i died and was born in the spring;

I found you, and loved you, again. Personal poetry collection. Welcome!

[iwasborninspring]

oh shit

i am so fucked.

i want you so bad.

it is the only thing alive.

it is the only thing speaking to me.

i see you and there is no other thought in mind.

i want to fuck you.

this is a problem.

i want you to want me.

this is a big problem.

[iwasborninspring]

I remember you and I,

In our shared solitude.

Quiet misty rain,

Summers of adolescence.

Days that continue to end.

I see it;

A supernova-

All of our endings of time,

Violently dying over and over.

I feel it;

I am stuck floating out in space,

I fall into the void;

Still looking for you.

[iwasborninspring]

Maybe, baby,

We won’t have to leave.

I turn my face as you turn to leave.

I could figure you into a star,

Or a crack in the concrete.

I can give you back what you lost to me.

I’ll give you back what you lost to me.

[iwasborninspring]

Crawling back to some tempered glass,

Some acid- washed reality.

I burn and return to the flame;

It is the light on my face.

I think I had once known myself-

In the muddy reflection of your footpath.

I wouldn’t live to avoid you.

The only truth is the way I feel for you.

I fear I would still leave it all for you.

Time has passed.

Spring is still spring.

You have crossed boundary of reality.

You exist on another plain.

[iwasborninspring]

What do you see in me

That you don’t need?

I’ve given you what I’ve got.

I’ll give you what you want.

I’ll be anything.

I can be good;

Something in me says so.

But there is something

That I have that you don’t want.

Tell me what it is.

I’ll cut it out.

[iwasborninspring]

If we were in a dark room,

I would reach to you;

I can almost feel it,

I almost feel it before I fall asleep.

You won't leave,

I won't leave it

I feel some days,

That I could have saved you

I feel some days,

That you could have starved me.

In the frosty dead of night,

I'm reaching to you;

Through cold, still air,

My hands will try to find you.

[iwasborninspring]

in my mind,

i have walked down,

many avenues,

many ways to get to you;

bittersweet endings of time;

every street comes to a dead end;

every glimmering moment,

torn from my fingers,

and i am left duller.

what do i give so much for?

there was a time i was stronger,

i am sad that i am not better.

i could have been so good.

give me your Wednesdays,

your Saturdays, your days end;

your 3am and 3pm.

i want your laundry.

i want to find you,

and gather myself,

to be good, and right, and fair;

to spend what ever it is that i have,

on what ever it is that you will give me.

how do i simplify it?

i want you.

all this time.

[iwasborninspring]

I wanted to watch you listen to music

make breakfast,

comb your hair,

walk with you to work.

I wanted to be in every room you went in,

hear every call you made,

listen to the way you spoke,

watch the way you moved.

I wanted to be your shoes,

your shirt,

your sheets,

your shower.

I want to be the drain of your sink,

the clock on your wall,

your rug,

your dog,

your doormat.

whatever you'd give me,

to be some piece of your world.

(2023)

[iwasborninspring]

Time and time,

I have lost myself,

Found myself,

Lost myself again.

I thought I found you there,

In that velvet, grey nothing;

I thought finding you,

Meant finding me.

A door,

To a room with no floor.

[iwasborninspring]

the days collapse into one another,

i call into the darkness,

a warm bell rings back at me;

"come and find me",

she says,

"i have all the love in the world".

she rings and she rings.

[iwasborninspring]

i thought,

i had been,

lost from you,

for a moment;

i thought i had,

unknowingly liberated myself.

i had summed it all up,

i had decided to move on.

you came crashing back,

so silently, so delicately still,

always in your sweet way.

you, so unfixed and undecided.

i call and crawl at the same time.

[iwasborninspring]

i have the means,

to come undone,

any day now.

i am the only thing,

keeping me stitched up,

in this life i have made.

i could cut myself free tomorrow.

[iwasborninspring]

my love,

competes closely with my anger,

both unbiased,

and unguided.

how to give you one,

and not the other?

anger, without this need to understand,

love, without the fire,

i would burn myself,

to keep you safe from me.

[iwasborninspring]

feeling out of depth,

in the corner of the room,

like i'm something out of water,

like i'm sitting on the moon.

what do you want me to do?

what do you want me to do?

[iwasborninspring]

if it is,

that you really want me,

you could really tell me,

i will split myself,

in two whole halves,

and give you the better side.

[iwasborninspring]

if i could find some medium,

some space to forever hold you in,

without ever touching.

to me, it's like you died.

i rid you with a force.

i mourn and i mourn.

[iwasborninspring]

chasing down comfort,

like i'm crashing out on drugs,

trying to get,

to my dealers door.

chasing down comfort,

i want to smoke it,

i want to taste it fast and raw.

i need some sweet release,

some skip-the-line kind of free.

chasing down comfort,

it's like a hot knife,

through my hands,

i want it bad.