Iya_calliope

Being simple doesn't make one boring. It just simply creates a deep and bold masterpiece in the most humble way.

[iyacalliope]

Blog Music Playlist

Hi!  To play the music on this page, you can go to Site Settings > Sound > Allow > Then add the link: iyacalliope.tumblr.com I hope you enjoy 

[iyacalliope]

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City of Stars - La La Land OST 

[iyacalliope]

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Also with this one. I wrote this last 2018, midyear, while I was reviewing for an exam. Naalala ko pa na mag-isa ako sa room tapos dapat nagcacram na ako na magreview pero distracted ako kasi paulit-ulit yung tono sa isip ko. I had to somehow record it and somehow rin lapatan ng lyrics, lol. This is called, “A Confession” btw. 

[iyacalliope]

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Posting just the refrain part. Not really confident about this but well, I just want to post this and be proud of myself. This is called BLUE.

Refrain:

Babe, I won't be losing you now

Oh, baby, I'll forever be by your side

You own me, I will always hold your hand

and hug you when life gets hard, hard

coz it's true,

I love you more than blue (3x)

 Every time you're feeling broken

Every time you feel that you're shattered

You wanted your sharp toy, want to be alone

You lock yourself in your room

[iyacalliope]

How strong it is to not to be strong.

A friend of mine broke down yesterday and I badly wanted to help. Both people suffering the same thing I think is an advantage. Especially when one wanted to help the other. You understand and know the feeling more than any other people who hadn't. You know the struggles and you can't just simply force them and make them do things you wanted them to do. But this is one of the saddest thing with depression. When you are both suffering from it, no matter how badly you wanted to cheer each other up, a string will always be there that will hinder you. That string will suddenly collapse and in a moment, you too are already suffering from it. Other's angst fires up someone's angst.

[iyacalliope]

Almost there. The question's 'Where? '

I knew of a very familiar story of someone willing to be broken and tortured by the things which she thinks will save her and her dreams for her family.

She is motivated and inspired, thinking of what all these can give her. A house, a two-story house with lots of big rooms. A dining room filled with foods each member loves to eat. A living room filled with laughter. A karaoke room, the family surely loves to sing, and an extra room for their growing cat family.

A life that is nice to live in.

One faithful night, I saw her. 

I was about to sleep when I see her just standing. I walk close to her and look her in the eyes.

"Why? Is there something wrong?" 

She smiles at me, "Nothing. I am just thinking."

"Thinking about what?"

I am looking at her waiting for her reply. I can sense that she is hesitating whether to tell me or not. She is embarrassed. I know her for too long and I know what exactly she is feeling right now.

I look at her eyes. Just her eyes. With no other emotion but understanding, I touch her arm, give her a warm smile, and then silently encourages her to tell me.

She breathes deep,

"I am just wondering why everything I wanted to do before, exhausts and breaks me. Why is everything getting out-of-hand? Shall I break first, cry by myself, hide it, and then share the shattered pieces with my bed? Who is going to be there for me? Every day I wake up and ask myself if I am getting there."

She is hardly sobbing.

"Am I near? Am I almost at the end? Was there a sign when you are already near? Where is this going, by the way? I forgot already. I am busy traveling to my post that I do not know which path I have been taking.”

She is there in front of me and seems like having a turmoil inside her. 

She is hysterical. 

She is seething but tired. 

She is lost but still hopeful. 

She is bold but ashamed of what she has become.

After almost half an hour, she calms down. 

She put her mask back on and let out a heavy sigh...

“Who's gonna hug you?”

… and then she walks away from the mirror. She walks away from herself. Turning her back from all the emotions she is feeling. 

I guess at that time, she is scared of seeing me, her mirror, broken like herself.

[iyacalliope]

Gaano ka kabangag?

[iyacalliope]

Ma, tabi tayo.

I always have this feeling of sadness whenever I'm about to go to sleep. Uhmm well finally a reason para tumabi kila mama at papa. Anyways, I just watched audition vids on youtube, 'di ko na natapos yung nirereview. I have to wake up later at 10 kasi two months na akong hindi nagpapa-adjust ng braces.

[iyacalliope]

Tara! Banda!

Everytime na nasa CR ako, naku ang dami ko ng na-hum na melody. Ganern tapos mga kung ano anong lyrics. So bale I have 6 melodies na and bale dalawa na rin nalapatan ko ng lyrics. I am just wondering baka may gustong tumulong or may bored na hindi mangjajudge sa gawa ko and will try to help me give ideas and such to improve the 'song kuno' or make it sound good. Promise, magsisipag ako tapos magpapakabait ako. Kapag nakaipon na rin ako lilibre ko hahaha. P.S. I'm even prioritizing this over acads, huhu bad student pero frustrated musician ganun.

[iyacalliope]

Acads, ilalaban!

It's 1am and gising parin ang ate niyo. It's a week before matapos ang sem and naghihingalo na nga ako haha huhu. I can't concentrate kahit sobrang tahimik na and tulog na mga tao sa bahay. Naririnig ko yung ugong ng aircon tapos nakalam pa sikmura ko. I realized na I badly need to learn how to cook kasi sa mga pagkakataong ganito nakakahiya namang manggising pa haha. Ayun, skl kasi wala namanblg may pake sa akin dito lol. Anyways, isang chapter palang naaaral ko and I still have 5 more chapters to study. Laban lang, self! P.S. Apat na subjects ang may finals ako, haha huhu ulit.

[iyacalliope]

This applies more to you, Mr. Know-It-All (JOEY DE LEON), than Jon Snow. You know nothing about depression. You can’t just simply comment ‘gawa-gawa lang’ and encourage people to not support those who are suffering from it. People like you need to be educated. Masyadong mababaw ang pananaw niyo sa mga bagay na hindi biro. You do not even experienced depression firsthand. You are not the one who is struggling and doing their very best just to end the war with their very own demons. Sa mga salitang binitawan mo, para mong sinabi na gusto nila at sila mismo ang nagpintura ng itim sa mga dingding ng kanilang kwarto. Sila mismo ang nagkandado ng mga pinto. Sila mismo ang nagpiring sa kanilang mga sariling mata. Sa madaling salita, sila mismo ang dahilan ng sarili nilang pagkasira. YOU. CAN. NOT. JUST. SAY. THAT. You are so insensitive na hindi mo inisip na hindi lang iyon ginusto para ganoon kadaling gawin. Hindi ganoong gusto ko lang kaya ko pinilit pasukin ang kwarto na ang kulay ng dingding ay itim at pagkatapos ay matataranta dahil sa lungkot at takot na nadarama. Hindi dahil gusto ko lang kaya ko piniringan ang aking mga mata at pagkatapos ay iiyak nang dahil sa walang makita. Hindi dahil sa pinasok ko ang pinto at alam na ito ay ikakandado, ay nagpapaawa ako at sasabihing sige ikulong ako at ilayo sa tao, at pagkatapos sasabihing samahan niyo ako. We badly want to fight. We. Are. Fighting. It. Lakas loob akong kumakapa sa dingding para buksan ang ilaw at makawala sa dilim. Ilaw na kanina lang ay nagawa mong ipagsabi na ilayo sa amin.  “’Wag niyo silang suportahan…” Ilaw na manggagaling sa napakaliit na kandila at nagawa mo pong tangkaing kunin. Ang sama at ang sakit ng mga pananaw mo. Itinago mo na lang sana nang sa gayon hindi nadagdagan ang aming paghihirap. I was TWO STEPS away from my usual spot. I worked hard for it. I cried for it. I went crazy for it. Pero sa mga sinabi mo, ginulo mo ako. Hinila ako pabalik ng isa… dalawa… tatlo… apat. APAT. Apat na hakbang pabalik. Sobra ka. Wala kang parte sa buhay ko dati, pero napabalik mo ako. Narito na naman ulit ako papasok ng kwartong ang kulay ay itim at ang mata ay nakapiring.

[iyacalliope]

"Ashley, gayahin mo si Ate magpose sa picture." Grabeee bakit may inumin? 'Di niyo man lang talaga pinagbigyan si Ate Piaaa, Ashley 😿😽😽

[iyacalliope]

ON MY OWN

Sing To Give (CARE Program) Grand Recital 

[bullshlttinq]

“when the world ends I want to scream into the chaos that I loved you more than anything in hopes that the sound will echo and continue to exist after everything stops”

beautiful art piece created by flatsound

[iyacalliope]

My Brother's smile

I saw my Mom and Dad smile, I’m happy. I saw my siblings smile, I giggled. And then I saw my very friend smile, I broke down.

He’s a brother to me but why won’t he open up to me. I’m worried but he already has set the line which I cannot pass. He’s broken, I know. He’s in denial. I saw him smile but there’s tears glistening on the sides of his eyes. I saw him smile but what I saw is the guilt eating the very pupil of his eyes. I’m your friend and I’m waiting. Waiting to do the helping, loving, and understanding.

[iyacalliope]

Not freeing yourself to the fact that all the painful ones were the one which will help you to open up your eyes on the realities, will just make the dagger plunge deeper into your system. It will take you to cliffs and beds. It will push you to cry with no ends. And the only thing that you would badly need is saving. Saving from the things you have started. Saving from the souls you think you’ve broken. Saving from yourself, ‘coz you can no longer carry on.

[iyacalliope]

Sometimes it only takes a view of madness for one to breathe in deep and out so they can let go of all the pains and criticisms.