These last 3 years have been the most fun and worse lows that I have ever exerienced. I've travelled across the country and done things that I had only thought about doing. I fell in love with someone who brought me out of my shell and allowed me to open up to them in ways that I had never done before in my life. But not only did she allow me to love them and be loved in ways that are indescribable but she also broke me in a way that I had never been broken before. Not once had I ever begged someone to say, begged someone on my hands and knees asking them to work things out with me. Not ever had I had someone look me in my eyes and tell me to live on the streets cause it was over regardless if I had a place to stay or not. This low and broken state I had been in really showed me that regardless of how much you love someone, doesn't mean that they love you the same.
Although heartbreak is something that we don't ever wish to experience, I'm glad I did. I'm glad that she broke me and showed me what it was that I didn't want in a relationship. This last year and a half has been a journey on working on myself. Reestablishing my self worth and building up the love that I need to have within myself and the people I hold dear to me.
I started college, which I never thought I'd ever do, I have my own place, I have some amazing and lovable animals that I love oh so very much. I am working on strengthening my relationships with my friends and my family. And most of all I am learning to love myself again. I'm learning every day that the things I have gone through aren't entirely my fault nor something I could have avoided simply because I didn't do anything wrong to ruin that relationship. After speaking with numerous people over what happened I was told I was just gas lighted to make it seem that I was at fault when in reality I wasn't. Regardless of that though, I wouldn't be the better version of myself that I am today if it wasn't for what happened. I was broken down into rubble just so I can rebuild myself into something better.
Thank you L for everything, you taught me very valuable lessons but that chapter is closed and although I said I would always love you, I realize that I no longer do.
Markus, whenever you feel low or feel like you aren't a good person, remember that you really are. You're a fun, charasmatic, hard working, funny, stylish and loving man who is capable of whatever it is that you put your mind to. I know that we grew doubting ourselves and blaming what happened in our past on why you were so broken but that is done and over with. Leave it in the past and allow yourself to really and truly LIVE in the now so you can work towards the future. You're not dumb, you're not lame and you're not a bad friend/son/brother that you had constantly told yourself over the years. Our time is now and this life is a win all be all and right now we on our way to the top. Love yourself, love others and never forget, you're fucking amazing. LETS FUCKING SEND IT!!