my dm poppin'

Xavier Asher Bass. Ayeee, it's ya numba 1 fuckboy and ya numba 1 wet dream in one place. #blessed.

[xavierbass-blog]

ofeliagrace:

I won’t lose. I don’t lose. I would, but Coolsville is safe because I’m its darling. Ask anyone. No, my dad is a dentist and my mom does promotional stuff for businesses. Because it’s weird and demeaning somehow. No, no bananas. You can call me by my name or nothing at all. It’s definitely not. Use Google, it’s free. 

Everyone has to lose once in their life, and maybe now is your time to experience it. You’re Coolsville’s darling? How can you be a darling without being sweet to people? A dentist? No wonder you’ve got such a bite. All the bananas, princess. I don’t even know your name, so it’ll be hard to call you by that. Google might be free, but my time isn’t. I’m a busy dude.

[xavierbass-blog]

yaybaileyj:

Uh. Thanks but no thanks. I’m good.

Really? You’re only 21 once, and this is how you’re gonna play it?

[xavierbass-blog]

knoxreilly:

You should, dude. I could always use an extra set of ears. No, it’s not really my style. It’s fun to party to, but I don’t think I’d ever make it. Florida is cool. I’ve played there a few times. It’s pretty swampy, though. I don’t think my hair would like it too much if I lived there. 

Maybe I can rally together a group of friends, and then you’ll have a bigger crowd to play to. I know some rock lovers. Bummer! I could have blasted your tunes in my car as I cruise through Coolsville. Yeah, the heat is gross, but I work at Disney most of the time, so I’m in full costume, wearing a face full of makeup a lot. It gets super sweaty, but luckily nobody can tell.

[sullivancaleb-blog]

So… how screwed do you think I am if I accidentally overdeveloped some of the wedding photos I took last weekend? Somehow I don’t think my boss is going to approve of ‘I was busy reading tweets from Montauk the shark’ is a good enough reason for me to get distracted and have to do this whole batch over again.

[xavierbass-blog]

Sharks can tweet? RAD. I thought they’d find that a little hard, with being them being all fins and no thumbs. What kinda shark is Montauk? Is he a Great White? Montauk definitely sounds like a badass shark name. Just tell your boss you were getting a blowjob while developing the photos, and then he’ll have to understand. Nobody can resist a good blow.

[yaybaileyj]

Only ten days into being twenty one and I’m already over the hype of being drinking age. It was only cool drinking on my actual birthday, now I’m bored.

[xavierbass-blog]

You’re bored of drinking already? You’re clearly not partying with the right people. Allow me to slide into your DM’s with my number real quick, and we can hang out. Feel free to invite other people, we can have a paaaarty!

[xavierbass-blog]

babsjanecarter:

Carrots and hummus are great! 10/10, the perfect healthy snack. I’m a fan of every vegetable, really. Except celery. I’m not too fond of it. That sounds horrific. I hope I never have to go to a party like that. This isn’t like a party party. There will definitely be lots of children there. If you want to actually party you should talk to my sister Bridget. She goes out almost every night. 

How do you feel about guacamole? I feel like the world is quite divided about it, but I think it tastes like heaven. What? You don’t like ants on a log? That was my favorite snack as a kid! Kids? How old will they be? I don’t deal with any human that still drools and shits themselves. Is Bridget as hot as you? If not, I don’t wanna party with her. I’d rather party with you.

[xavierbass-blog]

jadedcarrow:

Wow. Does having a nice car still work for picking up girls? Or was that something that exclusively applied to like, the 80s? Yeah, pretty much. Vain especially. Well, maybe they have. There’s no limit to what socks can be used for. Not if you’re from Boston, apparently. They usually follow it up with “joe” on the end so I eventually get what they’re talking about. Apparently it’s too hard for them to separate their words and enunciate when ordering. Nothing you’d be interested in. Caffeine is a drug, there’s just no rehab for it. 

Yeah, it totally does. You can come for a drive with me some time, but you’ll have to lay down on the seats so the girls we drive past don’t see you. If they see me with a girl, they won’t succumb to my advances. Can’t help being vain when you look this damn good. I work hard to be beautiful. I’ve never put my balls in a sock, so I can safely say it’s probably only an activity weird dudes do. Cuppa joe. That sounds so pretentious. CUPPAH JOEEEE. I’m interested in all things that turn ladies on. At least I’m not doing ecstasy, caffeine is much milder.

[xavierbass-blog]

ofeliagrace:

Um, yes? How does that not make sense? Okay, whatever. In a month we’ll have a contest and I guarantee I’ll win even then. No, they taught me to take what I want and make amends later. Ew, never call me that again. The Vietnam War? The Korean War? The Cold War? Excuse me? 

I don’t know? It just doesn’t? Okay, but what if you lose? I feel like you might burn down Coolsville in your bitter mood. Are your parents lawyers? They sound like lawyers. Why not? It’s a good pet name. Would you rather I added a banana on the end? Sounds fake, feels fake. The Cold War sounds like a rad band name, though. 

[xavierbass-blog]

ofeliagrace:

I was born here. You’re the outsider. Hate to tell you, but if people had a choice between me or you they’d pick me every time. Nope, sorry. Sharing is the one thing I don’t do well. Um, smart people do? Yeah, but history repeats itself. 

So, ‘cause you were born in Boringville, I’m the outsider? Rude. I was born in America, so I’m an insider. That’s only because they know you better than me, but if you gimme some time to get to know everyone, we can have a real contest, and see who gets crowned. Didn’t your parents ever teach you that sharing is caring? Smart people aren’t gonna rule the world, chiquita. Okay, but, no. There has been no war since World War II, so it doesn’t repeat itself that often.

[xavierbass-blog]

babsjanecarter:

I agree, they are great in a smoothie but super tasty raw as well. I’d cook them if if I didn’t think that soggy veggies might be a turnoff to some people if they’re going to sit on a picnic table for hours. Wow, you sure are into parties. 

I guess carrots and hummus ain’t too bad, red peppers are great, too. Ew, that is a turnoff. Imagine going to a party, and you pick up a soggy carrot. Not very good mood inducing. I am, yeah. I love a good party, and I love the moods they put people in. I’m a social butterfly.

[xavierbass-blog]

jadedcarrow:

Most people think old people tell the truth on their death beds, but your grandpa did you real dirty. Gaston? Makes sense. Not curious, not at all. Nut socks. The kind that goes into the coffee, duh. And then some people say “cuppa” when they just want regular coffee and it’s stupid confusing. I’ve been around the smell of coffee for so long, it turns me off. Tea is fine and does its job. What more do you want? 

My grandpa always does me dirty, the old jokester. He gave me his old mustang, though, so I basically love him forever. Yeah, Gaston. Makes sense because I’m as beautiful and vain as he is? I get that a lot. Mhmm, sure. Nut socks sounds like you’re talking about socks that have had balls in them. Isn’t a cuppa a cup of tea? That is confusing! What turns you on, sweetcheeks? I want my caffeine fix so I can get through the day, to be honest.

[xavierbass-blog]

babsjanecarter:

Because vegetables are healthy and do good things for your body and well-being? And everyone loves at least one thing on a veggie tray. I’m not sure if I like the sound of that, so I don’t think I should tell you. 

They’re better when they’re blended up into a smoothie, so they can go down the hatch in a couple of smooth gulps. I’m the life of the party, so you should definitely tell me. I’ll bring caviar and...crackers. I’ll be a model party guest. 

[xavierbass-blog]

jadedcarrow:

You’re funny. Wow, you must have started fucking when you were really young. Could your dick have even been fully formed when you churned out your first child? It tastes like socks. My beef with cappuccinos is that they have a dumb name and people try to shorten it to “cappe” like they do with frappucinos when they order it. I’m a tea person, actually. 

I know. My grandpa always said I should become a comedian, but I became Gaston at Disney instead. Basically the same thing. Aw, you’re curious about my dick, huh? It’s never been small, let’s put it that way. Praline tastes like nuts, not socks. What kind have you been trying??? I’ve never in my life called it a cappe, and I’m never gonna start. But tea is so boring. It’s just...leaves stewed in water.

[xavierbass-blog]

ofeliagrace:

Right… Anyways, there’s only room for one big ego in this town and that’s me so move along whenever you’d like. Maybe you should’ve paid more attention in history class. Or were you just hoping to getting by by being a dumbass?

Or you could move along, and I could fill the spot of the one with the big ego. You could also share the spot with me, and then nobody needs to fight for it. I might be dumb, but it ain’t got nothing to do with my fine booty. Who the fuck listens in history class? It’s history for a reason. We don’t need it, grandma. We’re living in the here and now. The present.

[xavierbass-blog]

knoxreilly:

Kinda like alternative stuff? A little bit of pop in there, but we’re not quite in that genre and we’re not quite indie either. But it’s just me for right now. Yeah. Well technically I’m from Boston, but our band was based out of Nashville. I’m from all over really. Nashville was the closest to home, though. I don’t know about the cowboys, but maybe? There weren’t a lot of horses in the actual city. 

Eh, maybe I’ll have to come and listen, just so I understand what kinda genre you’re talking about. Ever thought of doing some dubstep or trap? I love a dirty beat. Nice. I’m from Florida, and I miss it everyday. I’m not sure why I’m even here. Oh, bummer. I was hoping I’d finally get that fact confirmed. Guess I’m gonna have to find me a horse lovin’ Nashvillian. 

[babsjanecarter-blog]

Help! I need recommendations for what to bring to the office’s annual start of summer bash! Right now I’m torn between watermelon cupcakes or just bringing a super healthy and yummy veggie platter with a ton of different dipping sauces! What sounds better to you guys? 

[xavierbass-blog]

Cupcakes. Why would someone wanna eat vegetables over a cupcake? Where’s your offices annual party being held? I wanna come and crash it, and also find out if you’re a good baker.

[xavierbass-blog]

jadedcarrow:

Just looking at those words made me want to hit you. Also praline? Are you someone’s grandmother? The only time someone requests that is when they’re dying and they think adding it will speed the process up. I mean, you must have a death wish anyways if you’re ordering cappuccinos. Might as well add the praline to that. 

If you hit me, you’d probably break your delicate hand. No, I’m someone’s grandfather, thank you very much. What’s wrong with praline? Do you like to deny all joyful things? What’s your beef with cappuccinos? Are you a straight up espresso with no sugar kinda woman? Hardcore.