if i cannot be better than them, i will become so much worse @jamespottersdaisy - Tumblr Blog

something, somehow, someday || steve harrington

steve has been in love with you for longer than he hasn't. he'll be there whether you're happy in love with someone else or heartbroken over a bad date. will you ever get there?

PAIRING: modern au bestfriend+roommate!steve harrington x reader

WARNINGS: none!

WORD COUNT: 3.6k words

A/N: i've been plagued by steve harrington for years but finally had the courage and motivation to write something<3 it's probably not as good as it could be but i hope you enjoy it anyway<3

thank you, my baby aysel for proof reading and giving me feedback and also shoutout to @wishing-on-a-staranise and @takemetothelakes-poets for encouraging me to keep writing and for the steve brainrot in our groupchat<3

"Tonight's the night, Steve, I feel it!" you say, tightening your dangly earrings that made you look oh, so pretty. Steve's brows crinkle, not understanding what you meant. You catch onto his confusion and clarify," The date..... I think he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend tonight. I can feel it." You grin.

Steve's face falls for a split second but you don't notice, too busy deciding on your perfume for the night. Steve clears his throat lightly,"...And do you want to be fully official as well?" He holds his breath.

You pause in your step for a moment, shrugging the question away and Steve knows not to push you further. He watches you ditch your trusted sneakers for a pair of uncomfortable looking heels that he knows you hate wearing.

As much as Steve wants to stop your date and sabotage it somehow, he has to watch it happen.

You and Jack had been on and off for almost a year now and Steve had to watch the daft fool play around with your feelings constantly, treating you like an afterthought, being late for dates, forgetting plans, ditching you for friends, and so on.

Steve doesn't know what you see in him but he has to be supportive for your sake. And be there when things go sideways, as they often did with Jack. Why couldn't you see that Jack was so wrong for you? He bites his tongue.

He follows you out into the living room of your shared loft with Robin and Eddie. “You got any plans?” you ask him, glancing at the clock to see how long you had left.

He tucks a stray strand of your hair behind your ear, shaking his head. “Probably gonna watch a movie with Robin. Eddie’s out for practice.”

“Do not watch Ferris Bueller without me,” you warn and he throws you a two finger salute paired with a smirk that has you clearing your throat.

Robin walks out of her room, in some old sweats and a jacket that belonged to Steve at some point. “Oooooooh, hot date?” she asks, nodding at you approvingly as you make a show of twirling in your new dress.

“She thinks it’s the date,” Steve answers for you, exchanging a hard to decipher look with Robin. You swear they had a whole language of their own.

“Oh?” One of Robin’s brows quirk up as she looks from Steve to you, and back to Steve. You nod lightly, before grabbing your little bag.

“I’ll get going, then,” you took a deep breath, walking toward the door.

Steve gives you a semi-hug, squeezing you lightly,” You got this, babe.”

“Call us if you need anything,” Robin instructs and you smile, waving at your friends as you leave with a fluttering stomach and a pounding heart.

Steve watches you leave with a sad smile on his face and spends the next hour pacing, unable to calm himself down. Robin doesn’t say anything, offering him a hug as she watches him torture himself with the thoughts of your night out.

Eddie walks in, not longer after and Robin fills him in via inaudible mumbles. Eddie offers him an empathetic smile and Steve shrugs it off, “Stop looking at me like that! I’m fine! As long as she’s happy, y’know.”

The metalhead ruffles his hair affectionately, and is met with protests immediately. “Could you not? The hair is off limits, Munson. You know this.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll take a quick shower then.” He retreats to his room in slow steps.

“Don’t drown in there,” Steve mumbles sarcastically.

“I heard that!”

“You were supposed to,” Steve grins, though Eddie can’t see him.

He spends the rest of the evening alternating between mindless scrolling on his phone (his gallery specifically, for the candids of you) and begrudgingly reading that book you recommended him to read with a red headed teenage protagonist called Anne. He wouldn’t admit it to anyone just how invested he was in poor Anne’s tragically romantic life.

He checks the wall clock for the time. Almost 9 o’clock. Maybe he should call it a night. He puts the book down, wiping his hands on his thighs over the denim pants he had on. There’s a thud at the door and Steve whips his head to it immediately. The key turns from the outside and the door is pushed open slowly.

“Honey?” Steve asks, looking at your shaking hands and sad eyes, getting up immediately.

“Mhmm, it’s me,” you mumble, eyes darting on the floor, not daring to meet his.

“You’re back?” Robin enters the room. You don’t respond, closing the door behind you. “Are you…okay?” She asks, although it is evident you are not.

“‘M fine,” your voice is clipped, a little hoarse, beelining for your room.

Steve reaches for you, hand outstretched, “Honey…” You ignore him, breathing in slowly. “What happened-?”

“Toots! How was the big date? I thought it’d be a full night thing, no nightcap?” Eddie walks in cheerfully, drying his messy curls with a towel, blissfully unaware of the room and its energy.

That seemed to do it.

You burst out, “Since you’re all so curious, he basically said I’m unloveable and hard to even put up with an aggressive and combative and dramatic and that no one could or would ever love me. Are you satisfied now?”

Silence. You take this silence as a chance to stalk towards your room and slam the door shut as soon as you’re inside.

Eddie is the first one out of the stupor,” What the fuck?”

Steve feels himself burn up with rage. Fucking Jack. He better fucking sleep with one eye fucking open or Steve was going to mess him stupid face up so-

Robin nudges his shoulder. “Murder later. Now go after her, doofus.”

She was right. He rushes to your door and knocks on it "Honey? Can I please come in?" He’s met with silence.

“Baby?" he tries again.

"Go away." A sniffly sentence that makes him pout at your closed door.

"I will stay out here all night if you don't let me in. Give me two minutes of your time, please?"

The door unlocks. Steve lets himself in, heart tightening at the sight in front of him. you in your lovely floral dress you'd brought out just for this date. For that dick. And your beautiful eyes filled with tears and your mascara smudged. There's a pinch between your brows he'd find adorable in a different situation.

He opens his arms and looks at you, and just as he’d known you jump into his embrace, koala-like in your posture, clinging onto him.

He hugs back with just as much feeling, making sure to be gentle.

He's not sure how long you stood there together, his legs ached a little bit but he waited for you to move.

"Do you want to sit?" he asked. He felt a nod of your head, still buried in his chest. "Alright..." he moved you both carefully, seating himself at the edge of the bed with you next to him.

The new position gave him the opportunity to look at your face. "Hi honey" he says, raising a hand to your face, wiping a stray tear away.

You lean into the touch, humming.

"That asshole doesn't deserve you, you know that right?"

You shrug at this. He doesn't like the response one bit. "Surely you can't believe anything he said" Steve scoffs. "He's literally called Jack. you can't trust a j name!"

That makes you smile a little, but it goes down very quickly. "What if I am, Stevie?"

"Are what?" his eyebrows crinkle.

"Unloveable. what if nobody ever-"

He doesn't let you finish. "Let me stop you right there. You're not unloveable. Or anything he said. You're fucking sunshine, baby. You make sure everyone around you’s happy and are so caring and loving and that prick can only dream of having half the love you have in this little finger of yours." he says, eyes looking at yours while he entwined his pinky with yours.

"You really think so?" Your voice is so soft that Steve could cry.

"I know so, honey." he brings your palm to his lips, leaving a quick peck there.

It’s been weeks since the night Jack broke your heart, and you seemed to be feeling better. Finally.

Steve was done watching you pine after an idiot that didn’t know what he had. If it were him, he’d treat you the way you deserved to be treated.

He’d dote on you with hugs and kisses, and wake you up to pretty flowers and breakfast in bed…and maybe some other things in bed. His cheeks flush as he’s pulled out of his daydreams by a smirking Robin.

“Are you done fantasizing about Y/N? Or do you need some more tim-?”

Steve shoves her away, hushing her loudly as he watches you look up from your book on the couch. When you smile at him, he sighs audibly. Thank god you hadn’t heard Robin’s big mouth.

“Could you just shhh, she’s right here!” he’s exasperated and Robin just snorts, shrugging as if to say that’s why she does it.

He sticks out his tongue at her and she shoves at him which he gladly returns. “Children, children, children,” Eddie pipes up, looking up from his absentminded strumming of his beloved guitar,” Daddy’s working.”

“Shut up, Eddie,” they say simultaneously and you giggle at their antics.

Your eyes catch Steve’s warm ones and you feel a smile break out as he wiggles his eyebrows at you. “Movie?” you mouth at him and he shrugs a yes, knowing full well you were going to pick Pretty Woman yet again. Even if you’d both watched it so many times that you could quote it verbatim.

He gestured to the others in the room, asking if you wanted them to accompany you. You shook your head. You know it was a little mean, but selfishly you wanted him all to yourself.

The way it was when it was just the two of you, holding hands and intertwining fingers, before teenage angst ruined it all. Before King Steve ever made an appearance. When you could be close without having to have feelings for one another.

That’s not to say you didn’t though. You had the biggest crush on him when you were both thirteen. And maybe for a couple years after that. You tell yourself that it was just a childish feeling, nothing worth remembering. Nothing worth losing sleep over.

So, you shrug it off everytime the feeling gnaws at your heart threatening to bubble over the surface when he smiles at you with that perfect mouth, his whole face lighting up as he calls you those lovely nicknames that you didn’t deserve.

You yawn loudly, shutting your book with a snap. Robin looks at you,” Tired already?”

“Mhmm,” you nod as convincingly as you could, “I think I'll go to bed now.” You walk out of the living room, calling behind you as you go. “Steve? Could you help me with something please?”

Steve thought it was so cute, if not a little overkill. You didn't want your friends to feel bad about your and Steve’s little movie night so you put up this little act. It never fooled anyone.

Eddie smirks at Steve as he gets up to follow you. “Help with something… Is that what the kids are calling it now?” Robin snickers along with him and Steve rolls his eyes, flipping them off before skipping to your room.

Shutting the door behind himself, he sees you already in bed, laptop on your lap as you set it up.

“Hi,” you smile at him, eyes warm and inviting. He feels his stomach flip a little.

“Hi babe,” he grins back, taking his place next to you, an arm behind your back as you settle into his chest a little better. “Pretty Woman?”

“You know me so well,” you teased, hand coming to pinch his cheek. He leans into the touch, sighing.

Your palm rests on his cheek for a second too long and his breathing stops. Are you leaning in or is this wishful thinking?

Your breathing grows heavy as you observe the same face you've seen a thousand times. The twin moles on his neck look so inviting. Your thumb moves back and forth on his cheek as you get impossibly closer, almost a hair's breadth away.

Your phone lets out an ill-timed, “BEEP! BEEP!”

You startle. Laptop falling off your lap onto the mattress clumsily. You clear your throat and reach for your phone, avoiding Steve's eyes.

Steve, on the other hand, is still reeling and dazed, blinking at you as you check your phone, swiping the notifications away as you avoid his eyeline.

You clear your throat, “Should I start the movie?”

He nods quickly, settling back into your usual position, making sure to leave some space as he tries to focus on the screen.

He steals glances at your face as you watch the screen blankly. He wonders if you're thinking about what could have happened if your phone hadn't interrupted.

Would you have closed the gap between the two of you?

The movie continues playing as you slowly doze off, your head coming to rest on Steve's shoulder and he feels himself smile.

He wants to stay here forever.

The next morning, you woke out of your room, rubbing the last of the sleep in your eyes, hair wild and mouth open in a yawn when you find Steve sipping on his coffee on the counter.

He jumps down when he sees you approach, “Good morning, honey. Sleep well?” He gives you a one armed hug that you return gladly.

“Mhmm, I don't even remember falling asleep,” you get to making your own coffee.

“Ah, yeah. You dozed off pretty quick into the movie. Was cute,” he taps on your nose as you catch sight of his twin moles again.

You breathe in sharply as the moment from the night before flashes in your mind. You shake it away and take a step back. It was way too early for this.

You lift your chin to look at him just to find him already turned to you, an easy smile on his face, eyes crinkled in that sunshiney way of his. You feel your heart skip a beat and you feel it hit you like a thousand bricks.

It’s Steve. Always has been.

Your quest for love and a dream guy to sweep you off your feet has always been pointless because there has always been Steve.

From sleepless nights and impromptu baking sessions together, to crying on his shoulder whenever you needed it. From your high school graduation to your first heartache, from getting your favourite plush for you at the arcade to cozy nights in, talking about everything and nothing for hours on end. It was always him.

How had you been so blind to what was right in front of you?

You carry on with your day on autopilot, your mind filling through years of interactions, of cheesy nicknames and lingering touches- filling you with a giddiness only rivaled by Robin when she wins at monopoly.

You are almost entirely sure Steve loves you. But the tiny off chance that you’re making this up fills you with anxiety and you can’t decide how to go about this.

Your brand new revelation makes it so much harder to interact with Steve over the next couple of weeks. Sweet, sweet Steve with his pet names, and short sleeved tees that make you grind your teeth together.

You quickly realise how drawn to him you are in any room, no matter how crowded. You’re a moth to his flame. He seems just as drawn though, arms coming around you in friendly squeezes and forehead kisses that make your friends wiggle their brows at you. Had you been so oblivious all along?

Just last Tuesday, he maneuvered across your body to get to the counter in the kitchen, hand squeezing at your waist momentarily and you dropped the spoon in your hand. You can swear you saw Robin snort into her cereal as she watches you fumble like a middle schooler across what would have been a normal interaction two months before.

At the party you’d gone to the weekend prior, he’s shown up in a zipped up jacket and jeans. You damn near lost your mind when he took the jacket off, revealing a snug black t-shirt. So basic yet so… good. You stuttered through your compliment to him, but he just smirked, “Drunk already, are we?” You’d played along, pretending to be drunker than you were so you’d have an excuse for the stuttering and the clinging to him and the giddiness that made you feel pretty drunk- so maybe you weren’t really lying.

So yeah, it has been an uphill battle and you feel like Tantalus, craving for something you want so, so bad. It’s right in front of you, but just out of reach by bare millimeters.

You could have probably put more effort into being subtle because it appears your friends suspect something, or at least you think they do. They’ve been dropping remarks and out of context statements to try and coax out a confession from you till it works.

Last night, she mentioned setting up Steve with one of her book club acquaintances in passing, insisting that they would work really well together when he rejected her proposal. You held your breath through the whole conversation, your mindless strumming on Eddie’s spare guitar pausing.

When Steve said he’d think about it and left for his room, Robin turned her eyes on you with a badly suppressed grin. “Everything okay, Y/n?”

You held back the urge to roll your eyes, nodding stiffly as Eddie laughed. “Leave the poor girl alone, Buckley. She’s only just getting there.”

“Getting where?” you played dumb.

Robin raised a singular brow at you, eyes darting towards Steve’s door and back at you and you spilled,” Fine! I’m getting there. In fact, I got here months ago and I feel like I’m in hell. I don’t know what to do with all these, these feelings now!”

She smiled like she’d won the lottery. “Just tell him! He’s so gone for you it’s insane. If I have to hear him sigh because you left the room one more time, I’ll kill myself in front of you. Eddie, tell her!”

“Are you completely sure?” you posed, a smile growing as the little doubt in you left you.

“Uh, is a T-rex physically stronger than a level 20 Barbarian?” he asked, excitement barely in check.

“...Yes?” you hazarded a guess, your smile blooming even wider in tandem with your roommates’. “But how do I even tell him or do I even tell him? Do I wait for him to-”

“Worry not, fair maiden, for I have a plan worthy of your everlasting love for the golden haired paladin down the hallwa-”

“How many times have I told you not to talk in your weird dungeon master voice in normal situations. It freaks me out and is so unnecessary-” Robin interjects.

“Fine! Just say you hate metal and whimsy but whatever.” He turns to you,” I have a plan.”

And that’s exactly how you reached where you are right now, exactly two days later, in your best pair of jeans and the cute button up black top you got at the mall last august. You’re standing outside the cafe Steve is sitting at, waiting for his supposed blind date setup by Robin. You hope this wasn’t all a misread after misread of the situation. You hope you never lose him, especially not because of a can of worms you decided to open.

You peek in and catch sight of his nervous hands fiddling with the bracelet you’d got him last Christmas and somehow that was enough to convince you to finally walk in. You approach his table in slow and steady strides, and watch as his gaze rises up from your shoes and upward.

His face glowed with recognition, before settling on confusion. “Honey? What are you doing here?”

“Why? You want me to leave?” you feigned disappointment, pouting at him in a way that made his eyes linger on your glossy lips. You held in a sly smile as you smacked your lips together with a subtle pop, making him gulp.

“Wha- Of course not, I always want you around. S’ just, I’m supposed to be on a date…” he trails off, embarrassed,” But, I think I’m being stood up so seat’s all yours.”

“You’re not being stood up, Steve,” you say, pulling your chair out to sit across from him.

” Well she’s not here, so.” He smiles dejectedly.

“She is,” you smile at him and he’s all confused puppy eyes, scrunched up eyebrows and adorably tilted head. All you want to do is kiss that pout off his mouth.

He’s still looking at you puzzled when you give him a meaningful smile, reaching across the table to grab his hand with a gentle but firm squeeze. His face lights up like never before, pure sunshine as he breaks into the most cheesy smile you’d ever seen. “Robin did me a favour,” you shrugged as if it were nothing.

“Do you mean it? Really?” he questions, honey brown eyes earnest and pleading, giddy laugh almost spilling out.

You kiss his knuckles across the tabletop. “Why don’t you let me be your date for the evening and find out?”

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if i cannot be better than them, i will become so much worse