god bless the internet

Jacob Levenstein.

[jess-suvari]

"If it helps your ego a little i'll let that comment slide. At least there's been people after. Remind me when the last time you were in a relationship was?" Harper prodded, not letting him drop the topic since now she was genuinely curious. "I just think it means the people who have actually matured past all the Rosewood drama are smart enough to have actually moved out of here." She narrowed her eyes and nodded her head. "My suggestion is getting a tattoo that's not gonna get your jumped actually. I could write up something for you in Japanese if you want." She said with a devious smirk, making it too obvious she would make it something embarrassing.

[jakelevenstein]

"It's been a few years. I like to think I'm finding myself. Would you judge me less if I spent the majority of my twenties dating a PE teacher who still hasn't put a ring on it?" Des cocked his head to the side teasingly. "For all the shit you talk about Rosewood, you're still here. I think that says something too." He knew about her goals for the most part, but Des was thankful she hadn't taken off as soon as she'd finished high school like he'd thought she would. "I might look dumb but I'm not actually that stupid.

[schmidt-stifler]

"Yeah me either, unless it's the olympics and figure skating is on- that's my shit. Keeping it so real with you bud, I doubt she even remembers all that. I can live with top five, must've been some real bad bitches at two through four though," she teased. "'Cause the best gift you could get Steph is the company of her favorite person? Duh. We can go shopping tomorrow, if you want."

[jakelevenstein]

"You're a better person than me, because if I knew you had a crush on me I would never let you live it down. Like, ever. You would hear about it in your forties. Duh. We both know my type is women who are completely out of my league or uninterested. That's weird. I thought her favorite person was her girlfriend." Des huffed but was all smiles as he slung his arm around her shoulders. "See, I knew you would come through for me. We're a team. And just for that I'm willing to throw in a hot chocolate and your choice of snacks wherever we go."

[schmidt-stifler]

"Yeah whatever," she scoffed. "Well now I'm gonna be extra critical, let's get those standards up. 'That far ahead,' like Christmas isn't around the fucking corner, alright. What's that even mean, basketball-ish? Oh yeah that stays between you and me." A compliment like that would inflate Steph's ego to sizes previously unseen and nobody needed all that. "Corny idea but what if you got something you could do together, like tickets to something, maybe not a basketball game she goes to plenty of those. And then whatever it is obviously get three so I can come too."

[jakelevenstein]

"I don't know. Like a jersey or... I don't know. I've never paid attention to sports. She already knows she was my first crush. That's enough of a reason for her to tease me for the rest of my life. We don't need to add anything else in there. And before you get offended you were like... the fourth? Maybe the fifth if we're counting teachers, but that's still top five." Des nodded along as she spoke. "Remind me why I would pay for a third ticket for whatever this is when I already got you something? That's the only part I'm a little fuzzy on."

[schmidt-stifler]

Eve pursed her lips as if considering, "I mean.. if you're saying I'll save Christmas then sure, I can help out a little. If you were trying to get me exactly what I wanted then yeah, maybe. Good to know I'm at the top of your list though. As it should be. What are you thinking for Steph, we can start easy."

[jakelevenstein]

"You've always been a hero to me, E." Des pretended to sniffle as he raised a hand to cover his heart in mock pride. "It's easier when it's you. I know your bar for me is already so low that it's hard not to clear it. Is it bad that I didn't think that far ahead yet? She's on the list but that's as far as the list went. Maybe something basketball-ish? Don't tell her but she's always... I dunno. She's always seemed so cool that I've always felt like whatever I get her is dumb."

[jess-suvari]

"It's fine that you're aging like milk. Beauty's not everything. At least you've got a good personality." Harper joked, feeling comfortable enough to tease him like that given how long they had known each other by now. "You say that but do you know how many people have kids without even knowing how to take care of themselves properly? You're self aware of what you bring to the table. That already makes you more mature than half the people our age." She said with a shrug. "Hmmm. Depends. What kind of a face tattoo are we talking here?"

[jakelevenstein]

"Oh I know. I've seen your taste in men after me so clearly looks aren't an issue for you." He waved his hand dismissively. "The fact that me and you rank so high on the maturity scale means Rosewood really failed literally everyone else we know. Who would've though that someone would refer to us as responsible. I was leaning towards a tear now that I'm in touch with my emotional side but I'm open to suggestions."

[schmidt-stifler]

"Nope I say a lot of shit I don't mean but that was real. I already did my shopping." Which meant she could really focus on helping Des but they weren't there yet, she had to give him a hard time first. "So just everybody, cool, plus me, you forgot me. Go ahead and knock my dad off there too, he doesn't need anything."

[jakelevenstein]

"Which means you have extra time on your hands. Time that you could spend with your best friend to help him avoid facing the consequences of his own procrastination. That sounds like a hero to me, E." Des scoffed loudly, brows furrowing as he tried to gauge whether or not she was serious. "You think I would make you help me pick out your own gift? I'm not a monster. McKinley helped me pick yours out after Thanksgiving so we're covered. And I'm not taking your dad off the list. Everybody gets something, even if they don't need it."

[schmidt-stifler]

"You and me?" Eve motioned between the two of them then shook her head. "I said I wouldn't do that again, you're the actual worst to shop with. Like dead weight and I need to get in the zone. Who's everyone else though, I can throw some ideas out."

[jakelevenstein]

"You said that but I didn't think you actually meant it. We both know I'm hopeless without you. And I'm totally willing to let you get in the zone while I follow you and carry the bags. You point, I buy. That's teamwork at it's finest, and like it or not we're a team." Des mirrored her action, motioning between the two of them with his hand. "Just Steph, Bennett, Shawn, your dad, Uncle Percy and Kendall, and everyone else we know. No big deal."

[jakelevenstein]

"So when are we going shopping?" Des raised an eyebrow as he popped a piece of candy into his mouth. "I got my dad and Mack covered. Everyone else I still need help with, so I figured I could use your brain again this year. We might want to get on it soon though." @schmidt-stifler

[jess-suvari]

"Who's we? Speak for yourself. I still get carded when I go to bars that aren't Coyote Ugly." Harper responded with a smug smirk. "You know, I bet it was some big test to find out how responsible you are now. And now that you passed he's gonna expect you to get married and start popping out kids." She shuddered at the thought. "Good luck. I would invite you to hide out at my family's but they're all still walking on eggshells around each other. And once my dad and his friends start drinking they might try to initiate you into a gang."

[jakelevenstein]

"You still look 12. Congratulations." Des raised his hands to clap mockingly. "Get real. He doesn't even ask me to check on the plants when he goes out of town." Des shook his head, though he wasn't necessarily against the idea of getting married or having kids. He wasn't vying for it the way some people seemed to but he'd always thought it would be sort of fun to be a dad. "It might not be so bad. I bet I'd look hot with a face tattoo."

[jakelevenstein]

"We've officially hit the age where my dad asked me what side I wanted to bring to Thanksgiving this year. Me. I know I said I wanted to move on from the kid table but I might actually need a time machine now. I got away with bringing one of the giant pies from Costco this time around, but there's no way that's going to fly in December, and I'm not prepared to do anything other than show up and let my nana pinch my cheeks for a few hours." @jess-suvari

[loveallthegays]

[jakelevenstein]

With the amount of times he'd been in and out of Mallrats Jake figured he should've known everyone by name at that point, but he'd always been more of a face person. Besides, every time he'd ventured into the store he'd gotten so caught up in conversation with other people that he'd never really had the chance to get more than a few words in with her at a time. But when Jake spotted Arden from his corner booth at St. Elmo's he instantly recognized her. "Hey Comic Book Girl." Jake waved his hand awkwardly, cringing almost immediately after the fact. "Do you want to..." he motioned towards the seat across from him. "I mean, if you need somewhere to sit and you want free fries that side is all yours. Well, sort of free." @ardenatkins

[blairblr]

Blair couldn't help but laugh as Jake expressed how much the finger poke had hurt him. "I'm so sorry, I really didn't think it was that bad." She let him know, a small pout finding itself on her lips. "Come on, let's go find you some aloe." Blair nodded. "I have to redeem myself, you know, in your time of need and such." She said, about to tap his shoulder and remembered his current dilemma.

[jakelevenstein]

"I think I bought out the closest store so this might take awhile." Jake nearly raised a hand to rub at his arm but thought better of it at the last minute, choosing to drop his hands back down to his sides instead. "And how do you think you're going to do that?"

[schmidt-stifler]

"If it keeps that baby white skin of your's safe, yeah, maybe." He rolled his eyes, used to the jokes about his mom. At least he knew Jake wouldn't do shit about it which was more than he could say for some people. "Yeah right, maybe she'll tuck you in and read you a bedtime story too."

[jakelevenstein]

"You know this is a lot less fun for me when you don't even pretend I have a shot. Maybe I'm the new MILF guy in town. I could pull that off. Maybe. Someone told me I give off big dick energy once."

[blairblr]

"No, unfortunately I don't think modern medicine has been able to make that happen yet." Blair let him know, grimacing as he touched at his arm. "Or maybe a mix of the two. I'd go with trying both if I was you." She said, before poking at his arm just out of curiosity. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself."

[jakelevenstein]

"We've come so far but not far enough. Ow!" Jake flinched away from Blair, raising both his hands defensively in front of him. "Thanks for that. And to think, I thought you would be gentle with me in my time of need."

[schmidt-stifler]

"Sucks... Hey this hurt?" Stifler reached over and jabbed at Jake's arm, his friend's skin turning white where he'd touched it. "You're like a cooked shrimp. We gotta get you a swim shirt or something, or one of those big floppy hats, ooo you'd fit right in at the club with that."

[jakelevenstein]

"You're an asshole."Jake groaned, swiping at Stifler's hand as he tried to duck away from the contact. "What I'm hearing is you think I should start dressing like a baby on the beach. Hey, if I spend enough time at the country club maybe I can get your mom to rub aloe and sunscreen all over my body. I've needed to knock that off my bucket list for years."

[jakelevenstein]

"I don't think they've created a high enough SPF count to protect me from a day at the country club." Jacob grimaced as he prodded at his arm which was currently bright pink. "I should probably soak in aloe for the next few days. Or just avoid the sun."