Sometimes you do things... @jacobdoes - Tumblr Blog

Am I a sociopath?

In the amount of time I’ve spent the last two years on this earth, I’ve come to terms with one thing: I’m a sociopath.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a decent person. I care about my dog. I walk him everyday and I love him. He comes with me to work almost daily which is a really fun perk to my job. He’s around me every waking day.

But nowadays, I have a moderately successful podcast about beer here in San Diego. The numbers are good! People listen.

What comes with that is a networking system with a thousand people I don’t really know and they know me. Well, protection comes with that.

I was having drinks with a coworker a couple months ago and I told her aside from five people I care about on one hand, I’m a total sociopath.

She said “yeah, you are”.

To me, this means in my life, I care about basically five people in my life and no one else.

Youre having a bad day? Cool, I need to focus on me.

You broke up with your boy/girlfriend? Still, my life is more important.

But if you fuck with a/b/c person in my life, I’ll fucking stab you.

And in the end, all I think this is is family. It’s good care about a few folks. It’s good to love the stable few in your life. And if people look at me as someone that’s their own for that, I think that’s ok.

The point is labels don’t matter. People can think of me as they will. It doesn’t change the fact that I care about the few I do. They deserve this much energy. Others don’t.

Vibes.

Things abound.

So, I posted a picture of myself with a girl yesterday. Her name is Nicole, and she is who was referred to as “35″.

We had a really good day at Disneyland, our fourth date. We were having fun and uncomfortable laughs at the beginning of the day to calling each other “babe” by the end of the night.

Needless to say, I like her. But unlike my past actions, I’m not getting overly fired up, trying to fall in love immediately or some such nonsense. I sense she thinks I’m “good for the here and now” and not so much as trying hard right away. And that’s fine. I’m not ready for anything crazy either.

This thing isn’t exclusive. I’m still dating until it is. But I do like her, theres a shift in my consciousness for sure in her general direction.

But she’s come up enough to be a person with a name and to be included in my narrative. So yeah, that’s who this person is. She’s a hairdresser that works literally two doors from one of the bars I work at, and is so sarcastic I said “I hate you” several times to her to which she responds always “No, you LIIIIIIKE me!” then kiss my nose.

Anyway, more to come!

Cinco de mayo!

Disneyland was awesome. #disneylanddivas (at Disneyland)

#disneylanddivas

A reminder that all up in the snaps. It's basically my daily adventure video blog. Jacobdoesthings get me.

Girl another girl another girl then hip hop.

Saturday is here and I get to work from 11am until 2am. YAAAAAY! I’ve also gotten about 5 hours of sleep. Anyways, here’s what’s up:

- I’m going to Disneyland with 35 on Wednesday. Not sure what an all day date is supposed to be like. Especially when it’s the fourth date and we aren’t out drinking and eating. This should be a test, but I kind of like her. She’s pushed up in my head and this could be a thing. I don’t know, we’ll see.

- Meanwhile, 24 went up to LA for her final interview for that Colorado job. In that time, I was asked to go by her apartment and walk her dogs. I did gladly. I love her dogs and unfortunately she has my heart at this point.

- I got a text from my old flower provider that it’s my exes birthday coming up and I should send her flowers. In the past, if this came up it would put me into a spiral and I would drink for like 3 days and be miserable. Right now, nothing of the sort is happening and I remain largely unaffected. Move.Ing.On.

- Just got into Run the Jewels. I can NOT stop listening to them at all. It’s occupied my consciousness for the last couple days. I know they’ve been around for a couple years and I’m kicking myself for missing this.

Here’s some shit by them, enjoy.

Sometimes I just sit on a brewery floor to drink beers because fuck you I'm an adult. #craftbeerjunkie (at Socitie Brewery)

#craftbeerjunkie

Truths

- Moving, and found a place. I got a nice studio in the gay district of San Diego. My part corgi and I are going to be fabulous as FUCK!

- One of our bartenders at one of the bars I work at is a bad alcoholic. Like, bad. He was on the wagon for the year, but recently got in trouble for getting intox on the job. The owner, being a good soul, gave him another shot. He got cut on Saturday from his 3-8 shift at 4pm because he was fucked up. Bummer, nice guy too. BUT that’s not stopping me from picking off the bones of his shifts that he left like a vulture. $$$$$$$$$$

- I watched a documentary on honor killing yesterday. It’s basically when you are a woman in Islam, and you shame your family, your family then kills you. A 19 year old girl snuck off and married a person her family deemed a “lower status” and her uncle and dad took her to a river, shot her in the face, and tossed her in the water. She survived. Hate that part of the culture.

- That was a super uplifting bullet point.

- I’m very happy these days.

- I sent 24 a text saying I don’t want commitment and she would be well off having extracurricular fun with me because I’m way too experienced. She responded in kind this was a good idea.

- One of my good friends told me to be true to myself, say what I feel, and deny myself nothing. I’ve tried it over the last week and it works well.

As I type here and see the same royal blue window with the same font I’ve come to know for years, I’ve realized this place has a lot of memories for me. The only reason I came here in the first place was for a girl. Her name was Danielle, her screen name was blueyesbrunet and thefemmenoir.

I was quite smitten with her. Things got heated with us. We loved each other very much.

Later I would meet the last two of my long term relationships here. It’s a weird thing being devoted to putting out your thoughts and have people respond.

All the things have changed, but this dumb box and font still remain consistent.

#toilets

I've come to an age where I'm happier with a confident "I don't know, who cares?" over a shaky "Yes".

Quotes then moving then sandbags then summer.

I’ve been writing along on my novel for a few months and have been easily distracted by wares of the world and girls and outings.

I was thinking today about how I want the very start to be. In my head, I’ve always followed Stephen King’s examples of using pop music to start your books with. Considering the fact that my book is about a man who meets girl, loses girl, that travels to the depths of time and space just to find girl only to find out he’s the monster she’s been running from the whole time (SPOILER ALERT), I felt like going with the following two to kick off:

“You say you're looking for someone Who'll pick you up each time you fall To gather flowers constantly An' to come each time you call A lover for your life an' nothing more But it ain't me, babe”

- It Ain’t Me Babe by Bob Dylan

“I'm gonna walk right down that road and never return”

- Walk In The Sun by The Turtles

I think this is a good way to kick off a book.

---------------------------------------------------

Today I found out my roommates are moving to Bend, Oregon. This wouldn’t be a problem normally but the house that I live in belongs to one of their fathers. This puts me on a collision course with a June 1st move out date.

5 weeks.

Whilst I had a boatload of money last month, my funds have shrunk to a menial 200 bucks with now a boatload of credit. This is mainly from dating and my constant tendency to be a gentleman and pay for everything. This makes it so within three weeks I should have a deposit. This feat seems very hard. And usually while my stress level would be way keyed up, I’m pretty sure I can make this up in time for the moving date.

So again, I will have an apartment in the urban parts of my city like I did this time last year. Just me and my dog.

This makes a lot of things crash and burn as far as a social life, but I’ll just make it up with the multitude of books I have left unread, gym, and writing. Hopefully for cheap, I can come out on top with more fun stuff I’ve done by myself.

------------------------------------------------

I’m tired.

It turns out that when I went out with 24 yesterday when she warned me that her one dog eats too much sand when at the beach, this was a fact.

The little fucker ate about 2 lbs of sand.

This in turn made it so the furry sandbag would have to go to the vet last night at about 2 am.

How does this affect me?

Well, when I’m sober, my sleep patterns are as erratic as my weight. This made it to long video conversations over snapchat as I talked down her stress and phobia that she isn’t adulting well at all. This, in turn, lead to at 6 pm the little fella coming home from about $1500 worth of enemas, me looking like a good person for caring for both, and covering her shift at work because she couldn’t make it because of all of this.

I’m a fucking saint/doormat.

---------------------------------------------

Ok, that’s about it. I’m going to hang out with my dog and drink a beer before bed and watch (500) Days of Summer. Because that’s what a man does.

I’ve been on a loop of The Turtles the last 12 hours. Sometimes those early 60s years of music feels much more relatable when it comes to the baser emotions of humans.

Anyway, great cover.

"Jake...?"

I was sitting on the beach under an umbrella with the dogs and 24 was sitting right next to me in a chair. It was a beautiful day in San Diego. Yeah? Silence. Laura, did you call me? The music was loud so there's a fair chance I was just hearing things. "Yeah. We need to talk about some things". I got off the blanket and grabbed my drink and stood up. What's up, darlin? "Don't tell anyone we work with but I've been interviewing with [some company I can't remember or know] and I may have a second interview next month. It's a sales rep job and very good pay, the car the iPad, the whole bit. But if I took the job, I'd have to relocate to Colorado." Oh... "You're the hardest person to tell about it and as I sit here and look at the ocean with you I felt like I had to tell you. It's been too nice today and I felt like I had to" When would you leave if you get this job "June. And now I wonder if I should take it at this moment". I think you should take it. "Do you really? Like are you ok if I did?" No, but if it makes you happy, I want you to do whatever you want. "That's a lie and you know it. That's the only reason I haven't been pursuing this deeper. I don't want to hurt you if I go." No. Even if we're friends, I want you to be happy. Would this go deeper if you stayed? "Probably". And that's where the pain comes in.

I’ve been listening to this song way too much lately and I’m not even a huge Chevelle fan.

#Chevelle

Sick thoughts. I have SICK THOUGHTS

As I progress in age, I have lost ALL fucks about the Coachella Valley Music Festival. The first five years I went, I was very pleased with the independent concept of the festival. I bought tickets when I saw a 1999 Rolling Stones article that basically said “This company, Goldenvoice, is going to do something amazing in a Southern California desert. It was great, I bought 2 day tickets for about 120 bucks. Saw Tool, Moby, Rage Against the Machine, Ben Harper. I could walk from one tent where B-boys were breakdancing while Mix Master Mike spun, to a tent where Underworld were big beating to a bunch of kids on X.

It was free. It was new. It was amazing.

I went subsequently after that and enjoyed every single year. It was a pilgrimage of sorts and a holiday. Like seeing old family.

Then these nerdy dumb shits with tiny bikinis and beaded faces came and ruined EVERYTHING. Suddenly, you were seeing articles about how the these teen celebrities were showing up to Coachella and not about how Morrissey was. “Lindsey Lohan dropped in to watch...who’s Radiohead again...?”

Since those days, the plus side is that I get to have bleed over from the event of the bands I love here in San Diego. I saw CHVRCHES last week, woke up groggy and hungover from the Foals show last night, and am drinking liquids in preparation for Silversun Pickups.

It’s too bad you missed Coachella. It was awesome.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I had two lunch dates today. That’s right, I had the caloric intake for a year for a starving African just to go on on a date.

The first was of course the 24 year old. We ate, lazily laid around on the couch for the day, and laughed at vines. The next was bloodies with a 35 year old that just entered the arena. I like her! She’s my age and is a sarcastic dick. I think we will get along fine. We just had a second breakfast for me and bloodies. Now, I’m at work at the brewery. All and all, it’s been a good day.

The underlying issue is...I just care about the young one too much. Oh well I guess I’ll sort it out eventually. I have zero emotional investment so far, I can’t get hurt either way.

For shits and giggles I may share what the 24 year old looks like because I’m bored.

Anyways, toodles bitches.

#Coachellas overrated

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Sometimes you do things...