Jas

24 Idk. Just have fun

[fa3riecore]

still thinking about this

[babycowboy24]

Joe Keery veiny hands with rings really are my favorite thing ever

[covered-in-you-now]

Can you find me ? - Part 4

A/N : this pic is definitely gonna be shorter than I wanna be yours, but I'm really into it already 🥹

The next morning was ridiculous, there was no other word for it. You stood in front of your closet for nearly fifteen minutes staring, thinking, changing your mind about what shirt to wear. Why ? You had no idea. It wasn't a date, at least that's what you kept telling yourself. It was just Gator, the annoying nepo-baby deputy, the one who spent half his time bothering you, nothing more. And yet somehow you'd already changed outfits four times, pathetic.

At 9:56AM sharp, your phone buzzed. You looked down to se a text from Gator. 

Gator : outside  Gator : didnt run away ?

You rolled your eyes but still smiled. 

Two minutes later you were hurrying down the stairs with your coat, bag, and phone. The Stark County cruiser was parked in front of the building and you immediately spotted him. One arm hanging out the open window, green cap again, sunglasses, looking entirely too pleased with himself. The passenger door opened from the inside and you climbed in.

The smell hit you instantly, a mix of leather, cologne and something distinctly Gator. The cruiser somehow smelled exactly like you'd expected it to. He glanced over, a grin already waiting.

“Well.” You closed the door.

“What ?”

“I was starting to think you'd changed your mind.” You buckled your seatbelt.

“It's been four minutes.”

“Felt longer.” You rolled your eyes and his grin widened. Gator pulled away from the curb.

“So… Where are we going ?” You asked, and he shook his head right away. 

“Nope.”

“What do you mean nope ?”

“It's a surprise.” You stared.

“Ugh. You're one of those people ?”

“One of what people ?”

“The surprise people.” He laughed, his Adam’s apple bobbing in the process. Shit, that’s kinda hot. 

“Apparently.” He looked at you and winked. Shit, that’s definitely hot. “You eat breakfast yet ?”

“No.”

“Perfect.” The road stretched ahead, snow-covered fields on both sides as the cruiser hummed softly beneath you. For a little while neither of you spoke, then Gator broke the silence.

“So… How long were you in California ?” Fuck, there it was, the questions. you’ve never even been to California. Quick, you need to think. 

“A long time, practically grew up there.” He hummed. 

“Where ?” Shit. The answer came way too quickly.

“Sacramento.” Another complete lie. Gator nodded slowly.

“Huh.” The way he said it made you nervous. Was he taking you out to eat or was he interrogating you ? “You got family there ?” Your stomach tightened.

“No. I told you, they’re all dead.” Another lie, and Gator glanced over this time. 

“Huh, really ? I thought you only said that to annoy me. Uh … I’m sorry, won’t ask again.”

“It’s okay.” No, it wasn’t okay, your family wasn’t dead, and the silence in the cruiser was crushing both of you now. 

Another mile passed, then another. Gator rested one hand on the steering wheel, the other on the center console. He finally decided to break the awkward silence. 

“So what made you move ?” You almost laughed, if only he knew. Oh I don’t know Gator, witness protection ? Federal relocation ? Potentially people wanting me dead ? Instead, you settled on another lie. 

“Needed a change.” Gator was quiet for a moment.

“That bad ?” You stared out the windshield, the question kinda hurting you. 

“Yeah.” He didn’t push, didn’t pry which somehow surprised you. 

Didn't ask more.

A few minutes later the mood shifted again, thankfully as he parked in front of a diner, something that was probably there since the eighties. You smiled. “A diner ?”

“Don't sound so disappointed.”

“I'm not. I sounded surprised.” He smirked. 

“That's disappointment.” You laughed as he opened his car door and pointed at you. 

“Stay.” You blinked.

“What ?”

“Don't move.” Before you could ask why, he was already climbing out of the driver's side. You watched through the windshield as he hurried around the front of the cruiser and opened your door. You stared and Gator stared back.

“...Did you just run around the car to open my door ?”

“Ran is a strong word.”

“You literally jogged.”

“That's not important.”

“This feels like something my grandfather would've done.” He groaned, a shade of red now coating his cheeks. 

“Get out.”

The bell above the diner door jingled as you entered. Warmth immediately wrapped around you.

“Gator Tillman.” An older woman behind the counter smiled brightly.

“Morning, Ruby.” She pointed at you and her eyes widened while looking at him.

“Don't start.”

“Oh.”

“Ruby.”

“Not saying a thing.”

“You are absolutely saying a thing.” You couldn't stop laughing and the woman winked.

“Booth by the window.”

A few minutes later you sat across from Gator. “You already know what you're getting ?” You asked, and he shrugged. 

“Yeah. I know the menu.”

“How often do you come here ?”

“Four times a week.” You lowered your menu.

“Four times ?”

“Maybe five.”

“Oh my God. Do you live here ?” He grinned again. 

“Practically.”

Once Ruby disappeared with your orders, you pointed at him.

“My turn.”

“Your turn what ?”

“Questions.” The deputy sighed dramatically. “You've been interrogating me for like a week.”

“Mh. I'll allow it.”

“How generous.” You leaned back, thinking. 

“Where do you live ?”

“The ranch.” He said it like this was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“What ranch ?”

“My dad's ranch.”

“Like your own place on the ranch ?” A brief hesitation.

“The main house.” You stared.

“Wait, you told me you were twenty-seven, and still live with your daddy ?” The moment the words left your mouth, you wished you could grab them and shove them back in. His smile disappeared and his jaw tightened. 

“Yeah.” The answer came flat, so you immediately changed course.

“How long have you been a deputy ?”

“Three years.”

“You like it ?”

“Most days.”

“Most days ?” He shrugged. 

“People keep speeding.” You rolled your eyes.

“There he is. The asshole.” He smiled again, and you felt some sort of relief that he wasn’t mad at you. “Favorite movie ?”

“Top Gun.”

“You are such a cliché.” The grin widened. “Favorite color ?” He looked genuinely confused.

“What am I, twelve ?” Before either of you could continue, Ruby arrived carrying your food. You stared at the enormous plate in front of Gator, then at him.

“Are you preparing for winter ?”

“Always.” You laughed again. And somewhere between the pancakes, the sarcasm, and the ridiculous amount of food sitting in front of him, you realized you were actually having a good time.

By the time breakfast was over, your cheeks hurt from laughing, which was annoying as you were trying very hard not to enjoy yourself. Ruby eventually appeared with the check and you immediately reached for it, so did Gator, and he was faster than you. 

“Hey.” You frowned. “I can pay, you brought us here.”

“Nope.” He already had his wallet out.

“Gator. I'm serious.”

“So am I.” You reached for the check again and he pulled it away.

“Let me pay, I got it.”

“Absolutely not. My mama would've come back from the dead just to slap me.” You blinked.

“What ?”

“If I let a lady pay while I'm sitting right here.” You stared at him for a few seconds before speaking again. 

“That might be one of the most old-fashioned things I've ever heard.”

“Thank you.” You groaned as he pulled out some bills from his wallet.

“Fine. But I'm paying next time.” The words slipped out before you could stop them, ‘next time’, you didn’t even know there would be a next time. Gator smirked. 

“Okay.” Your stomach did something weird, but you ignored it.

A little while later you were back in the cruiser. You buckled your seatbelt. “Now where are we going ?”

“Still a surprise.”

The first stop was a frozen overlook just outside town. A hill overlooking miles of snow-covered fields. You climbed out of the cruiser and immediately got hit by the wind. “Oh my God.”

“What ?” He laughed. 

“Why does this state hate people ?”

“Builds character.”

“It builds hypothermia.” Gator was still laughing as you shoved your hands deeper into your coat pockets. The view was beautiful though, you had to admit that, snow stretching endlessly toward the horizon. The winter sun reflecting off everything, making the whole world look silver.

“Pretty.” The word slipped out quietly. Gator glanced over, and smiled again. 

“Yeah… Pretty.” He replied, looking straight at you as the words came out of his mouth.

The second stop was a small lake, frozen solid. You watched two kids playing hockey on the ice, one recognized Gator right away.

“Deputy Tillman !” Gator waved and the kid waved back enthusiastically, then crashed into a snowbank. You laughed as the kid stood up completely unharmed.

Gator shook his head. “That's Cody.”

“Is he always like that ?”

“Unfortunately.” You spent almost half an hour looking at the kids playing and laughing. After a while, Gator got closer to you, his hand almost touching yours, but the kids laughed loudly and he jumped a little, pulling away. 

The third stop was a tiny general store. Apparently everybody in Stark County knew Gator. Most of the time, people would just shake their head and look the other way, that’s when you remembered Harold telling you about the Tillman’s reputation. Gator got in and bought a big pack of cookies. 

“These ones here.” He showed you the label clearly. “They’re the best cookies ever. They’re only sold here though, but they’re definitely worth the hassle.” He opened it and you took one out. He was right, they were incredible cookies. 

The afternoon passed surprisingly quickly. Conversations became easier, and at some point you stopped thinking about what to say before saying it, which hadn't happened in a long time.

Near sunset, you found yourselves walking along a quiet trail leading to your apartment, snow crunching beneath your boots. Gator had parked his cruiser further away, allowing you both to walk a little as the sky turned orange. He glanced over at you. “You had fun.” It wasn't a question, you rolled your eyes.

“Don't ruin it.” The grin widened.

By the time you reached your apartment building, both of you were still laughing. At this point, you weren't even sure what you'd been talking about anymore, only that it had been funny.

“There's no way that happened.” Gator looked deeply offended.

“Katie.”

“There is absolutely no way a goose stole your lunch.”

“It did.”

“A goose.”

“Yes.” You laughed so hard you had to stop walking. Gator pointed at you.

“See ? People always take the goose's side.”

“Because you're making it up.”

“Am not.” Eventually you reached the entrance to your building, and the laughter faded naturally, the way good conversations sometimes did. Neither of you immediately said goodbye, instead both of you just stood there.

“Well.” Gator shifted slightly. “Guess this is it.” You smiled.

“Guess so.” But neither of you moved. He looked down briefly, then back up. His expression had changed, it was somehow softer, less teasing and cocky.  Just… Gator, the real one. The version that appeared when he forgot to perform for everybody else.

Slowly, one of his hands slipped from his jacket pocket. You watched him reach toward you, watched him carefully brush a loose strand of hair behind your ear. The gesture was so gentle your breath caught. His hand lingered and settled against your cheek.

You could feel the heat of him standing so close, could smell his cologne. The entire world seemed to narrow until there was only him. “I had fun too, Katie.”

And suddenly, the name hit you like a punch. Katie, the lie, the fake name, fake life, fake everything. The smile vanished from your face, because Katie wasn't you, she wasn't real.

And Gator didn't know that, he didn’t know who you were and what you had done. Didn't know what was following you and what could eventually find you. You couldn't do this, couldn’t drag him into it, couldn’t let him get attached to somebody who technically didn't even exist. The guilt hit so hard it made your stomach turn.

You saw the moment he decided to kiss you in his eyes, in the tiny shift, in the way he leaned closer slowly, giving you every opportunity to stop him. Your heart broke, because you wanted him to kiss you, but he didn’t deserve to be dragged in your shit life. So when he got close, you turned your head at the last second.

His lips landed against your cheek, not your mouth. The contact lasted barely a second before it was gone. A long and awkward silence settled between you, the kind that made your chest hurt. You looked up at him, and Gator had frozen completely. Then you noticed the tightening of his jaw, the brief press of his lips together as if he was trying not to react, trying not to show he has been hurt.

“Gator…” He immediately stepped back, his hand withdrawing from your face and back into his pocket like it had never been there. “Okay.” His tone was flat, and you hated it. 

“No, I…”

“It's fine.”

“It isn't.”

“It's fine.” He repeated, tone sharp now. You opened your mouth again, because you didn’t want him to feel that way, you needed to explain, needed him to understand. 

“I can’t…” But he wasn't looking at you anymore, he was looking somewhere over your shoulder, anywhere except directly at you.

“Katie. I get it.”

“No, you don’t.” A small laugh escaped him, not a happy one. You took a step towards him but he took one back. 

“Goodnight.” The word landed like a door slamming shut.

“Gator… ”

“No. Goodnight Katie.” He said, this time firmer. Before you could stop him, he turned and started walking away, hands shoved into his pockets and head down. You stood there frozen watching him disappear down the sidewalk, every step making the distance between you larger. And all you could think was that you'd done the right thing, you knew you had. So why did it feel so much like a mistake ?

taglist : @projections-mortal @delphinemix @nutinanutshell @keerygirlie98 @skkeletonns @corallandtragedy3 @louisbelongstome28 @cecesblogg @jas-mines-things @willyoucry13 @kristywidget97 @dreamerjj @scaramou @ilikereadinghardcoresmut @simsimstay2017 @cat-thingy-thing  @kristywidget97 @deeplightblue @oikawaheart @maaaachiii @proooof  @luminousdoomsellsword @us3r4682  @ophelialilly

[djotummy]

something about this night…

[faustique]

i am an old soul who still believes in courtship, handwritten love letters, walks on dates, picnics, and coffee dates under the stars

[kassy-djomunson]

this is fucking crazy holy shit

[loveridden1999]

i am not going to lie i quite enjoy talking to myself out loud like a weirdo

[trackgun]

mean!steve fucking you in doggy

your body was under his complete control, his large hands contorting you in whatever position he desired. his right hand snaked over your neck to pull you flush to his chest, angling himself deeper inside you. his thrusts got harsher as he choked you, breasts shaking with force. your knees threatened to buckle upon feeling his breath on your face, lips so close to yours. you whined as your eyes fell shut, pleasure already making you shut down; he was so snug inside your tight walls it felt like he belonged there. “open your eyes, baby. want you to see my face as i fuck you.” he grunted as his pelvis hit your ass, the skin slapping filling the room. “fuck—steve just—fuck like that” you moan, leaning into his harsh touch. he swallows your moans with his mouth as he kisses you hard, soft, plump lips devouring yours. he forces his tongue in your mouth with ease, licking and fighting with yours. he’s off you as soon as we were on you, yanking your head back by your hair, putting you in the perfect angle to spit in your mouth. “that’s it, baby, swallow it all,” he coos, caressing your head. you swallow without hesitation, showing him your empty mouth for approval. all the faux sympathy he had left for you was gone, tugging your hair back harder than before, surely giving you whiplash. his strokes didn’t help either, your asscheeks and pussy feeling each one equally. your eyes rolled back into your head as you clenched around him, feeling your stomach twist at how deep he was hitting. your scalp stung as he let go of your hair, letting your head hang before arching you into the bed, face getting shoved into the sheets with no remorse. your whines of struggle were music to his ears. though you couldn’t see him, you could feel the smirk on his face. “don’t go weak on me now. take that shit until i’m spilling so deep inside you you’ll feel it for days.”

[s111ut]

why did my legs start opening?????

[les-fleur]

and for the lady, perhaps whatever the fuck she wants

[pixxxiepoop]

i would actually fuck his brains out it’s not even funny how bad i need that. like this pic actually has me clawing at my walls

[chestharrington]

oh Kurt Kunkle you’re everywhere for those with eyes to see 💖

[tellcherhesgone]

Making out with Keys✍🏼 in his bed✍🏼 laying on your sides✍🏼 your leg hitched over his hip✍🏼 fronts pressed flush together✍🏼 his hand making its way down your body✍🏼he squeezes your ass✍🏼you feel his bulge twitch against you✍🏼

[moonstoneandmoonlight]

don’t mind me just

[sunshinereaderx]

Dear Dollie | Part twenty five

Gator & miss are doing well together, Blake is making miss feel uncomfortable.

Unwanted advances, little bit of smut but not really I guess. 18+

Previous part

Next part

“It’s strange to see you this side of the door” Blake laughed from behind you, you turn slowly to face him. Oh shit, the last time you spoke to him was when you kicked him out of your house after letting him think he was about to get lucky.

“I know” you sigh as you wait outside Dollie’s classroom door, awkwardly turning back around hoping that’s the end of the conversation.

“There’s been another job opening, at my son’s high school if you’re interested” he stepped forward so he was next to you now, his arm brushing against your shoulder. “I could help you again?” He smiled down at you.

“I think I’m just gonna take some time off from working” you gave him a quick half smile, pulling your phone out of your pocket to check the time to see how much longer you had to suffer this awkward encounter. “Spend some time at home”

“That’s a shame” he sighed looking down at your phone “here” he grabbed your phone from your hands before you had chance to stop him “my number for if you want the info put your number in here” he pushed his phone into your hands before giving you chance to think. Eyes burning down into you as he waited for you to do as he asked, so you did.

“Done” you half smile as you pass him the phone back, stomach turning.

“Wanna take the girls to the park?” Your stomach turned, why isn’t he taking the hint. He must have noticed the expression on your face as he took a step back “just friends” he raised both hands in the air laughing.

“N-“

“Mama!” Dollie shouted as she wrapped her arms around your legs, you look down at her smiling softly.

“Hey baby!”

“Girls! What do you say we go to the park?” Blake cut in, grinning down at the girls. You skin was prickling with anxiety as you look at him.

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” The girls screamed holding onto each others hands.

“Dollie, daddy will be home soon. We should get going” you nervously smiled at her, praying she wouldn’t fight you on this today.

“It’s cool, just half an hour” Blake pushed as he stepped closer to you, eyes burning into you.

“Please mama” Dollie begged as she jumped up and down in front of you.

You exhaled as you looked at her, she had you right where she wanted you at all times.

“Okay, not for long” you smile at her.

The walk to the park was mostly silent, from you anyway. The girls were happily skipping together and chatting away, Blake was talking to you about how his relationship with his wife ended. You tried to drown it out, not really giving a fuck as you just nodded.

At the park it didn’t get much easier, the girls played together while you watched. Blake went on and on and on not getting the hint that you didn’t want to hear it, you didn’t even want to be here.

“So, you never told me what happened with him” this caught your attention, turning towards him as you looked at him. Fuck, Gator. You knew having to tell him you were here with Blake today wouldn’t go down well, but in your defence you didn’t even want to do it.

“We.. we sorted it” you smiled softly, noticing the way his expression dropped as he looked at you “we’re back together”

“Oh” Blake looked down at the floor before forcing a smile and looking back at you “wasn’t expecting that” he scoffed.

“He made some mistakes, don’t we all” you let out a breathy laugh as you look at him, his expression blank as he looked at you. You could feel the panic rising through your body, his eyes felt intense as they watch you.

“doesn’t mean it can’t happen”

“What can’t happen?” You looked at him confused, heart beating in your chest rapidly. Oh god you felt scared, why did you feel scared?

“I know you like me, just like I like you” Blake scoffed, shuffling closer to you on the bench “Wouldn’t have invited me round that time if you didn’t, No one has to know”

Your breath caught in your throat as you looked into his eyes, fuck had you really given him that impression?

“N-no” you started to shake your head “I don-“

“Hey! If it’s easier not to admit it, that’s fine by me” his hand settles against your thigh squeezing it, your eyes shoot down to where it rested before looking back up at him “we can make it work” he smirked as his hand slowly moved further up your thigh.

“Dollie! We have to go” you called as you practically jumped up off the bench, heart racing as you walked towards her.

“But mama..” Dollie pouted as her friend held onto her arm also pouting.

“Please baby” you quietly pleaded and to your surprise she didn’t fight you, holding onto her hand as you turn with her bumping straight into Blake who was right behind you.

“Did you ever tell him about that day?” He whispered next to your ear, sending a chill through your body. You turned your face away from him, looking down at Dollie whose eyes were wide as she looked between the two of you. “I’d hate to have to break the news to him”

“Stop” you whisper “it was nothing. I was in a bad place, this is.. nothing. I’m happy” you tried your hardest to convince him, maybe he’d back off it he knew how happy you really were.

Blake let out a sarcastic laugh as you gripped onto Dollie’s hand tighter, her big eyes looking up at you with worry.

“Wasn’t nothing and isn’t nothing” you feel the sick rising in your throat as his breath hits yours lips, quickly stepping back from him.

“I said STOP” you snap.

You swallowed hard as you looked at him, everything in you telling you to run but you were frozen with genuine fear. Maybe you could call gator? He’d help diffuse the situation but how would you explain to him that you’d got yourself into this situation in the first place. Fuck.

“Same time tomorrow?” He smiled picking the tone of his voice back up looking down at Dollie “make sure mama brings you” he squeezes her cheek softly before walking away.

~

You slam the door of the house behind you, gator wasn’t home yet.

You were thankful, the expression on your face he would know something was wrong. At least you had a few hours to pull yourself together before he got home.

“Chase me!” Dollie giggled as she ran towards the kitchen, looking back over her shoulder every so often “c’mon mama!”

“Coming” you smiled as you ran towards her, thoughts of everything that happened at the park flooding your head making you stop dead in your tracks.

“Mama?” Dollie’s eyes focused on your face, you looked down at her smiling softly “got ya” you reached out pulling her into you.

“Your doing the sad smile” she pouted “I don’t like the sad smile”

Your chest tightened at her words, she deserved your full attention. Not whatever this was.

“Let’s get you some dinner, yeah?” You smiled softly as you ran your hand over the cheek that Blake had squeezed.

“Okay mama” she smiled as you watched her drag the chair from the table towards the kitchen counter so she could reach the sides.

You kept your mind as focused as possible on Dollie, it wasn’t too hard with how much she chatted. She told you all about her day at school, her friends and even about what she wanted to read tonight in bed. You nodded along as you listened to her, making all the right sounds as she explained things to you. But your mind kept flicking between the baby, gator, and how you suddenly felt so un easy about Blake. He’d always been so understanding in the past, you’d even class him as a friend so what changed? Why did you feel sick about him when you thought of him? The way he touched your skin made your body shake, it felt wrong on all levels. It was unwanted.

Everything moved quickly before you knew it you’d ate, bathed Dollie and tucked her safely in bed. You hopped into the shower trying your best to scrub the memories of today away, the only sound through the house was the sound of the water hitting the floor. Relaxing, almost.

You pulled one of gators old T-shirts onto your wet body as you stepped out of the shower, not bothering to dry off. You picked up your phone off the side, only ten minutes until he usually walked through the door.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, hand resting against your stomach as you forced a smile to your face. He couldn’t know, you couldn’t ruin this.

~

“Evenin”

“Gator” you pushed up off the sofa walking towards him, hair still dripping down your back as you reached him. Wrapping your arms around his waist as your head rested against his chest.

“Yer like a drowned rat” he laughed as he rested one of his hands against the back of your head “got ya these on my break” you stepped back watching as he dug his hands into his pocket before pulling out the little bottle.

“What is it?” You reached your hand out towards it, he placed them gently into your hand as he watched your expression soften.

“Vitamins, thought ya could use em while ya get ya self back right with ya eatin an all tha”

You smile up at him, heart fluttering as you watched the smile spread across his lips. He was clearly proud of himself for trying, knowing more than you did about pregnancy had its perks. He felt like he could finally take care of you, like you had for him all these months.

“Thank you”

“S’ok” he shrugged as he looked at you “how’s doll been?”

“Good” you smiled softly walking back towards the sofa with gator following behind you, you placed the bottle of vitamins down on the table. “Took her to the park after school”

“Yeah?” He grinned at you “bet she loved tha, did Tara come?”

Your chest tightened as you looked at him, your eyes moving back to the vitamins on the table.

“No, we still haven’t.. made up” you half smiled still not looking at him. “Just us two” lie, lie, lie.

“Ya need ta be careful by ya self pretty girl, bad people out n bout”

Things still felt a little awkward with Gator, back together but things still felt.. off. Like neither of you wanted to make the first move to touch each other, scared one of you would pull away.

“Missed ya” gators hand rested against your stomach softly “ya ate today?”

“Not yet” you shrugged.

“It’s 11pm mama” gator sighed “cmere” he draped one arm over the back of the sofa giving you space to sit next to him.

You shuffled into the gap, his arm moving to wrap around you now. Big hand placed against your stomach, like that was its new place.

“Ya know, ya gotta try”

“I am, I’m sorry” you sighed as you turned your face to look up at him, his eyes meeting yours instantly and that’s where they stayed. No words, no movement just a quiet moment, like you both understood what this was but didn’t at the same time.

“Don’t be sorry” gator whispered, letting his nose drag across yours slowly “nothin ta be sorry bout”

You let your eyes flicker shut, the feeling of his skin against yours erasing every worry consuming you.

“I can’t wait y’know?” His voice was soft, soothing almost as his eyes settled against his hand resting on your stomach “ta jus be a family, we need some happy mama”

“We do” you smiled up at him softly, resting your hand on top of gators “I’m glad it’s with you”

“Who else would it be?” Gator teased making you laugh, his chest filling with butterflies just like it always did when you laughed “nah, I get it. Meant to be pretty girl”

“Do you love me?” You whispered letting your lips brush against his softly, a quiet hitched breath falling from him.

“More than anythin” he whispered back, his own lips bumping against yours as he spoke. “Always have”

You pressed your lips against his softly, hesitantly but he returned the kiss. You got onto your knees on the sofa so you were facing him fully, his hand resting at the back of your neck as he pulled you back towards his lips. You can taste the sweet taste of his vape on his breath as you kiss him, parting your lips to let him inside. Tongues brushing against each other softly as he groaned into your mouth, gators other hand slowly moving up your thigh before softly squeezing your ass as you bit down on his bottom lip.

“So perfect, mama” he whispered as he pulled you onto his lap “my pretty girl” his lips moving down to your neck, placing wet open mouthed kisses trailing down to your collar bone. “Missed this so much” his tone was soft, everything about tonight seemed soft.

A different side of gator that you wasn’t used to, but you liked it.

“Me too” you whispered back as you rolled your hips against his lap, feeling his hard cock against you. Your eyes flickering shut at the feeling you craved so much, gators hands found the bottom of the oversized shirt you were wearing pulling it over your head leaving you completely bare ontop of him.

Gators eyes darkened as his eyes worked their way down your body before looking back up to you, head dipping slightly to kiss across your chest. One hand resting against your breast as his mouth kissed its way down to the other, sealing his warm lips around your nipple as you moan softly. Your back arching as he sucked at it softly, warm tongue swirling across it.

“Gator..”

Your phone was buzzing away on the table in front of you, gator pulled away from you looking at it. His stomach turning, your phone never rang. You’d said you still hadn’t made amends with Tara so who was it?

“Wanna get that?”

“No, no” it was probably just Tara trying to make peace, she could wait. You pull gators face back towards your chest.

“Fuckin love these” he pulls away from your nipple to switch over to the other one “they’re gonna get so big all full mama” he groaned against your chest at the thought.

Your phone buzzed again, not stopping this time. Gator sighed as he pulled away again, eyes looking up at you.

“Sounds important”

“It’s not” you smile before leaning back into him, lips pressed to his as you moved his hands to your hips. “This is” you whisper against his lips.

Gator smiles before moving back in kissing your lips as his big hands move up your back, sending a shiver through your body.

Buzzing, again.

Gator exhales against your mouth, shaking his head as he looks up at you.

“Jus check it, then turn it off” he sighed “want all ya attention tonight pretty”

you climbed off sending him a flirty smirk, grabbing your phone off the table. Stomach turning as you looked down at it.

UNKNOWN: are you with him?

UNKNOWN: bet you’re thinking of me

UNKNOWN: did you like it when I touched you today?

UNKNOWN: I can touch other places tomorrow baby, touching myself thinking about it.

UNKNOWN: missed call

UNKNOWN: stop playing hard to get

UNKNOWN: missed call

Your hands start to shake as you held onto the phone, quickly turning it off placing it back down onto the table.

“Who was it?” Gator asked as he started stripping out of his clothes, a feeling of shame washing over you as you looked at him.

You wanted to tell him, you really did but everything was back on track. This would for sure throw it back off again, it wasn’t worth it. You could sort this.

“Tara” you smiled softly before walking back over to him.

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[covered-in-you-now]

Can you find me ? - Part 3

TW : little asshole Gator

The next morning started with coffee. You got ready for your first day working in your new life. You arrived at the bookstore ten minutes early and Harold was already there. The little bell above the door chimed when you walked in. 

“Katie !” You jumped, Harold appeared from behind a bookshelf carrying two mugs. One was immediately shoved into your hands.

“Oh.” You blinked. “Thanks.”

“You’re gonna need it.” The old man nodded knowingly.

“Why ?”

“Because I talk a lot ! Especially when I’m with new people !” You laughed.

“That doesn't sound too bad.” Harold gave you a look.

“Oh, sweetheart.” That should have been your warning.

One hour later, you understood, Harold talked constantly. About books, about customers, about weather, about another bookstore he'd visited in 1987, about a customer who once accidentally locked himself in the bathroom for two hours. There seemed to be no subject he couldn't talk about. At one point, he spent ten minutes explaining why the town's old water tower was ugly.

 

The bookstore had officially opened at nine, and ever since it was open, it seemed like every person in town immediately appeared. The bell above the door never stopped ringing, people came in, browsed, bought books, talked a lot, and somehow every single one of them already knew your name.

“Morning, Katie !” You smiled politely. How the fuck do you know my name ?

Another customer. “Settling in okay, Katie ?”

Another. “Welcome to town, Katie !”

After what seemed to be the tenth customer who called you by your name, you leaned towards Harold. “Did you tell everybody about me ?” The old man looked genuinely offended.

“Of course not.” Relief. Then “I only told most people. The word probably got passed around.” You groaned, fuck these small towns. 

By eleven o'clock you'd learned more about Stark County than any outsider should ever know, mostly because Harold had decided you needed an education.

“You see that woman ?” You looked up, a woman was browsing cookbooks.

“Uh huh.”

“Third husband.” You blinked.

“What ?” Harold nodded confidently.

“Third husband. Second husband ran away with a yoga instructor. Terrible business.” The woman waved cheerfully and you waved back, horrified.

Twenty minutes later, Harold spoke again. “You see him ?” You followed Harold's gaze towards an older man in overalls.

“Yep.”

“He got arrested for stealing his own tractor.” You stared.

“I’m sorry ?” Harold nodded.

“Forgot he'd sold it. Decided to take it back.”

By lunchtime you'd accepted that Stark County ran entirely on gossip. The bookstore was basically town hall, people bought books as a side activity, they came here mostly to talk, and Harold knew absolutely everything.

The bell above the door jingled. You didn't even bother looking up at first, thinking it was just another customer. But then Harold groaned. “Oh, Lord.” You looked up and there he was, Gator Tillman, green cap, sheriff’s vest, that stupidly confident walk, and somehow an even more confident grin than yesterday. The second he stepped through the door, he removed his sunglasses and hooked them into the front of his shirt like he was arriving on a movie set.

“Morning, Harold.” Harold rolled his eyes.

“Morning, trouble.” Gator looked offended.

“Trouble ?” A hand pressed dramatically against his chest. “Harold, I'm a respected public servant.” He didn’t answer, so Gator turned his full attention on you. “There she is, the talk of the town.” You froze, that’s exactly what you didn’t want. You returned to organizing books, hoping that ignoring him would make him go away. 

Harold disappeared into the back room leaving you alone with him. Coward. Gator wandered over to the counter, not buying anything, just browsing. That’s when you realized that the two other people who were in the shop before before he walked in left. He rested his elbows on the counter and looked at you. 

“What do you want ?” You snapped, and he looked genuinely surprised.

“What a warm welcome.”

“What do you want ?” You repeated. 

“I came to support a local business.”

“Do you even know how to read ?” His jaw ticked once, you noticed he didn’t like that one. 

“You know, people usually appreciate law enforcement. What are you, one of those libtards that hate the police ?” You snorted, it slipped out before you could stop it.

“And what are you ? One of those rednecks that thinks a badge make them important ?” His jaw ticked again, clearly not enjoying this conversation. 

“You definitely don't appreciate law enforcement. And you definitely don’t know how to stay in your place.” You rolled you eyes and returned to stacking books.

“Maybe law enforcement should be more appreciative.” He blinked. 

“What does that mean ?”

“Oh sorry, was that word too hard for you ? It means you spend an awful lot of time bothering people.” His jaw dropped.

“Bothering people ? Katie, I literally keep this town safe.” You glanced around the bookstore, no one was in here anymore, sure looked very dangerous. 

“Mh. Looks exhausting. You’re not buying or reading anything. You can leave now.”

“Why would I do that ?” The bell above the door rang again, an old woman walked in, and when she noticed Gator, turned around and left. What the fuck ? “You know what's funny ?”

“No.”

“You haven't asked me a single question.” You resumed organizing books.

“Because I don't care.”

“Ouch. See ? Rude bitch again.”

“Oh you already called me a bitch twice yesterday, I thought this was already established.” He smirked, this was all a game to him. He reached into his pocket, getting out his card and handing it out to you. You took it, his name and number were on it. When you looked back up at him, he winked. 

“If that pretty mouth of yours ever get you in trouble, call me.” You were just about to respond when Harold Harold reappeared, noticing Gator and sighting. 

“You’re still here ?” He looked offended.

“Harold.” He rose a hand to his chest again. “You make it sound like I'm unemployed.” Harold pointed towards the door.

“Out.”

“I’m supporting local business.”

“You didn’t buy anything. And people don’t come in if there’s a Tillman somewhere near.” He smirked again, as if he was proud, and looked straight at you. 

“You see how I'm treated ?” You didn’t even look up, just shaking your head and pocketing his card. His grin widened when he noticed, and he titled his head towards both of you before turning around. A very small part of you was beginning to find all of this entertaining.

The bell above the door jingled one final time as Gator finally opened the door. The deputy walked backward through the doorway, pointing dramatically at both of you. “I’ll remember this.”

“Good.” Harold pointed toward the street. “Keep walking.” The door closed and the bookstore fell quiet again. Then Harold sighed, the kind of sigh that suggested he'd been dealing with Gator Tillman for years, which, you supposed, he had. You glanced up from the stack of books in front of you.

“He’s always like that ?” Harold laughed.

“Unfortunately.” You smiled despite yourself.

“That’s concerning.” The old man shook his head then looked toward the front window, watching Gator's cruiser disappear down the street.

“That’s Roy Tillman's boy.” The name meant nothing to you, at least not yet.

“Okay.” Harold didn't answer immediately, instead he adjusted a few books on a nearby shelf, choosing his words.

“Just be careful around that family.” You looked up as something in his voice changed slightly. 

“What family ?”

“The Tillmans. His family.” You frowned.

“Why ?” Harold hesitated, that made you nervous because he never hesitated. He spent most of the day talking constantly. 

“They’ve been around here a long time, own a lot of land. They have a lot of influence.” You leaned against the counter.

“What does that mean ?” Harold snorted.

“It means if Roy Tillman wants something done, it usually gets done. People around here have mixed opinions about Roy.” That sounded suspiciously diplomatic.

“You don't seem to like him.”

“No.” The answer came immediately, no hesitation this time. That was interesting. Harold glanced towards the front windows again, making sure nobody was nearby. “He’s the county sheriff. Gator is his son unfortunately. He’s a cocky bastard, thinking his daddy is king of the world.” The old man looked genuinely disappointed about it, so you laughed. 

“Harsh.”

“It’s true. Gator's a good kid, mostly. But Roy…” Harold shook his head like he didn't even know where to start. The gesture made you curious.

“What about him ?” He stared at the shelves for a moment, thinking.

“You ever meet somebody who thinks they're the smartest person in every room ?” Yeah, you surely have, so you nodded. “Now imagine they also have power.” He paused. “And money. And nobody ever tells them no.”

“What kind of power ?”

“The kind that makes people nervous.” That answer wasn't nearly specific enough.

“You make him sound dangerous.” He didn’t respond, just smiled faintly at you before turning back towards a stack of books. 

“What about Gator ?” The question even surprised you. Harold chuckled then leaned forward on the counter.

“Gator’s complicated. Always has been. He tries real hard to be his father. Problem is…” He shrugged. “I don't think he's very good at it. Just … be careful yeah ?”

“Of Roy ?” The old man thought about it.

“Of all of them really.” 

The next few days passed in a blur, same thing everyday. Wake up, go to work, listen to Harold gossip, go home, sleep and repeat. It was strange how quickly a routine could form, and stranger how quickly Stark County started feeling normal.

The bookstore opened at nine and closed at six. Harold spent most days alternating between selling books and informing you about everybody else's business. You'd learned who was cheating on who, who owed money, who was feuding over fences, who got arrested in the eighties. Life moved slowly here, and somehow, you hadn't seen Gator once. Not a single time, no patrol car, no terrible joke, nothing. 

At first you'd been relieved, then confused. Maybe he'd gotten bored ? Maybe the game he'd been playing with you had stopped being entertaining ? You told yourself you didn't care, but you were lying.

Tonight the bookstore closed late. By the time you locked the front door behind you, darkness had already swallowed the town. Streetlights reflected off fresh snow and the cold immediately made your nose hurt. North Dakota remained determined to kill you. You shoved your hands into your pockets and started the walk home.

The streets were mostly empty until you reached your apartment building. Then you noticed the truck, dark gray, parked across the street with the engine running. Your stomach tightened. The driver was still inside.

You couldn't make out his face, couldn’t see much of anything through the windshield, just enough to know he was watching the building. The thought made your pulse jump. No, stop, you were being paranoid. You'd spent months looking over your shoulder, months waiting for bad things to happen, you couldn't keep doing that forever.

You found yourself walking faster, keys already in your hand. You practically jogged up the stairs, unlocked the apartment, slipped inside and locked it again immediately. Deadbolt, chain, everything. Only then did you finally breathe.

A few minutes later you peeked through the blinds. The truck wasn’t there anymore. You let out a slow breath. See ? Paranoid, that’s all. Probably some guy waiting for a friend or checking directions, or literally anything else.

Not everything was about you. You repeated that to yourself several times.

The apartment felt especially empty tonight, and you were feeling really lonely. You made dinner, ate half of it, turned on the television, but nothing held your attention. Eventually you wandered over to the kitchen counter, your eyes landed on a business card, Gator’s business card. You stared at it before rolling your eyes. No, you weren't doing that.

Five seconds later you were holding your phone, number already saved. That was embarrassing but you refused to think about it. Your thumbs hovered over the keyboard.

You still terrorizing innocent civilians or did Stark County finally get a restraining order ?

You hit send and immediately regretted it. Three minutes passed until your phone buzzed.

Gator : who is this ?

You stared, offended. 

Wow. Rude.

Three dots appeared almost instantly.

Gator : oh Gator : bookstore girl 

You rolled your eyes.

I have a name.

The response arrived so quickly it almost felt like he'd been waiting with the phone in his hand.

Gator : do u ?

You laughed despite yourself.

Haven’t seen you in a few days. Thought you got bored of bothering me.

A longer pause this time.

Gator : nah. just been busy. miss me that much ?

Your eyes narrowed.

You’re delusional  

The conversation somehow continued for almost an hour, mostly sarcasm, insults and yet, you didn’t stop responding. And neither did he. 

Gator : u working tomorrow ?

You frowned before answering. 

No. Why ?

Gator : good bc somebody gotta show u something besides ur apartment and the bookstore

You stared at the text for a few minutes without replying. Eventually, he texted again. 

Gator : u moved all the way to ND might as well see it

You couldn't help smiling.

Is this your version of being nice ?

Three dots appeared immediately. 

Gator : dont tell anybody. got a reputation

A laugh escaped before you could stop it. He double texted again. 

Gator : ten tomorrow ill pick u up 

You stared at the message, thinking longer than you should have.

Okay. Gator : night katie Gator : try not to run away when u see me tomorrow

You winced, this sentence landed wrong inside you, and for a few seconds you wondered if he knew about your story, but he just couldn’t. He surely was talking about the fact that you tried to hide from him this time on the street. You set your phone down, hoping tomorrow won’t be as lonely. 

taglist : @projections-mortal @delphinemix @nutinanutshell @keerygirlie98 @skkeletonns @corallandtragedy3 @louisbelongstome28 @cecesblogg @jas-mines-things @willyoucry13 @kristywidget97 @dreamerjj @scaramou @ilikereadinghardcoresmut @simsimstay2017 @cat-thingy-thing  @kristywidget97 @deeplightblue @oikawaheart @maaaachiii @proooof @luminousdoomsellsword @us3r4682

[calelundaa]

someone let gator tillman know it’s coupon day and i have one im ready to give up

[ethelcainsdaughter666]

Knuckle velvet

Gator Tillman AUfic!

“Nothing hurts like you do, like the way you say I love you”

Not having the best of luck in real life with women. Gator finds a girl on tumblr, for a year anonymous messages are exchanged that go from friendly to spicy. He thinks he’s found his dream girl…. Soon he starts to realize the similarities she has with his best friend’s sister Amma.

Warnings: MDNI, NSFW, SMUT! (Just suggestive!), VIOLENCE!, TALKS OF SELF HARM, ATTEMPTED SA!, DRUG USE, MENTIONS OF ABORTION!, FORCED PREGNANCY!, MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL THOUGHTS!, SUICIDE! (READER BE WARNED!), ROY TILLMAN (he’s a warning ‼️)

WC: 6.2k

Authors note: hey so you like read the warnings right? 💀 so LISTEN this whole chapter takes place in the past with Gemma. And a bit of Roy’s pov as well. If you’re here for the plot I urge you to read this chapter it’s important to the plot I swear. Read for the plot! The knuckle velvet demon kept me up late at night with this one. That thing lives under my bed and only eats hot Cheetos and drinks whiskey. Anyways if any of these topics in the warnings make you uncomfortable please skip this chapter. Always take care of yourself first! And for anyone struggling please remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, please reach out to someone anyone! Reach out to me! Call a hotline! You are never alone! I love you! ❤️

P.S. thank you for all the likes, reblogs and comments and asking to join the Taglist ALWAYS appreciated but NEVER expected. 💕

Masterlist

Part six: Gemma

1988

“When you see her, say a prayer and kiss your heart goodbye! She's trouble! In a word, get closer to the fire! Run faster! Her laughter burns you up inside!” Gemma sang into her hairbrush as she got ready for school. “You’re spinning round and round! You can’t get up! You try but you can’t!”

Getting distracted when the song came on the radio. She continued singing spinning around in her room.

“¿Quién es esa niña? Who's that girl?” She sang loudly, pointing to herself in the mirror.

It was the last day of high school summer before senior year and she knew it was gonna be life changing.

“Gemma come on! You’re gonna be late!” Her mother Shirley shouted from the other side of her bedroom door.

“I’m comin’ mama!” She shouted back as she put her hair up in a low ponytail.

She walked out of her room and making her way into the kitchen. Her dad Willard sitting at the table reading the newspaper, drinking coffee. Shirley was finishing grading a few papers sitting next to him.

“Hey.” Willard looked up from his newspaper smiling at her. “Last day of school. Then you’re a senior.”

Gemma smiled brightly.

“I know.”

“You want a ride?” Willard asked getting up from the table putting his state troopers hat on.

“No it’s okay I’ll skate there.” She shook her head, before kissing both of her parents on the cheeks. “Love ya!”

She put on her roller blades making her way through town. That Madonna song still stuck in her head as she hummed along to it. As she cut a sharp corner coming out of an alley way, she collided into someone.

“Ahh!” Gemma screamed.

Her and the unknown dark haired man fell together. He wrapped his arms around her letting her fall on top of him. He let out an “oof” sound as he hit the ground.

“Oh my god I’m so sorry! Are you okay!?” Gemma practically cried as she sat up climbing off the man.

It was then she noticed his sheriffs deputy uniform. Oh crap.

“It’s fine.” He shook his head getting up. “My daddy said the first day on the job is usually the toughest.”

They both seemed to notice the other one now. As they stood shoulder length apart. He had a deputy’s baseball cap on, but she could see his slightly curly dark hair. Peaking out from the cap. He had a tight jaw line and muscular arms. And gorgeous green eyes. She couldn’t help but to stare. He was the most handsome man she’s ever seen.

“I’m Roy.” He said reaching his hand out to her. “Roy Tillman.”

“I’m Gemma Davis.” She smiled softly, shaking his hand.

She swears her hand felt electric when they touched.

“Nice to meet you.”

“You too.” She couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot.

It was then she realized they were still shaking hands. She pulled away a little embarrassed.

“Well.. I should really get going I’m gonna be late.” She laughed nervously.

“I’ll see you around Gemma.” His green eyes just drinking her in still.

“You too Roy.”

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Gemma thought about Roy all day at school. She couldn’t get him out of her head. She’s seen him around town before but never spoke to him, until now. His voice, his rough hands, his green eyes. Gemma even wrote his name down a few times on her journal, mindlessly during her last class of the day.

“Hey Gemma.” A voice broke her away from her thoughts of Roy.

She looked up to see James Owens. He was a grade ahead of her. But they shared a couple of classes.

“Hey James.” She smiled.

“I was wondering if you’re doin’ anything tonight.” He asked placing his hand flat on her desk.

“Yeah I’m volunteering at the church summer jamboree tonight.”

“Oh… yeah that’s nice.” He looked down disappointed. “Well…. Maybe another time?” He asked hopeful.

Gemma didn’t like lying but what’s one white lie gonna do. She knew James had joined the military and was about to leave in a month. She could always be volunteering somewhere for the next month.

“Yeah, definitely.” She nodded her head.

“Okay great.” He perked up.

She really did feel bad getting his hopes up. But Gemma knew her mind was only on one man and that was Roy Tillman.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

The summer jamboree was in full swing. The church went all out this year. A handful of carnival games with fun prizes. A petting zoo, face painting. Some small rides for kids. Gemma was working at the lemonade stand. As she was helping person after person. Getting lost in a sea of endless smiling faces, then she saw the face she’d been thinking about all day.

“Hey.” He smiled at her softly.

Roy was out of his deputy’s uniform. Wearing a jean jacket with a white shirt and blue jeans. With a blue baseball cap. He looked good.

“Hi.” She smiled back at him sheepishly. “What can I get you?”

“I’ll take one lemonade.” He said as he pulled out his wallet handing her the money.

Their finger tips brushing so lightly, yet it was enough to send tingles through Gemma’s body.

“Keep the change.” He added.

“Thanks.”

Gemma made his lemonade, she could feel his eyes on her as she had her back to him. When she turned around, he was still looking at her. She couldn’t help the big grin on her face. As she handed him the drink.

“Hey you doin’ anything after this?” Roy asked causally.

“No I’m not.” She shook her head.

A couple of hours later Gemma was in Roy’s truck. They were parked on his family’s ranch behind a barn. Roy insisted no one’s going to bother them. Gemma was a little nervous because she’s never been out with a guy before. Then again no guy caught her attention the way Roy did.

“Are you gonna feel weird if I tell you I couldn’t get you out of my head today?” Roy said.

“No.” She shook her head a smile moving across her lips.

“Good. Because I couldn’t get you out of my head all day.”

He moved closer to her in the truck cupping her face and then kissing her. It was Gemma’s first kiss. And it felt perfect. They talked for hours that night, losing track of time. Between kisses. Gemma ended up missing her curfew. When she did come home her dad and mom were waiting for her in the living room.

“Gemma do you have any idea what time it is?” Willard asked hands on his hips.

“I’m sorry…” she said sheepishly.

“Who was that you were with?” Shirley asked.

“It was… Roy Tillman.”

Gemma hoped maybe since Roy was a cop maybe they wouldn’t be as upset. She saw the way her dad’s eyes widened in shock.

“Roy Tillman? He is way too old for you.” Willard shook his head.

“We’re only three years apart.” Gemma pointed out.

“Yeah but you’re seventeen and he’s twenty… there’s a big difference between you two in life stages.” Willard’s voice stern. “We don’t want you seeing him again.”

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

For almost three weeks Gemma had been seeing Roy in secret. When they would see one another around town they would pretend to not know each other, just two strangers walking past each other. But when night came around and her parents were fast asleep. Gemma would sneak out her back door. And go down the street to where Roy’s truck was parked. He’d usually just drive them back to his family’s ranch house, tonight was no different. Only this time he took Gemma into his family home.

They were sitting on the foot of his bed together. She felt a little nervous the way Roy was watching her. His eyes looked hungry. Like maybe he wanted more than a kiss tonight. And he did. They started out innocent enough, just kissing and then hands started to wander.

“Roy I’ve never really…” Gemma bit her lip nervously.

“Me either.” He admitted.

For some reason Roy saying he’s never been with anyone either eased her nerves. They continued to kiss and let their hands wander. Eventually it turned into something more, clothes were gone. And they were under the covers together. Doing things neither of them had done before but they figured it out. Gemma thought for the longest time, she would wait till she was married to have sex. But with Roy that didn’t matter to her anymore. There was a part of her that was sure they were going to get married anyways.

“I love you Gemma.” Roy said as they were cuddling naked, tangled up in his bed sheets.

Gemma propped her head up on his chest.

“I love you Roy.”

They shared a kiss. Everything about that night felt perfect. Until Roy took Gemma home. He parked his truck in his usual spot a couple blocks from her house. It was raining in the early morning. As they kissed goodbye in Roy’s truck. His driver side door swung open. Willard grabbed Roy out of his truck. He threw Roy on the ground and started hitting him. Gemma screamed for her dad to stop as she jumped out of the truck. Willard grabbed Roy up by his collar.

“I told you to stay the fuck away from her.” Willard gritted through his teeth.

He let go of Roy letting him drop to the road. Gemma was horrified at what she saw. Roy with a busted lip and a bloody nose. She didn’t even care that she was completely soaked in the rain. She just stood there in shock.

“Gemma let’s go!” Willard shouted.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

The rest of the summer Gemma was on lock down. She wasn’t allowed to leave the house unless it was with an adult. Lights out after nine. She could still do her volunteer work for church but her mother always joined her. Gemma hated it. She felt like a prisoner. And ever since the night her dad beat up Roy. She hasn’t seen Roy and that was the worst part for her. She swears it’s making her sick. At least that’s what she thought until she went to the doctor for her yearly physical, before school starts.

Her doctor came into the room with the most sympathetic look. He told her she was about eight weeks along. Gemma just sat in shock unsure what to think. He handed her some pamphlets on resources to help. But she just left them in the room. Not wanting her mother to see them.

For three days Gemma wasn’t sure what to do. All she could think was she was going to be a mom. And she wanted to tell Roy. The first day of school Gemma ditched after lunch. And roller bladed around town looking for Roy. She ended up finding him sitting in his car behind the local diner. He looked surprised to see her and a little nervous.

“I really need to talk to you.” She said.

He let out a long sigh, before he nodded his head and let her get into the passenger seat of his squad car. She felt her mouth go a little dry before she spoke again. But she forced the words out.

“I’m pregnant.”

Roy looked frozen like a statue. Almost as if he didn’t hear her. Gemma looked at him with furrowed brows.

“Did you hear me?” She asked.

“I heard you.” He answered firm. “I’m guessing you want money?”

“What?” She said dumbfounded. “Money for what?”

“You know so you can…” He motioned with his hands. “Take care of it.”

Gemma just blinked at him.

“Take care of it?”

“Yeah take care of it. You think anyone wants to see some bastard child running around here?” His tone shifting to anger.

Gemma had never seen Roy act like this, she really didn’t know what to say to him.

“Here.” He pulled out his wallet grabbing her hand and putting about three hundred bucks in her hand. “If you need anymore just tell me. Other than that. Stay the fuck away from me.”

Gemma felt like her heart shattered into a million pieces. She had thought about Roy all summer and now she’s starting to think maybe she was only seeing him with rose tinted glasses.

Later that night Gemma cried quietly in her room. Abortion wasn’t legal in North Dakota, she would have to make a drive to Montana. But she knew she would need help. She went to the one person she knew she could trust. Her grandma Rose. Gemma showed up on her door step the next morning in tears crying, telling her grandma Rose she needed help.

“Gemma don’t worry sweetheart, I’ll tell everyone we’re visiting an old girlfriend of mine. We can stay at a nice hotel and get room service. I promise it’ll be okay.” Her grandma Rose assured.

And it was okay, they made the drive to a clinic in Montana. The worst part for Gemma was when they made her listen to the babies heart beat. Why remind her of the life she’ll never get to meet? The life she created with Roy was never going to happen. She started to believe he never loved her. If he did wouldn’t he be the one holding her hand right now, instead of her grandma Rose? Gemma thought at least she had Rose.

They sat together in bed that night at the hotel surrounded by food and watched “some like it hot” playing on tv. They laughed together and Gemma didn’t feel too bad anymore. Rose always knew how to make Gemma feel better. She felt like her grandma was the only person that understood her. So when her grandmother died a month later from a massive stroke. It crumbled Gemma’s world.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Gemma is sure she’s not real anymore; for a while now she just feels like no one really sees her. It’d been a few months since her grandma Rose died and since her abortion. She was outside in her backyard laying in the snow. She had fallen coming out to get a shovel to clear the driveway, like her dad asked her too, before he left for work. Now she just let the cold snow move over her body. As she snuck into the snow more. It’s strange to her how the sun was out giving her face some warmth, yet the snow stayed frozen no signs of melting. That’s how Gemma felt. Warmth on the outside, yet still ice cold. It doesn’t make sense. Like how she doesn’t make sense anymore.

As she stared up at the sky she wondered if God could ever forgive her for what she’s done. Probably not. She strayed from the path of faith. No matter how much she prayed for forgiveness, it never came. She closed her eyes hoping maybe she would freeze to death before anyone noticed her. Then the sounds of feet crunching snow coming closer to her. Then a shadow casting over her.

“Gemma? Are you okay?”

She opened her eyes, letting her vision come back. She saw James standing above her. From the way he was standing with the sun behind him, it looked like he had a halo over his head.

“James?” She tilted her head.

“Yeah hey…” he eyed her concerned. “What are you doing?”

“I just thought… I’d lay here a while.”

“You’re gonna get frost bite come on.” He reached his hand out to her.

After a beat she took his hand.

“What are you doing here?” She asked as she brushed the snow off her pants.

“Well I’m home for the holidays and I thought I’d come see you.”

“Me?” She said surprised.

“Yeah… I was hoping I could take you out on that date?”

“Okay. Yeah sure.” She shrugged.

Gemma had been so lonely the last few months and here was James offering her company and even just noticing her, unlike everyone else. It was nice. She liked being seen, even if it’s not exactly the person she wants seeing her. No matter how hard she tried in the back of her mind Roy was still there. But James made her forget about Roy at least for a while. Until she saw him again.

Gemma went on a date with James to see the Christmas tree in front of the mayors office be lit up. It was their third date so far. As they stood in the cold with the crowd. Gemma turned her head to see Roy standing off to the side of the Christmas tree. He was with a woman Gemma knew from bible study. Her name was Linda. Roy had his arm around her and then he pulled her in to kiss her forehead. Linda laughed at something he said. Gemma felt like her heart just stopped, like as if someone took a block of ice and put it inside her chest. Then as if things couldn’t get any worse.

“Hey Roy!” James called out.

She felt James grab her hand and drag her over to where Roy and Linda were.

“Hey James.” Roy smiled reaching his hand out to James. “Glad to see you home.”

“Thanks glad to be back.” He said before glancing at Gemma with a sly smile. “Sorry this is Gemma you probably recognize her from church.”

They both nodded. Gemma felt like she was in a nightmare, not knowing what to say.

“Gemma, Roy’s an old friend of mine I’ve worked on his family’s ranch since I was probably twelve? And Linda is his wonderful girlfriend.” James continued.

She already thought she had the worst day of her life but right now. This has to be the worst day of her life. If James said anything else Gemma didn’t hear it. She also didn’t notice the way Roy was looking at her in that moment. As if maybe he still cared about her. Gemma realized James had stopped talking she’s not sure for how long. But long enough that everyone seemed to be looking at her.

“Yeah it’s nice to meet y’all formally.” She smiled tight lipped.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

“I’ll be back before you know it.” James assured her as he stood at the bus stop.

“Write me okay?” Gemma said as she gave James a big hug and a quick kiss.

They had been dating for a little over a month. Gemma was sure James was someone she thought, she could learn to love. He was a good distraction to move on from Roy. Even though sometimes she had to be around Roy. With him and James being friends. It somewhat had gotten easier for Gemma. Roy seemed like he moved on just fine with Linda.

As she pulled away from James, Roy came walking up in his deputy uniform. Gemma refrained but she really wanted to roll her eyes. Why did Roy have to show up and ruin the moment?

“Hey James, I was just patrolling and saw you guys. Wanted to say goodbye again.”

“Thanks man I appreciate it.” James smiled as him and Roy shook hands. “Hey you keep an eye out on my girl alright?”

“Of course.” Roy nodded his head, before looking at Gemma.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Two days later was the Valentines dance at school. Gemma had volunteered to work the ticket stand. As she sat there smiling at everyone welcoming them in. Roy showed up. She felt her smile somewhat drop.

“What are you doin’ here?” Gemma asked eyeing him.

“You know just keeping an eye out on things.” He shrugged.

Gemma hated that he was here.

“Okay then.” She nodded her head, hoping the lack of conversation she was giving him would make him leave.

“So how have you been?” he asked.

Gemma doesn’t know why, but that just made her snap a little.

“I’m sorry do you need something?” Her tone sharp.

She could see the hurt on his face, before he just shook his head. He walked away from her without speaking again. Gemma composed herself again, as she saw people walking to the ticket stand. Smiling and welcoming them in. She couldn’t help but to glance in Roy’s direction as he walked away. She wanted to hate him so much, but she still loved him. Even after what he did.

After the dance she was walking out to her mother’s car she borrowed for tonight. That was the best part about dating James, her parents started trusting her again. Gemma wanted things to go back to normal. If she was being honest, she wanted to take back ever meeting Roy.

“Hey Gemma!”

She turned around to see Rick a guy from her English class, running up to her carrying her purple scarf in hand.

“Oh thank you.” She said taking it from him.

“Yeah no problem.”

Gemma doesn’t know why but she just didn’t like the way Rick was looking at her.

“Well thanks.” She smiled again turning back to unlock the car.

“Hey you wanna go somewhere?” He asked.

“No thanks. I really have to get home.” She shook her head as she opened the car door.

The look in his eyes made Gemma think this must be what prey feels like standing in front of a rattle snake before it attacks. You know the bites coming from the sound of the rattling. Rick invaded her space putting his hand on her door. Gemma felt as if ice was creeping up her spine. She looked around and the parking lot was deserted. She stood frozen as Rick brushed a piece of hair out of her face.

“You’re really pretty you know that.” Rick murmured.

“Uh thanks.” Gemma said awkwardly. “I really have to go home.”

She tried getting in the car and closing the door but Rick wouldn’t let her.

“Come on Gemma let me take you out.” Rick begged.

“And I said no!” Gemma snapped.

Just then a flash light hitting both of them. Roy in his squad car pulled up next to them.

“Everything good here?” Roy asked eyeing both of them.

“Yeah all good officer.” Rick nodded as he backed away from Gemma.

Gemma felt grateful for Roy. She didn’t know what would have happened if he didn’t show up. Once Rick had left. Roy just nodded his head to Gemma.

“Get home safe.” He said before he took off.

The following Monday at school Rick had shown up with black and blue face. She didn’t know for sure. But she had a feeling Roy had something to do with that. In the coming months her and Roy wouldn’t talk again. Not until James came home the following summer.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

After graduation Gemma had so many plans for herself, she was already ahead in college starting nursing school in June taking a couple of classes early. She had plans to go to Spain in December. Gemma felt like her life was finally starting and she wasn’t going to be stuck in this town forever like some people.

It was the fourth of July weekend and James’s family was hosting a cookout at their family home. Everyone was there, including Roy and his girlfriend Linda. With so much time passing by, Gemma didn’t mind seeing them together. It still hurt to see them but just not as bad. Especially when James had his arm wrapped around her. Everything about the cookout was great.

As the night ended James walked Gemma to her car. Kissing her goodnight. She couldn’t help but to notice Roy watching them when she opened her eyes. She closed her eyes continuing to kiss him. When they broke away she saw Roy was gone.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” James said.

Gemma looked at him putting on her best smile.

“Yeah tomorrow.”

On her drive home Gemma ended up with a flat tire.

“This has got to be a joke.” Gemma said looking up to the sky talking to God.

She was far from James’s home and her home. She sighed walking and sitting on her trunk debating what to do. Just as she was thinking a car approached. Gemma immediately recognized the truck as Roy’s. He rolled down his window.

“Need a ride?” He asked.

Gemma reluctantly accepted his offer. The drive to her house was quiet. She kept her arms crossed and looked out the window. When they got back to her house. Gemma thanked him.

“Where are your parents?” He asked.

“They went on a cruise.” Gemma shrugged.

“Can I come inside?”

Gemma blinked at him.

“Why?”

“I just want to talk to you about something.” His voice a little nervous.

Against her better judgment Gemma let him come inside. They stood in her living room awkwardly.

“So what did you want to talk about?”

Gemma couldn’t place his face right now.

“I just wanted to tell you I was an asshole to you. And I’m sorry.” His voice sincere.

She wished she could have heard these words sooner.

“Yeah okay. Thanks.” She nodded her head.

“If I could take it all back I would.”

“Why are you saying this to me? What is this Roy?” Gemma looked at him confused. “What do you want?”

Roy moved close to her cupping her face.

“I just… I miss you and I need you to know how sorry I am. I never wanted to hurt you.” The sadness in his tone dripping out, hitting Gemma in her soul.

“Please stop saying that.” Gemma shook her head. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do I mean it.” Roy promised as he rested his forehead against Gemma’s. “I’m sorry.”

Then he kissed her, without hesitating she kissed him back. They fell into a familiar rhythm, clothes being discarded as they got on the couch together. Just before they had sex Gemma said something that stopped Roy in his tracks.

“I love you.” She breathed out.

Roy looked at her surprised, then he looked away like he was disappointed. He got off of her getting his clothes back on. Gemma grabbed a blanket that was draped over the couch covering herself. He looked like he might say something. But then he just walked out. Leaving her alone. Breaking her heart all over again.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Just when Gemma thought her life was going to get better she found out she was pregnant. Right before starting her fall classes. She wanted an abortion. James disagreed.

“James I want to be older before having kids.” Gemma said as they argued in his truck.

“That is my baby you are pregnant with!” He snapped. “And if you kill our baby I will never forgive you! I will tell everyone what you did!”

Gemma knew her parents were against abortion. Practically everyone in the town was. And if they were for it, you kept that to yourself. It would ruin her life. So against her own good. She went through with the pregnancy, she dropped out of college, she married James and moved in with his family.

For a few years Gemma just felt numb to things. She put on a smile as the happy wife but she wasn’t happy. Time dragged on, as she watched the man she loved sit with his wife and their son. While she sat holding her son James jr. as his father gave his sermon at church. After James had left the military he told Gemma. He wanted to be a preacher felt like it was his calling. She just went along with what he wanted. Gemma had sort of just given up on life. She just didn’t see the point.

Being pregnant with her son James was awful, she experienced morning sickness through every stage. She had such bad back pain, she couldn’t get any sleep for the last two months of her pregnancy. And then when she had James she had postpartum depression. It got so bad she dreamed about killing James. Putting him in a dryer, the oven, throwing him out the window. She would never do those things. But the dreams horrified her. She begged her mother to not leave her alone with James jr. Once she got the right medication she started to feel better. But it would take another year before she felt any maternal instincts. When she did bond with James, she did feel a little happy again. She started remembering life was worth living for.

She wanted to leave James and she almost did. Then James’s parents died in a car accident, a drunk driver in the wrong lane hitting them head on. Gemma felt too guilty to leave James when he was so broken. Her parents moved in to help out.

Then she found out she was pregnant again. Gemma couldn’t understand how she was pregnant. She took her birth control everyday on the dot. She knows she can’t prove it. But she swears James did something to her pills. He had been talking about how he wanted more kids. Gemma told him she wanted to wait. At least until James was five. But she could tell he didn’t like that answer not at all.

Now here she is sitting on the front porch seven months pregnant with her daughter. When Gemma found out she was having a girl, she felt sad. What if her daughter ends up like her? Pretending she’s happy when really she’s miserable. That’s not a life for anyone. But what if her daughter ended up happy? Somehow that made Gemma angry, why does she get to be happy? Gemma knew it was wrong of her to think that way. No mother should ever hate her child. It’s not the kids fault. It’s Gemma’s for making these choices. She knew something had to give. Because she doesn’t want to be here anymore. She doesn’t want to be anywhere. As she sat outside her mother Shirley came out sitting next to her.

“Hey sweetheart how you feelin’?” She asked.

“Like shit.” Gemma answered honestly.

“Oh I’m sorry, you want a ginger ale?”

“It won’t help.” She answered pointedly. “Nothing will help.”

Shirley grabbed her hand.

“Hey sweetie it’ll be alright you’re due in two months—“

“It doesn’t matter.” Gemma shrugged her off. “I’m not okay mom.”

“Gemma look it’s just the hormones getting to you, you’re okay.” Shirley reassured her.

Gemma just shook her head.

“You’re not listening to me.”

“Baby I’m listening to you trust me I get it.” She let out a breathless laugh.

She turned to her mom, all Gemma could think was you have no idea what I’ve been through.

“No you really don’t.” Gemma got up from her chair going back inside.

Later that night Gemma’s mind was made up. She got up, making her way into her son’s room. He was sleeping peacefully in his crib. Gemma brushed her fingers over his red hair.

“I love you.” She whispered. “And happy birthday.”

Then she grabbed her keys, put on her house slippers. And drove to the Tillman ranch. She stopped at the end of the long driveway walking to the mailbox and putting her letter she wrote to Roy inside.

Gemma started driving to her destination, she rubbed her stomach looking down at her daughter.

“Soon this will all be over.” She promised.

Gemma knew this was the right thing, the world was too cruel for her and it was too cruel for her daughter. No more pain for her or her daughter. They would be free.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Twenty minutes later Roy found Gemma’s car submerged in a pond at the local park. At six in the morning. He called it in on the radio. He didn’t hesitate jumping in the pond. Breaking her window and pulling her out of the water. Dragging her back on land. Performing CPR on her.

“Come on Gemma! Come on Gemma! Don’t do this!” He begged continuing pumping her chest. “Gemma please! Come on please! Come on!”

But he was too late. Somehow by a miracle her daughter was saved. Born a little too early but she was alive and expected to be okay.

When he had gotten up that morning, his wife Linda had spilled coffee on the table ruining his pants.

“Damn it Linda!”

Roy swears if he wouldn’t have been running behind that morning because he had to change pants, then maybe things would be different. He would have found Gemma’s letter sooner. Maybe he could have saved her. He wouldn’t be at her funeral right now. There’s a lot of things he wished he did different, as he dropped the flower on her casket after they lowered her down.

He loved Gemma. He loved her the moment she crashed into him. That fateful morning. Roy realized he should have just killed her dad. Willard threatened Roy with a gun to his head to stay away from Gemma. And this was before Willard caught them in his truck together. But at the time he thought Gemma wouldn’t want that. She was an angel that was too damn good for this world. So he tried to let her go. And that was the hardest thing to do. He regrets telling her to get an abortion so much. But at the time he thought he was protecting both of them. Her father would have had him arrested for statutory rape. If he could go back and change it he would.

But this was one thing Roy couldn’t fix. The night of her funeral he went back to her grave alone. He dropped down on his knees crying.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry.” He dropped down on his stomach digging his hands into the fresh dirt on her grave. “Please forgive me.”

He wished he could be down there with her. Roy promised Gemma at her grave that night he would always look out for her son and her daughter. He knows he owes her that. As he sat at her grave, someone caught his eye. He turned his head, maybe he was going crazy but he could see Gemma standing off in the woods wearing a long white dress.

When he stood up and tried to go to her. She walked off disappearing. Over the years he would always see Gemma in that white dress watching him from a distance. He wasn’t sure what she wanted or if she was even real.

Linda left him when she found the letter Gemma had written him. He had hidden it in his desk in his office. She claimed to of found it while cleaning. Linda also gave the letter to James Senior. Roy could have killed that fucking bitch. But she was long gone by the time he figured out what she did.

James showed up at Roy’s ranch. And they had it out.

“Were you fucking my wife?!” James shouted as he held the letter in his hand.

“No!” Roy shouted back. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“It sounds to me like my wife killed her self because of you!” James accused.

“Oh that’s bullshit! I loved Gemma! You’re the one that killed her!”

James punched Roy in the face. Roy fell to the ground. Touching his lip seeing the blood. He got right back up and hit James knocking him down, giving him a black eye. When James got up he looked at Roy, hurt and angry.

“Burn in hell Roy.” He spat before crumbling up the letter and throwing it to Roy’s feet and walking off.

Roy and James barely spoke after that. Both of them broken over the same woman. Who was never coming back. Their kids may be friends, their new wives might get along but they hated each other and they always would. Thirteen years later though James would come to Roy with a favor.

“I need to ask you a favor Roy.” James said as he stood at his front door late one night.

Roy had them step out on his front porch.

“What the hell do I even owe you for James?”

“You don’t, but you owe Gemma.” James’s voice even. “It’s about our daughter Amma.”

When James told Roy about his farm hand Rick putting his hands on Gemma’s daughter. He assured James, Rick would be dealt with. Watching Amma grow up over the years was pretty haunting for Roy. She looked just like her mother. The same hair, the same eyes, nose, ears, freckles, her voice. She was Gemma’s twin. It’s why Roy didn’t have any problem strangling Rick to death. He knew the only person he could trust to get rid of the body was his son Gator.

Roy loved Gator, just maybe not the way a father should. He loved that Gator was loyal to him no matter how shitty he treated him. He could see Gator wanted to be like him. But he could never be Roy. For a long time that disappointed him.

But now as he watched Gator kiss Amma goodbye on his front porch in the early mornings. He was glad Gator was nothing like him. Because he knew Gator would never hurt her. He would love Amma the way Roy couldn’t love Gemma.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

Dear Roy,

I’m so sorry for what I’m about to do. But I can’t do this anymore. Watching you be with her. It kills me everyday. I know you love me I can see it when I catch you watching me at church. I wish things were different. I’ve needed you so bad. I’ve felt so alone all these years. But I understand we both made our choices. And I’ve definitely made mine. I will always love you. Please look after my son. Just do that one thing for me. Goodbye Roy.

-Gemma

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

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[cha0ticstranger]

i need to sit on steve harrington’s lap