MY BORING LIFE

These feelings inside make me scream out loud.

[janny1989]

[janny1989]

To my Dearest Kuya Alan,

I grew up with you. You made me feel like we were siblings you (Kuya Alan), Kuya Dwin and Ate Janice. When I was little, you used to say these to me “Buds mengan na ka?” “Atin nasi ken” “Ayni atin ulam” a caring kuya. You also joke about “the fish” “buntuk ning isda mu ing balu mung kanan kanita”. Hahahaha! When “Apu” (grandma) passed away, you consistently checked on me if i was okay. I appreciate that you've always looked out for me. THANK YOU!

Time flies! We grew up so fast. All of a sudden, you have your own family and we have our own individual lives.

I suppose I didn't get the opportunity to express my gratitude for everything. That “Little Buding” has great and wonderful memories with you.

I hope you are okay now. Please wag mo akong takutin. 😅 I love you Kuya Alan. 🤍

- Buds

[janny1989]

I think we've always known, deep down in our hearts, where a path would lead when we first met someone or started something new.

We knew whether it would work out or not, but chose to ignore our instincts and that tingly feeling in our hearts.

Instead, we opted to believe in maybes, give chances, and hold onto hope.

If we're honest with ourselves, we realize we knew the answer to all our questions all along.

[janny1989]

I want to be chosen and prioritized, not just fitted into your life when it's convenient.

[janny1989]

The pain has been louder lately.

I wake up wanting to forget you already.

Some days, I cannot remember how you smiles.

I wanted to tell you the truth about how bitter I feel regarding what happened.

The love with nowhere to go hurts in a way that makes my stomach twist and my heart crack open.

[janny1989]

Although 2025 was a draining year, it revealed my ability to stand up again, even when I felt empty and lost.

I don't want to experience another year like this, but it taught me that I can handle more than I thought and keep going, no matter what.

It didn't happen overnight.

I stopped explaining my pain and waiting to be chosen.

I let go of what hurt me, mourned silently, and kept moving forward.

[janny1989]

I'm still trying to process everything, and I wanted to put my thoughts into words.

Finding out about it made me realize how deeply I trusted you.

I’m feeling hurt, betrayed, angry, and confused, which makes me question everything we had.

I want to be clear that I cannot forgive you for what happened.

The trust is broken, and your actions hurt me deeply.

I know I deserve better - honesty, respect, and space to heal and move forward without you.

[janny1989]

I guess this is the hardest part. I know this isn't easy to hear, but I want to be honest with you. I'm filled with mixed emotions. Sometimes I've been thinking about us, and I find myself wondering what could have been. But I deserve better, and so do you.

I hope you're doing well. I wish you all the best. You deserve all the happiness in the world. I appreciate the good times, and I'm grateful for the lessons we've learned together. I'll always appreciate the memories we made.

I've been feeling like I'm ready to move on. I've decided it's time to turn the page and start a new chapter.

[janny1989]

I'm not okay, but I'm letting you go.

Please don't get me wrong, this isn't easy for me.

I guess this is my last goodbye.

I'm sorry that giving up feels like my only choice.

Someday, we will be fine.

Don't worry about me, I know I will be alright.

Take Care.

[janny1989]

I won't send a message.

I won't check if you're okay.

I will let the day pass quietly.

Instead of writing to you, I will write to myself, embracing my own journey.

Instead of asking if you are okay, I will ask myself the same.

Instead of reminding you that I care, I will remind myself that I deserve care too, and that I am enough.

Finally, I will let you go completely.

[janny1989]

As I reflect, I have come to realize that everything happens for a reason. People come and go, but the lessons they bring are meant to help you grow. Appreciate the journey! 🙌🏼

[janny1989]

To : B

During conflicts, I make an effort to understand your point of view and ask questions. Yet, I find myself apologizing unnecessarily. Is this my fault?

Your sudden silence is more painful and the feeling of not knowing what's wrong is overwhelming.

I recognize I have a tendency to overanalyze, which can make me toxic and negative.

And the feeling of being a weight on your shoulders has lifted. I am at peace wherever you are.

[janny1989]

To: 🌙

Heto na naman ako nakikinig sa mga kwento mo. Ilang oras din magkausap sa telepono. Goodvibes lang. Masaya lang!

[janny1989]

[janny1989]

I am currently outside my comfort zone.

All things are temporary.

Regardless of whether it is good or bad, everyone will eventually forget.

I will focus on one day at a time and adjust accordingly.

[janny1989]

This is likely the last time we'll be together.

I'll make the most of every minute.

I won't argue and will go with the flow instead.

No hard feelings.

I've reminded myself multiple times to focus on myself.

[janny1989]

Life Update:

In recent days, I have experienced persistent feelings of sadness, accompanied by a growing distrust of others. Instead of feeling secure in sharing my emotions, I am repeatedly disappointed.

In my car, coffee in hand, I think about my vacation, anxiety rising as I face leaving my comfort zone, but I breathe deeply to reassure myself.

My hope is to find someone trustworthy, who genuinely cares about my well-being and is happy for my accomplishments, rather than just valuing what I can offer them.