‘Don’t ask me why I hate myself’ Pt. 2
Jake Sully x Chubby reader
Inspired by Tempest by Ethel Cain
Synopsis: You find yourself deep in the forest having run away from Jake after he caught you mutilating your old body. You find yourself self having to face your shame, but you don’t have to do it alone…
Warnings: Slight gore? Very negative self talk smut…
Part 1
You found yourself lying on the forest floor, not sure how close or far you were from the Omaticaya village. You had outrun Jake a while ago. You didn’t know how long you had been lying there, but you knew the sun would be rising soon. There was a stream nearby, so you figured you’d rinse yourself off. As you crawl to the stream, you behold your reflection in the water, still covered in your own blood… You had no tears left to cry as you stared into yourself. You were still so full of shame. “What the fuck is wrong with you??”, you whisper to yourself. As you dip your hand in the water, you hear something rustling through the brush behind you. You grab your dagger and crouch in a defensive position, preparing yourself for what’s coming. Your heart is pounding out of your chest, you’re on high alert. The rustling gets louder. Whatever it is, it’s closing in. Then you hear a familiar voice call your name. You freeze. Not too long after, Jake emerges from the bushes. He looks around for a second, then stops in his tracks when his eyes land on you. You remain in a defensive position with your dagger still raised. You’re not entirely sure why. He slowly starts to approach you, and you flinch backwards. “Hey, hey”, he said with so much softness in his voice, “it’s okay, you’re okay”. He continues to slowly approach you with his hands up in front of him to show that he's not a threat. You stop backing up and let him get close enough to touch you. He crouches down in front of you and gently grabs your hand and takes your weapon, tucking it away in his own waistband to ensure safety for both of you. He wasn’t sure how volatile you still might be, considering what he just saw not too long ago…He gently takes you by your forearms and leads you to the edge of the stream. His movements are slow and intentional so as not to scare you away. You watch him closely but refuse to meet his gaze. He dips his hand into the stream and begins rinsing off your bloodied skin. He handles you like you’re the most fragile thing in the world. His touch is so tender and caring. You both remain silent as he finishes cleaning you to the best of his ability. He washes your face last. You still don’t make eye contact with him. When he’s done, you both just sit there, not a word spoken. His hand still rests on your face. Your eyes are locked on the ground where you’re both kneeling. He softly says your name to get your attention, but you just can’t bring yourself to look at him. He takes his other hand and fully cups your face and gently but firmly guides your head so you’re looking him in the eye. Not even a second after looking into his big golden eyes, tears are streaming down your face. He pulls you towards his chest and cradles your head. “ I-I’m sorry”, you choke out through your tears. You sob even harder as he holds you tighter, showing you he’s not going anywhere and that he still loves you in spite of everything that just happened. He held you until you were done crying, and then he pulled back so he could look at you as he spoke. “Baby…I don’t see you any differently, and I promise you from the bottom of my heart, I don’t love you any less”. You just stare at him, still teary-eyed, not knowing what to say. What could you say?? “I just- I just wish you trusted me to hold your pain sooner…”, he says, now joining you in your tears. You were still speechless. “Why didn’t you tell me, baby? Why didn’t you come to me?? Did I do something to make you not trust me?? I- I just don’t understand. I need you to tell me what’s going on in your head. Baby, I need you to trust me!! You’ve never seen Jake this way. He was so distraught and helpless. So desperate to know you. The truth was, you still weren’t sure if you could handle letting him know that part of you. It was too dark. Too sinister. You didn’t know anyone as sick in the head as you. No one you knew processed the world that way you did.
When you were human, not only did you hate yourself and your body, but it seemed like everyone else did, too. You were so painfully aware of the disadvantage you were at being plus-sized that it consumed every part of your being. You knew you would never be perceived as how you always desired to be. You also knew(to a degree) how irrational your thinking was, but seeing as how you were consistently ignored or rejected for how you looked, it was hard for you to think your beliefs were fully out of line… You were so fixated on the attractiveness of your body and looks, or lack thereof, in the eyes of everyone else.
Beautiful and thin women had the ability to enjoy the fruits of life without fixating on superficial and shallow things like body image in order to survive. How they exist physically doesn’t spoil their reality. How they are perceived physically doesn’t spoil their reality. Even if they felt differently about it these were just facts to you. They have prospects, pretty privilege, and so much more. They take it for granted and flaunt it as they please. They have no idea what it’s like to have existed as a stain on the earth for YEARS, to destroy yourself to escape it, but barely make a difference. They have no idea how much being fat and ugly hinders life…
How could you even begin to explain how deep this ran to Jake? All you had known for literally your entire life was hatred. Hatred for yourself, hatred for those who had what you so deeply desired. Just pure. Unfiltered. Hatred. It’s unnatural how much you yearned for beauty. How much you yearned to be desired. You had accepted that love would always be unrequited for you, but resented it at the same time.
This is how you live. This is how your brain works.
At least until you met Jake.
You were one of the scientists who helped introduce him to the Avatar program upon landing on Pandora. Meeting him didn’t make your mindset do a full 180 by any means, but it definitely made your thoughts quieter. It made you start to question the darkness you harbored for so long. Of course, you still questioned whether his admiration for you was genuine, but you ran with it anyway. Funny enough, you had rejected Jake’s initial advances because you were too insecure and afraid to let someone know you in that way. You couldn’t fully trust that someone could honestly feel that way about you. But the way he looked at you…The way he treated you like you were worthy made you reluctantly change your mind. You have to admit, the first time he flirted with you, you swore he was mocking you. You never experienced mutual attraction before, so of course, you doubted it.
Little did you know, he took notice of you right away. He was enamored by you, mind and body. He adored your intelligence, knowing he could never hold a candle to your knowledge. And he was very, very attracted to your body. Whether you believe it or not. He was hypnotized by the way your hips swayed when you walked and the polite jiggle of your plump ass and thighs. He struggled to avert his eyes from your full breast. It may have seemed strange to you, but he was even attracted to the soft roundness of your belly. Every single aspect of your body that you so deeply hated completely drew him in. So much so that the first time you were intimate with him, he didn’t last very long at all… He was so embarrassed, while you were incredibly flattered and surprised, never having expected to have that effect on anyone…ever. If anything, you felt stupid and selfish for expecting anyone to love and desire you unconditionally while looking the way you do. It was so surreal to have someone want to experience you in that way. He noticed you were insecure about your appearance early on, before he even tried to ask you out. He thought it was so silly, given how beautiful he found you to be. You tried to be subtle about it, but he just knew you so well. But clearly not that well…
Now here you were trying to find the words to explain to your mate why he saw you absolutely desecrate your old body like a mad woman. What better way to get him to understand than to just show him? You bring your kuru forward, Jake looks up at you, tilting his head to the side before hesitantly doing the same.
You form tsaheylu.
You watch his eyes dilate as he sees everything you saw and feels everything you felt. After a while, tears start streaming down his face. You take the initiative to disconnect your kuru. You both just sit there for a while. Letting him process everything before you broke the silence again…
“Jake, I-I just- I just hate myself so much”, you say, beginning to choke up again. “You have no idea how trapped I felt in the body- how miserable I was…everything about my life, how people treated me, every experience was just- just soiled by how disgusting I was, and I- I just had to fucking get rid of it!!” There was so much malice in your voice. “It?” He stares at you with disbelief and pity written all over his face. You shrank in shame at his rhetorical question. “There is no ‘it’, baby… that-that was you, okay, that was you.” He speaks firmly but still with so much tenderness in his words. “Jake, I- you don’t understand I-“. “No I understand, I understand it completely now baby. And what your mind is telling you isn’t right, okay? It-it’s so far from the truth.” He spoke with such sincerity that it made you feel even more ashamed of your sick mindset. “And I’m so sorry that the world made you feel that way, I’m so sorry that you felt like you needed to-to do something so awful to yourself, but I want you to understand how untrue all of those horrible thoughts are. You’re so beautiful to me in every form, and I’ll stop at nothing to make you see that.” The sun was finally rising now, and the rays pierced through the leaves above you and perfectly illuminated Jake’s face. You just sat there, admiring him, with nothing to say. What could you say? It’s. Not like his words instantly healed or anything like that, but you knew he was right, and that counted for something. “I’m sorry… I don’t want to be like this anymore, Jake…” you expressed, still fighting back tears. Jake pulls you back into his chest, holding you firmly in his grasp. “I know it’s hard, but you can start by forgiving yourself. And trusting me to help you through this, okay? Let me show you exactly how I see you”. You look up at him, offering a soft smile through your tears as you nod at his words. He stands before you, then reaches for your hands, picking you up off the ground. The sun is fully risen now, and you just stand silently and appreciate each other in the morning light for a little while. “Are you okay?” He asks. You just nod, not feeling like any more words are needed. He takes your waist and pulls you close to his side. “Then let’s go home.”
When you got back to the village, you both were so exhausted that you immediately went to sleep curled in each other’s arms. It’s been a long night to say the least…
You both slept the day away, waking again in the evening. “Hey”, Jake greets you as you wake, still in his arms. “Hi”, you say back shyly, still a bit emotional and raw from everything that just happened. “Will you take a walk with me?” He asks, but you can’t quite make out his tone. “Of course”. You agree, a bit nervous, wondering if he has more to say about earlier… He exits your shared hammock first, then helps you out of it. You’re not sure where he’s leading you, you're just hoping he’s not trying to prove a point by taking you back to the site where your old body is…He leads you fairly far from the village…night of falling again, and you're still not at your destination. He hasn’t said a word the entire time you’ve been walking hand in hand. “Jake, what's going on??” You say, audibly nervous about what he has planned. “Relax, baby”, he says with a cheeky grin. He playfully pulls at your tail and paces a little bit ahead of you. His playfulness puts you somewhat at ease, but you’re still wondering what he’s up to. Finally, he stops in his tracks as you arrive at the base of a large tree deep in the forest of Pandora. It was fully nighttime again, and everything around you was in full glow. “What are we-“ Jake cuts you off as he suddenly pulls you by your waist towards his body. His lips meet yours in a deep and passionate kiss. As you start to lean in to him, he pulls away to speak, but still close enough that you feel his breath on your face.
“I just needed to get you far away enough so no one could hear you”, he says, tilting his head and wearing his usual mischievous grin, making your heart skip a beat.
“Let me show you how I’ve always felt about you”. His tone was both sincere and desperate. “Ok”, you said under your breath, barely audible as you gently nodded your head. He kissed your forehead before gently laying you down upon the bed of grass where you both stood. He slowly crawled over your body until you were face-to-face. “You’ve always been so beautiful to me”, he whispered before he leaned in and kissed you again. He was hungrier this time, more ferocious. He removes your delicately beaded top without breaking the kiss. He clawed at your body as he practically ate your face off. He pulled away to look in your eyes one more time before he started kissing his way down your body. “Jake…” you say breathless. He stops at the rim of your loincloth and begins to remove it. “Just relax baby”, he whispers as he slides the cloth past your ankles. You close your legs, hiding your heat from Jake, somewhat embarrassed by how soaking wet you are. He caresses the sides of your thighs before resting his hands on your knees. “Please don’t hide from me baby”. You hesitate before giving him a soft nod. He places a warm kiss on your knee before prying your legs wide open. “Oh my god, baby,” he begins to salivate at the sight of your dripping core as he brings his hands to grip your inner thighs. “Jake…please”. He looks up at you, his eyes dark with hunger and lust. “I know, baby, just let me admire you”. He slowly lowers his head towards your heat, softly kisses your pussy, before he looks up, making eye contact with you. He likes to see the faces you make. You moan softly, and your hips jerk into his touch. He presses down firmly on your lower stomach to keep you still. He gives you a slow, long lick from your core to your clit, making your back arch.
“Jakeee”, you whine, growing impatient.
He’s really taking his time with you. He groans at his name coming from your lips before he starts roughly circling your clit with his tongue. “Oh my god, Jake!” You were shaking under his touch as he ate you out like you were his first meal in decades. He couldn’t get enough. You were like sugar on his tongue. “Don’t stop!” You feel a warmth growing in your lower belly as he brings you closer to the edge. He moans into your pussy, so turned on by the noises you're making. He almost feels like he could cum just from eating you. “I’m so close Jake!” The vibrations of his moans were driving you closer to climax. He gets more aggressive, almost animalistic as he sucks on your clit and plunges his younger into your core. Your throbbing walls clench down as you finally reach climax. Your moans and screams echo through the forest. Now you knew why he wanted to take you so far from the village. Jake sucks steadily on your pulsing clit, helping you ride out your orgasm. “Fuck Jake”, you say, completely out of breath. He finally sits up completely in a haze and drunk off your sweet nectar. You look down and see his pre cum leaking through his loincloth. “Oh Jake”, you say, feeling bad that he hasn’t gotten any relief yet. His breathing is heavy as he looks at you, all disheveled and desperate to feel your cunt milk him dry. You slowly reached down and spread your soaking lips open, inviting him to penetrate you. “Fuck baby- I need to feel you”, he backs up for a moment to remove his loincloth. As the dainty fabric covering his crotch falls, his thick, veiny cock springs up with pre cum dribbling from his blushing tip. Your breath hitches as this was the first time you’d seen avatar dick. It was huge. You subconsciously close your legs again, intimidated by the sheer size of it. Jake lightly chuckles at your timid reaction. “It’s okay baby, I’m gonna take good care of you”, he says, kneeling in front of you again. This time, he had to put a little more effort into prying your legs apart. “Please baby, I need this”, he spoke as he finally got your thighs back to their formal spread position. You grab at his biceps to brace yourself for the intrusion.
“You’re so pretty like this baby”, he moans as he teases your warmth with his tip.
He looks up again, making eye contact, wanting to see your face as he enters you. He gently pushes the tip in, and you both let out a moan at the same time. “Jake…”, you say, concerned that you won't be able to fit all of him with his tip already being so much. “Shhh baby, you’re okay. You’re doing so good for me”. He whispers as he firmly thrusts forward, now almost halfway inside of you. You arch your back and yell out as he continues pushing into you. “Christ- you feel so fucking good baby” He finally pushes all the way inside your heat, bottoming out. You were both glistening with sweat. He placed his hands on either side of your head as he started rutting into you with more aggression. “Mmm f- fuck jake..”. He’s turning you into a babbling mess already as your grip tightens on his biceps. He shoves his thumb into your mouth to silence and soothe you as he continues violating your cunt. “I love seeing you like this, I’ve always loved seeing you like this, especially before…”, you’d be in tears at his words if you weren’t in such a cock drunk haze. “Your body’s always been so fucking sexy to me”, he grunts out as he quickens his thrusts. “From the moment I saw you, I just wanted to fill you up over and over again”. Tears fall down your face from the pure bliss you’re experiencing in this moment. He lowers himself to his elbows so he can connect his lips with yours. He ruts into you with even more desperation, his lower belly now grinding on your swollen clit. You were perfectly overstimulated. “Jake- I’m gonna cum!”. His movements get rougher and faster as he fucks you into the ground, getting carried away in his own climax. You can tell he’s close too, as his breathing starts to falter. “Cum with me baby”. He only snaps his hips a few more times before you’re gushing all over him, convulsing under his weight. He bites down on the junction between your neck and shoulder, marking you as he fills your womb with his warm seed, twitching sporadically inside your clenching walls. You feel the vibrations of his moans on the skin of your neck. You wrap your legs around his waist, pulling him closer as he slowly pumps in and out, helping you ride out your climax. “Jake…” you exhale before bringing him in for one last deep kiss before his hips come to a stop. You mewl as your body shivers as he slowly pulls out of you, leaving your aching pussy feeling so empty and hollow. He plops down beside you and pulls you into his chest by your waist, practically caging you in with his huge arms. “Are you okay?” He asks, sincerely scared that he lost himself too much. You shook your head, wearing a sleepy grin. “I’m perfect, you're perfect, everything is perfect”. You say as a single tear escapes from your eye. He brought his hand up to caress your cheek. “Yeah…you are perfect…you always have been”
