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Considering posting Unprecedented on my website, under a password, perhaps. But, before I do that, I want to test the waters a little and see how I feel after posting a chapter here.

This isn't the first chapter but it is a collection of articles throughout the timeline of the story so it works pretty well as a summary, tbh. I also feel like it really gets the vibes of Unprecedented across really well which are, to be more succinct "I've lost hope that things are going to get better but I also understand that fascism is doomed to fail so I'm gonna have fun imagining how that could happen in the future."

This following section truly made me a little ill to write so, ugh, proceed with caution?

Chapter 19: The National Courier; 2016-2055

[Redacted]’s Campaign in Major Hot Water!

May 7, 2016

Article by: Jeremiah Waters

It all started as a sick joke on this Nation’s proud traditions and democratic values and, at last, it might finally be over. The embarrassing stints of the Presidential candidate [Redacted] could finally come to a close with this new revelation from the business tycoon’s past.

Early this morning, a leak from an old audio interview with [Redacted] on the set of his popular reality TV show was released which sheds light on the disturbing inner workings of the candidate’s mind. Some people may (correctly) claim that this audio comes as no surprise considering the murky history of [Redacted]’s relationships with women both in his personal life and in his businesses.

Five wives, countless mistresses, and once even commenting on his own daughter’s body are just some of the red flags that were already public knowledge but now this hot mic moment might reveal a more concrete skeleton in [Redacted]’s closet which could, potentially, shut down the farce that is his political campaign.

“I can have any woman in the world,” [Redacted] begins in the audio, “In fact, I’ve never had a problem getting a woman to get into bed with me. You flash the money, you remind her of what she’ll miss out on if she resists, and BAM! It’s a done deal.”

Now that seems like enough to raise some eyebrows, certainly, but the interviewer, who is questionable in his own right, pushes [Redacted] further. “That’s why they call you the master of closing, sir,” he says and even laughs which prompts our least favorite Presidential candidate to further implicate himself.

“There was this one broad, back in ’95, who wanted to play coy with me. Some pretend intellectual, you know, nowhere near my level but she’s got a paper with her name on it—big whoop—and I say to her that I want to see if the carpet matches the drapes. She’s a red head, you see, and I, hah, I always use that line. Works every time. But, this time, you know, this woman she says, [Redacted], you’re just not my type and you know what I do?”

The interviewer encourages him, sounding excited to hear the rest. “What did you do?”

“I grabbed her, you know? Felt her up, stuck a finger up there to loosen her up, yeah? And she changed her mind real fast I mean…wow…she, you know, the difficult ones are always the most fun. I like to chase ‘em cause they always bend to [Redacted] by the end. Always. And if they don’t? Hey, I make ‘em. I make it work.”

The audio ends there and I don’t have to tell you that his team is scrambling to come up with a response to this bombshell. Meanwhile, the majority of the nation (along with all of his fellow Republican candidates) is cheering in delight at his downfall.

While it is impossible to say whether [Redacted] will actually drop out of the race as a result of this leak, we can all rest easy knowing he no longer has a chance to win out over his opponents.

The End of Politics as We Know It

November 6, 2016

Article by: Jeremiah Waters

Well, it happened.

The results are in and the winner of the election, thanks to the Electoral College, is [Redacted]. We, the people of this great nation, wake up this morning with a heavy heart and a view of a long four years ahead. It may seem like the very foundations of our democracy are crumbling but we must retain a sense of hope and purpose.

First, take solace in knowing that you are not alone. Many Americans will wake up today confused, scared, and even embarrassed but just remember that [Redacted] did not win the popular vote. He is still deeply unlikable and we can remind him of that every day while we focus on small, local elections and preparing for the midterms in two more years.

Check out your grassroots organization and get together with your friends to see how you can help your community. Most importantly, however, do not let this loss lie to you about our great country. We were a united and free country before [Redacted] won the election and we will always be united and free.

The Bathroom Debate Settled

June 2, 2017

Article by: Jeremiah Waters

For the past two years, it seems, news outlets and government officials have been stirring up a controversy over the so-called “bathroom bills” hitting a select few states. All have been repealed—struck down by federal judges as being unconstitutional—and you would think that would be the end of the debate, right?

Well, now conservative talking heads both on cable and in online spaces have started to speak out even more about their upset. They mostly claim that “men will dress up as women in order to sneak into the women’s bathroom to commit assault” but is there any evidence to support this?

Unisex bathrooms are not a brand new phenomenon and have been in use for decades in many areas with little to no issue in this regard. Furthermore, if a man hoped to break the law by attacking a woman in the bathroom, why would he feel the need to put on a dress to gain access when he could simply slip in when no one was looking? The issue would still stand, even in this convoluted scenario, as the man in question being the problem here and not the transgender women who wish to use the bathroom in peace.

It causes one to wonder about the real intention behind these complaints. Were transgender people more prone to sexual assault (they aren’t and, in fact, are far more likely to be victims of such attacks) then perhaps there would be an avenue of debate here but the right seems to be clutching at straws.

What’s next for them? Kicking out short-haired lesbians from the women’s room because they might be men? Or they might prey on the women inside? Let’s call out this nonsense for what it is—bigotry. Under the baffling stupidity and callous cruelty of President [Redacted] his supporters have become emboldened and the reasonable majority must continue to stand up for what is right and remind these loons that, no, not everyone is secretly like them and, yes, trans people can go pee wherever they damn well please.

Whatever Happened to Julio Martinez?

August 8, 2019

Article by: Jeremiah Waters

Two years ago, reports of a Julio Martinez being dragged from his Miami apartment flooded the liberal news cycle and calls for his whereabouts rang out clear from protestors not just in Florida or the United States but even across the globe. His disappearance raised a magnifying glass to the growing problem of vanishing migrant workers all around the country and the private prisons they are taken to.

Under [Redacted], tens of thousands of immigrants have been detained and either deported or mysteriously relocated with the administration being purposefully vague about where. Even the public’s outrage over this blatant violation of human rights—this obvious kidnapping—did nothing to stop them. The current administration and their supporters smugly claim that these actions are good, just, and necessary to curb the increase of “criminal” illegals.

After a month, the news about Julio Martinez died down with only his family, friends, and a few ardent activists keeping tabs on the situation.

Last month, Julio returned to his family, with the help of a dedicated immigration lawyer who took the case pro-bono and called the situation “harrowing and shameful”. Julio will likely have to return to his home country, along with his family, to keep from being detained again but, while he is still stateside, we took the time to interview him about his experience in captivity.

“It was like no prison I’d ever seen before,” Martinez told us, holding his daughter who refused to let him go, “Wall to wall beds inside of cages. Small, cramped, many of us slept on the floor, next to toilets. We had one meal a day—a single turkey sandwich with juice and an apple. The apple was always bad, half rotted.”

He asked his wife to come into the room and take their daughter away for the next part.

“Many of the guards, they hurt the guys there. They beat them, they raped them, they encouraged us to all do the same and gang up on the guys who they didn’t like. The rest of the guards? They’d ignore you. Act like you weren’t there. I felt invisible, like I was losing my mind. I tried to only think about my family to get me through it, how much I love them.”

Martinez was grateful to get the chance to be with them again and escape the internment camp but he has regrets as well and, despite it all, love for the United States.

“I wanted to make my life here—it’s the greatest country in the world. And I wish I could stay or, maybe one day come back…I feel for those guys still in the prison. I hope they get to leave too. I hope it gets shut down.”

[Redacted] Steals Second Term

November 4, 2020

Article by: Jeremiah Waters

Here we are again.

It’s the day after the election, looking at the results, and fielding calls from crying friends and relatives who are hanging on by a mere thread at the news. Somehow, [Redacted] pulled the right states for another Electoral win and we’re left dealing with another four years of this madness.

Even after countless controversies; even after an impeachment.

We wish that we had some words of comfort to offer our readers in this time of immense grief and disappointment but what is there, really, to say? [Redacted] may not have won the popular vote but he did receive more votes, over all, than he did in his first election which comes as a shock and a terrible wake-up call to all of us.

How did more people vote for him? How is there still anyone left that is willfully following this criminal who has desecrated our democracy?

All we can say is to keep your communities alive and do not give up on each other. As always, we are stronger together. We will persevere.

Police State, USA

July 21, 2022

Article by: Jeremiah Waters

After Hurricane Hailey left nothing but flooded valleys and destroyed cities in it’s wake, what did President [Redacted] do to help the citizens of South Carolina? If you guessed, “send FEMA and other emergency aid to help evacuate and rebuild” then you would be dead wrong.

I’m tired of being surprised and yet I couldn’t quite believe it myself when I heard that [Redacted] is planning on leveling the entire state of South Carolina and building the largest expanse of police training facilities that the world has ever seen. Of course it won’t, really, be the entire state but the plans suggest an egregious amount of land that people have already begun to call Police State, USA.

Our hard earned taxpayer money is being used to fund this massive undertaking which will give police officers—not just from South Carolina but from all over the continental US—access to and training in military grade weaponry which they will, undoubtedly, use to a lethal degree.

And with a training period of two weeks and a starting pay of $65K annually, it is now easier and more lucrative to be a police officer than a teacher! Because that’s exactly what we need—more police to keep us in line and murder us when we disobey.

This country is a complete and total farce. It’s an oligarchy with King [Redacted] at the top and those who don’t bow down and lick his boots will be executed in the streets. Already, I watch my fellow black men get gunned down almost daily and with diminishing attention from the public as it becomes normal and expected or because the next new, insane stunt from [Redacted] takes up the news cycle and I expect, with this Police State, that things will only get worse for us.

Call your representatives, never let them sleep, protest this move as much as you can and try to use your voice before that, too, is taken from you.

Why Protecting Women in Sports Matters

January 1, 2024

Article by: Kevin Jones

Imagine you are Rachel White, that you’ve trained your whole life to be the fastest relay runner with the most efficient hand-off techniques and excellent teamwork, and just when you get your shot at making it to the Olympics, some man rushes up next to you and leaves you in the dust.

All of your hopes and dreams, instantly, shattered. No matter how hard you run, you simply can’t catch up and the tears start to well before you even get to hand off your baton. The second you do, you drop to your knees and shout to the heavens only to have the entire internet take that one moment, replay it over and over again, and call you a monster.

We sit down for an interview with Rachel White to discuss the viral moment and how it’s impacted both her career and her life as a mother. She sits with a discernible femininity, dressed in pastel colors and wearing a modest ensemble, her hair braided and pulled over one shoulder.

“I wasn’t thinking about my competitor being, you know, a transgender woman in that moment, White says, eyeing her fourth place trophy with a sigh, “I just thought that I’d lost everything I worked for. And I wondered…is this fair? I mean, I think Dana should be able to relay-run, for sure, but the fact of the matter is, she was born as a male. She’s still, I mean, you’ve seen her—she’s huge and her legs are…come on, I could never run like her and that’s just biology.”

We ask Rachel about the backlash she’s received from people online and she goes quiet, tears brimming in her eyes. “It’s just…people take one moment of weakness and they blow it out of proportion. They see me, mourning the loss of my only dream in life, and they call me transphobic? I don’t hate anyone—I just recognize the difference between men and women, that’s all. I mean, how long until women’s sports are just filled with biological men? Where can real women go?”

She cries to consider the future without stricter regulations and raises some valid, concerning points. The sanctity of women’s sports is in danger and there are many more victims besides just Rachel White of this new-age mentality that insists there is no distinction between the sexes.

No More Kings? Try President King

November 6, 2024

Article by: Kevin Jones

People doubted him but [Redacted] has done the impossible and won a third term for the first time in almost a hundred years! And his first order of business?

Out with the old, in with the new.

Along with a massive turn over in the administration, [Redacted] is also updating his own title to reflect himself more accurately to the rest of the world. Likely inspired by the constant whining on the left about his monarchist behaviors, [Redacted] has opted to appoint himself President King.

His golden reign will be remembered all through history as a triumph of the ages and anyone who disagrees will find themselves corrected or missing. All will fall in line. All will love [Redacted] and bitching won’t be tolerated. Our President King is the best leader this country has ever seen and he will steer us onto the righteous path.

Abortion Finally Defeated

April 3, 2025

Article by: Kevin Jones

After years of working toward this great success, we have finally seen the day where abortion is nationally outlawed! The overturning of Roe v Wade simply put the power into the states’ hands but that was only the first step. Now, with the President King’s gorgeous bill passing, the very act of even picking up a day-after pill will be met with a five year prison sentence.

That’s right! No abortion under any circumstances, even in the cases of incest or rape. The baby must be carried to term and miscarriages are to be investigated like any other death to be sure it’s not homicide. No longer can women whore around and then kill their own children with no repercussion.

God is surely smiling on this day; I know I am.

Farewell to Our Beloved President King; Hello President Murray

September 4, 2026

Article by: Kevin Jones

Today marks the passing of one of the greatest men to ever walk the face of the earth, President King [Redacted]. His legacy is a powerful one and we may never again see a leader that leaves such an incredible impact. While his family is mourning, they ask for total privacy and we, of course, respect that request.

Things must move on, however, and so we welcome our new President, left in charge by our ineffable President King—Erik Murray. I know we are in good hands with the tech genius CEO and social media influencer who has been a good friend and confidant to our late President King for years.

His promise to the nation, in this time of grief, is to look forward to the future while honoring the past and that his presidency will mark the beginning of a new era that is only made possible by [Redacted]’s many great achievements. We hope, then, to see even better days ahead.

Historic Child Protection Law Passes!

October 2, 2029

Article by: Kevin Jones

In spite of great pushback and a malignant campaign of misinformation, the Child Protection, Safety, and Rescue Act has passed. Now, all child abusers are subject to public execution within a month of their reported crime without right to due process or any legal counseling.

Offenses include but are not limited to: the rape of a child, speaking to a child about sexual acts, showing a child depictions of sexual acts, displaying sexual material in the vicinity of a child, allowing a child access to sexually explicit material, discussing variant sexual and gender identities with a child, presenting in public in a way that challenges sexual and gender norms where a child may be present, and grooming a child to believe there are more than one sex/gender/sexuality.

Hotlines are now open to report suspicious activity around children or in areas where children could be present, please do not hesitate to call in.

Wife Stores Coming Near You!

January 14, 2031

Article by: Kevin Jones

Single?

Unhappily married?

Or, perhaps, happily married but just need a more attractive woman for some work function?

Well, struggle no more—the world-changing Wife Store is no longer a thing of just New York and Los Angeles—stores are being rolled out in every major city across the country! Atlanta, Chicago, Denver, you name it! You don’t have to make a travel plan to be matched with your one true companion for life (or a piece of arm candy for the Christmas Gala, don’t tell the wife).

[Pictured above: a gif of a man holding a busty blonde woman at his side.]

Every woman is guaranteed to be free of sexually transmitted diseases and comes with a certification of wifely excellence—that is to say they’ve been taught how to cook and clean just about everything. Returns are accepted, no matter the down payment, and affordable renting options are available in most locations.

If you aren’t sure it’s for you, just stop by and see for yourself. Chase happiness and get yourself a REAL wife!

[Pictured below: A portrait of a small family from the 1900’s—the husband sits at the dining table with a little boy next to him while the wife, in a gingham apron, serves dinner.]

A Look at President Murray’s New Rocket Ship

May 10, 2037

Article by: Kevin Jones

For President Murray’s [Redacted] birthday, his closest friends unveiled a brand new, sick-ass rocket ship. While not yet capable of going to space, it boasts an unparalleled, sleek design of an all black, sort of shiny metal.

[Pictured above: The body of President Murray’s all black rocket ship reflecting light from the sun.]

Toward the bottom thrusters there are decals of all the President’s favorite childhood shows as well as some art that reflects his impeccable taste.

[Pictured above: The lower area of President Murray’s rocket where many white-lined decals are plastered. The art ranges from old adult cartoon shows—the crude but well-known designs catching the eye—to original pieces of art depicting naked women who are, mostly, embraced by tentacles but one is seemingly being bent over by a centaur.]

And the inside! It’s fit for a party as it’s complete with a full bar, a dance floor, and a karaoke machine.

[Pictured above: a red velvet interior with plush sofas, an elevated stage with flashing lights, and a large screen TV with the lyrics from an old Rock n’ Roll song scrolling past.]

How cool is that? President Murray, in response to the gift, said, “Don’t I have the best friends? Aren’t I the most sought after and beloved? If not, this rocket will make me so, ha ha. As soon as I get this thing to fly, my best friends and richest acquaintances will take a trip around the planet!”

Peace on Earth and Total Silence

December 3, 2040

Article by: Kevin Jones

Do you hear that, brother?

What’s that? No?

Well, I might know the reason why: Vocal Cord Removal Surgery or VCRS (but no one calls it that, you stupid idiot) [To the right: a gif of a man in a red hat slapping someone]

Just say: I got my girl THE surgery—people will know what you mean.

[Pictured below: a gif of someone nodding slowly while wiggling his eyebrows]

Now you can stop the nagging and bitching for good—once and for all! With a simple snip, you can take your woman’s voice away and don’t worry about the price! [To the right: a gif of dollar bills being counted] It’s actually covered by the government! Due to the initiative to give all little girls this revolutionary surgery, any adult woman is subject to a free trip under the knife as well.

Just make sure to bring proof that she belongs to you or the doctor may refuse!

[Pictured below: a gif of a man giving a thumbs up while his hair blows in the wind behind him.]

How To Discipline Your Woman

March 22, 2047

Article by: Tatum Champion (A.I. Provided by Uni-Tek)

Want to have better results with sex wife? Read more: see below words and achieve results!

I see, you reading this has [Redacted] type of wife at home with [Redacted], [Redacted], and [Redacted]. Got your attention? Well, I can see into your house and I can tell you—you need help!

First, address the problem: step one, is she listening? No. Wonder why? Women can stop listening for many reasons and with no vocal cords to speak to you, it is your job to figure out what her problem is. My guess? She seems [Redacted]—we can work with that!

Second, remind whose boss in charge: step two, say what you want her to do and use physical force if she keeps ignoring! In your case I think [Redacted] could use some [Redacted] and then a spanking! Women respond to a dominate figure so stay in control even when work has you [Redacted]!

Last, fix with sex: step three, hold her down and fuck her. It’s always a good strategy when all else fails just be careful with her [Redacted] and, for your sake, hold off on the [Redacted] until the issue has passed. Your girl seems to like her pussy stuffed anyway, right?

Go grab her and make her listen—don’t slip up or she’ll ERROR487%[email protected]

Reading Sucks!

October 9, 2053

Article by: Tatum Champion (A.I. Provided by Uni-Tek)

[Pictured first: a man grimacing and giving a thumbs down.]

[Pictured second: a man reading a book with a large red X over top.]

[Pictured third: a naked woman posing with her hands on her hips, smiling at the camera.]

[Pictured fourth: a man on top of that same woman, mid-coitus, with the focus being her upper half.]

[Embedded video: the man and woman having sex, in full, with an audio track overlaid which repeats “Reading won’t get you anywhere! Fuck reading!”]

You Cannot Hide

August 12, 2055

Article by: Deserndo Kund

Attention men of Earth, we are releasing an official statement in the most used language of your people across all news outlets that remain accessible to you. By now, you have seen what we are capable of and you have likely heard what it is that we want.

But, in case you have missed the news, here are the bulletin points:

We are the Nivero and we come from a distant star on the opposite end of what you call the Milky Way.

We encountered your peace offering in space which relayed your culture and your intentions for inter-solar and inter-galactic relationships. We especially liked the pictures of yourselves you included in the capsule.

For a decade, we watched you from a distance to get a better understanding of who you are currently.

We intervened when you should have been obliterated by a meteorite and we claimed your planet and your world leaders.

Our interests are narrow and we crave only the best of your kind as compensation for saving your planet and your species. CEO’s, politicians, and celebrities—we want all of them.

Once we have you, keep some things in mind: we expect submission and if you fight, we will retaliate.

There is no winning against us. Your technology is too primitive and your bodies too weak. In every possible scenario, we will win, and the harder you resist the harder we will conquer.

Yes, sexual desire is the root of our actions. We intend to capture you all—assigning at least one of you to each of us to be a living sex toy.

You will call us Master—NOT Bapho—and you will learn to respect us and submit.

Consider this message a courtesy and prepare yourself to be taken in by your new Masters. No matter where you hide, we will eventually find you.

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