...“Yeah well, I’m sorry for not wanting to throw in the towel just yet.”
Adam glared at him incredulously for a moment, holding back a growl of frustration.
“Takashi...you wouldn’t be giving up by staying here! You’d be preserving your strength and your life. I never doubted that you could pilot a spacecraft, or that you could complete a mission. All I’m asking you to do is stay, for your health.” You’re not acting like yourself babe. And I know you don’t want to hear this right now but that’s too fucking bad. The rational version of Takashi wouldn’t rush off to space knowing that it could decrease his life span! This isn’t the way to defy death. We can only live this life and take care of ourselves until the inevitable!” His voice was thick with anger. “Why would you want to decrease the time you have left?”
When Shiro didn’t answer him, he continued.
“And what's worse is you’re so blinded by ambition that you can’t see that two of the most important people in your life want to spend as much time with you as possible. We care about you more than you do! You don’t see that?”
Shiro stared back at him, still unable to think of a reply. He knew Adam was making more sense than he was right now.
“You know what? I have a class to teach. Get your priorities in check Shirogane.”
He snatched up his keys and messenger bag and roughly shut the door before Shiro could say anything else.
Adam didn’t want to leave their conversation on such a sour note, but he didn’t think he could take any more stress. The truth is, ever since Takashi had been hinting that he wanted to aid in the research on Kerberos, he’d been worrying. Between the doctors appointments he attended with his fiancé, and thinking about the amount of time Shiro would be gone on a mission without immediate access to medical assistance, Adam was ready to pull his hair out. He knew their relationship wouldn’t be easy, but lately it seemed they were butting heads more. After work many hours later, he went for a walk around the Garrison headquarters to clear his head.
Shiro was waiting up for him when he returned home, but Adam didn’t feel like talking. He went straight into the kitchen to wash his hands and prepare dinner, putting on his favorite classical music to relax; seeing his fiancé caused him to become irritated all over again. Just as he was taking a head of cabbage out of the refrigerator, Takashi entered the kitchen, leaning against the doorway cautiously.
“No offense Takashi but I don’t feel like talking right now.”
“I know you’re still mad.”
“No, I’m not,” Adam lied, starting to chop red cabbage with terrifying speed. He walked to the stove and turned a burner on to sauté some garlic that was already chopped.
“You don’t even have to say anything. I just want to apologize for my behavior earlier. Adam, please?”
Adam sighed and turned the burner off, moving the pan to an unoccupied burner. He turned around with his arms crossed. Shiro hated when Adam looked at him like that, but he deserved it.
“Adam...I’m sorry. I know I was being an inconsiderate ass not only towards you and Keith, but to myself. He stepped closer to him and gently peeled Adam’s arms from around himself, sliding his hands downward to hook their hands together. The fact that Adam let him do this was a good sign, so he got closer to him. “Please look at me babe.”
“You were right. About everything, and I’m sorry for making you feel as if your feelings on the issue didn’t matter. You’re more important to me than any stupid scientific discovery.”
He cupped Adam’s face as tears rolled down his cheeks.
“I guess the truth of the matter is...I don’t want to give up the life that I love. I feel like I could do so much more in life. The fear of dying is overwhelming. I don’t want to accept it, but I also know that time is precious. It hurts to know that we won't be together as long as I hoped, and I guess that’s part of the reason why I wanted to leave. That maybe it’d be easier if we grew apart...It’s stupid, I know.”
“You really think I’d get over you in two years, if at all?” Adam said, raising an eyebrow. “Takashi, don't make me smack you.”
The two chuckled despite their mood.
“I know I've messed up and hurt you unintentionally, but I hope you can forgive me in time. You and Keith.” He offered him a small smile.
“Takashi, yurushite ageru.” Adam replied, returning the smile. “I still want to marry you, by the way. We just need to take it one day at a time. Promise me something ‘Kashi. Can you promise me that you’ll try to value yourself more? You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Don't give up hope and keep fighting. You never know what medical innovation might come around that could improve your condition. And stop denying yourself love. I said I’ll be with you until the end and I meant that. Aishitemasu.”
Takashi blinked back tears, resting his forehead against Adam’s. “I love you too,” he whispered. “Hopefully the doctors can cure my stupidity.”
Adam cackled at the dark humor, regarding him with disapproval. “You’re a hopeless case. Come help me with dinner, Shirogane.”
