I delight in shades of blue.

"I don't know you anymore.."

[jahmie]

This month is extremely difficult for reasons extremely obvious.

Everyday is an uphill climb so it seems. I don’t feel like it’s the same kind of struggle.

I still miss you.

[jahmie]

I had a dream that you called me

Regardless of how things have been, you called me and it felt a sense of deep comfort, even recognizing it was not real

I feel like I’m drowning, losing consciousness & waking up repeating the same cycle over again

I don’t feel seen

[jahmie]

I am losing myself

I don’t know what anything is anymore and I am literally at my wits end

I don’t want for anything anymore

I can’t stop this fucking train

No one is coming

[jahmie]

I couldn’t tell you

You would not listen

I felt you hurt me, and I feel defeated

I still care, even if I can’t show it

I always want you to be happy

[jahmie]

I’d give anything to take one last long drive with you, listening to the music & albums that meant so much to us over the last 10 years.

[jahmie]

one of the kindest acts of love I’ve ever experienced was the playlist you made me.

you had me then, and knew exactly how to make me feel.

I listened to that playlist today and felt flooded. I have no idea how to feel different.

[jahmie]

my biggest fears have come true

I lost my longest friend & the ringing in my ears is increasing frequency

I am frozen and just didn’t think I’d find myself here.

I can’t just brush things off and acceptance feels more like the biggest defeat I’ve felt.

Prioritizing differently.

Feelings that convey [I can’t care for you]

[your well-being does not serve me]

Hard truths.

I am so used to not seeing someone show up for me in the end.

Consideration and lack of reciprocity

Alone

[jahmie]

On a day I just needed to come home, I realized it didn’t exist.

I could not confide in a safety that once made me feel so seen.

There is understanding and pure acceptance in the fact that I knew. I always knew.

Yet I proceeded to sink into the profoundness of doubt and confliction.

We exist in disarray, there is no longer choice

[culturenlifestyle]

Affirmance a 365 project of affirmation by @jefffrandsen

via affirmance (Instagram)

[mielemiele]

[plum-japonais]

Kyoto, March 2021

[jahmie]

Sick of it

[jahmie]

Definitely always been one to take care of others, always fell into that role of sorts.

I’ve drifted further from the ledge and I find it so hard to feel grounded.

where is the anchor

[jahmie]

This is probably the biggest news of failure and rejection that I’ve ever experienced personally to date. Unsure what to feel or how to respond.

[jahmie]

I am the only one who can hear me screaming

[jahmie]

I am looking for a moment where I can close my eyes and feel peace and fulfillment while I lay here in the darkness.

Stillness and contempt are here at my bedside, and I literally lay here in complete and utter fear of existing and fading into white noise.

I never truly grasped the idea of acknowledging the static that exists between.

But I hear it in these moments of stillness.

In the moments of facing fear, in feeling apart.

I just don’t feel myself lately, I don’t know how to find my way out of this.

[jahmie]

I don’t want to be here anymore

[babyanimalgifs]

Gentle Boye 

(via)