WAD task #1
5 new years resolutions? Really? I'm gonna try.
Stop drinking completely.
Have the wedding.
Be the best dad I can for Tristan.
Get back on tour
Forgive myself
I tried to be as realistic as possible. I don't want to set goals I can't reach.
I need to quit drinking. It's not healthy and my body is probably already damaged by years of drinking. I abused alcohol to escape from the reality I was in. And that needs to stop. The second one is obvious. Finally marry the love of my life. We're litaully been through hell and back and still we've made it this far. I'm never giving up on her and I want to give her a dream wedding. Speaking of family, there's little Tristan. It's funny how time flies and life happens. I simply want to be the best father I possibly can for my son. If there's anything I need to succeed to do in life, it's being a good parent. I would hate for Tristan to have a bad childhood, so I'll do my best to make him happy.
And yet I really want to go back on tour. Not straight away, but some time this year. It's my job, it's what I love doing and it's been my life the recent years. I feel like there's still things to be experienced and I don't want miss that. I miss playing drums every single day, meeting new people and seeing new places. I'll have to find a balance between home life and tour life.
The last thing is probably the most important. I want to finally forgive myself. This is an issue that's been destroying me. It has been killing me slowly. But hopefully it will get solved here in 2014. I can't seem to forgive myself for what I've done. I was a fucking monster. What I did was unacceptable, unforgivable. But even Alexandra has forgiven me. Hell, she agreed to marry the bastard who held her captive, beat her and sold her body. That's insane. And I'm grateful. She makes me a better person. All I need is to forgive myself, so I'm able to move on completely. I really hope that will happen soon. I can't stand the self-hatred. It pulls me down and I want to become a better man.
