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@jade-rps
A Blush as Red as a Rose
((Your SO is great at making up little entertaining Jartemis stories for you XD I have this vague recollection of having read another one at some point? I think it was in your main blog.))
[[ Indeed he is, I wish that I was as brilliant as he is. XD
Do you mean this one? ]]
((Yes! That’s the one : D Thanks for digging it up~))
A Blush as Red as a Rose
One day, Artemis Entreri happened upon a beautiful plant. Its luscious green leaves, gracefully arcing stems and brilliantly-colored blossoms stole his heart completely. The assassin fell thoroughly in love with it.
Jarlaxle was rather sad about this development. However, as the drow cared deeply about his human friend’s happiness, he secretly had all sorts of beneficial spells cast upon the plant, ranging from protective ones to ones that enhanced the plant’s growth. Additionally, the mercenary replaced the normal fertilizer that Artemis was feeding to the plant with the most premier fertilizer that any man, elf, dwarf, dragon, ooze or any manner of beasties above or below the surface of Faerûn could get his/her/their/its appendages upon.
Artemis was quite happy with tending to his beloved plant. He greatly enjoyed watering it, pruning it and watching it flourish. Under his attentions (with Jarlaxle’s hidden assistance), the plant grew huge, its primary stem becoming a trunk and the offshoots becoming branches. However, the smitten man was also growing weak. The ever-perceptive Jarlaxle noticed his friend’s deterioration right away, but when he brought it to Artemis’ attention, the assassin would dismiss it as his spending too much time doting on his plant and not enough time sleeping. However, the world-wise mercenary knew better, and after some investigation, he discovered that Artemis was allergic to the plant. As much as he loathed taking away the source of so some much joy for his dear friend, the drow felt beholden to ensure the human’s well-being.
One day, when Artemis left the plant’s side, Jarlaxle had his agents thoroughly destroy it. His minions hacked the plant apart, sundering the trunks, ripping the leaves and tearing apart the flowers. They then proceeded to set the pieces on fire. However, Artemis, never away from that which he loved most for too long, returned before its murder was complete, and grew enraged at Jarlaxle. He drove the mercenary leader and his underlings away, then was left alone with the remains of his beloved.
Artemis spent many hours kneeling in the charred remnants of the once-glorious plant, breathing in the air that was laden with its ash. His grief was absolute. Swearing revenge, the assassin picked up the largest piece of what was left of the hacked-apart trunk and fashioned a pointed stick from it. He knew that Jarlaxle, though prepared for every imaginable great danger, suffered from the flaw of not preparing himself against small dangers. After all, he needed not be, for any whom would dare engage the skilled drow in combat would surely bring only the sharpest blades and the most potent of magicks. Surely no one would be so foolish as to pick a fight with Jarlaxle wielding nothing but a pointy stick.
However, attacking Jarlaxle with nothing but a pointy stick, one fashioned from the remains of his beloved plant, was exactly what Artemis Entreri did. Unfortunately, his body had weakened even further, his allergy ravaging his health and sapping all of his strength. Before he could so much as thrust his pointy stick at the mercenary, the assassin fell, collapsing at his opponent’s feet and drew his last breaths. His weapon clattered free of his limp fingertips. The drow let out an anguished cry and fell to his knees next to the corpse of his dear friend. Seizing the pointy stick, Jarlaxle drove it into his own heart, completing the task that Artemis had set out to perform, whilst the unknowing assassin’s cheeks flushed virulently red, the plant’s poison creating the response that the man would never have expressed.
The End.
[[ Is your brain full of WTF after reading this?
If so, good, mission accomplished.
This is a crack fic that was the brainchild of the significant other whom originally came up with it to entertain me. I decided that it was too horribad to not preserve for posterity. <3
No, I haven’t been spending all of my free time working on this crap. -_- ]]
((Your SO is great at making up little entertaining Jartemis stories for you XD I have this vague recollection of having read another one at some point? I think it was in your main blog.))
((I want to let you love me, but I don't want any of the prices and I especially don't want to take them from someone else who might actually want them D: Can you just wrap some of your love into a package and put a pretty bow on it and send that to me via imaginary mail?))
[[ D: I’m sorry that my prizes are so lame, I wish I could do something actual for you though. m(_ _)m
But I can’t even send you imaginary mail of love because I don’t know who you are and I don’t wanna be loving random anonymous people. :O ]]
((I actually didn’t mean to go anon, I just sort of reflexively did so OTL I’m sorry! Can we just be distressed about this together, you flail to the right and I’ll take the left? Your prizes aren’t laaaame D: I just don’t need them. 1) I literally can’t play Assassin’s Creed, I get motion sickness from games that follow the characters like that. 2) I don’t need the fancy mouse, I just got a mouse as a Christmas present (and it’s expensive to send stuff all the way out here anyway). 3) Your drawings are very nice, but I’m not gonna enter a thingy where I only want one of the three prices and then hope that the particular one just so happens to land on me. Plus I can draw myself, I may as well let someone who can’t draw have it. *flails*))
[[ You actually bring up a point that others have caused me to think about already. When I first thought up the contest, I figured that people wouldn’t be all that interested in my art, since I don’t produce a lot of it and even fewer amongst what I do make are actual finished pieces, so I don’t know that I give folks a good idea of what they’d be getting. Furthermore, I’ve had no formal training ever so I’ve never considered myself a real artist. XD
So I wanted to have things that I thought would be more interesting to my followers, but of those that I’ve talked to, they actually seem more interested in my art than the other prizes. :O While I only have one game key and one brand new mouse to give away, I could produce more than one custom art, so I suppose if the three winners all want that, they can all have that. Do you think that that’s a better idea? ]]
((Yes, I think that would be a good idea. Though be aware that you'll very likely end up doing three pictures and not get to give the other prizes for anyone :D Cos while they're nice for anyone who doesn't have my issues, a custom art piece is just more desirable of a prize.))
((I want to let you love me, but I don't want any of the prices and I especially don't want to take them from someone else who might actually want them D: Can you just wrap some of your love into a package and put a pretty bow on it and send that to me via imaginary mail?))
[[ D: I’m sorry that my prizes are so lame, I wish I could do something actual for you though. m(_ _)m
But I can’t even send you imaginary mail of love because I don’t know who you are and I don’t wanna be loving random anonymous people. :O ]]
((I actually didn't mean to go anon, I just sort of reflexively did so OTL I'm sorry! Can we just be distressed about this together, you flail to the right and I'll take the left? Your prizes aren't laaaame D: I just don't need them. 1) I literally can't play Assassin's Creed, I get motion sickness from games that follow the characters like that. 2) I don't need the fancy mouse, I just got a mouse as a Christmas present (and it's expensive to send stuff all the way out here anyway). 3) Your drawings are very nice, but I'm not gonna enter a thingy where I only want one of the three prices and then hope that the particular one just so happens to land on me. Plus I can draw myself, I may as well let someone who can't draw have it. *flails*))
Blog is still alive, just a bit lurk-y
((I just thought I'd mention my being alive. Not that my alive-ness or not-alive-ness makes a whole lot of difference around this place, other than that time during the Neverwinter Ball and a few sneaky asks I've sometimes tossed at people. But anyway, luuuuuurking and occasionally maybe considering playing with someone but then being too shy to really do it :D Hmm, well... that Raistlin opener is still open if anyone wants it. And you're always free to initiate stuff with me or toss one of my random muses an ask. But don't feel guilty about not doing any of that, I actually don't have any expectations whatsoever. That's for more active blogs. I think that's about all I meant to say here for now. *slinks back into the darkness to lurk moar*))
That Strange Wizard (Open)
It was closer to evening during a partly cloudy yet warm day. A red robed young man was sitting in a local library with piles of books stacked around him, a few of them open and some of them cast aside as either worthless or already finished. Besides the books the table was sporting an empty teacup and an inkwell, and leaning against the table was a wooden staff that had a replica of a golden dragon claw on the top that clutched a pale blue crystal orb. The library personnel made sure to avoid going into this corner of the building, not wanting to disturb the studious wizard, or to be the one to discover his corpse in the event that he happened to die from his worrisome coughing fits. Either way, this part of the library was deserted sans this one person. Raistlin's hourglass shaped pupils scanned the page he was currently reading, and his eerily golden skinned hand that was holding a quill moved over to his notebook to write down the piece of information that he found to be worth making a note of. His handwriting was neat and clear, but illegible to anyone other than him, as far as he knew. After all, it was in a language that no-one in this realm should understand. He was not from this realm, but was stuck in it anyway. He sighed and ran his fingers through his long white hair, closing his eyes momentarily. He had been here all day again and was planning to do the same tomorrow, but he had to admit that it was taking a toll on him. He kept forgetting to eat when he was busy studying so he was feeling a little faint again, much to his annoyance. If only Caramon was here to sneak him some food when he thought the brother wasn't looking... Raistlin grimaced and almost growled out loud. He did /not/ just wish Caramon to be here. Hadn't he decided to separate himself from the idiot right before the stupid accident that took him here? He had no business hoping for his brother's presence now. It was foolish and just made him feel worse about everything. “I'm definitely getting exhausted and delirious...”, he muttered.
Add your alignment:
Drackomancer: Chaotic Neutral Livvy: Chaotic Neutral Auragongal (Legode mun): True Neutral Libs (Adalyn mun): Neutral Good RedKnightRabbit (Cinekinamun): Chaotic Neutral Mids (Earawen-mun): Chaotic Whimsy Sno4wy (entreri-artemis): Neutral Evil with Good tendencies Jadeile (Raistlin Minsc random mun): Chaotic Neutral with good tendencies
Jade writes a long post
Meal time, Boo!
Minsc gave Legode a wide grin, beyond happy to hear of other people who had heard of Boo’s species.
“Boo is special! He used to be a normal giant space hamster but he got miniaturized to this size”, he explained, “He doesn’t want to talk about it so I do not know exactly what happened. It must have been tragic, but the good thing is that it brought the two of us together!” Boo kept nibbling on his biscuit, not seeming to care about the conversation. Minsc looked at the elf curiously. “Oh, you have little ones? How many?” he asked. He munched on his food while listening.
"Three." Legode said, "The twins, Killik and Emeraude, and my youngest Kalandyn. My older son, Killik… well, he’s a bit of a handful and tends to get into trouble sometimes… but, he does his best to behave despite all of that." Thinking about the fey’ri gave Legode a slight headache, though she loved her son, she had to admit that sometimes the trouble he’d get into would be caused by a spirit that decided to bother him that day.
Minsc smiled brightly. “Sounds like fun! Troublemakers make the best adventurers when they grow up”, he said, nodding sagely, “At least if they learn to use a sword first. Does Killik know how to use a sword? Perhaps Minsc should visit sometime to teach him how real warriors fight!”
Reblog if you don't mind RPing ships without smut
Meal time, Boo! (open)
Minsc watched Boo for a little while longer to make sure he behaved. Boo just wiggled around Minsc’s pocket for a moment, then emerged again with his cheeks normal sized again. Obviously he had emptied his hoard into the bottom of the pocket. Satisfied for now, Boo held up a biscuit of some sort and started eating.
Minsc smiled, then looked at the newly introduced elf. “My name is Minsc, pleasure to meet you!” he said, then grinned wider, “Yes, I shall tell you about Boo. He may look like a regular hamster, but he is a miniature giant space hamster! He is very smart and brave and always gives me good advice. He goes on adventures with me and Aerie, and occasionally some other friends of ours, and fights the evil beside me. He is especially good at destroying the eyeballs of the enemy! He doesn’t like skeletons much because they don’t have any eyes to target.”
"Really?" Legode said, rather surprised, "Grandmother Kendalia mentioned seeing Giant Space Hamsters in her travels with her own father while growing up, but she never mentioned they could be this size."
Watching the little hamster with her good eye, the druid gave a smile and watched it eat, finding Boo to be rather adorable.
"I’m sure if Boo ever met my little Kalandyn, he’d be well liked. My youngest really loves animals after all."
Minsc gave Legode a wide grin, beyond happy to hear of other people who had heard of Boo's species. “Boo is special! He used to be a normal giant space hamster but he got miniaturized to this size”, he explained, “He doesn't want to talk about it so I do not know exactly what happened. It must have been tragic, but the good thing is that it brought the two of us together!” Boo kept nibbling on his biscuit, not seeming to care about the conversation. Minsc looked at the elf curiously. “Oh, you have little ones? How many?” he asked. He munched on his food while listening.
Jarlaxle/Jasmine blinks with surprise. “Really? Wouldn’t I know already if they were evil? Plus, if they were cursed, wouldn’t I not be able to take them off? Why, I’ve removed them and put them back many atimes already!”
Not really wishing to discuss the magic within his earrings, the nature of which he knows very well, Jarlaxle feigns surprise at Boo. “Look, Minsc! Look at where your little rodent friend is looking!! Storm giant ladies aside, you can’t deny that he’s behaving rather naughtily!”
Minsc starts to reply to the subject of the earrings, but is then successfully distracted by the abrupt change of topic. He blinks, then looks down at Jasmine’s breasts at the prompt to do so. “If that is naughty behavior, then why are you ordering me to do the same?” he asks confusedly. Boo looks up at Jasmine, slightly startled by the yelling.
Jarlaxle hides a bout of laughter under a shocked gasp. “No, Minsc, I wasn’t ordering you to do the same, it wasn’t supposed to be taken literally! Do you always take things so literally?”
“Oh!” Minsc says and looks up at Jasmine's face again. Not that he particularly minded looking lower, but since that wasn't what she wanted, then he wouldn't be doing it. He smiles at her and rubs the back of his neck, slightly awkward. Not much. “Life is much easier when you don't stop to think about things too often”, he says, “Boo does the thinking, I do the acting!” Boo looks at Minsc and squeaks. Minsc lifts his hand next to Jasmine's shoulder for Boo to climb on.
Meal time, Boo! (open)
Minsc was happy to get the elf talking and took a few steps to the side so that the buffet table would be open for the other guests. After all, he already had a plateful.
He munched on his food while listening. Then chuckled. “Yethrys sounds just fine to me! I have a gnome friend who I would be glad to introduce him to. Jan always tries to steal Boo and could use a good roughhousing with a wolf!” he said cheerfully. Boo made his way to the plate and started stuffing his cheek pouches with various food items. Minsc reached for the same cream cheese canapé as Boo and brushed his finger against the hamster, prompting him to glance down. Boo looked back up at him, cheeks bulging. Minsc laughed and gently picked the hamster up. “That is enough for you, Boo! You shouldn’t just hoard it, you’re supposed to be eating it”, he said and put the greedy rodent back into his pocket.
Legode couldn’t help but chuckle at the man’s hamster, and also admired how gentle he was with Boo as well.
"Though, if this ‘Jan’ ever refers Yethrys as a dog, or treats him like a house pet… Yethrys may just forgo giving him a fright and running off and just attack him." Legode then said, remembering the one thing Yethrys hated more than anything, and that was being compared to a pet. "He’s very proud of being a wolf after all."
It was then, that the druid decided to bring up something the man had brought up earlier, as well as introduce herself to him as well.
"By the way, my name is Legode. Sorry for not introducing myself before hand. Anyway, I believe you mentioned talking about your little friend there in return for hearing about Yethrys from me?"
Minsc watched Boo for a little while longer to make sure he behaved. Boo just wiggled around Minsc's pocket for a moment, then emerged again with his cheeks normal sized again. Obviously he had emptied his hoard into the bottom of the pocket. Satisfied for now, Boo held up a biscuit of some sort and started eating. Minsc smiled, then looked at the newly introduced elf. “My name is Minsc, pleasure to meet you!” he said, then grinned wider, “Yes, I shall tell you about Boo. He may look like a regular hamster, but he is a miniature giant space hamster! He is very smart and brave and always gives me good advice. He goes on adventures with me and Aerie, and occasionally some other friends of ours, and fights the evil beside me. He is especially good at destroying the eyeballs of the enemy! He doesn't like skeletons much because they don't have any eyes to target.”
Jarlaxle squeaks as the hamster treks across Jasmine’s bosom. “Well well, Boo certainly is behaving like quite the ladies’ hamster indeed! Minsc, can you imagine how a lady would respond were you to carry on as Boo is doing?” He laughs and examines Boo curiously. Boo certainly just looks like an ordinary hamster, and ordinary hamsters should not have the ability to detect magic. However, like almost everything that Jarlaxle wears in any guise, his earrings most certainly are magical. “I don’t know,” he lies, “What sort of magic does Boo think that my earrings have?”
Minsc laughs without a hint of embarrassment. “I’m way too big in size to try doing that! I do not think even a Storm Giant lady would be large enough for me to walk on”, he says. Boo safely reaches Jasmine’s other shoulder and stops to examine the neckline of her dress for no apparent reason. Minsc shakes his head. “Boo is not a witch so he would not know how to properly identify magic items. Aerie does that for us”, he explains, then looks at Jasmine with genuine concern, “You should get those earrings checked if you do not know what kind of magic they have. They could be cursed with evil magic!”
Jarlaxle/Jasmine blinks with surprise. “Really? Wouldn’t I know already if they were evil? Plus, if they were cursed, wouldn’t I not be able to take them off? Why, I’ve removed them and put them back many atimes already!”
Not really wishing to discuss the magic within his earrings, the nature of which he knows very well, Jarlaxle feigns surprise at Boo. “Look, Minsc! Look at where your little rodent friend is looking!! Storm giant ladies aside, you can’t deny that he’s behaving rather naughtily!”
Minsc starts to reply to the subject of the earrings, but is then successfully distracted by the abrupt change of topic. He blinks, then looks down at Jasmine's breasts at the prompt to do so. “If that is naughty behavior, then why are you ordering me to do the same?” he asks confusedly. Boo looks up at Jasmine, slightly startled by the yelling.
Circulating Rumor #21
There is a pervert wearing a hamster’s disguise and he is feeling all the women’s bosoms.
Minsc looks shocked, then glances at Boo. “Did you hear that, Boo? Someone is slandering the name of all the hamsters out there! We must find this person and serve him some fist of justice!” he yells. “Squeak, squeak!”
"Not many ladies? What a shame, Boo sure seems like a ladies’ man… erm, lady hamsters’ hamster, that is!"
"Jasmine" smiles at Minsc’s introduction and curtsies, careful to balance so that Boo isn’t jostled. "It is an honor to meet you, Minsc, and I believe that Boo and I are already rather thoroughly acquainted! I am Jasmine. And…" Jarlaxle/Jasmine looks concernedly at the hamster that is looking for things to put into his mouth, "Are you sure that Boo’s not hungry? He seems rather intent on gathering things."
Minsc bows in return, then smiles at Jasmine. “Boo is a hamster! He forages for food and nest materials whether he is hungry or not”, he explains, nodding, “And he inspects things with his paws and mouth. If he is hungry, he bites harder!” Boo squeaks. Minsc looks at him in wonder, then looks at Jasmine curiously. “Boo suspects that your earrings are magical. Are you aware of that?” he asks. Boo doesn’t seem to care one way or another, just settles down on four feet again and begins crossing his way over Jasmine’s chest to get to her other shoulder.
Jarlaxle squeaks as the hamster treks across Jasmine’s bosom. “Well well, Boo certainly is behaving like quite the ladies’ hamster indeed! Minsc, can you imagine how a lady would respond were you to carry on as Boo is doing?” He laughs and examines Boo curiously. Boo certainly just looks like an ordinary hamster, and ordinary hamsters should not have the ability to detect magic. However, like almost everything that Jarlaxle wears in any guise, his earrings most certainly are magical. “I don’t know,” he lies, “What sort of magic does Boo think that my earrings have?”
Minsc laughs without a hint of embarrassment. “I'm way too big in size to try doing that! I do not think even a Storm Giant lady would be large enough for me to walk on”, he says. Boo safely reaches Jasmine's other shoulder and stops to examine the neckline of her dress for no apparent reason. Minsc shakes his head. “Boo is not a witch so he would not know how to properly identify magic items. Aerie does that for us”, he explains, then looks at Jasmine with genuine concern, “You should get those earrings checked if you do not know what kind of magic they have. They could be cursed with evil magic!”
Jarlaxle giggles, an effort helped by the tickling from the hamster’s tiny whiskers. “Ohh, he is so very cute and sweet, I bet that he is very popular with the ladies!”
Minsc laughs. ”I’m sure he would be! But we do not meet many lady hamsters on our adventures. But if a lich were to attack a pet shop and Boo rescued everyone, he would surely get all the attention he deserves”, he says proudly. Boo seems more interested in sniffing the lady’s earrings, curiously pawing them a little bit, and then finding her hair more interesting. Too bad it’s all tightly done up and there aren’t any errant strands to stuff into his mouth. “Speaking of ladies, I don’t believe I ever learned your name?” Minsc asks, “Mine is Minsc and he is Boo!”
"Not many ladies? What a shame, Boo sure seems like a ladies’ man… erm, lady hamsters’ hamster, that is!"
"Jasmine" smiles at Minsc’s introduction and curtsies, careful to balance so that Boo isn’t jostled. "It is an honor to meet you, Minsc, and I believe that Boo and I are already rather thoroughly acquainted! I am Jasmine. And…" Jarlaxle/Jasmine looks concernedly at the hamster that is looking for things to put into his mouth, "Are you sure that Boo’s not hungry? He seems rather intent on gathering things."
Minsc bows in return, then smiles at Jasmine. “Boo is a hamster! He forages for food and nest materials whether he is hungry or not”, he explains, nodding, “And he inspects things with his paws and mouth. If he is hungry, he bites harder!” Boo squeaks. Minsc looks at him in wonder, then looks at Jasmine curiously. “Boo suspects that your earrings are magical. Are you aware of that?” he asks. Boo doesn't seem to care one way or another, just settles down on four feet again and begins crossing his way over Jasmine's chest to get to her other shoulder.
