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Wof!

sullivancaleb:

Nobody knows them personally. They cry a little bit and then forget it as soon as they find a new favorite band, I bet. Half water? Did they just want it to taste super weak or something? Was it hot or cold? Peppernut sounds kinda good, though! Like dipping a candy cane in Nutella. You guys just split them equally? That’s kinda cool, but also kinda communism? Or did I get that wrong? It seems like you should get what you earned when you were working and like, everyone else should too.

Honestly, I don’t know. Someone could tell me they want a cup of coffee with 1/3 coffee and 2/3 vodka and I wouldn’t be shocked at this point. It was hot which made it even weirder. Whatever you say. Yeah, it wouldn’t make sense if I worked a six hour shift and didn’t get to collect any of the tips from the jar. Also they’re not handed to us personally so technically we don’t know to who they’re supposed to go. It sucks when someone lazy is working with you, but whatever. Everyone’s gotta eat. Corporations are bad, I don’t know what to tell you. Tip me personally when I walk out of the back door if you feel bad about it.

#convo:caleb #convo

paranormalparker:

I think they like keeping people guessing – most people like to have a bit of mystery even when they’re still living. I doubt they like being questioned, either; you seem like a non-believer, they might not want to spend their energies on you. Well, if you murdered someone you’d go to jail and the schooling thing would be a bit moot. Do you think they let people take online classes from prison cells?

I feel like some people on this earth love to overshare. I hate those kinds of people. That’s fine by me. I’d rather not get ‘haunted’ by whatever ghosts are apparently lurking in Coolsville. Speaking of which, shouldn’t you be taking care of those and not Mystery Inc. apparent? I have no idea. I’m sure it’s like, also a punishment not to have your education while you’re in prison.

#convo:parker #convo

TEXT 💬 EMADE.

EMILIO: I don't think so!!! Does that happen a lot in Coolsville??? I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A LOT OF POWDERED SUGAR!!!

EMILIO: SHOULD I GO TO THE ER?

JADE: Not that I know of, but never say never.

JADE: I think you'd know if you were actually drugged. Aren't you always kind of hyper?

#text:emilio

TEXT 💬 OPEN.

EMILIO: DONUTS

EMILIO: ARE

EMILIO: INCREDIBLE!!!

EMILIO: LIL DOUGH BALLS WITH HOLES AND THEN COVERED IN SUGAR!!!

EMILIO: A MASTERPIECE.

JADE: They're delicious, but did yours accidentally come with coke instead of icing?

#text:emilio #text

sullivancaleb:

Not everybody, the average rockstar likes to die when they’re 27 so that people will remember them forever as legends or something, instead of them living long enough for their music to get lame. What’s the craziest thing somebody asked for today? It’s chill, I can dump my own sugar in if I need more, I don’t wanna make you do extra work.

I guess I see the logic in that? But like, then they just cause a lot of pain and suffering for everyone else so it’s kinda shitty. Someone asked for a regular coffee, but with half water? And then like a combination of hazelnut and peppermint. It was super weird. The only thing that saves my day is when we split tips and I can take mine home. As long as you promise never to be an asshole to any barista, you’ll be fine.

#convo:caleb #convo

emilio-hollis:

Why so glum, chum?! Don’t you love working around people all day?! I bet people love to smile at you! Smiling is my favorite! When someone smiles at you, it makes you feel good inside. Coffee houses have secret menus? I didn’t know about this! I’ve been drinking espresso for so long, because it’s the easiest to order. Maybe you should tell people you had a brain accident, and now you only remember how to make the basics.

Not particularly. I’d like working with people who weren’t so...much. Unless they have a gross smile then it just makes you feel nauseous. They don’t! People just make them up and expect us to know what they’re talking about. Keep to it. Espresso is easy. I’m pretty sure I’d get fired so quickly.

#convo:emilio #convo

xavierbass:

Yeah, it totally does. You can come for a drive with me some time, but you’ll have to lay down on the seats so the girls we drive past don’t see you. If they see me with a girl, they won’t succumb to my advances. Can’t help being vain when you look this damn good. I work hard to be beautiful. I’ve never put my balls in a sock, so I can safely say it’s probably only an activity weird dudes do. Cuppa joe. That sounds so pretentious. CUPPAH JOEEEE. I’m interested in all things that turn ladies on. At least I’m not doing ecstasy, caffeine is much milder.

I would rather suffocate myself with a nut sock than go for a drive with you. Succumb to your advances? That doesn’t sound good. That actually sounds really pervy. Do you take special beauty vitamins? Honestly I kinda wish you had so you could tell me what it was like. I know it’s the worst. I have to immediately take my fifteen whenever it happens.

#convo:xavier #convo

xavierbass:

My grandpa always does me dirty, the old jokester. He gave me his old mustang, though, so I basically love him forever. Yeah, Gaston. Makes sense because I’m as beautiful and vain as he is? I get that a lot. Mhmm, sure. Nut socks sounds like you’re talking about socks that have had balls in them. Isn’t a cuppa a cup of tea? That is confusing! What turns you on, sweetcheeks? I want my caffeine fix so I can get through the day, to be honest.

Wow. Does having a nice car still work for picking up girls? Or was that something that exclusively applied to like, the 80s? Yeah, pretty much. Vain especially. Well, maybe they have. There’s no limit to what socks can be used for. Not if you’re from Boston, apparently. They usually follow it up with “joe” on the end so I eventually get what they’re talking about. Apparently it’s too hard for them to separate their words and enunciate when ordering. Nothing you’d be interested in. Caffeine is a drug, there’s just no rehab for it.

#convo:jade #convo

sullivancaleb:

I mean, dying’s not on the top of my to do list, but everybody’s gotta go sometime? Is there anything on the normal menu that’s as good as that creme brulee thing that you’d recommend, that I can order without pissing you off, then?

I guess that’s true. I would just think most people would rather do it later than sooner. Um, just a regular caramel iced coffee I guess? I don’t mind doing one pump of something, but it’s when people get ridiculous that I get angry.

#convo:caleb #convo

paranormalparker:

You know, dead people. Ghosts. Coolsville’s not Gettysburg or anything but every town has their fair share of them. What if the Queen of England did come in? Would she get to order off the special menu? Sorry, that was a bad hypothetical question – um, please don’t murder your customers? But if you do, I can help you find a way to apologize to them once they’ve calmed down, so that their soul and yours can find peace with what you’ve done?

Right. I knew what you meant, I just don’t know if I believe in that sort of thing. After all, if they did exist, wouldn’t they just be able to move something in front of me right now to prove it? If she did come in, I guess she could have whatever she wanted. Who am I to say no to a Queen? I’d definitely get fired if I did actually murder someone and I kind of need this job to pay for school so that won’t happen anytime soon.

#convo:parker #convo

sullivancaleb:

Dude… are you telling me that I can order stuff that’s only on the menu sometimes all year round? How did no one ever tell me about the secret menu before?

Dude, are you telling me you want to die? Because not only will the sugar from all those drinks eventually kill you, but I just might too.

#convo:caleb #convo

paranormalparker:

You’ve actually just hit on exactly why I always make my own coffee at home; I feel so bad inconveniencing people, you wouldn’t believe the number of spirits I’ve channeled who died of stress-induced causes from work environments like that! Please don’t let the coffee kill you, Jade. As much as it’s always nice to find a friendly face to talk to on the other side, getting the coffee right on the first try every time just isn’t worth it.

Spirits? But yeah, it’s our job or whatever, but that doesn’t mean people have to act like they’re the fucking Queen of England when they come through. Like this isn’t just a Coolbucks. Trust me, if anyone is dying it’ll definitely be the customers.

#convo:parker #convo

xavierbass:

I know. My grandpa always said I should become a comedian, but I became Gaston at Disney instead. Basically the same thing. Aw, you’re curious about my dick, huh? It’s never been small, let’s put it that way. Praline tastes like nuts, not socks. What kind have you been trying??? I’ve never in my life called it a cappe, and I’m never gonna start. But tea is so boring. It’s just…leaves stewed in water.

Most people think old people tell the truth on their death beds, but your grandpa did you real dirty. Gaston? Makes sense. Not curious, not at all. Nut socks. The kind that goes into the coffee, duh. And then some people say “cuppa” when they just want regular coffee and it’s stupid confusing. I’ve been around the smell of coffee for so long, it turns me off. Tea is fine and does its job. What more do you want?

#convo:xavier #convo

xavierbass:

If you hit me, you’d probably break your delicate hand. No, I’m someone’s grandfather, thank you very much. What’s wrong with praline? Do you like to deny all joyful things? What’s your beef with cappuccinos? Are you a straight up espresso with no sugar kinda woman? Hardcore.

You’re funny. Wow, you must have started fucking when you were really young. Could your dick have even been fully formed when you churned out your first child? It tastes like socks. My beef with cappuccinos is that they have a dumb name and people try to shorten it to “cappe” like they do with frappucinos when they order it. I’m a tea person, actually.

#convo:xavier #convo

xavierbass:

Well, you’d definitely hate my order. I like a skinny latte with half almond milk, half soy milk. I like half a pump of hazelnut, a quarter pump of gingerbread, and a third of a pump of praline. I also like it to be just the right temperature to drink, and for love hearts to be doodled around my name on my cup.

Just kidding, I like vanilla cappuccinos.

Just looking at those words made me want to hit you. Also praline? Are you someone’s grandmother? The only time someone requests that is when they’re dying and they think adding it will speed the process up. I mean, you must have a death wish anyways if you’re ordering cappuccinos. Might as well add the praline to that.

#convo:xavier #convo

I think I’ve made more iced coffees today than I’ve said words in my entire life. And each one just had to be different. Someone wants an iced coffee with almond milk and two hits of vanilla and someone else wants one with soy milk and one pump of mint and one pump of hazelnut. I blame people coming up with these ‘secret menus’ for all these ridiculous orders. Luckily, I’m not being judged by how much pep I deliver the coffees with, just if I get the order right or not.

#starter

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