synopsis: you and riki are inseperable, laughing at stupid and immature jokes, but once you start to take school seriously, you realize that riki's jokes aren't funny anymore. ib little league by conan gray!
warnings: ANGST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like two penis jokes i think, danielle and hanni from newjeans mentions, danielle is a little instigator, reader is not mean but they're growing as a person, sad riki, angst again, not proofread
“y/nnnnnnn,” riki whines, tugging on your sleeve to hurry up and walk faster. “we’re gonna miss the bus!” he urges as you trudge behind him, slouching lazily due to the lack of sleep you had from studying last night.
“i’m sooo tired,” you complain, rubbing your eyes. your feet are being practically dragged across the cement sidewalk with riki lightly skipping ahead of you. he frowns when he looks over his shoulder at you, “i told you to get good sleep or else you’re gonna have trouble waking up,” he nags as if he was your mother, to which you merely roll your eyes. “take it up with the bio teacher then! not my fault she assigned so much work,” you sigh, finally coming to a stop at the bus stop and riki releases your sweater sleeve. you immediately plop down on the edge of the sidewalk, burying your head in your hands with a groan.
he hates seeing you like this, truly. you take your studies so seriously, compared to him. he’s about to reach the limit of excused absences he can have, yet you’re showing up everyday with perfect attendance. you barely have any time to hang out with him anymore. he asks you every single day after school, praying for a yes, let’s go to the café, but ever since the two of you started junior year of high school, it’s been no, i can’t. i need to study! everyday when he asks. he used to understand, he really did! he knows how important doing good in school is to you. but when school is getting in the way between him and your time to spend time together, he can’t help but be a little bitter whenever you reject his offer. plus, you seem tired everyday before you get on the bus, but once you get through the school doors you’re bright and alive. he doesn’t know how you do it, really, but he wishes you would give yourself a break every once in a while.
he remembers when the two of you would hang every living moment together, ever since second grade when you would chase him around in the school field but fell flat on your face when you tripped on your shoelaces. he laughed straight at you, but you were so young, humiliation wasn’t a feeling registered in you, so you laughed along with him. he thought he’s never seen someone so beautiful with pieces of dirt on their face.
the first time you said no to hanging out with him was the second week of starting your junior year of high school. he didn’t think about it twice, until you said no for the third time in one week. that was absolutely mind shocking, he claimed. then you started to make other friends in your more advanced classes that he wasn’t in. he’s not a gatekeeper, he didn’t care you hung out with other people. but soon it seemed like you were having more study sessions with them instead of playing video games with him, and he thinks he might be losing his mind from not spending time with you.
the bus soon arrives, and he taps your shoulder to let you know. peeking your head up, you begrudgingly get up and make your way onto the bus behind riki. you slide into the seat he chooses, and your eyes are immediately closed to catch up on some missing sleep, even if it’s only a fifteen minute ride to school. he gently lays your head on his shoulder to allow you a more comfortable position, and you’re easily soothed to sleep as soon as the bus drives off. riki thinks this is really the longest time he gets to spend time with you throughout the day (other than lunch but your nose is buried in your textbooks), even if you’re not even speaking to him. he just enjoys your company.
your friends don’t like riki. simple as that.
“y/n, are you seriously friends with nishimura?” they asked you one night during the study sessions. the question piqued curiosity in you — no one has ever asked such a question like that, and the way they worded it made it sound like you were committing a crime. you scrunched your brows together, shaking your head, “yeah, i am. why?” to which they only replied with a shrug as if the answer was simple and easy.
“he’s so immature. and you’re not. you guys are like opposites! like he thinks everything is a joke and likes to make stupid innuendos that aren’t even funny. you’re nothing like him.”
you thought they were stupid. their words were stupid. riki was funny, to you! you always laughed at his jokes even if they were stupid, but because it was from riki, it was funny. if anyone else were to say the same joke, you don’t think you’d be laughing. you never told riki what your friends had said to you that day. not because it’d hurt riki, no— he’s a strong individual and can take a few mean words from a complete stranger. you never told him because you found yourself thinking about your friend’s words. you’re nothing like him, like bullshit! you had the same humor as him, it’s one of the things you two have the most in common. until the next day, he made some joke about a cloud shaped like a penis, you didn’t laugh.
then it became more frequent. with you deadpanning at his immature dirty jokes, riki feels slightly affected and tries to change up his humor so that he’ll get to hear your laugh again. he thinks it's getting rarer to hear you laugh with him. but you still spend time with him, so surely you’re not sick of him, right? but now you’re always unavailable, always hanging out with your new friends. you start drinking bitter matcha now (well it’s bitter to him) instead of your sickly sweet caramel frappuccino. not to say he misses the old you, because he thinks he’ll love you no matter what version of you the universe decides to give him, but he’s having trouble with adapting to your new acquired “taste”.
but now whenever riki sees you laugh with your new friends, he can’t help but feel defeated. you switch between sitting with your friends and with him every other day at lunch, and even though he’s expressed multiple times to you that he wants to meet your new friends, you always brush it off. you explain to him that your new friends are just people who you think won’t get along with him, and he knows you’re not telling the exact truth, but he’s fine with whatever if you’re fine.
it’s his day for you to eat lunch with him, and as per usual, you’re writing something down into your notebook, not paying attention to what riki has to say. “when was the last time we played mario kart? you know you can come over whenever you’re free right? you don’t even have to let me know, literally just knock on the door and i’ll open it!” he rambles, already more than halfway done with his food but your tray is still full. he frowns, pushing your tray closer to your textbook. “eat, y/n,” he nudges you, causing your pen to make a mistake on your paper. you sigh, setting it down. “sorry, riki. what were you saying? something about…um… coming over? sorry, you know i have, like, three tests this week! maybe next week, yeah?” you apologize, and your words are empty and riki knows it. he slouches in his seat, nodding but not really accepting. “yeah…next week,” he mumbles.
he doesn’t ever get mad at you, because truthfully everything that you do that would normally tick him off, he let’s it slide. because it’s you. he should be used to the constant rejection from you, and even though its just saying no to hanging out, it’s starting to feel like rejection of his love for you. he almost has to fight the urge to stand up on the lunch tables and announce his feelings for you with a megaphone and have the school band play wedding music for you. he wonders if you even see him in that light. but you two don’t just do friend stuff behind closed doors. then again, he doesn’t have any other friends to compare what you two do together, so what does he know?
you finally look up at him, only to be met with sad eyes staring down at his hands. you frown, placing your hand on top of his own. “riki, i really am sorry. i do want to play mario party or whatever it is you wanted to play, but you know…” you start to apologize again, and you don’t even have to complete your sentence because riki already knows. he nods once more, “no, really. it’s fine, y/n. go get that A, yeah?” he offers a smile and you return it but both of you know the conversation was full of meaningless promises.
you feel insanely bad. which is why you find yourself standing outside of riki’s door, waiting patiently for him or his parents to open up. it’s been almost an entire month since you last hung out with him after school, and seeing the saddest face riki had last week during lunch made you feel guilty. riki opens up the door, grinning ear to ear at your appearance. “y/n! i didn’t think you’d actually come this week,” he says truthfully as he steps to the side to let you in. shutting the door behind him, he gestures for you to head into his room. you walk up the stairs with a small laugh, “i can’t let you beat me at mario kart! i know you’ve been secretly practicing by yourself.” you joke with him, but little do you know that riki doesn’t even touch the game unless you’re over.
“nah, whenever i beat you it is pure talent and skill. you just suck,” he sticks out his tongue at you, rushing into his bedroom after you and shutting his door. the two of you plop down on his carpeted floor, back against the foot of his bed like you two used to do in elementary. he immediately reaches to turn on the console, handing you a controller. “yeah, right! whoever wins the first round has to pay for dinner later!” you bet and he agrees, of course, because it’s in his nature to be competitive and he’d never turn down a possible free dinner.
you cheer, laughing as you flop onto his bed like it's your own. “i thought i was gonna be rusty, i can’t believe i still won!” you grin and he rolls his eyes, joining you on the bed as well. “whatever…” he mutters, too ashamed to admit he was actually trying to beat you but still lost. you pout at him, poking his side which causes him to stifle in laughs from being ticklish. “aww, don’t be sad. i’ll still pay half of dinner,” your grin turns into a smile and he pokes your side back. “hey! stop!” you yell, attacking back at him and he fails to stifle his laugh in. he bursts into loud laughter and you join alongside him. it’s been so long since he’s heard you laugh, he feels like his ears have been graced from heaven once again.
after both of your laughters died out, riki turns to face you, a smile gracing his boyish features. “i missed you, y/n,” he says suddenly, and it takes you off guard. you frown. you know what he means, and you wish he didn’t say anything at all. “what do you mean? i’m with you every morning at the bus and every other lunch,” you say, a weak attempt to divert this conversation. riki shakes his head, “no, not like that! i just mean like…it’s been so long since we’ve played games like this and…i don’t know. actually talked…” he mumbles, feeling vulnerable and shy from expressing his feelings that he normally does not do. you bite your lower lip, sitting up. “sorry, riki…really. it’s just…i wanna be able to go to a good university and get scholarships since my parents can’t really afford a full tuition so my grades are super important and my other friends help me keep up. i would spend more time with you if you had…um—“ you feel bad for your next words, but riki knows where you’re getting at. “if i had good grades.” he finishes for you, and you slowly nod. “it’s okay, y/n. i understand, seriously, i do! so don’t apologize, you’re just doing what you have to do..” he sighs, giving you a weak smile.
you’re grateful that he understands the situation you’re put into. so, you wish to help him too. “actually! why don’t you come to one of our study sessions? we can help you with history? i know you hate that class so it’d be good for you,” you offer, a large smile on your face that makes riki hard to refuse. “oh…um,” he starts, unsure because he hates studying and is too awkward to hang out with a bunch of new people at one time. but for you, he’ll handle it somehow. “sure. when?” you clap your hands together excitedly, engulfing him in a hug. you’ve asked him before a few times, and he always refused and made some excuse like soccer practice. “ahh, yay! tomorrow, library, after school! i’ll meet you at your locker, okay? i’m so glad you’re agreeing. you never took your studies seriously,” you ramble, and riki visibly gulps, obviously nervous as he nods. “okay…”
your friends have no idea that you’re bringing riki along for your usual study session. you tried to tell them, really. except you already know that they have their prejudice against him and they would try to get you to not bring him, and you refuse to break your promise to riki. you fear for the awkwardness that will happen when your friends see you walk in with your best friend.
“hey, are you ready?” you ask as you approach him at his locker. he shuffles through his locker, reaching for a textbook before he closes it. nodding, he gives a slight smile but it doesn’t meet his eyes. he’s obviously not excited. “just leave if you don’t want to go…but at least stay for like, five minutes?” you say when you notice his nervous fiddling with the edge of his book. he nods once again, “okay… um, where is the library again?” he’s been to the school library once, and he didn’t even go inside. he was there just to walk home with you after your study session.
you laugh, “just come.” you take his hand, and riki swears his heart skips more than a beat as his feet get dragged from you. a smile graces his feature, happy to just see you get excited over him joining you and your other friends. you’re a few minutes late when you walk into the library, heading over to the usual table that your friends usually sit at. their heads all look up from their books upon your arrival, and they all smile at you but it slowly fades away when they see a shy riki behind you, slightly peeking over your head. he already had a feeling that your friends weren’t very fond of him, but this just confirmed it. he bites his inner cheek when you take a seat and gesture for him to take the seat beside you. “hi guys. hope you don’t mind i brought riki with me. he needed some help with history,” you explain with a hushed whisper, and even though you can tell the distaste on their faces, they all nod and give a small wave at riki’s direction. he returns their waves, forcing a smile.
what did you mean he needs help? he didn’t need help, really! if he wanted to study he could just do it himself. it was his choice that he didn’t want to study. it was just so unfun, he never understood why you spend so much free time studying despite knowing that you care about your grades. sometimes, he thinks you care too much. he furrows his brows when one of your friends, danielle, slides a sheet a paper at him. “hi, i’m danielle. i’m pretty good at history, so i can help you, if you want,” she offers. the thing is, he doesn’t want her help. he wants your help, but you’re too busy already discussing what stupid formula you need to solve a math problem. he looks at danielle, giving her a slight nod and she gives him a smile. “okay, great! so what history class are you taking?”
it’s been ten minutes, and riki has been already zoning out, not paying a single attention to any word that danielle has been talking about. he feels bad, she’s really trying to explain what B.C. meant, but he really couldn’t pay attention when one of your friends have been blatantly flirting with you the entire time. he frowns deeply, the pencil against the paper danielle gave him gripped so tightly in his hand that the led snaps from the pressure. the sound breaks him out of his jealous trance. “oh. oops, sorry…” he mumbles, dropping the pencil down on the paper. danielle looks at him, her head tilted curiously before a smile that’s laced with a hint of mischief appears on her face. she leans closer to him, “you like y/nnie?” she whispers to him, and he almost falls back on his chair. he opens his mouth to spew out objections, but she shushes him again. “i think it’s cute,” she says but then she takes a look around the rest of the table before looking back at him again, “but, you know…y/n has a lot going for them right now, i’m sure you’re aware. they have a lot of potential. y/n studies hard every day.” riki knows where she’s going with this. “and you…well,” danielle clicks her tongue as she shakes her head, “respectively, you’re holding y/n back.”
he already knows this. he’s been aware. so why, when hearing it from someone else, does it feels worse? it shouldn’t be a shock to him, so he doesn’t know why he feels anger bubbling in his chest. danielle places a gentle hand on his shoulder before speaking again, “if you really like them—or love, i don’t know, then you should let y/n go…” she trails off once she starts riki stare off into space, eyes trained on you giggling at something your friend said. it probably wasn’t even that funny, riki thinks. he’s made you laugh more, he’s sure. he shakes his head, abruptly standing up so the chair squeaks loudly, catching your attention. “where are you going, riki?” you ask, looking up at him but you’re not met with kind eyes that you’re used to. only harsh, sad eyes but you only get to see them for a moment before he grabs his backpack and head towards the exit.
you begin to worry about riki. he’s not cracking his immature jokes, despite that they’re not funny to you anymore, you still miss his giggles after he tells the joke. he sits in silence on bus rides now, and give you dry “i’m fine” replies whenever you ask him if he’s okay. he’s clearly not— but you don’t know the cause of it. ever since after the library, he’s been like this. so zoned out, staring off into space. you wonder what danielle told him, and if it had anything to do with this odd behavior. it’s clearly taking a toll on you, and your friends have been noticing.
“y/n? hello?” hanni waves a hand in front of you and your face relaxes from being so tense, thinking about riki. danielle hums at your state. she thinks it’s quite funny how affected you are from riki, when it should be the least of your worries! hanni frowns, placing a hand on yours. “what’s going on? you’ve been out of it this whole week,” she asks. you don’t know how to answer. they wouldn’t approve of you being this upset over riki, so you don’t want to see their reactions. but danielle already knows, you can see it plain on her face as she sickly smiles at you.
“y/n… if this is about riki, you shouldn’t worry too much about it,” danielle starts, and it’s like she read your mind, “you’re off to better things! you’re gonna get accepted into your dream college, this has been your goal ever since you were five years old, right? riki shouldn’t be the reason why you stop. i know how much you care about him, but it’s just not worth it.” danielle sighs upon seeing your defeated face. she knows she could have worded it a little better, but knowing you, you would only listen if she said it with blunt and honest words. sugarcoating it wouldn’t do anything. so, you slowly nod. danielle’s right, you think. as much as you don’t want her to be right, you refuse to let your dream go just because of riki. and as of late, you feel like you’re starting to outgrow him.
he’s still the same little boy you met years ago, and he hasn’t grown much compared to you. you started to take your studies seriously, you started to enjoy coffee, whereas riki still finds doorbell dash pranks funny and he can’t handle any bitter food, it has to be sickly sweet. but even so, you don’t know how to spend time away from him. you spent your childhood with him. he’s been with you longer than you can recall. you remember the first time you realized you had a crush on him; it was freshman year of high school, and seeing him easily getting along with other people in your class made you a little jealous, admittedly. the feelings you have for him has been long pushed down, and now that you feel like you need to platonically break up with him, the feelings are starting to bubble up again and you feel your heart about to burst into a million pieces.
you can’t do it to riki, you think. you’re really his only friend, as selfish as this sounds, when you admitted to him you were jealous that he was becoming so popular, he started to only hang out with you. but now you seem like a hypocrite.
you begin to realize what danielle had said to riki that day, probably around the lines of what she said to you. you can’t drag this out any longer, you think. in a way, you’re holding riki back as well, and you know he has such great potential to do something so amazing. you wish you could stay with him to witness it.
you quickly pack up your things into your backpack, your friends taken aback with your rush. “where are you going?” hanni asks when you stand up, swinging your bag over your shoulder. “gonna talk to riki, see you guys later, okay?” you say without looking at them once, making your way to the exit of the library. you know he has soccer practice, so you decide to wait for him at the bleachers until his practice ends. you’re fidgeting, nervous as you plan out what you’re going to say to him. you think you should get your feelings sorted out first, but you know that you can’t wait any longer. this was honestly long overdue, but you were being selfish by keeping riki close to you. he spots you up on the bleachers during his practice, and he’s shocked because, one, you’re always studying but you’re staring straight at him, and two, you’ve never expressed your interest in soccer before. he starts to get excited– maybe you want to hang out with him again?
no, he couldn’t be more wrong. after his practice, he goes over to you on the bleachers, and by the look on your face, it doesn’t look like you’re in the mood to hang out. he furrows his brows when you tap the spot next to you, but he sits down anyway. he can feel it coming, the platonic break up. but what he feels for you is more than platonic, and he’s sure you know it too. before you can even get a word out, he blurts out “i love you, y/n.”
you hate this so bad, you want to say it back so much, but you know it will only hurt even more. then again, you’re selfish. so you say it back. “i…love you too, riki,” you say, and riki could almost jump up and down with excitement, but you can’t even look at him. “but i can’t–” you hiccup, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down. you don’t want this to be a bitterly sad moment, even though it is inevitable. “i don’t think we should be friends anymore. i think we should just, um, go our own ways… i don’t really want this, i know you don’t want this either, but i think…i think it’s the best for both of us…” you trail off once you notice yourself rambling. shutting up would be the best choice for you at this moment. you quietly stand up, and riki’s eyes follow your movements but you still can’t look at him.
he feels himself get angry. at you, at himself, he doesn’t even know anymore. how could something as strong as yours and his bond fade away like this? he doesn’t understand. you two promised that you would stay friends, stay little forever. he guessed you were both being ignorant, but you decided to face reality faster than him. he was hoping for the impossible – to stay ignorant forever. why couldn’t you both stay young, he wonders. he would have his happy ending with you. now he’s forced to grow up and act his age.
he scoffs at you, shaking his head as he frustratingly runs a hand through his hair. he looks away from you when you finally look at him. “whatever, y/n. i hope you get what you want and have a good life in your dream college,” he mumbles, standing up as well as he gets ready to leave. from the corner of your eye, he sees you open your mouth again but he stops you before you let a word out. “i can’t watch you live happily without me. please don’t make me stay.”
BUT WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF I???????? BREAK FREE AND LEAVE US IN RUINS?????? TOOK THIS DAGGER IN ME AND REMOVED IT????? GAIN THE WEIGHT OF YOU THEN LOSE IT???? BELIEVE ME, I COULD DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
She’d better hold him tight, give him all her love. Look in those beautiful eyes and know she’s lucky ‘cause he’s the reason for the teardrops on my guitar.
izzy806
kianamaiart
pixelskylines
