6 months
I wrote a whole post and somehow it disappeared. Ugh. I'll try to recreate it now.
hair- hair continues to grow all over my body. I seem to notice new hair growth each day. My facial hair is a bit slow which I realized would probably happen and I recently shaved off my dirt stache which I totally regret now as my face looks bare without it, and it makes me look a lot younger without it too. Iāve had a couple of funny moments where strangers were convinced I was a teen boy. It doesn't help that I tend to dress like a teenager as well, but people do seem confused when Iām out with my kids.Ā
Voice- it continues to sound deeper. I think I've had one pretty massive drop in my voice so far. All the other voice changes have been pretty gradual. At this point anyone that hasn't seen/spoken to me in a while notices a huge change in how I sound.
Emotional changes are more noticeable the last few months. I feel off lately. Irritable, really moody and depressed. I have an appointment with my dr very soon and I will be discussing my mental health with him. I'm pretty sure I need to lower my dose of t and I think these changes are hormone related.
Ā Another thing that has been on my mind lately is fitting in. I am very new to passing as male and while I am very happy that the world is perceiving me as male I am having trouble feeling like I fit in. I notice that women are a lot less friendly with me (I get why) and I notice that men generally pay more attention to me, which is very strange. When I presented as a butch lesbian I rarely had men interact with me. Now iām noticing two types of main interactions with men 1) they are friendly to me, making eye contact, nodding their heads, etc (this is a good thing) or 2) they are aggressive with me. iāve had a few interactions where men have told me to move, called me a pussy or glared at me. I donāt know whatās up with that but its scary and I generally just put my head down and move along. I have the overall feeling that I donāt fit in right now. I donāt know whatās expected of me as a man and I know I donāt want people to perceive me as a woman...I donāt even know what iām trying to say, I just know that iām struggling with my place in the world right now. Some of it is transition related for sure and some is due to other circumstances in my life. Its a weird and unsettling place to be. Please donāt misunderstand me, I am happy with my transition. I am happy to look into the mirror or see a photo of myself and not feel disappointed, confused, or generally unhappy. Iām just finding my place and its hard than I expected. I tend to be a very introspective person so having these thought/feelings about my place in the world are not new for me and the intensity around it isnāt new for me either. Just something worth noting, I guess.Ā
Lastly, my name change is partially done. Iāve got my name changed with the province I live in and have changed both my name and gender marker on my licence. Next up is changing my name and gender marker on my provincial health card, then changing my name and gender on my birth certificate which is in a different province, then social insurance, then from there my marriage certificate, my kids birth certificates, my passport, bank, mortgage, etc. The paperwork is overwhelming but iām happy iāve at least started and my current identification is changed.Ā
Those are the changes/thoughts Iāve had and experienced for this month. Iāll be posting a 7month update soon as this one is super late.Ā
















