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@itzmevuprivate
I hope you are doing well. That everything in your life is where you want it to be. Because you don’t deserve anything less. And I hope you know that what we had was special to me, and I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way you wanted it to. I’ll always think of you from time to time as I hope you think of me.
TNT (via itzmevu)
You just do it. You force yourself to get up. You force yourself to put one foot before the other, and God damn it, you refuse to let it get to you. You fight. You cry. You curse. Then you go about the business of living. That’s how I’ve done it. There’s no other way.
Elizabeth Taylor (via wnq-movies)
I hope that someday you all become filled with so much happiness that it heals every part of you.
If you break someone’s heart and they still talk to you with the same excitement and respect. Believe me, they really love you.
Unknown (via im-sad-lets-have-sex)
You deserve someone who knows how to make things up to you after hurting you. Not someone who is very good with just the word, sorry.
Unknown (via wnq-anonymous)
Cheated on, lied to, mistreated, left for someone else, & dropped w/no explanation, but still tryna love like I've never been hurt.
I miss everything. I miss talking to her, hearing about her day. I miss her voice all gravelly and smoky, I miss hearing her laugh, I miss getting her letters, writing her letters. I miss her eyes, and the smell of her hair, and the way her breath tasted. I fucking miss everything. I miss knowing she was around, because it helped me to know that she was around, someone like her existed. I guess most of all, I miss knowing I would see her again. I always thought I’d see her again.
James Frey, My Friend Leonard (via feellng)
8/28/14
“I would think and only hoped you could see it like this, “if she’s not ready for me, it’s okay, I respect that, even though it hurts, I’m still the shit and am just gonna continue to better myself and grow.” Not feel sorry for yourself, not blame yourself. Not have such negative thoughts. Its okay for you to struggle with that cause I do too sometimes, combined with the fact that you’ve convinced yourself you love me so much, or maybe you’re idea of me. But the fact that you’re even trying to better yourself and recognize your faults, you should be proud of that. Not just recognizing them but actually finding the root cause to why you feel that way, and truly understanding that wouldn’t result in you speaking about yourself so negatively or blaming yourself so much as well as others. To be patient and actually work on it and just believe in yourself that you can do better for yourself. You can tell me what to do with my life cause you know what I want and all my deepest hopes and secrets and fears but why can’t you do that for yourself? Instead of feeling sorry, saying sorry, and apologizing. I wish you would realize your worth without having someone to be there to convince you. I hoped it would be like “I wish you the best and hopefully we both find happiness even if it’s without each other, but I’m glad our lives crossed and thankful to have had these experiences with each other to teach one another what we were both struggling with.” But that’s all I can do. Hope. The rest is up to you”
A reminder for when I lost my way and hope.
Dear you,
I don’t know the best way to approach this but I guess I will just let my hand just free write my thoughts. I wanted to take the time to write how much I am sorry for everything - for many things actually. For losing your trust, disappointing you, for making you angry, for the tears, frustrations, complications, not listening, not saying the right things..the list can go on forever. I have a lot learning and a long way to reach to the potential you wanted me to become. But I hope that one day to make amends with you and in order to do that I want to apologize from the beginning; I am sorry for not fully being there for your heart break from Tyler. You listened to about my past, but return I didn’t do a great job returning the feedback you needed. I am sorry for making that mistake and I’m a terrible person for not able to do that sooner. It’s long overdue, but I wanted to find the right words. Your heart break was sudden and there is nothing to fix it. Only time can fix a broken heart. All I can do is to maybe help with words. It may not mean much but I hope it helps.
You are doing your very best for the world has to offer. What I mean by that is relationships, friendships, family, school, and loving yourself. Don’t let anyone make you feel you are worth less - not your past, your mom, people who hurt you, even myself for that night. You’re a great person, so be kind to yourself. What you’re going through is not permanent. Everyone stumbles when they fall, but things will get easier and the storm will pass. You’re smile and laughter always radiates all over the room. People follow from your joy. Let yourself be comfortable and grateful for the love that surrounds you. Adventurer can also serve as an escape from our problems. You taught me well ever since the Blue Cliff trip, the lake trip, our camping trip, or simple get together you would plan out. Your kindness is infectious and the world needs more people like you. Sometimes you just need to take a deep breath, and shallow your fear of being hurt and take a leap of faith. I know that’s not the best thing coming especially from me, but I mean it. You have a lot to offer and the world is waiting for you. As for the itty bitty drama in the youth group, a little spilled milk is not worth losing important bonds you had for years. So just shake it off and work things out. We can’t go on be defensive overtime every time there is a problem, even if they upset you. The person you are never cease to amaze me, the amount you love and care for other is remarkable. Please remember to look after yourself though, in helping others you’ve forgotten to let yourself heal. It isn’t worth stressing about, I promise. Everything will sort itself out it only you give it time. Don't count yourself out before the race begins. I heard from many people they’re you doing well. It’s wonderful to see you happy. I miss your laughter and the warmth of your company. You have no idea how wonderful it is for the people who get to you call you a friend,
“Before we go” (2014)*
I wanted to say something: “I’m sorry,” or perhaps “fuck you.” I wanted to say, “I let you in and you abused that position of trust.” But no no no. I wanted to say, “kiss me please please, we can forget everything.” Or maybe, maybe I just wanted to say, “I forgive you. You’re not sorry but I still forgive you.
S.Z. // Excerpt from a book I’ll never write #262 (via blossomfully)
i think i ‘m done opening my heart out. it really sucks being hurt and getting back up over and over.
Sorry to my followers, just me rambling about life in a big post, so just keep scrolling lol.
I haven’t post something personal in a long time.. Maybe because I have some free time before I pull all nighters studying for finals again..and because I finally have the chance to think about something, other than school for once.
I had a major epiphany at like 4-5AM a couple of nights ago, and pretty much reflect what the fuck my life has been going. Its pretty depressing lol.
I just realized how much sleep I get these days and its insane how my body has adjusted to function with 0-4 hours of sleep a day or two.
The end of 2014 was rough because of my friend from ECU passed away on Christmas day from a fatal car crash. Going to multiple funerals starts to hit you like a truck when you finally go to someone you actually know and talked to recently. Because of this, I started to live a healthy lifestyle and try to live life as it was my last day. So that meant I should start 2015 focusing mad hard in my studies and try to fix old ties like with old friends. So far, I’m actually making good progress being on good terms with people I use to not be with. Really happy about that. I don’t want anybody to hate or have a issue regarding about me that can be fixed if talked out.
Compare to last year, I eaten a lot more healthy because I stop smoking Mary Jane lol. I can’t believe I smoked 2 blunts a day....like wtf. Tf were you doing son??? Glad I’m done with that lifestyle. I feel so much healthier eating right. I just need to hit the gym like a mad man when I’m done with finals. I somehow got abs in the past few months and I haven’t even gym for months????
The past two years has been so rocky for me - school wise. Conflicting about majors on what to pursue, and figuring what I like was a real struggle. I’m just happy I narrowed it down, which is to be a detective. Starting from scratch really really sucks because everyone at my age is either graduating or going to grad/med school by this year or next year, and I’m back at square one lol. But I’m happy with my path for now because I want to basically become the modern super-hero as a career. I may not be running around with a cape around my back and fly in the sky, but I will catch the bad guys and help the community feel safe. In order to obtain this job its require candidates to either serve on the police work force for 2 years, and slowly rank his or her way up. Or serve the military for 2 years for combat and decision making experience. I took consideration in both, but if I’m somehow single by the time I’m done with getting a BA degree in Criminology and maybe a masters, I’ll just serve the United States for two years. Crazy, but I want to learn and become useful if there every a time of distress. I want to learn how to handle situations if people start panicking when shit goes down. I’ll be there to make people feel safe and secured. Seeing how there’s so many fucking corrupted police on the workforce makes me really sad. When I do be part in the field, I’m going to make sure that not only I will catch the bad guys on the streets, but also the the bad cops in the govt system. My dream is to restore the views on Americans that there are still good cops and detectives out there.
Commuting from University to Community College sucks dick..I would’ve stayed at my old university, but the main reason coming back home was to keep an eye on my mom. Over the years my parents always gotten into big fights. Their marriage wasn’t perfect and had many flaws to it. Super unhealthy but they stayed together the past few years because of my sister and I. Now that we are older and mature, we can offer our opinions and views when shit goes down. I’ve seen my dad walk out so many times on the fam, so I was use to it when I dropped him at the airport. My sister would always get super emotional when he leaves, I did too back then, but shit happens so often that you start to become numb and have little things to say when it happens over and over. Every since my dad left in Jan, me and my mom have been adjusting without him. We sold one of the salons to make things less stressful for her. Now she works less hours, which is really good because she’s getting to the point where her hands are constantly shaky. She sometimes cuts herself from unable to keep a steady hand when filing customers’ nails. I learned some of the responsibilities my dad left behind such as business affairs, maintenance related to business or home, cooking, maintaining his mini aquarium fish tank, taking care of my mom, etc. Like I just recently learned how to mow the lawn for the first in my life. It was a wild experience lol. I was mad struggling at first. I remember I got made fun of all the time back in high school for not knowing how to. But my father just enjoyed doing garden work and never let me have a chance.
Since it’s Mother’s day in a few days..I wish I could fast forward to the future where I am able to do a better job taking care of my mom and provide for her. I’m such a shit son sometimes, but I’ll make you proud one day, so just be patient for a little longer.
And today I actually talked to my sister for the first time in 3 - 4 months? We settle the dispute between me, her, and her bf and now moving on and be on good terms with one another. No more bullshit and drama.
I’m broke af because I bought my ticket for Ultra for 2016..Hypeeddddddddddd. YOLO.
you’re still my favourite person, even if i’m not yours.
I miss you, you know, I miss your lips, your hands, your whole warm and strong body, and your face and your smiles, your voice. I miss you. But I like missing you so hard because it makes me feel strongly that you are not a dream, you are real, you are living, and I’ll meet you again.
