Darth Vader: Incompetent Sith Lord?
Let me say, I am a huge fan of Darth Vader. He is, by far, my favorite character in my favorite series: Star Wars.
I like everything about Darth Vader:
His voice (James Earl Jones is the shizzle.)
His force-choking incompetent Imperial subordinates.
How he kills incompetent fools.
His bad-ass red lightsaber.
His cool, special tie fighter.
All of it is just awesome.
There’s just one tiny problem. If you take the time to think about it, our boy Anakin Skywalker (a.k.a Darth Vader) is a total failure as a Sith. He never succeeds.
Darth Vader also screws up every assignment he's given in Episodes IV, V, and VI.
Let's list them, shall we?
TASKS DARTH VADER SCREWS UP:
Retrieve stolen Death Star Plans from a princess? FAIL.
Detect the launch of an escape pod with HIS OWN DROIDS (R2D2 and C3PO) in it? Nope.
Find lost/stolen plans on the desert planet Tattooine? FAIL. (Also, how does he not sense his own damn kid with the force??? Vader is so damn incompetent!)
Stop 3 people, a wookie, and 2 droids from infiltrating his own Star Destroyer and from stealing his highest-profile captive on that ship? FAIL.
Confronted Obi-Wan, but failed to take him alive, killing him instead, making him more powerful. (Kenobi even WARNS Darth Vader that striking him down will be a mistake!) FAIL.
Protect the whole Death Star from one tiny squadron of fighters? NOPE.
Stop rookie pilot, Luke Skywalker, from scoring a critical hit on Death Star? FAIL
Capture Luke on Cloud City trap? NOPE. He caught Han Solo instead. When he faces Luke, he chops off his hand and then loses him to a bottomless pit. EPIC FAIL.
Catch the shuttle to capture Luke so the Emperor can turn him? Nope. Luke turns himself in.
Turn Luke to the dark side? Nope. Loses his own hand in a lightsaber fight with a goddamn rookie Jedi. Fail.
That’s probably not even a full list. I bet there’s more.
Aren’t all Sith supposed to eventually kill and take over for their master? Yeah, but Vader even screws that up.
The only thing Darth Vader does succeed in is stopping the Emperor from shocking Luke to death, and process that ends with Vader essentially killing himself. What a boob.
I wonder how the Darth Vader I know and love would have handled the failures of Darth Vader? I think I know...
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