... @itwas217amwhenyoutoldme - Tumblr Blog

pauljulian 🤝 (fucked up) orpheus and eurydice if you have the eyes to see

Julian signed his letters to Paul with "I miss you to pieces. Yours always" and "as always, your faithful servant" and Paul still had the nerve to believe he wasn't loved

lunamonchtuna

— June Gehringer, ‘I get so jealous of euthanized dogs’ (via lunamonchtuna)

#paul probably at that point in the future when he realizes he was a destoyer as much as he purported julian to be

me when reading datvd

(and by parallels, i mean within the book itself, across pages and passages, and also within me and the recollection of my own "toxic and identity-consuming romantic friendship" that ended years ago)

#thank you for this book micah #you have done me irreparable damage and also healed me #these violent delights #these violent delights micah nemerever #datvd #paul fleischer

IT IS HERE!!! THE PHYSICAL COPY IS FINALLY HERE!!!

#finally!!!!#now what i need to do is purchase a new set of sticky notes and tabs #finally finally finally what a wait these ten days have been!

doctorone1000

I’ll be the killer and a thriller and the cause of our death?

#pauljulian #datvd

itwas217amwhenyoutoldme

hey, hey, hey– let's do talk about how these sections of part i chapter 1 and part iv chapter 15 —aka: the first and final chapters of the book, aka-aka: the pre pauljulian and the post pauljulian— work together to make me SICK!

itwas217amwhenyoutoldme

Okay, what i want to talk about is this. paul's great-grandmother, when looking at her younger-self in the painting, says she's the only one who remembers herself that way. despite this, she still expects to see herself this same way: young, no matter how old (she is herself then and now)

PAUL, on the other hand, when looking at the photo of julian and him, can't even remember being that young. julian tells him with the envelope and its contents what they both already know: that that he is not the same and that he is "not pablo, not anymore" (not to him or in general)

Everything that has transpired, everything paul and julian have done to eachother, to themselves, all the destruction and monstrousness has made them into what they are now. (rip "nothing made you. you just are")

even though paul is closer in age to his pablo-self than his great-grandmother was to her adolescence, paul is the one who has a larger distance (an entire disconnect!) between himself then and now.

Also sidebar: "it was the cruelest thing he could have given her." Paul thinks this about his gift for his great-grandmother. And even though in that last chapter, paul doesn't explicitly think this about Julian's envelope for him, the parallel is too close to not apply here as well

(though imo paul did the cruelest thing first (when he reached steadily for Julian's hand at the ravine))

#these violent delights micah nemerever #datvd #pauljulian #paul fleischer #julian fromme #these violent delights

laynalazargirl

"It was your fucking delusion that if you just made yourself strong and cold and heartless and everything you aren't -- if you could just make yourself 'better', if you could destroy every part of you that's worth loving, then you wouldn't ever have to be afraid again."

BRB while I sob hysterically. What a fucking callout

yannfredericks

the thing about these violent delights is that they really do have violent ends!!!!!!!!!!

kindepilogue

these violent delights, part 1 chapter 12.

thats it, thats the post

hey, hey, hey– let's do talk about how these sections of part i chapter 1 and part iv chapter 15 —aka: the first and final chapters of the book, aka-aka: the pre pauljulian and the post pauljulian— work together to make me SICK!