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Sometimes it’s hard to see how good something was while in the moment. After all this time you still cross my mind and I still think about the good times. Hope you’re well. Hope you’re safe. Hope you’ve healed from how difficult things were cause I know I wasn’t the easiest to be with. I accept my flaws and what happened. You deserve to be happy and deserve love. Keep on keeping on.

My baby

Forever taking everything that I once wanted and had for granted. One day I'll learn that all I've ever wanted I already have.

If I had you I'd travel light years for you

I wonder if you look both ways when you cross my mind

It's nights like tonight where I lay in bed and think about the events that have transpired in my life. The happiness, the sadness, the love, the hate, the motivation and lack thereof.

We grow up wanting something out of this life. Constantly yearning for meaning and purpose. Some of us find it early and follow the narrow road to happiness and some of us don't. Constantly searching and scavenging this winding and twisting path for a speck of what we're meant to do or become.

Ya know I'm in college and working for a great company but sometimes I find myself questioning if what I'm doing is what I'm meant to do. Almost as if I'm just doing it because I'm comfortable and know that it's what I SHOULD do.

I never really had a clear picture of what I wanted my future self to be like. The idea of having to pick something and stick with it forever never really seemed like it was something that was meant for me. Day after day, hour after hour, bill after bill. The construct of our modern idea of living is just so . . . Unappealing.

I find myself wanting to be on the road. Constantly seeing what this world has to offer. Being immersed in nature with the mountains, forests, or oceans as my backyard. But the roots I've planted won't allow that. Is what I'm doing really it? Am I meant to live my life doing the same thing every day?

What am I doing?

Is this what I WANT?

Cheese and rice

Hello there all of you fellow internet lurkers.

It’s been a while. A while since I've come here and just wrote about what’s going on in life. Which I'm barely noticing now is really the only time that I come here. But any who...

Life has been . . . interesting. Not a bad interesting but a good interesting. I brought in the new year with some amazing friends while jamming out to some amazing music. Had some interesting events transpire that have left certain things open ended. And to put the icing on the cake, I GOT COVID. WOOHOO! Finally caught it. Despite being in quarantine for the last week I'd say it was worth it.

Despite all of the good, the not so fortunate and everything in between thing’s are going pretty well right now.

I mean come on . . . 2021 is over and it’s 2022. Which means I'm now 1 year away from being the big 30. And as crazy and scary as that sounds when I say it out loud, I'm not scarred of that milestone. I’ve gone through a lot and I mean a lot of bull shit up to this point. Heartbreak being the big one, homelessness, drug addiction, obesity, lack of self love and all in all just straight up depression. But as I get older I really see that I can’t let the events of my past dictate and weigh in on the possibilities of my future. I got so much good going on right now. College, work, weight loss, my loving pets, my loving family, my supportive friends, creating passive long term income and just learning to love myself. Which in hindsight, finding love for myself is the greatest win of all.

2022 for me is all about amplifying the positive things in my life. And honestly I couldn’t be more excited for what the future has in store.

These last 3 years have been the most fun and worse lows that I have ever exerienced. I've travelled across the country and done things that I had only thought about doing. I fell in love with someone who brought me out of my shell and allowed me to open up to them in ways that I had never done before in my life. But not only did she allow me to love them and be loved in ways that are indescribable but she also broke me in a way that I had never been broken before. Not once had I ever begged someone to say, begged someone on my hands and knees asking them to work things out with me. Not ever had I had someone look me in my eyes and tell me to live on the streets cause it was over regardless if I had a place to stay or not. This low and broken state I had been in really showed me that regardless of how much you love someone, doesn't mean that they love you the same.

Although heartbreak is something that we don't ever wish to experience, I'm glad I did. I'm glad that she broke me and showed me what it was that I didn't want in a relationship. This last year and a half has been a journey on working on myself. Reestablishing my self worth and building up the love that I need to have within myself and the people I hold dear to me.

I started college, which I never thought I'd ever do, I have my own place, I have some amazing and lovable animals that I love oh so very much. I am working on strengthening my relationships with my friends and my family. And most of all I am learning to love myself again. I'm learning every day that the things I have gone through aren't entirely my fault nor something I could have avoided simply because I didn't do anything wrong to ruin that relationship. After speaking with numerous people over what happened I was told I was just gas lighted to make it seem that I was at fault when in reality I wasn't. Regardless of that though, I wouldn't be the better version of myself that I am today if it wasn't for what happened. I was broken down into rubble just so I can rebuild myself into something better.

Thank you L for everything, you taught me very valuable lessons but that chapter is closed and although I said I would always love you, I realize that I no longer do.

Markus, whenever you feel low or feel like you aren't a good person, remember that you really are. You're a fun, charasmatic, hard working, funny, stylish and loving man who is capable of whatever it is that you put your mind to. I know that we grew doubting ourselves and blaming what happened in our past on why you were so broken but that is done and over with. Leave it in the past and allow yourself to really and truly LIVE in the now so you can work towards the future. You're not dumb, you're not lame and you're not a bad friend/son/brother that you had constantly told yourself over the years. Our time is now and this life is a win all be all and right now we on our way to the top. Love yourself, love others and never forget, you're fucking amazing. LETS FUCKING SEND IT!!

I miss feeling wanted. I miss the good morning texts, the good night texts, the I miss you texts and the I love you texts that I randomly got though out the day. I miss someone caring about how I am and having someone be curious about what I'm doing. These days my phone stays dry, no new messages...no nothing. It's lonely living here in a city full of people that I don't know and when I do go back "home" I don't know who to even hang out with cause I don't even know who my friends are anymore. I don't know if it's the love from a relationship that I miss more or the feeling of feeling wanted by friends but whatever it is, it fucking sucks.

especially

destroymylife

slowheart

sorry for taking so long to text you back i was plagued by issues and situations of daily life that i should be used to by now..

theunrequitedlover

understands

liliumsmangacaps

Who knew moving away would make me this lonely.

somethingmissingthiswaycomes

There are lots of ways to help in political crises. Protesting, voting, joining unions, calling your asshole representatives so they know their days in office are numbered, making sure people know their rights, protecting immigrants and minorities-in-general who live in your neighborhood, etc. are all good,

but in terms of the human rights violations happening in America right now, here’s something more immediate you can do.

fairfightbondfund.org/ lgbtqfund.org/ communitybondproject.org immigrantfamilies.org freedomforimmigrants.org

If you’re in a financial place to make donations, check out these links. If not, spreading the word on any tangible way to make a difference will help; if you have a twitter, you could retweet the original thread here: twitter.com/sarahmirk/status/1143201552657575937

I don’t usually make these posts myself, but my influence on Twitter is practically nil, so here I am.

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