I had fun yesterday, total vaccination second dose complete ✔️ #lindungdirilindungsemua #kitajagakita (at Adda Height Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/CPClAeYHEkfL5ggsZRFYUzXyz_5OhEqVSX3Ldg0/?utm_medium=tumblr

oozey mess
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
Claire Keane

Product Placement
Jules of Nature
Show & Tell
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

Kiana Khansmith

JBB: An Artblog!
Acquired Stardust
NASA

★

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Today's Document
tumblr dot com
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Peter Solarz
we're not kids anymore.
sheepfilms

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@izz-t
I had fun yesterday, total vaccination second dose complete ✔️ #lindungdirilindungsemua #kitajagakita (at Adda Height Park) https://www.instagram.com/p/CPClAeYHEkfL5ggsZRFYUzXyz_5OhEqVSX3Ldg0/?utm_medium=tumblr
Opening 2021 with a blast with the in-laws! Happy birthday mak dan tahniah atas persaraan setelah 38 tahun berkhidmat, selamat berehat, semoga mak sentiasa dipermudahkan segala urusan dan dilimpahkan rezeki sentiasa insyallah, we love you~ 😘 (at Kampung Tenggoh,temerloh) https://www.instagram.com/p/CJg507Xn15WQYqbOKAkLqgMyOWOHAzjUb8HXFI0/?igshid=lzd1qhzjwz14
Assalamualaikum semua... Terima kasih bagi yang baca perkongsian saya sebelum ni, saya rasa happy sgt2 bila ramai juga yg senasib, terasa bukan lagi berseorangan bila ada yg sama2 turut struggle. Saya doakan kalian juga sentiasa dipermudahkan segala urusan, dilimpahkan rezeki zuriat yg soleh solehah dan terus kuat tanpa berputus asa dalam perjuangan kita utk mndapat zuriat.
Baru2 ni ada terbaca kisah seorang wanita hebat yg menunggu hampir 20++ tahun dan akhirnya dapat menimang cahaya mata dari rahimnya sendiri. Allahuakbar, benarlah, hadiah Allah itu tak dijangka-jangka, jika saya di tempatnya, tidak tahulah jika saya mampu jadi sekuat itu. Seronok membacanya, semoga kita semua pun turut jadi kuat sepertinya. Dulu saya selalu sedih bila tengok sesiapa umumkan kehamilan, tapi sekarang dah tak dah, benarlah, Allah uji kita sebab nak kita jadi lebih kuat. Allah tahu kita boleh jadi kuat sebab dia sayang kita, dia akan bagi ujian yg lebih kuat lagi dn lagi untuk jadikan kita lebih kuat. Jadi bersabar ye semua, insyallah satu hari nanti masa kita akan tiba...
Kali ni, saya sekadar nk berkongsi dan bercerita utk mendengar juga cerita2 wanita di sini yg senasib. Saya dh ttc 4 tahun, tahun ke-2 baru brjaya hamil itupun gugur masa 14 minggu. Masa tu mmg saya rasa sedih sgt2 berpantang tanpa anak, keguguran yg sangat2 menyakitkan, walaupun saya sndiri tak pernah merasa sakitnya beranak,tapi saya rasa seolah2 sakitnya tu mmg mcm nak beranak, sakit sehinggakan saya pucat,menggigil sebab tumpah darah, saya dikejarkan ke emergency dengan ambulans dengan sakit yg teramat sgt sakit, btul2 rasa mcm nak mati masa tu. Bila dh di emergency, doktor keluarkan anak saya dengan tangannya, tapi selepas keluar je, terus hilang rasa sakit saya, rasa lega sangat2, janin anak saya dh lengkap tubuh badannya.
Allahuakbar... Perasaan masa tu hanya Allah yg tahu, saya menangis teresak2 melihatnya dimasukkan dalam tabung uji untuk dibawa ke makmal sebelum diserahkan kepada saya semula petang itu setelah saya dimasukkan ke dalam wad. Alhamdulillah, minor surgery utk cuci rahim berjalan dgn lancar, saya dibius buat pertama kali separuh badan, tapi saya tak rasa apa... Sbb saya trlalu sedih... Saya tak tahu mana silap saya... Setelah saya keluar wad, suami kebumikan anak kami... Melihat dia menangis, buatkan saya lagi sedih... Sejak tu, ramai mengatakan selalunya mudah nk hamil semula selepas keguguran, tapi rupanya tidak untuk kami... Berbagai cara kami cuba, malah tiba2 setelah 3 tahun saya disahkan ada fibroid pula. Dengan bil hospital swasta yg mahal, setelah hampir beribu kami habiskan, kami akhirnya akur bahawa kami tak mampu lagi untuk meneruskan proses rawatan kesuburan. Jadi kami buat keputusan utk mencuba sahaja sendiri...
Semalam tiba-tiba air lendir dari faraj saya keluar dengan amat banyak, hingga tak henti-henti, saya masih ingat lagi kali terakhir saya alami keadaan yang sama adalah semasa saya hamil kali pertama di Makkah ketika saya menjalani umrah 3 tahun yg lalu tapi pada masa tu saya juga turut merasakan yg takkanlah mengandung sebab ketika itu dh 2 minggu saya berjauhan dgn suami sebab saya pergi umrah tanpanya, hanya menemani ibubapa saya yg dh tua tapi berkat doa ibu bapa saya di tanah suci, saya betul2 hamil walaupun hanya sementara... Kali ni saya tak berani nak berharap lagi sebab mungkin tidak... Saya smpaikan dah malas nk beli upt sebab aya sndiri pernah 2-3 minggu lewat period tapi tetap juga negatif. Saya dah terlalu kecewa sangat dan tak nak membazir lagi...
Maaf jika luahan ni trlalu panjang, saya cuma sekadar ingin meluah dan ingin mohon doa dari rakan2 semua di sini, doakan saya ye supaya dapat merasa menimang cahaya mata sendiri... Dulu saya jadi pengasuh, menjaga bayi dan anak2 orang dan kini pula sudah bergelar guru, turut juga menjaga dan mendidik anak2 orang lain, saya selalu layan mereka semua seperti anak2 sendiri kerana itulah pengubat hati ini... Itulah kebahagiaan bagi saya,mohon doa saya sentiasa kuat menempuh semua ini, terima kasih jika ada yg sudi membaca luahan hati ini... #ttc4years 😘
Coretan TTC
Saya ada masalah ovulasi, jadi jika saya ambil opk pun tak guna, sebab saya takkan pernah dapat positif. Jadi minggu lepas kami pergi ke tempat ke-3 untuk ikhtiar hamil. Kali ni kami nak cuba untuk ke hospital pula untuk berjumpa dengan pakar o&g Dr. Sharifah Halimah di Regency Hospital, Masai. Doktornya ok, jelas setiap penerangannya. Mesin scan pun jelas, cuma mungkin tak sejelas di klinik Perdana. Tak sangka dah ada 4 ketulan fibroid dalam rahim,tapi masih belum dalam keadaan membahayakan lagi. Doktor kata kalau segala rawatan tak berjaya, barulah dia akan usulkan untuk buang fibroid, tapi buat masa ni tak perlu lagi.
Nasihat yang sama, doktor suruh cuba dulu untuk tukar ke gaya hidup sihat, turunkan berat badan kepada bawah 45 kg,sekarang ni 51kg sebab saya pun agak renek orangnya, heeee.... Haha, saya pun sedar memang kadang kala saya main langgar je makan macam2. Suami pula dinasihatkan untuk jalankan analisis sperma. Ni kali pertama doktor yg kami jumpa untuk minta suami check, sebelum2 ni tak pernah.
Dan disebabkan kami dah pernah ambil clomid sebelum ni 3 bulan, dia cadangkan pula kali ni untuk ambil letrozole. Semua alhamdulillah ok, tapi yang terkejutnya bila bil keluar, saya dan suami hampir terduduk. Tarik nafas yang tersangat2 lega sebab kami masih mampu bayar tetapi memang keadaan ini menyedarkan kami bahawa ternyata kami tak bersedia lagi untuk teruskan rawatan kesuburan ni. Walau dah 4 tahun menunggu tapi takpelah, mungkin belum ada rezeki kami lagi. Bersyukur dengan apa yang ada.
Saya beritahu kat sini cuma sekadar ingin berkongsi terutamanya bagi yang tidak tahu berapa kos bayaran untuk rawatan kesuburan swasta. Setakat ini, di hospital ini memang yang paling mahal yg pernah kami bayar. Hampir mencecah 1k. Harga ubat letrozole itu sahaja dah hampir RM400. Kami berdua ambil keputusan untuk cuba hidup gaya sihat dulu, dan turunkan berat badan kepada berat optimal.
Bagi yang berkemampuan, bolehlah cuba. Saya sangat recommend Dr Sharifah. Mungkin Allah lebih tahu apa yang terbaik untuk kami. Mohon doa semua ye. Saya juga teringin menimang cahaya mata, kadang kala jealous jugak tengok semua seronok mencuba opk. Saya sentiasa doakan kalian dapat menimang cahaya mata yang diinginkan dan doakan saya juga ye. 😘
Broken Trust
Relationship. Marriage. Both of these needs trust to be able to go through all the way into heaven.
17th February 2019. A date that I will never be able to forget. My broken trust. By him. My most precious person in my whole life. Now I finally know how love,one of the most beautiful feeling on earth is also one of the most painful thing you've ever felt in your whole life. He is my first love and I want him to be my last.
On that day,in the morning, I woke up earlier than usual. I looked at him and smile like I always do every time I woke up. I took his phone when he went to the bathroom for a shower. My phone has been broken,so i've decided to borrow his phone for a while. I open his phone as usual. As usual,I open whatsapp but what I see next is unusual.
It's a conversation of an archived messages. Between him and someone names "Ai". The conversation inside is unlike anything i've ever seen before. I've read every single line of their conversation. Line by line. The conversation started from 5th February until 17th February. They're sexting each other!!! I was shocked. My mind felt numb. I hope that it was a mistake. A nightmare. Piece by piece my heart is broken reading them. Line by line. I dont want to believe my own eyes. I reread it,and yet it's the truth. It's not a dream.
I immediately called him and showed him the messages. I ask him, "is this true? Who is she?" He looked down and slowly said, "It's true. I knew her from Baitulmuslim,long before I met you. I'm so sorry."
I went quiet. I was speechless. I just can't believe what i've just heard. I thought this situation only happens to others or in a drama, not me. Why me? Is it because I've been a very bad muslim? Bad wife? My tears immediately rolled down my cheeks 😭, I cried and cried. I asked him...
"Why? Why do you do this to me? 5th February? I'm sleeping with you at the time. 15 & 16th February??? You sexting her while we're on our honeymoonnnnn????!!!! 17??? Even last night? You asked her to video call with you while I was just outside of the room watching tv???!!! How could you??? If you are so horny that much, why can't you just ask me??? Why must you ask another woman? Why???" I cried endlessly. My tears just wont stop. I felt heartbroken. I still am. I feel so disappointed with him. I trusted him. Now I finally knew why my mother doesn't want me to be a housewife. I'm always with him 24/7, even after he's unemployed, I accepts him for who he is and yet he still cheats on me??? Why??? 😭
I cried. I screamed. I even threatened him that I wanted to commit suicide. I just couldn't handle it at the time. My mind went haywire. I felt I might go crazy. I really do love him. That's why it hurts like hell. It really hurts. It felt like there was something piercing my heart, it felt so painful. Sadness overwhelms me. This time even more than when I got miscarried. I even felt the need to write a diary to make this pain goes away. He cried and begging me to forgive him. He said he was sorry a gazilion times. He told me that they never even met. He lost to his own lustful desire. He knew that it was all his fault. He's not grateful for what he has. He wanted more. A few hours later after I finally had calmed down, I told him that I will give him another chance to redeem himself. I forgive him. But with one condition. He will have to buy this house we are now living in all on his own, but the owner's name will only be me and not him. At least if anything happens after this, I already have my own house. No more sharing. My trust to him from 90% has now diminished to 30%. I no longer trust him much like before. He gave his phone to me. He promises and swears that he will no longer use his phone while he's with me. I even offered him to go and marry that woman. I myself will help him to propose her. I did. I whatsapped her afterwards telling her that I've read their messages. She said she didn't even want him. Haha. And yet she still replied his messages? What a joke. I know it's his fault too,but if she's really not interested, why did she started it? And keeps on answering him if she's really not that interested to him? She even had sent her own naked picture to him before this. No wonder he can't forget her,typical men. Men can't resist sexy women,right? Bertepuk sebelah tangan takkan berbunyi. It takes two to tango. However,fortunately she keeps on resisting him,and shows that she's not interested to layan him much because of his profile picture shows that he's already married with me. Well,at least she still has that common sense,not to disturb suami orang. I even offered her to marry him if she want to, if she do, I will gladly give him up to her and no longer interested be marrying him any longer. She said,nope, she doesn't want him. Figures.
Hours turns to days, it's still difficult for me to forget what had happened. This event still broke my heart. Badly. And I dont think it will ever be forgotten. Yes, I had forgive him. But forget? It takes time. Trust? Nope, I wont be fooled anymore. I have decided that divorce is the last option. Allah permits it but Allah hates it. Thus, as long as we can still fix it, we will be together. Divorce will be our last option. But if the same thing happens again? Nope,no more compromise. No second chances from me. I would rather be single,than polygamised in an unhealthy and lack of trust marriage. Thank you Allah for showing me the path,for making me strong. For reminding me that no love is eternal except our love to You. Thank you for everything and please pray for me that I'll be strong to go through each days after this even stronger. Peace.❤
When every moment is just so precious, it will make us feel how time flies so fast and sometimes we even forget to capture every moment of it. Celebrating our birthday together is always our most awaited event of the year and insyallah it always will be in many many years to come~ #throwback #11and24September #bithdaypackage (at Morib Gold Coast) https://www.instagram.com/p/BoWg_BABgD1F8upIUBcwxT6_jKsxDJ1xCQF6lA0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=15iulpc7y9iid
Sukanya dia dapat fifa19, siap dengan jersi sekali tu! Dia punya suka sampai tahap posmen hon je terus berlari keluar macam budak kecik 😂 https://www.instagram.com/p/BoVpz8Khxwbj3rwbhHT___gD6aDkwLFFjK0Fkg0/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=19ufj5di5von6
I Quit My Job
Wow, it’s been a long time since the last time I update my tumblr. Been busy lately with getting married and moving. Yes, I have quit my job! AND I’M SO HAPPY FOR IT! Mid June, 2017, I literally quit my dream job. Crazy? I know. But it’s totally worth it. I’m really grateful so far. Most people advice me not to destroy my career but I already thought this through and I’ve made up my mind.
Why? Simple. Why should we care about other’s feelings when they don’t even know me? Do they have any idea how I really feel towards this job? I’m totally stressed out. The deadlines are crazy. I can’t even focus on my married life. Sometimes I even need to bring my work home and stay back at the office until after maghrib. How crazy is that? That is not healthy at all. And worse, I always get sick because of the stress. Plus, both of us always fight whenever I’m stressed out when we’re on the phone. This job has definitely jeopardizes my marriage life so why should I keep on going? Does money really brings me happiness? The answer is definitely a NO. Eventhough I love the working environment, salary and the people there are all super nice but I don’t think I can just go on with it. I just can’t. I’m sorry mak and ayah. I know both of you are so dissapointed with this decision. I know, but trust me,your daughter are much happier right now. Thank you my husband for always being there for me and be patient even after all of that craziness I’ve given you.
Furthermore, after being married LDR (long distance relationship) for about 7 months, we’ve decided we should definitely live together. Otherwise, what is marriage without living together, right? I miss him a lot and it’s really painful whenever we fight because it’s not as nice to argue when you are far away from each other. You can’t even hug each other through the phone. I really hate that feeling when I really need a hug from him but I just can’t.
And now, I’m a happily married housewife living in Johor Bahru (OH YEAH, BACK TO MY HOMETOWN Y’ALL!) At first, yes, my life is a bit dull. It’s quite difficult to fit in since I’m not used to this city yet and being alone in a house most of the time because of my husband’s shift working hours is SUPER BORED. After a while, I’m totally loving it! (Especially when I’m a PS4 gamer, LOL :p)
Goodbye Kadokawa Gempak Starz! You will be missed.
I don’t know if I even deserve to give advice to other people since I’m not really that good of a person.But my only advice is to always do things that you love. Go find a job that you love, that makes you happy. Because eventually it will come back and haunt you. If you don’t do something wholeheartedly (IKHLAS),trust me, you will regret it. I’ve been through it and I’ve learnt my lesson in a hard way. I really hope that non of you will also go through what I went through. If you feel that your job right now is making you feel like you have to claw your way out of your bed unwillingly every morning. Then trust me, give that job to someone else. He or she might appreciates it better than you. Don’t give up. Let’s find it together!
Selesai baraan pertama bagi kami berdua. Terima kasih bagi yang menjemput kami walaupun baru je berpindah ke kejiranan ni dan maaf sekiranya ada kekurangan dari pihak kami. Harap tahun depan dpt sertai lagi insyallah. Seronok ada jiran2 mcm ni, semua mesra dan peramah sgt,terima kasih! 😊 (at Taman Desa Skudai)
Salam Aidilfitri dari kami sekeluarga~ (at Parit Yusof, Muar, Johor)
Ada org baru belajar nak menganyam, senang je ajar dan lega cpt je dia belajar. 😂😂😂 Lepas ni blehlah cpt sikit siap. Jom anyam ketupat~ (at Parit Yusof, Muar, Johor)
My last day at Kadokawa Gempak Starz~ Thank you for all the wonderful experiences and memories 😊 😢 (at Kadokawa Gempak Starz)
Having fun buka puasa and shopping with these peeps! Seronok ye korang berjaya pujuk aku beli baju raya, haha, aku kalah! 😂😂😂 tapi serius tak menyesal, terima kasih untuk baju dan hadiah~ I'm going to miss you both so much😘😭 (at Mee Tarik Warisan Asli, Sungai Besi Lake Field)
I have a new driver! Weeee~ Thank you dilah sbb sudi bagi tumpang, seronok teman budak bru nk belajar memandu kt highway. Bahagia rasa tgk ank2ku dh membesar, bangga! (at PLUS Highway: Sempadan Negeri Sembilan Darul Khusus)
Terima kasih utk sampul raya cantik ni~ Suka3! Tp kalau mcm ni, rasa sayang plak nk bagi org lain, nnt sape2 dpt smpul ni, korg amik jelah duit pstu sampul pulang balik, bleh? 😝😂 (at Kadokawa Gempak Starz)
It's out! Let their imagination go wild and get it for your kids~ Dapatkannya sekarang 😉
Spending precious time with my beloved ex-colleague yesterday. Lots of catching up to do! Missing you so much Earnie~ Hope you always have brighter future ahead of you! 😘😘😘 (at D'petra&Co)