write here.

"You don’t start out writing good stuff. You start out writing crap and thinking it’s good stuff, and then gradually you get better at it. That’s why I say one of the most valuable traits is persistence.” ramblings and other stories...

[baltharino]

Jennifer's Body (2009) Dir. Karyn Kusama

[iwritethestuff]

A Cold Pleasure

The alley was dark but the moonlight caught her face. She stood there, over him, her face stained with blood and etched with the most beautiful smile. The coldness of her eyes took on a sparkle as she relished in what she’d done.

The thrill of her actions wrapped around her and warmed her from the inside whilst the cold pleasure of her secret, of her crime, slithered up her spine and chilled her bones.

Her mind eased, her muscles relaxed, her smiled widened. Her eyes, unblinking, looked down at him. She used her foot to move his head to the side and watched as it lolled back to center. She did it once more, just to be sure.

She felt nothing but joy, nothing but freedom, all encompassing love as she looked on down the dark alley. She should have felt shocked, panicked or even remorseful over what she’d done.

But that hadn’t happened.

She was filled to the brim with a happiness she’d never experienced before.

And so, she knew then that she’d done the right thing, because if it was truly bad, why did she feel SO damn good?

[mournfulroses]

Anaïs Nin, from a diary entry featured in Trapeze: The Unexpurgated Diary of Anais Nin, 1947-1955

[iwritethestuff]

A Genuine Decision

She sat her down, she knew that it was the right thing to do.

She started on the words she’d rehearsed, keeping the tone and cadence just right

Hoping that would be enough

It won’t be, she knows it.

The first crack starts to show, she slips

Her tone gets wobbly

Her face cracking, she struggles to get it out before it’s too late

Before the cracks in her face become too much to bear

(Before it all falls apart, before she is revealed and laid bare for her to see, she knows that would be wrong, hurtful, selfish)

She finishes, not in the way she rehearsed but she manages to get it all out.

Briefly proud, she looks up at her.

Her face; a mask as well

A much better one, always has been.

Conceals all from her.

She gets up and walks away

Without a word, the door slams shut

She did it, it worked. It’s out in the open

everyone is free and clear.

Brief elation turns to the first sob in mere moments.

It hits her right away; hard.

Always has to be in control, always has to be in control.

and then suddenly she was out of it

sobbing freely into her hands

Sinking to her knees

Wondering if freedom had ever felt this terrible.

[spaceisart]

[iwritethestuff]

I Don’t Know

I've been trying to find the words to say this

But the thoughts aren't finding where my brain is

Like they're close enough to tease my heart with

So near even you'd think they can't miss

Yet all I'm typing are things that aren't hitting

Any of the feelings I wish could be written

[periodpics]

Miriam Dalsgaard.

[iwritethestuff]

21 Questions

I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌us‌ ‌playing‌ ‌21‌ ‌questions‌  ‌I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌remember‌ ‌much‌ ‌else..‌ ‌I‌ ‌think‌ ‌I‌ ‌think‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌the‌ ‌feeling‌ ‌of‌ ‌him‌ ‌pressed‌ ‌against‌ ‌me.‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌his‌ ‌friend,‌ ‌my‌ ‌friend,‌ ‌them‌ ‌In‌ ‌the‌ ‌doorway‌ ‌ His‌ ‌friend‌ ‌whispered‌ ‌as‌ ‌they‌ ‌watched‌ ‌“See,‌ ‌she‌ ‌likes‌ ‌it,‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌you‌ ‌want‌ ‌it‌ ‌too?‌ ‌ Don’t‌ ‌you‌ ‌hear‌ ‌her?‌ ‌I‌ ‌could‌ ‌do‌ ‌that‌ ‌for‌ ‌you”‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌drunk‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌being‌ ‌told‌ ‌afterwards‌ ‌“OMG‌ ‌GIRL!‌ ‌YOU‌ ‌WERE‌ ‌MOANING‌ ‌SO‌ ‌LOUD!”‌ ‌ But‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌fishing‌ ‌the‌ ‌tampon‌ ‌from‌ ‌inside‌ ‌me‌ ‌that‌ ‌night‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌having‌ ‌almost‌ ‌my‌ ‌whole‌ ‌fist‌ ‌ ‌inside‌ ‌me‌ ‌Trying‌ ‌so‌ ‌HARD‌ ‌  ‌to‌ ‌find‌ ‌it‌ ‌...It‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌pushed‌ ‌so‌ ‌far.‌ ‌ Because‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌telling‌ ‌her‌ ‌ ‌“I’m‌ ‌NOT‌ ‌doing‌ ‌anything‌ ‌tonight,‌ ‌I’m‌ ‌on‌ ‌my‌ ‌period,‌ ‌I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌even‌ ‌wanna‌ ‌be‌ ‌out”‌  ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌my‌ ‌only‌ ‌witness‌ ‌ Telling‌ ‌me‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌wrong.‌ ‌And,‌ ‌thus‌ ‌ Instantly‌ ‌it‌ ‌wasn’t‌ ‌what‌ ‌I‌ ‌remembered‌ ‌it‌ ‌to‌ ‌be.‌ ‌It‌ ‌wasn’t‌ ‌anything,‌ ‌ ‌But‌ ‌regret.‌ ‌Deep,‌ ‌Deep,‌ ‌regret.‌ ‌ But‌ ‌I‌ ‌know‌ ‌I‌ ‌remember‌ ‌we‌ ‌were‌ ‌playing‌ ‌21‌ ‌questions.‌ ‌My‌ ‌favourite‌ ‌colour‌ ‌was‌ ‌blue,‌ ‌ and‌ ‌his‌ ‌shirt‌ ‌was‌ ‌off.‌ ‌My‌ ‌favourite‌ ‌number‌ ‌was‌ ‌12,‌  ‌and‌ ‌he’d‌ ‌unzipped‌ ‌my‌ ‌pants.‌ ‌My‌ ‌favourite‌ ‌animal‌ ‌was‌ ‌ ‌Him‌ ‌ ‌Inside‌ ‌me.‌ ‌

[iwritethestuff]

...

And I still forget the ending

To a book I've read three times

[iwritethestuff]

I Think

If I wait until you feel what I feel

My wounds might be

Beyond what time will heal

Your heart's made up

I'm too fucked up

Dead out of dumb luck

[xuxess-blog1]

ig: avocadreamin | more here

[valentina-poem]

[iwritethestuff]

Untitled

When you one day find yourself here

Eyes red and burning from your tears

At least you'll know you're feeling something

Cause the drops will stain what you write

[kaenkoi]

ｌｏｓｔ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｒａｉｎ．

[iwritethestuff]

Evening For Another Night

The sun’s going down

Nothing but clouds in the sky

Soaked in tears and rain 

Let’s save this for another day

Since that time outside

To all my texts

You haven’t replied

Unsure what’s next for us

It was supposed to be

An evening for another night

Never knew that was goodbye

Had I known you’d cut our ties

Maybe that night

I would have tried

[dasativadofor5-deactivated20211]

[drwgs]

ouch that really hurts