Title: 13 Reasons Why I've always had the idea of dying. The past few years, I'm just waiting to die. Because it gives me the illusion that if I ever kill myself, maybe people would cry over me. They would feel sorry about me. They would regret forgetting about me. I thought this action justify me from all the accusations that made people left me. I imagine writing all of the things they thought I did and made them leave me. I imagine writing my hate for leaving me for the things I partially did or maybe I never did. I imagine writing their names before I do it so they'd realize how much I love them and that I love them to death. To prevent this, I tell my friends that I want to die. They say I'm just being emotional. So stress. So stress. So stressed the past few months I've gained a lot of weight. I stopped talking to people. And I'm starting to dream. Dream of being happy again. Dream of having a husband, child/children. Loving people again liked I used to. I just decided to live life again chasing my dreams, seeking God, hoping that someday, everything that I've lost will be replaced by the best things that God has yet to offer. I'm not saying that I'm fully okay now. I still have the a little attachment to death but I've realized that I can make everything beautiful in this lonely room where I am right now. I've realized that it's better to cut people who intoxicate you than cutting your own life in this amazing, beautiful, beautiful world. It makes me speechless how beautiful the world is. Thank God.
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