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Cipher script
"When the Empire Chose the Wrong Century"(the fanfiction)
A crossover between Star Wars and Planet of the Apes (2011)
---
Year: 2016
Aboard the Imperial Star Destroyer Judicator...
An Imperial navigator frowned at the hyperspace computer.
"Captain... the coordinates seem... unusual."
Captain Varn folded his arms.
"Impossible. Lord Vader ordered us to secure a primitive world called Earth."
The navigator hesitated.
"There appear to be... multiple temporal anomalies."
"Ignore them."
"Sir?"
"I said ignore them."
The ship jumped to hyperspace.
...
It emerged over Earth.
Immediately, alarms blared.
"Captain..."
"The planet's technology level doesn't match the briefing."
"What do you mean?"
"There are satellites... but no planetary shield."
"No orbital defenses."
"No Republic."
"No Rebel Alliance."
The captain smiled.
"Excellent."
"An easy conquest."
---
The first landing craft descended...
Not into New York.
Not into London.
But into the forests outside San Francisco.
At exactly the worst possible moment.
---
Governor Breck's militia had surrounded Caesar and his ape army.
Automatic rifles were raised.
Apes roared.
Humans shouted.
Governor Breck pointed his pistol.
"This ends now!"
Caesar stood proudly.
"Apes..."
Before he could finish—
The sky split open.
Everyone looked up.
A massive wedge-shaped ship blocked out the sun.
Governor Breck blinked.
"...That's new."
---
Dozens of Imperial Lambda shuttles descended.
Stormtroopers marched out in perfect formation.
An Imperial officer activated a loudspeaker.
"Attention, inhabitants of Planet Designation: Earth."
"You are hereby annexed into the Galactic Empire."
Everyone stared.
Governor Breck slowly lowered his gun.
"...Excuse me?"
---
The officer looked around.
Humans.
Apes.
Burning vehicles.
"What... happened here?"
A stormtrooper quietly answered,
"Sir..."
"I don't think we interrupted a normal day."
---
Governor Breck immediately pointed at Caesar.
"Arrest those apes!"
Caesar pointed at Breck.
"Arrest him."
The Imperial officer sighed.
"I asked neither of you."
---
Suddenly...
One stormtrooper watched Caesar helping a frightened young ape.
Another saw humans dragging injured civilians away from the fighting.
Neither side looked like a galactic threat.
They looked like a civil war.
---
Then the officer received a transmission.
An Imperial analyst spoke.
"Sir."
"We've identified the date."
"...This isn't the future Earth from our database."
"What?"
"We have somehow traveled backward in time."
Silence.
"...How far?"
"...Several centuries."
The bridge crew collectively groaned.
---
Captain Varn pinched the bridge of his nose.
"So..."
"We invaded the wrong Earth."
"Yes, sir."
"And we did it because Navigation ignored a temporal warning."
"...Yes, sir."
---
Back on the surface...
Governor Breck tried negotiating.
"I represent humanity!"
Caesar replied,
"So do I."
The Imperial officer interrupted.
"No."
"You represent yourselves."
"You are one planet."
---
Maurice quietly asked Caesar,
"What are they?"
Caesar looked at the endless gray ships overhead.
"...Trouble."
---
Then something unexpected happened.
The Empire's xenobiologist reviewed footage of Caesar.
"He speaks."
"Uses sign language."
"Shows empathy."
"Organizes society."
The officer frowned.
"So..."
"The apes are a civilization."
"Correct."
"And the humans?"
"...Also a civilization."
"So this is an internal planetary conflict."
"...Yes."
The officer sighed.
"I hate diplomatic incidents."
---
Instead of opening fire...
The Empire established a temporary exclusion zone.
AT-AT walkers stood between both armies.
Stormtroopers confiscated everyone's weapons.
Governor Breck protested.
"You can't do this!"
An Imperial sergeant replied,
"We literally can."
---
Caesar watched as wounded humans and wounded apes were treated by Imperial medics alike.
He had expected monsters.
Instead...
They were strangely bureaucratic.
---
A day later, a shuttle arrived.
An exhausted Imperial engineer announced,
"We fixed the temporal calculations."
Captain Varn nodded.
"Excellent."
He looked at Earth below.
"This planet isn't the one we were ordered to conquer."
"So leave it."
---
Before departing, the captain approached Caesar.
"You fight for your people."
Caesar nodded.
"I do."
The captain looked toward Governor Breck.
"And you?"
Breck remained silent.
The captain shook his head.
"History will decide which of you deserved to win."
---
The Star Destroyers lifted into orbit.
One by one, they vanished into hyperspace.
The sky became quiet again.
---
Governor Breck slowly looked at Caesar.
Caesar looked back.
Neither spoke.
After witnessing a civilization that spanned an entire galaxy, their own conflict suddenly felt much smaller.
Maurice broke the silence.
"They came from the stars..."
Caesar nodded thoughtfully.
"And one day..."
"...our children may go there."
He looked upward as the last streaks of hyperspace faded.
"But first..."
He turned back toward his people.
"We must build a world worth leaving."
The End.
Fanfic: Fallout's Most Unexpected Ceasefire
The wasteland burned.
Outside the ruins of Hoover Dam, every major power had arrived.
The Caesar's Legion marched beneath crimson banners.
The New California Republic (NCR) formed disciplined firing lines.
The armies of New Vegas, led by the enigmatic Mr. House through his Securitrons, advanced in perfect formation.
The Brotherhood of Steel deployed Paladins in power armor.
The battered remnants of the Enclave emerged with advanced plasma weapons.
And, somehow...
The tiny but proud Republic of Dave had shown up with exactly twelve citizens and far more confidence than manpower.
Everyone was shouting.
"FOR THE LEGION!"
"FOR THE REPUBLIC!"
"FOR NEW VEGAS!"
"AD VICTORIAM!"
"FOR THE ENCLAVE!"
Dave raised his hunting rifle.
"...FOR... DAVE!"
The battle erupted.
Explosions.
Laser fire.
Bullets.
Power armor crashed into Legion veterans.
Securitrons launched missiles.
The Mojave shook.
---
Then...
A metal hatch burst open nearby.
"H-Hello...?"
Every gun stopped.
Standing in the middle of the battlefield was a teenage girl with messy black hair, wearing a faded hospital gown beneath an oversized jacket.
She blinked at the armies surrounding her.
"...Where am I?"
Nobody answered.
The girl looked around in confusion.
"I... I went to sleep because they said the cryogenic system would keep me safe..."
She rubbed her eyes.
"...What year is it?"
Silence.
---
An NCR Ranger lowered his rifle first.
"...Kid."
"How long were you asleep?"
"I... don't know."
"My parents said they'd wake me up after everything got better..."
Her voice became quieter.
"They promised."
She looked toward the ruined horizon.
"...They're not coming, are they?"
---
A Legion veteran looked away.
Even hardened slavers shifted uncomfortably.
---
The Brotherhood's Paladin quietly checked the cryopod.
"Power readings..."
"...Over two hundred years."
---
The Enclave scientist swallowed.
"...She's telling the truth."
---
The girl smiled weakly.
"I guess..."
"...I'm an orphan now."
---
No one fired.
Not a single shot.
---
President Dave removed his hat.
"Oh..."
"...That's rough."
---
One Legion centurion muttered,
"I've seen children lose families."
"...Never to time itself."
---
An NCR medic slowly approached.
"What's your name?"
The girl sniffled.
"...Knives."
"...Knives Chau."
---
A Securitron's speakers crackled.
"Emotional response... detected."
Even Mr. House, observing through cameras, remained silent.
---
Knives looked around nervously.
"Did..."
"...Did I do something wrong?"
The Brotherhood Elder removed his helmet.
"No."
"You've done nothing wrong."
---
She looked at the destroyed battlefield.
"Why are you all fighting?"
No one answered.
Because every answer suddenly sounded childish.
Territory.
Power.
Ideology.
Old grudges.
Compared to a girl who had literally slept through the end of the world...
None of it seemed important.
---
A Legion recruit quietly handed Knives his canteen.
She smiled.
"Thank you."
An NCR trooper gave her a blanket.
A Brotherhood scribe offered preserved food.
The Enclave doctor checked her pulse.
Dave awkwardly handed her a box of cram.
"It's... presidential."
---
Knives laughed.
It wasn't loud.
It wasn't dramatic.
Just a small, genuine laugh.
Somehow...
It echoed across the battlefield.
---
Finally, an NCR officer sighed.
"...Can we maybe stop shooting for one day?"
A Legion commander crossed his arms.
"...Agreed."
A Brotherhood knight nodded.
"Temporary ceasefire."
The Enclave commander reluctantly muttered,
"...Fine."
Dave grinned.
"I vote yes."
"Nobody asked," several people replied at once.
---
For the rest of the afternoon...
The six factions sat around a campfire.
They shared food.
Stories.
And awkward silence.
Knives listened as each group explained what the old world had become.
Sometimes she cried.
Sometimes she laughed.
Mostly...
She just appreciated that she wasn't alone anymore.
---
As the sun set over the Mojave, the guns remained silent.
No treaty had been signed.
No alliance had been forged.
Tomorrow, their conflicts might begin again.
But for one evening, the Legion, the NCR, New Vegas, the Brotherhood of Steel, the Enclave, and even the Republic of Dave agreed on one thing:
No child who had lost everything deserved to wake up to another war.
And for the first time in a long while, the wasteland felt just a little less lonely.
"The Tab That Should Never Have Been Opened"(fanfiction after all shit I face)
It started on a perfectly normal afternoon.
Lincoln Loud was browsing the internet.
"Hey, guys!" he called. "Someone made a fan page about us!"
Within seconds, all ten sisters crowded behind him.
"Oh, cool!" said Leni.
"I wonder if they drew me as a ninja," said Lynn.
Lisa adjusted her glasses. "The probability of harmless fan art is high."
Lincoln clicked.
The first few pictures were wholesome.
Family portraits.
Funny comics.
Holiday artwork.
Everyone smiled.
"Aww," said Lori. "That's sweet."
Then...
Lincoln accidentally clicked a folder labeled:
"More Fan Art (18,547 Images)"
"..."
The room became silent.
Five seconds later...
"...WHAT."
---
The first image loaded.
Luna slowly lowered her guitar.
"...Bruh."
Luan stopped laughing.
"I... don't even have a joke."
Lucy stared into the void.
"The darkness has new competition."
Lincoln frantically clicked Back.
Too late.
Another image appeared.
Then another.
Then another.
Each somehow worse than the last.
Lisa's eye twitched.
"My scientific vocabulary is... insufficient."
---
Lynn fainted.
Leni covered her eyes.
"C-can someone invent unseeing?"
Lola screamed.
"I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER OF THE INTERNET!"
Lana quietly whispered,
"...I miss mud."
---
Just then, Ronnie Anne walked in.
"What are you guys looking—"
She glanced at the monitor.
"..."
"...Nope."
She turned around and walked straight back out.
"I suddenly remembered I left the oven on."
"You don't even have anything in the oven!" Lincoln shouted.
"I DO NOW!"
---
Elsewhere...
Patrick Star somehow found the same website.
"Oh, fan art!"
Five minutes later...
Patrick stared blankly at the screen.
"...I don't think mayonnaise can fix this."
He slowly closed the laptop.
"...I'm going back under my rock."
---
Courage the Cowardly Dog peeked at the monitor.
His pupils shrank.
He screamed louder than ever before.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Muriel looked over.
"Oh, what's wrong?"
Courage immediately slammed the laptop shut.
"Nope."
He pointed at it with trembling paws.
Muriel wisely decided not to ask.
---
Meanwhile...
Professor Utonium received an email.
"See what the internet made of your creations!"
He smiled.
"How thoughtful."
Click.
...
He removed his glasses.
Cleaned them.
Looked again.
"..."
He quietly closed the laptop.
Then walked into the lab.
"Computer."
"Yes, Professor?"
"Delete the internet."
"I'm afraid that's impossible."
"I understand."
He sighed.
"It was worth asking."
---
Back at the Loud House...
Everyone sat in complete silence.
No one spoke for ten minutes.
Finally, Lincoln broke the silence.
"...Maybe the internet was a mistake."
Lisa nodded.
"For the first time in history, I have no counterargument."
Lucy looked toward the ceiling.
"The abyss looked into humanity...
...and requested therapy."
---
The next morning, a new house rule appeared on the refrigerator.
LOUD FAMILY RULE #492
Never search yourself online. Ever.
Even Lynn agreed.
Even Lola agreed.
Even Lisa agreed.
No one questioned it.
Some knowledge...
was never meant to be discovered.
The End.
The Man Who Chose a Family(a fanfiction)
The small countryside house sat on a hill surrounded by flowers.
Its owner was an elderly man with gray hair, a weathered face, and gentle eyes.
To the neighbors, he was simply Mr. Carl Connor, a retired widower who loved gardening, fixing broken radios, and feeding stray cats.
No one knew that, decades ago, he had been Conquest—once one of the most feared Viltrumites in existence.
After countless wars, endless bloodshed, and centuries of conquest, he had simply... walked away.
He disappeared into another universe, abandoned the Viltrum Empire, and decided to live as an ordinary man.
For the first time in his impossibly long life...
He felt lonely.
---
One rainy afternoon, he found a fiery blonde girl sitting at a bus stop.
Akita Neru hugged her knees.
"...Got nowhere to go?"
The old man asked gently.
She looked up suspiciously.
"What's it to you, old man?"
He simply smiled.
"I made stew."
"..."
"...What kind?"
"Beef."
"...Fine."
That was how Akita Neru became his first daughter.
---
A month later...
He visited a theme park.
A cheerful pink-haired girl bounced toward him.
"Hello!!"
Emu Otori somehow started talking to him after seeing him rescue a frightened child from a broken ride.
"You look lonely!"
"...Do I?"
"Mhm!"
She grinned.
"Then we're friends now!"
She practically adopted herself.
When she learned he lived alone, she declared,
"Nope! Families are supposed to laugh together!"
Soon enough...
She moved in.
---
The third daughter arrived from another world.
Haru Urara.
The eternally optimistic horse girl had gotten lost after chasing a butterfly through a dimensional portal.
"...Um..."
She bowed politely.
"I think I'm very, very lost."
Connor chuckled.
"I've been there."
After weeks of searching for a way home, they discovered the portal had become unstable.
Until it reopened...
She stayed.
Eventually...
She decided she wanted to stay permanently.
"I already have lots of friends."
She smiled warmly.
"But I only have one dad."
---
The fourth arrival literally crashed through the roof.
BOOM!
Metal debris scattered everywhere.
A robotic spider landed in the garden.
"Uh..."
A girl climbed out.
"...That wasn't supposed to happen."
Peni Parker looked around.
"...Definitely not New York."
Connor calmly handed her a cup of tea.
"You'll need this."
"...You're taking dimensional travel surprisingly well."
"I've seen stranger."
After repairing SP//dr together over several months, Connor officially adopted her too.
---
Life became peaceful.
Every morning...
Neru argued with Peni over who got the bathroom first.
Emu somehow convinced everyone breakfast tasted better if they shouted "Wonderhoy!"
Haru always helped water the flowers.
Connor quietly watched from the porch.
Smiling.
---
"Dad!"
Emu waved.
"Come play!"
"I've got old bones."
"You can still play!"
She grabbed his hand.
He laughed.
A genuine laugh.
One he hadn't made in centuries.
---
One evening...
The girls found an old locked chest.
Inside...
Was a battered Viltrumite uniform.
A cracked insignia.
And photographs of destroyed worlds.
Neru frowned.
"Dad..."
"...Who were you?"
Silence.
Connor sat down.
"I wasn't a good man."
The room became quiet.
"I conquered planets."
"I destroyed families."
"I believed strength was the only thing that mattered."
Peni looked horrified.
"You... really?"
He nodded.
"I cannot undo what I did."
"I can only choose who I become."
Haru slowly walked over.
"So..."
"...You're not that person anymore."
"No."
Connor looked at his hands.
"I buried him a long time ago."
Emu smiled.
"Good."
"...Because our dad is the nice old man who makes pancakes."
Everyone stared.
"...That's your conclusion?"
She nodded enthusiastically.
"Mhm!"
Neru rolled her eyes.
"...She's got a point."
Peni crossed her arms.
"If you were still that guy..."
"...you wouldn't have spent three hours helping me fix a servo."
Connor lowered his head.
"...Thank you."
---
Years passed.
The flowers bloomed every spring.
The house was always noisy.
Arguments over chores.
Movie nights.
Birthday parties.
School events.
Warm family dinners.
Connor sometimes caught himself smiling without realizing it.
One day, while sitting on the porch, he looked at the sunset.
"I spent centuries taking worlds..."
He glanced back through the window, where his daughters were laughing together.
"...and all I ever wanted..."
"...was a home."
From inside came Emu's voice.
"Daaad! Dinner's getting cold!"
Connor stood with a soft chuckle.
"I'm coming."
The former conqueror of worlds closed the door behind him—not on his past, but on a future he had finally earned.
The End.
Me and the homie: Accidentally shoot a random guy while time traveling to 1914.
Return to the present.
News: "The 20th century was surprisingly peaceful."
Us: "Wait... who did we just shoot?"
Realization: 💀 It was the man who would have assassinated Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
POV: Your friend starts dating the goth tomboy everyone had a crush on.
The group chat: 🎉👏 "Congratulations, you lucky bastard."
Things you probably shouldn't bring up in the middle of a heated political discussion:
"So... what do you think about Western Sahara?" 💀
The entire club after hearing Grok got shut down:
🎉🥳🎊 Everyone starts celebrating.
Me: Trying to figure out why the author wrote the Voynich Manuscript.
Also me: "Wait... why can't anyone read it?"
Me: Sees a tornado hit my hometown.
Also me: Currently on vacation hundreds of miles away.
"Well... that was close." 😅
Me and my buddy on the front lines:
"Wait... isn't our commander-in-chief the same president who pardoned those criminals a few years ago?"
Both of us: 👀
Unreal Engine: Sees Unity and Construct walk in.
"Finally... worthy competitors." 🎮
Me: Enters the "Most Hated Writer" contest.
Opponent: The creator of a notoriously controversial pornographic comic.
Me: "Yeah... I'm not winning this one." 💀
Me: Clicks the video link my friend sent.
Video title: Boku no Pico
Me: "..."
🎵 "Little Girls" by Oingo Boingo starts playing. 💀
Me: Naming my Kahoot account.
Teacher: "Who is... Osvaldo Muscly?"
Class trying not to laugh.
Teacher: "And... Osuna Pin Letting?"
Whole class: 💀
Me and the gang: Going to the school bathroom after class.
Hears someone screaming.
Then remembers: "This school has a dark history from years ago..."
👀
When you wake up at 5 A.M. but remember it's 1911 and you're living through the Mexican Revolution.
😐➡️💀
Racism Difficulty Settings:
🟢 Easy: Edgy teenagers trying too hard.
🟡 Normal: Anonymous comment sections.
🔴 Hard: Colonial empires justifying conquest.
☠️ Nightmare: 4chan threads at 3 A.M.