a dustland fairytale

We live where the war is raging. PAULA | 32 | PH All images found here were taken by me unless otherwise indicated. Please do not steal or use without my permission. [email protected]

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Istanbul at night.

It was my first winter anywhere, and the cold felt foreign—something I couldn’t quite decide if I found thrilling or uncomfortable.

As a transcontinental city, straddling both Europe and Asia, Istanbul naturally weaves together the cultural and architectural threads of both regions. It’s a walkable city, even at night, just as all cities should be. In some parts, cars are forbidden to priotize the people.

And of course, there are the cats—roaming freely throughout the city, especially in Sultanahmet, adding an endearing charm to the streets.

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What started as a 23-hour layover in Thailand en route to Kathmandu has turned into frequent visits—so much so that each trip feels less like tourism. (For context, I’ve been to Thailand in January, February, and March of this year.) It’s less about exploring now and more about settling into a place that knows me too.

I rarely bring my camera when I’m in Thailand—most of the time, I feel that my phone would suffice. But on the rare occasions I do, I try to capture a few moments. Here are some of them.

Also, I lowkey miss the snack selection at 7-Eleven in Thailand. Every time we're there, my first instinct is to find the nearest one. Honestly, my personal gauge for whether a spot I’m staying at in Bangkok is accessible or just generally a good one is how quickly I can find a 7-Eleven. 

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Growing up, I used to think of myself as a creative person. I first picked up a Nikon F55 camera—an unexpected gift from my absentee father—back in high school. What started out as a passing interest turned into something I genuinely loved, something I thought I’d carry with me into adulthood.

Like many teenagers, I had a lot of aspirations. I believed you could break away from the norm, chase your passions, and live a life outside the usual, soul-crushing 8-to-5 grind. For a while, I really thought I could. But I’ve come to realize that pursuing your passion takes more than just desire—it takes time, effort, and resources. And when you’re older, sometimes you’re forced to choose between what you once loved and what you’ve grown into. For me, photography had to take the backseat.

But today, in the quiet reflection that Holy Week brings, I’ve been thinking. It’s frustrating to feel that part of my creativity slowly slipping away. It’s frustrating to accept that life isn’t as simple as it once felt, back when dreams seemed just a decision away. Now there are bills to pay, rent to cover, and the pressure to build a life outside the confines of a day job.

And so, I thought of picking up where I left off. It’s probably years late, but at least now, I’ve found the resolve to try again. I’ve started rebuilding my portfolio, piece by piece, and that includes setting up the social media spaces where I can share my work. It’s going to take time—I’ll have to relearn a lot, not just the technical skills but also the rhythm of pursuing something purely out of passion. But I’m hopeful. Let’s see where this goes.

(Istanbul, Türkiye)

https://www.instagram.com/sprockey_

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It’s like nothing changed at all when you look at these photos—until you remember how much really has. We were younger then. Happier. More complete. Time moves silently, stealing pieces of us without warning.

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I feel like I am in a film that doesn't unfold in a linear narrative but rather, in disjointed flashes—like scenes spliced out of order. There’s something poetic in it, too—the way memory becomes less of a record and more of an impressionist painting, where meaning lies in the spaces between the pieces.

Sometimes, I’m not sure if my memories are real. Did these things truly happen to me, or did I absorb them from somewhere else—a story, a dream, another person’s life—and mistake them for my own?

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I’m diving into chronicling my adventures—and inevitable struggles—as a plant enthusiast living in a 25 sqm city apartment, with a few precious square meters on the veranda to fuel my urban jungle dreams. The goal is to transform our tiny urban box into a space with a little more green and a lot more life.

My knack for plants began a couple of years ago, when my boyfriend and I spontaneously stopped at a roadside store and bought a lush Philodendron Hope Selloum. Sadly, the plant didn’t survive due to root rot. However, the interest to fill our old apartment with more greenery and delve into planting, propagating, and nurturing plants eventually grew. From that single doomed Selloum, my collection has grown into an assortment of pots.

This is my attempt to document the journey ahead—the ups, downs, and everything in between.

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I remember sharing a few entries ago that I had a 23-hour layover in Bangkok on my way to Nepal and I crammed everything touristy that I could do while I was there. In the same post, I told myself not to do it again, and stay longer.

I did follow my own advice this year and stayed for more than a week. I had enough time to satiate myself with Pad Thai, Thai Milk Tea, and Singha. 

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I'm trying to navigate through life's challenges and hurdles with much grace and acceptance, and I am not faring well. Running on coffee just so I could survive mentally, emotionally, physically these days. Not that there's much of a choice anyway.

But we do what he have to do.

May we all grow strongly and vigorously despite circumstances.

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Trying to rekindle my love for photography and other interests that I was able to aquire growing up. My passion for such interests seem to have died down as I grew older and life took its toll on me. I shall start the year right by trying.

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Just trying to recall some things today. Fragments of good and bad memories. I could no longer remember how exactly everything went; the conversations I had with people; whether I ended up having good times with said people or bad ones. But for some reason, there's fondness whenever I try to remember them.

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Thank you, 2023 for allowing me to get a glimpse of the world. A portion of it at least.

From my first snow in Istanbul; my first time at the Manila Ocean Park; frequently eating my now favorite oyster omelette in Penang; quick family trips to Batangas, and Bataan; drinking coffee in Ethiopia; and seeing a Rhinoceros in Nairobi.

It was a good year. Now, on to the next adventure!

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Photos from our Noche Buena. I only had the willpower to post today. It's as if my body decided to temporarily shut down in time for the holidays. Like it's telling me that I've already subjected myself to immense pressure this year that it has become unberable for my body.

Nevertheless, I hope you enjoyed your Christmas. I hope you were all able to celebrate it with your loved ones or however you wish to have celebrated it.

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One of the first photos that I took from ages ago. Suddenly remembered all the excitement and eagerness I felt when my Dad gave me a film SLR and I excitedly took it with me to a beach trip with my family. I stayed for a couple of hours at the beach front just to witness the sunset. It didn't disappoint.

I almost always do not have the luxury of time but I still wait for sunsets with the same excitement and eagerness.

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Bones, sinking like stones All that we fought for Homes, places we've grown All of us are done for

And we live in a beautiful world

On some occassions, you end the day filled with so much gratitude -- because of the people, because of shared moments and experiences. Despite life being so mundane; despite life constantly making you feel like you are alone in a stifling room, you still try to find fragments of circumstances to enjoy every once in awhile.

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"Cause if we don't leave this town, we might never make it out."

Bad memories. Beautiful photographs. Maybe I'll be able to share the story behind these photographs someday. But for now, these photographs would suffice.

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What to do when you only have approximately 23 hours in Bangkok, Thailand?

First, eat some Thai fried chicken. Second, go to the nearest night market to eat, drink, and buy trinkets or whatever you want. Third, go to a nearby convenience store to have ice cream after buying an analgesic balm called Counterpain. (It sure does wonders, I tell you.)

Lastly, do not do it again. Stay longer.

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The first time I travelled outside of the Philippines, it had been quite a feat. I was interrogated for more than an hour by the immigration and had to provide a spread of documents including my certificate of employment, work contract, and even bank statements. I was asked a number of times why I intended to go to my destination, who I was with, and why did I even choose to go there in the first place. When I think about it now, it felt as if they essentially infringed on my privacy and on my personal affairs. I wish I could say that the scenario did not happen again but I live in the Philippines afterall. 

Kathmandu felt familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. Tourists usually go there for the fabled Mt. Everest but since I couldn’t stay long enough to explore that part of Nepal, I just opted to explore whatever it is that I could find in Kathmandu. 

Every street’s laden with temples and altars where they make offerings usually very early in the morning. I tried waking up early to at least see the entire process but failed on multiple occassions. Red bricks are integrated in urban spaces to preserve the old architecture and create a semblance of harmony and visual continuity. Brick architecture is also dense in some parts of the city. 

Some of our colleagues and friends from Nepal recommended that we visit other parts of the country next time. They suggested to visit Pokhara which is the second most populous city after Kathmandu. Among other things that they suggested including a hike to Mt. Everest.

Maybe another time. Should there be a chance to visit Nepal again.