jarren on-line

bio-bot

[onegianthand]

Harvey Peblo, the boy wizard who is a thinly-veiled mouthpiece for the author’s political views

[jarrenb]

ah what a beautiful morning to just travel to each planet individually and watch a celestial sunrise

[jarrenb]

early 4th century version of "if the van is a-rockin, don't come a-knockin":

if the gong has been rung, the dong has been schlung

[jarrenb]

ah what a beautiful morning to just ride free forever, constantly evading the cold, outstretched hand of death

[jarrenb]

i used to hate earth, but now that it's almost dead i think "i'm gonna miss you, earth. warts and all"

[jarrenb]

spicy snacks turn my undies into flamin hot speedos 😉

[jarrenb]

subar-me? no, subaru

[jarrenb]

they say the eyes are the window to the soul, but they don't say that the belly button is the tube that leads to the tummy. why? why don't they say that?

[jarrenb]

just like my phone, if you put me on my tummy i go into "do not disturb" mode 😉

[jarrenb]

The Pledge of Willegiance

i pledge allegiance to Will Smith of West Philadelphia and to the Willenium for which we stan one nation in Miami Wild Wild West with Uncle Phil and Carlton for all

[jarrenb]

how to differentiate between generations by music:

BABY BOOMERS: do not like music

GEN X: put out a vibe that they like pearl jam (they don't necessarily like pearl jam, they just put out that vibe)

MILLENIALS: music likers

[jarrenb]

ah what a devilish night to just enter into a dark vortex only to escape unscathed

[jarrenb]

do not i repeat DO NOT accidentally worship the devil during the holidays like i did back in 2013. my life has been a literal hell (pun intended 😉) ever since

[jarrenb]

ah what a beautiful morning to just cut off one of the devil's horns and sell it on ebay for like $1.50

[jarrenb]

ah what a perfect afternoon to just hop on-line and web-fluence my way to an entry level social media job

[jarrenb]

ah what a choice morning to just stick myself with an empty syringe and extract 20ccs of joke juice®️ from my abdomen

[jarrenb]

everything i say is "tongue in cheek" because i use my mouth for everything i say, and my tongue is in my mouth--'tween the cheeks