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@iwantmybaileys
“There are two kinds of constancy in love. One is due to the fact that we are continually finding new things to love in the person we love; the other is due to the fact that we make it a point of honour to be constant.”
— François de La Rochefoucauld, Moral Reflections
3 things that I love about you: 1. The sound of your laughter. 2. The calmness with which you handle everything. Your presence puts me at ease. 3. Your kindness and thoughtfulness. You inspire me to be a better human being.
2024
What a year it has been, made up of seemingly mundane moments.
I am grateful for time spent with family and friends, both old and new.
I am grateful for the time spent travelling, experiencing new adventures and having a respite from work and reality.
I am grateful for a healthy body, letting me enjoy the things that I love.
One lesson that I've gained this year is, it's important to have a life worth living, one that is outside work, one that makes you happy.
後來我保護著我 讓我勇敢說出我願意 那首歌可以不是《可惜不是你》 也相信未來某天 年輕的傷都已想不起 只記得多年前的我 對自己說過那句「都會過去」 此刻面對過去的我 對自己說了那句「都已過去」
Do you believe in fate?
I believe that you meet the right people at the right time in your life.
learning how powerful it is to say “this is what i feel” and “this is what i want” and firmly standing by it
Mt Yotei in its full glory. All my favourite places in this world have mountains in them.
January is over.
I just want to travel, and see the world. Remind myself how vast the world is, and how small we truly are.
2023
This year, I've travelled (Kanazawa! Kyoto! HCM! Melbourne!), defended my thesis (finally a Dr!!!), been perpetually stressed and tired and lost, submitted my first grant proposal (!!!), found fulfilment in tutoring, and managed to keep up my exercise regime amidst the injuries. This has been one of the most fulfilling years of my life. The thirties are truly the prime of one's life. I've never felt stronger, more confident, more at peace with myself. But, I'm still learning. Self-love is a journey after all.
The Melbourne trip was nothing short of amazing. Was surprised to find Melbourne wonderfully chilly, but terribly crowded. The Grampians took our breath away - it was humbling to stand in front of the vastness of the mountains and realise our finiteness, our inconsequential presence as mere human beings.
Was also lovely to wander the streets of Brissy again, and reconnect with PhD friends who helped to keep my sanity - TX, SG, and the Cloos group. I think I finally found closure.
A reminder to never stop wandering, and never stop wondering.
32
The theme for this year is gratitude, for I’m grateful for a job I love, a family to come home to, good friends who stay by my side year after year despite the madness that is my life, and colleagues (turned friends) who have the same goals and ambition. Managed to defend my PhD thesis three weeks ago, and it’s time to move on to greater things.
Growing old ain’t that bad after all.
2022
Was it a good year? Spent a good part of the year worrying and fretting over thesis submission and defense. Thesis done and dusted. Relocated back to SG, left a piece of my heart back in Brissy. Found a job I love and am good at.
Stood at the end of my PhD and realised I lost so much of myself these past 4 years. I struggled so much alone that I could barely keep afloat. I had lost friendships, lost memories, loved and lost. But still. In return I gained a friend who is like family, gotten stronger and more independent. Gained the feeling like I could do anything I wanted, if only I put my heart in it. I would do it all over again.
(Two people helped me through, and for that I’ll be grateful always.)
Thesis done and dusted, it’s back to sunny Singapore for now. Three months to defense, (hopefully) six to conferral. This marks the beginning of the end of my PhD journey.
Towards the end, I dreaded leaving Brissy even though I was so homesick and was looking forward to being back for the longest time. It’s been three days since I’ve been back, but I remembered the reasons why I wanted to leave SG in the first place.
This is something I mustn’t forget: When I was living on a student’s stipend, I had far less, but it was enough. While living alone (with tx), I was the most at ease and content in the longest time.
“If someone asked me “What are the signs of love?” I would have said without hesitation, It’s the familiarity and the removal of cost, And to find yourself not having to lie, and the embarrassment removed between you two, and see yourself acting in your nature without trying to be something else so she likes you, And that you two keep silent and the silence gets delicious, And that one of you two talk and listening gets delicious.”
— Mustafa Mahmoud
2022
Been doing a lot of thinking lately, and my mind always goes back to those precious few months doing my FYP and the late nights, the company.. It’s strange that on hindsight, the hardest times to get through were actually the most precious.
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Look, it’s February. Can hardly believe there’s only a few months left here in Brissy, and then my PhD is done. Have been spending a lot of time the past couple of weeks writing, drinking coffee, (trying to) wrap up experiments, and binging Netflix. One day I will too, look back on these mundane days and miss the quiet, steady way the days pass me by.
Fun fact: I used to be an INFP but am now an INTJ-T.
Man walks into a room
The things they spoke of were of little importance. He had not imagined that it would be this way; he had thought that there would be many difficult things to explain and feelings to confess. But it was not so, and he realized now that he was glad for this, to sit and talk of things of little importance, as if they had all the time in the world. He had imagined telling her that he loved her, but now he realized the declaration would sound flat, a wrong note struck in a simple song. To say it would be to disturb the care and stillness of what was unspoken between them.
- Nicole Krauss
