out! I just got better from a weird illness I’ve had for almost a whole week; body aches, feeling super weak, eating only 1 meal a day & even having the worse diarrhea ever. & now I’m hit w/ this. Just my entire world falling apart.

Since last night, I’ve actually had some time to recover & think things through. I worked majority of my day, not in a very good mood, but I got through it. I was in the backroom most of my shift, so I had the opportunity to reflect on the situation. I’m still hurt. That’s never gonna go away easily. The thought of that picture & who it was... it still haunts my memories. The way he reacted when I found it & questioned him, that still haunts me too. 😔 But I’m not as hurt as I was last night. I’m more... angry & disappointed now. Just the way he reacted & bluntly lied to my face about where he got the picture from is just... I don’t know. I can’t find the words for it right now, but it’s something I’ll never really understand. I have so  many questions now. How long have you had this picture? Have you guys been doing this behind my back? DID SHE DIRECT MESSAGE YOU THAT PICTURE? Ugh. I don’t know. In my heart, I know Anthony isn’t the type of person that would cheat on me, never. He’s too genuine for that. But as for “screen shooting” a picture of a FRIEND of ours almost naked body (her back was turned & she covered her bottom w/ a heart sticker) is something that I feel like he would do. Our sexual life isn’t all that great, he’s very vocal about that. But going to Snapchat & saving a picture that he “wanted to show his friend” is just an excuse I can’t accept. You could’ve replayed the snap to him if it was for the general audience. But instead... it was saved onto your phone. For what? Why do you need a picture like that? Are you not happy w/ what I have to offer? 

Like I said, there are so many questions I have now that everything is over. I’m tired of crying, I’m just tired of feeling this way. I’ve moved on from being sad. I’ll never forget this, how could I? The trust I have for Anthony is slowly starting to fade. I’m slowly starting to pick the bricks back up & fix my wall to shield myself from ever feeling hurt again. 😪 Now I don’t know where our relationship will go from here... I just want this to be over already. 

For my sanity, I hope he comes to realize that what he did was wrong & try to at least make it better between us. I didn’t do anything, he did. He messed up by saving a picture of another woman’s body, I didn’t do that. I want answers. I’m tired of having to always be the first one to speak up when we have our arguments. It’s time for him to own up to his mistake & not only apologize, but fix the broken pieces he left me w/. If he can’t even acknowledge his wrongs, I don’t know where our relationship will go from here....

[itsmollyslife05]

Hurt.

How would you guys feel if you saw something in your significant other's phone that absolutely destroyed you? What if it was a picture of another female, but not just any female, someone you both KNEW? What if he/she tried to lie & say it's from Google & got super nervous when you saw the picture? I'm shattered. I'm confused. I'm at lost for words. I know snooping around someone else's phone isn't the right thing to do. & I know a lot of people are going to say, "well you shouldn't have went snooping, you're bound to find something you don't like." But I've never thought it would be an issue. He's never had anything to hide. I guess today was a different story ☹️ I didn't think I would find anything, much less a photo of some girl w/ her back turned naked, but covering her ass (barely). That's exactly what I saw. & when I questioned him about it, he panicked, snatched his phone & said it was a picture off of Google. If that was the case, I told him to give me his phone back. I even asked if he was cheating on me! 😿 He denied everything, but eventually gave me his phone back. & that's when I figured it out; it wasn't just some random girl off of the Internet. It was someone we both KNEW! The fact that he tried to lie to me about it & then say he was just showing his friend, that really hurt me. Why still keep the picture if you were just showing your friend the picture? WHY SCREENSHOT IT? I don't have words right now. Just thinking about it makes me wanna cry. My heart aches 💔 I know he would never cheat on me. He wouldn't hurt me that way... but doing what he did, saving a picture of a NAKED girl we both knew, I don't know anymore. Why? Just why? Am I not good enough for you? I don't know. I'm confused, lost. I feel like I can't trust him anymore... what else is he hiding?

[itsmollyslife05]

Hello 2017! 🎉

It's already the 18th day of the new year! Wow, has 2016 flown by way too quickly 😅 But I'm proud to say, I'm glad it's over. A lot has happened last year. Definitely many hard times, but also many good times as well. Mostly hard though 🙄 I've had many managers come & go, many financial hardships & a lot of arguments w/ family, friends & Anthony 😓 But hey! It's a new year, meaning we accomplished them all & conquered! Okay, so now it's 2017. What are my plans for this new year? Well, I can honestly say... I don't know 🤷🏻‍♀️ It's too soon to tell. I know I want to venture out, eventually quit my job at CVS & start somewhere new. But that's about it. As far as goals, I didn't really make one. I never do, knowing my lazy ass, I'd never get to them 😆 I guess I can start w/ what the new year has already brought me! So, I celebrated the count down w/ family; Penny's side of course! After work, I went straight there w/ Anthony & we hung out, I of course drank for the special occasion. It wasn't a big party or anything, it was actually nice. We watched the ball drop, Anthony & I got our "first kiss" of the new year, everybody is happy/healthy. It was awesome. Now, I know it's a new year & all, but I'm already dealing w/ a lot of stressful things. I used to like my job in the beginning, everyone was so friendly, there was no drama; it was perfect. That's until my original manager, Dali quit. She left & was replaced by another manager, Jim. Not too bad, I actually liked him. Even though I was mean in the beginning 🙈 But he didn't last either, he left us within a couple of months & retired. Now this is where I started to wanna pull my hair out... we got a manager from Reedley. Her reputation was awful, no one liked her & everyone claimed her to be lazy 😩 I gave her the benefit of the doubt. Couple weeks in, I start noticing things change... not in a good way. Let's just say, she's not the brightest tool in the box 😒 She doesn't do anything, she puts off tasks for others to do, she hired 3 new idiots. She changed our whole system around & all of the OG's hate it, including me 😪 She's threaten me already, w/ "writing" me up for something I ran by her. Like really? I'm one of the most hard working people you have & you wanna throw me under the bus? I'm not happy. At this point, I wanna quit. I know I'm better off else where. But... my circumstance won't let me ☹️ ANYWAY, enough of that. I also started school this year! It's been a long time... but I enrolled & I'm officially back in 😁 I had to pay $300 though... which was a back breaker bc that's basically all of my paycheck 😣 But! Nevertheless, I'm very happy to be back in school! It's a new year, I know I'll do better this time around. Wish me luck though! Another mile stone, Anthony & I have been together for 3 years now❤️! Actually, 3 years & 1 month (today). We're both very happy & healthy together, I love him so much! So to sum it up, 2017 seems to have started off w/ a rocky start... but I'm very hopeful things will look up😌 Stay tuned!

[itsmollyslife05]

Disappointment.

Hi guys. It’s been a while since my last journal entry, but let me say... a lot has happened these last few months. Anthony’s birthday is in 2 days (November 16th) & he’s turning 22 years old. My family wants to throw him a surprise BBQ for him w/ all his friends & a few of my cousins that he’s gotten close to. He has no idea of course. BUT. Something happened last night that might’ve compromised this entire plan 😪

Everything was going fine, our relationship was good & we were talking; but last night just changed everything. I asked Anthony if he could massage me & I promise to give him something nice 😏 in return. He finishes the massage & says “you know when it’s convenient? In the morning.” & I say, “oh, so you don’t want it now then?” & we go back & fourth for a bit until he gets upset & he’s like “I can’t even talk to you because you make me so mad!” So, being the way that I am, I say “are you calling me stupid?!” Here’s when it went downhill for me. He responds w/ “I DON’T KNOW, MAYBE YOU ARE!” 😞 Who says shit like that? I mean, I get it, he was upset & it was probably in the heat of the moment... but it really affected me. I’m so used to people saying that & insulting my intelligence, but hearing it from someone who’s supposed to uplift you & not say stuff like that... it hits hard. After that, we didn’t speak to each other. We didn’t look at each other or even laid close to each other. I lost it. 😣 I broke down & tears started falling down my face. I was on my phone the entire time while he was on his laptop, acting like nothing happened. I just wanted him GONE. I didn’t want to be in the same area as him, I wanted him to go back to his house & STAY THERE. Get away from me. But he didn’t. He stayed right where he was. 

The silence is what killed me the most; eventually we fell asleep around 2am. We fell asleep w/o fixing the problem & that’s what’s eating at me right now. He didn’t acknowledge what he said was wrong, he didn’t even say a word. I’m very insecure when it comes down to certain things in my life; my intelligence is one of them. All my life, I’ve heard people tell me I’m stupid & I lack common sense. So yeah, I eventually believed it. ☹️ But when I met Anthony, he made me feel like I was the smartest person alive... until last night. When he said I was too stupid to have a conversation w/. This morning, he woke up to get ready for school & he kissed me on the forehead before he left. He does that every morning before he goes somewhere, but I didn’t think I was gonna get a kiss today. I did. But I didn’t want it. 

It’s hard right now. I don’t know what to do or what to think. I don’t know if I wanna throw him this BBQ, I don’t think he deserves it. Why should I spend my TIME & MONEY on someone who thinks that way of me? It’s not worth it. I don’t want to do any of that. My insecurities is coming out, my walls are being built back up. Should I just act like nothing happened & move on? Or should I give him what he wants & that’s me not talking to him because I’m “too stupid” to? I guess we’ll see...

[itsmollyslife05]

Compromise.

Do you ever feel like something is a coincidence? I’ve definitely had one today & let me just say... I was thrown off! 😅

If you live in Fresno, you’ve probably heard of Greg & Dre in the mornings. It’s my main radio show that I tune into whenever I’m up early & driving to school/work. They always discuss topics that’s relatable to people & that the audience can call in to give their opinions or shed light on the issue. Tuesdays are what they call “testosterone Tuesday.” What’s that? This is when the guys, along with Kimmie (a female radio host on the show), bring up an issue that revolves around guys. Greg would make a statement to back up the female’s point of view & Dre would take on the guys’ roles. So it’s pretty much battle of the sexes 👱🏽👩🏽 Dre had brought up that females should just give in when their spouse is feeling a little extra, if you catch my drift 😉 no matter what the circumstances are. Greg of course, countered that & said guys shouldn’t pester their significant other for sex if they’re not willing to give it. (YAS, preach!✊🏽) They go back & fourth countering each other’s reasoning & what not, blah blah. They also take callers & see who's side they are on. 

There’s this particular caller, I can't remember if it was a male or female, but they called in & had said something about “If my man/woman wanted to have sex & I’m not up for it, we would just compromise.” Oh really now?! 🤔 I thought that was pretty funny because just last night, Anthony & I had did just that! He gave me a nice little massage before bed time & I had agreed that we would both be intimate when he’s out of school today 😏 We shook on it (well, we actually pinky promised), but you know what I mean. I just found that to be really funny how Greg & Dre had this discussion today & a caller pretty much said what we actually did. What a strange coincidence 😆 

Anthony & I aren’t very... affectionate with each other. Or I should say intimate in  bed. We used to be all the time in the beginning, but now we’ve kind of just... stopped? It’s definitely not him, it’s me. I haven’t been contributing at all. I’ve been tired & stressed out lately, especially since I’ve picked up more hours at work. 😪 My hormone levels have been shot down! But, like i previously said, we do try to come to an agreement. I try my best to keep my word & give him what he deserves. I think that’s the key to a successful relationship. Compromise.

[itsmollyslife05]

Almost 3 years!

Holy cow, where has the time gone?! It’s almost mine & Anthony’s 3 year anniversary ❤️ (December 18, 2013). Time is definitely flying by so quickly, it’s crazy to think that we’ve been together for this long... This is MY first long term relationship with someone & honestly, I couldn’t be happier. Anthony has been in a long term relationship with his ex girlfriend before me, so he’s used to stuff like this, but me? No way! 😅 

My whole life, I’ve never been able to keep a relationship for more than 7 months. I don’t know what it was, but I was just always struggling to hold onto someone for a long time. I guess you can say I was just experimenting & I was young at the time, so my mind wasn’t too focused on dating. 😝 I’ve always been in & out of relationships... Well okay, that sounded really bad. They’re not like serious relations, they’re like... For company? I wanted someone there for company, not so much of the love side. 

It wasn’t until my Sophomore going into Junior year, that I “found” someone I wanted to be with for a very long time. Anyway, I met this guy at my high school dance & I was introduced by my good friend (at the time). So long story short, after we met & danced, we started talking & things started to get serious. We got together March 2010. I was so head over heels for this person! I ditched my 7th period class almost everyday to be with him, sacrificed my relationships with my friends & family 😣 I basically gave this person everything I had... Which also meant my virginity. He meant the world to me. I thought I was gonna spend my life with this person. But, one day, out of no where, he decided he wanted to end the relationship... Through MYSPACE. 😑 His excuse was that he wasn’t ready to be committed in a relationship. *sigh* I know. Very stupid reason. I was with this person for 7 months. I spent 7 months with this person, who didn’t even care about me, all he wanted was sex. But I held on because I had hope that he would magically fall in love with me... Ha! I was dead wrong. But you know what? I’m not mad that he broke up with me. Because I was so stupid and so vulnerable, that if he hadn’t broken up with me, I would’ve been stuck with him & his bullshit. So thank you 👏🏼 for saving me the headache! 

After that relationship, I didn’t date for a while. For about 3 years. I was too scared to open up to anyone, guys for that matter. I didn’t want to be taken advantage of again, so I kept my distance for a little awhile. Until Anthony came along... The universe gave me someone who loves me more than he loves himself. 💕 March 2013, I moved back home from Sacramento & rekindled old friendships with our mutual friend... He happened to be there as well. From then  on, we were close friends. Then close friends turned into FWB. Then FWB turned into what it is now; a blossoming relationship 😍 Anthony saw my demons & didn’t judge me for them; he extended his hand & helped me fight through them time after time. It’s like God decided it was time for me to be happy. & I can’t thank him enough for bringing Anthony into my life when he did. He’s shown me what it’s like to be loved & have unconditional support. He’s helped me open up & become a better person 😻 Don’t get me wrong, our relationship isn’t perfect by any means. We have our arguments & our fights, but we always come out on the other side. 

2, almost 3 years together & I still fall for him more and more each day. I’m so blessed to be able to explore new ventures with Anthony. I wouldn’t trade him for the world. ❤️👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨 

[itsmollyslife05]

Back Again!

Well hello my old friend! 👋🏼 (Meaning Tumblr, of course) it's been a while since I've logged on & made an entry.. Like what, a year or two? A lot has happened within those years! I'm still going to college, still working at the same job I've been at for 3 years now... & of course, I'm still w/ Anthony❤️! We've been together for about... 2 & a half years now, almost 3 coming up in December. Time is flying by pretty fast. About half of my high school friends already have kids & gotten married! But not us, Anthony & I aren't ready for all that 💍👶🏽🚫 ! We're pretty happy w/ where we're at right now in our relationship. I mean, we have a lot more responsibilities in terms of bills & all that "adult" stuff, but other than that, we're as happy as ever😊. Oh! There is something new that happened that you all don't know about yet though; Anthony moved in w/ me! Yes, he's officially living in my house now. No more dropping him off at his house late at night anymore. He sleeps here w/ me💞! All his clothes, shoes, everything is in my, scratch that, OUR room now. We spend almost everyday together. He also drives now too! So I can finally relax in the passenger seat while he drives me around 😌 Yes, I know. A lot of new information! We've been together for 2 years. Of course things are gonna change. We're so used to being around each other, why not just live together? 😝 It's not as bad as everyone makes it to be... We learn new things about each other everyday. Habits that we both either enjoy or hate. But it's nothing that we can't fix. If the love is there, nothing else matters💘 Well I guess that's all the update I have for now. There's way more to the story, but they're minor details that aren't that important 😉. Until next time Tumblr! 🖖🏼 #September7th2016

[itsmollyslife05]

Surprises.

Don't we all just love them? As if my relationship with Anthony hasn't been perfect enough, he pulls out this whole "date" on Friday.. AGAIN 😍. We just had a date Sunday to celebrate our 10 months of being together & I thought that was enough.. but apparently, I was wrong. There's more to it & I'm absolutely clueless to it 😳. Let's start from the beginning. Since today was my Monday off from work, obviously Anthony & I were going to be spending the day together. So I pick him up from school, we grab something to eat & come back to my place. We just watched movies all day, just how we both like it. 😏 It starts to get really late & eventually, one thing led to another.. you know the rest. 😉 I hate when the night is about to come to an end & I have to drop my beau off at his house, I just want to spend more time with him! *Sigh, anyway. As our car ride comes to an end, he says "I know what we can do on Friday." Umm.. okay? So I ask to get more clarity on what he meant by that & all he kept saying was, "It's a surprise. Somewhere you've always wanted to go." What does that even mean?! I wanna go everywhere! 😩 He had a motive in doing this; he wanted me to think about all the possibilities the entire week until Friday came around. bravo to my man because he obviously accomplished his mission in doing that 👏 He's just full of surprises & it's a bit strange when he has them. It's rare & when the time comes when he does these kinds of things, I'm always taken off guard. But it's a sweet gesture & it's the little things that he does.. that makes me fall for him more & more each day 😍💕 I can't wait to see what he has in store for us on Friday. #thatsmerightthere🙋 #December182013

[itsmollyslife05]

Why am I always with Anthony?

Yes, my wonderful beau's name is Anthony. But you will rarely see me call him by his name in my blogs because.. well because I really don't want to repeat it too much 🙈. Well anyways, as the title states, I'm here to answer everyone's burning question. Why are you always with Anthony? If you knew me personally, you will know that no matter where I go, my lovely beau is always with me. Any family gatherings, vacations or just hanging out at my house. He's just ALWAYS with me. The question most people wonder is why? Well, here's why: my baby is a future Airman ✈️. Yes, that's right. He's going to serve in the army as an airman. With that being said, he's going to be away 99% of the time while he's serving & I will be here, keeping myself occupied as he's away. But he won't be going away anytime soon, he still has 2 more years to be here before he leaves. As a couple, we've both discussed options. You know.. like how things would be like, if I was ever gonna go live with him at base. Here's what we came up with: I'm not going anywhere with him. Even though I would love to be with him all the time, it's best I stay home & keep things steady here while he's away. Eventually, when the time is right.. I'll be able to go where ever with him & we can start our lives together 👫. But for now, we're cherishing every moment we have with each other. We rather be together all the time before his big day comes & we won't be able to see each other as often 😞. We're not going to waste anytime. & it is going to be hard when he's gone, don't get me wrong. I think about the future a lot.. but if there's one thing I know for sure, is that he's doing what's right for us & our country 🇺🇸. & I will stand by him through it no matter what happens. So, there you have it folks. The answer to everyone's dying question. We just want to spend as much time together as we can, cherish every moment because nothing is guaranteed.

[itsmollyslife05]

When playfulness becomes too rough.

There are many times when my beau & I would playfully fight with each other, wrestling & hitting each other💪.. but it's not always fun & games. At first, it start off really fun. We get into it & laugh, playfully slapping each other in random places.. you know the usual. Then, at one point in the chaos, I decided it was okay to "playfully hit" him on the face. He did not take that too kindly. He got really aggressive & even though he had a smile on his face & was laughing, he slapped me on the thigh pretty hard. Not once, not twice. But 4 times. It started to hurt & burn, feeling like I had rubbed my skin against carpet. Of course we stopped wrestling before things got out of hand. I saw our little play fight as just that. PLAYING. But the moment I laid my hands on his face, it's like it instantly turned serious 😳. It wasn't fun anymore. Now I'm not saying that my boyfriend hits me or anything that severe.. he would never put his hands on me. No matter what the situation was. But it's never okay for ME to ever slap him around the way that I did. & wasn't really thinking about it at that time because like I said before, we were "playing". After that whole ordeal, he sat on the edge of the bed & I stood in front of him, placed my head on his shoulder & apologized for hitting him the way that I did. & I'm blessed because he accepted it & wrapped his arms around me. 💕 The thing that makes me cringe every time something like this happens.. is the fact that we already discussed this. Like a million times. 😪 We already talked about how hitting or slapping the face is wrong & that it's a sign of disrespect. But I always find a way to do it. It's not that I mean to hit him, but it just happens. I just need to find a different method of "playing around" that doesn't involve any violence. I just hope I can find one soon 😣.