you are terribly dull and I hate you @jankkarinkatu - Tumblr Blog

Inuyasha Artbook - Rumiko Takahashi Genga Zenshuu 2001

yeah we put your girl in the fandom and they villainized her beyond comprehension. yeah sorry they took out all the nuance and made the argument completely black and white. yeah my bad. we can’t reverse it. sorry.

sophiamcdougall

We put your girl in the fandom and now she's just the "one who has the braincell". Sorry, they made her a "queen" so she can't be funny or vulnerable or do anything except sigh and wrangle the boy characters. Like a mother, yeah. Yeah, it's still better than it would have been fifteen years ago. Sorry.

#yeah

sevenminuteshadpassed

creetch

People who act like a character being bisexual is less valid then them being gay and ignore their bisexuality or try to disprove it kill kill kill maim maim maim maim scratch scratch kick kick bite bite bite bite

kenobiwanx

Joel and Sarah 🦋

#tlou

cadaverkeys

One of my favourite post formats is when someone with a similar URL to op torments them like they are failed clones of each other and it completely changes the tone of the original post.

#tumblr

hellboys

Nick Offerman Answers the Web’s Most Searched Questions –WIRED, 2020

#nick offerman #i love him?

goopy-amethyst-deactivated20250

Everyone else’s music taste sucks but mine *Plays the worst song you’ve heard on your entire life*

chickenoptyrx

Heh heh

Based on this

So I wanted to know what kind of crystal could go in a wizard staff, right? so I googled “big crystal,” as one does, and got an Etsy ad for This

And as you all know I Am currently taking a geology class, so I am probably more emotionally invested in minerals than usual. But that is...very obviously not a natural crystal.

So I did some looking around on Etsy.

Now, these shops all seem to advertise to the “witchy”/“spiritual healing” type of person. And there are a lot of them. Crystals are a Big Thing on Etsy. And ALMOST ALL of them are obviously artificially cut into the same sort of prism with a triangular pyramid top, regardless of the actual sort of crystal it is supposed to be.

Even like, fucking, obsidian. Obsidian is volcanic glass, it doesn’t form crystals at all, it is not a crystal

I’m not throwing any shade at people who are into crystals for like witchy reasons, but it really seems like if crystals are spiritually important to you, you should know what a crystal is...right...?

headspace-hotel

So there I am. Caught in the helpless anger and distaste of looking at geologically inaccurate Etsy crystals.

And as I scroll, I start to see items in...interesting shapes:

“Oh,” I think to myself. “Oh no.”

But it is too late. I have heard the siren’s song, singing to me of knowledge that will destroy me, but that I cannot help but seek.

These...elongated objects are almost always ambiguously described as “massage wands,” “crystal healing wands,” and other such innocuous things. The egg-shaped objects are, um, “yoni eggs.”

...Right. Okay.

Maintain the youthfulness of my sacred organ.

IT’S A SEX TOY. SAY IT. BITCH, IT’S A SEX TOY, IT’S OKAY, SERIOUSLY, THERE’S NO SHAME IN IT, SAY IT WITH PRIDE, SAY IT WITH YOUR CHEST,

OKAY.

Okay. I’m good. I’m fine.

Actually, you know what, never mind. There is shame in this and I want it to be never acknowledged again.

Additionally, I am not fine.

Why the fuck are there so many of these—

At this point I stop and start googling.

Now, Selenite is the crystalline form of gypsum. It is also known as satin spar. Selenite is brittle and breaks easily, and has a Mohs hardness scale of 2.

For those unfamiliar with the Mohs hardness scale, a mineral with a hardness of 2 is soft enough that it can be easily scratched with a fingernail. It also is dissolved by moisture.

NO. DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR BODY???? DON’T PUT THE GYPSUM, WHICH HAS A MOHS HARDNESS SCALE OF 2, IS BRITTLE AND BREAKS EASILY, AND IS WATER SOLUBLE, INSIDE YOUR LITERAL ACTUAL VAGINA??????????

I try to reassure myself with the fact that these things are probably not actually selenite, because making a dildo out of such a soft mineral in the first place would be very difficult. Having seen fluorite before, I feel pretty certain that the fluorite yoni eggs are probably actually just glass.

I google fluorite.

Okay.

Further exploring online shows me that fluorite is soluble in various strong acids.

Some guys on a forum in 2004 have strong contradictory opinions on this.

(I google the pH of the vagina.)

I don’t understand how pH works. I give up on the solubility question and google the toxicity of fluorite:

I now know at least one orifice fluorite does not go inside.

Science.

headspace-hotel

No, dear followers, my journey did not end here.

I have opened Pandora’s box, except Pandora’s box is filled with minerals God did not intend to be anywhere near the vagina carved into the shape of dildos. Etsy is advertising me sex toys I wish I could forget.

And vaginal steam herbs.

It seems that there is potentially a correlation between wanting to steam your vagina and wanting to put rocks in it. I know, groundbreaking discovery.

Okay, so we’re talking therapy substitute therapy substitute.

(I begin to think about how desperately we need universal health care. Maybe I just need someone, something, to blame.)

At this point, I realize that I haven’t done any googling on whether dildos made of rocks are a good idea at all. So, very tentatively, as if typing it more slowly will make it any less observed by the FBI, I google whether quartz should be used...internally.

First result that pops up:

That’s, uh. That’s reassuring.

I decide I’m incapable of unpacking this particular suitcase.

There are, of course, a small handful of articles debating the safety of rose quartz sex toys. But I’m getting the feeling that this is not a normal question to have in the first place. I close the tab with little relief.

Etsy is still enthusiastically recommending me things that hurt me psychologically.

...pleasure chalk?

How can I describe the fear that this image struck in me, reader?

Pleasure Chalk? What could that be?

Is knowing worse, or is not knowing? I scarcely have a choice:

I check in with my emotions.

Is this relief? Am I relieved that they are eating the dirt instead of fucking it? One review complains about the taste. I don’t know what they expected.

I try in vain to struggle against the tide, to return to the relatively normal side of Etsy. I begin to resent, no, hate, these deceptively aesthetically pleasing hippie shops eagerly spreading medical misinformation and things as yet unknown.

This, unlike the other “crystals” I have shown, appears to show naturally grown crystals. They are, of course, quartz crystals, and $45 comes off as extremely overpriced. I have a quartz crystal I got for a dollar at an Eastern Kentucky rock festival, about the size and quality of the ones in the photo.

Quartz is the most common mineral in the Earth’s crust. But at least this is regular levels of annoying.

Then I see this:

Well, I see the photo and the price, and I think, that looks like a regular quartz crystal. There’s no way a regular quartz crystal is $1,347.

I read the description:

I am crying. I don’t want to google any of this. I am beyond googling. I no longer desire knowledge.

THATS A QUARTZ CRYSTAL. MOTHERFUCKER THAT’S QUARTZ. SIO2, MOST COMMON MINERAL IN THE EARTH’S CRUST. ITS FUCKING QUARTZ IM—

I click on a malachite.

The malachite promises to protect me from emails. And at this, darkest hour, I want to be protected.

I have been broken. I have been lured to my demise.

Big Brother: loved.

Geology lab I’m supposed to be doing: incomplete.

God: unmerciful.

headspace-hotel

@teddybear-kin @queen-cryptic I regret to inform you that, regardless of the intended usage of wands, people are absolutely putting them in their bodies and the labeling is not always clear and distinguishing. Objects that are very clearly dildos are described as "massage wands."

Many of them are still dubiously presenting themselves as items for health practices, blurring the lines between masturbation and "yoni massage."

It's really unclear where the line between "this goes in your vagina" and more normal items is in general. Some of the items are very clearly in the "please don't" category, but some of them are just like "This is a Massage Wand. Up to you which of your holes you shove it into."

"insert the wand slowly and try to massage inside of your Yoni (Vulva)."

Kill me.

headspace-hotel

Are You Sure

headspace-hotel

Wait I think @icanfuckthescalenetriangle is onto something

bigscaryd

I have extremely bad news about the "Pleasure Clay." First off, as an aside, "eating it rather than fucking it" may seem better, but pica is a usually a sign of malnutrition, so it's still pretty concerning. That's not the bad news.

The bad news is that some people would like to add more friction to their intercourse. That is, they find vaginal intercourse less fun when the vagina is well-lubricated. So, they use astringents and absorbent powders to dry the vagina. To put it another way, that's the vaginal equivalent of the chalk gymnasts dust on their hands, or a pitcher's rosin bag. It's anti-lube. It's often phrased as "tightening" the vagina and products will sometimes pop up that advertise they can "restore that virgin feeling," marketed usually, but not always, to men.

Now, I've got a penis, and that sounds distinctly less fun to me. It's downright dangerous for the person with the vagina, of course. These go in the same bucket with anesthetizing anal lube: DON'T.

#well that was a wild fucking ride #long post #stories