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vcronicaxsawycr‌:

Giving her hand to the other was letting him win and she knew that, but she was tired and fighting him was like punching a wall and expecting it to crumple. Sooner or later you realise you’re not strong enough to break through, your hand is bruised and bloody and you give up, that’s how she felt with JD and she knew he didn’t see it that way. so she simply followed him, like a blind sheep to a demanding shepherd. She felt her stomach flip when his arm moved around her shoulder and she felt his warmth, though she wasn’t sure the feeling was because of the love that still lingered for him or the hate that she felt towards herself for giving into the other, the lips to her forehead made her feel the same, a never ending stomach ulcer for her to live with. “And you are mine, Jason Dean.” Because he was, she could try and deny it all she wanted but he was hers and she his, it’s just the way her life worked, it’s how it was always going to be.

Closing his eyes at her words, it sent a gentle shiver up his spine. She was the only thing keeping him going. He had lost sight of what the point of life was until she had come into his life. When she had chosen him, he felt like he was worth something again. Everything he had done and would ever do would be done with Veronica in mind. He didn’t see anything that mattered more than her and her happiness. No, not her happiness. Her safety. She was rarely actually happy with what he was doing, but he knew it would keep her safe and that was what mattered. JD tilted his head so he could get a better look at her, “Want to go for a slushie?” The one he had been sipping on when Veronica had come over had been already almost finished, but its remains had now melted into an artificially red liquid. No good for freezing your brain. “I could use another,” he added.

#c #veronica #c: veronica #bahah ikr? x)

vcronicaxsawycr‌:

The smirk at the end of his words was what send her blood running cold, if you say so, the reason it affected her so much is because she was the one lying to herself there, JD did know her, he probably knew her more than most and what did that say about the people who she let into her life. She was stuck with JD, that much was given and if this world ever ceased to be she’d be without him again, he’d be dead. Shouldn’t that mean she should revel in the time she got to spend with him now? Try to redeem him and make him a good man so when all of this was over and done with she could feel a little less guilty?

Veronica allowed herself to breathe in the smoke from the stick between her lips, hoping everything would melt away in the sweet taste that it offered, something else of JD’s to get hooked on and something else she couldn’t find herself stopping. Her eyes caught sight of the others outstretched hand, a change in roles between the two of them and she didn’t know what it would mean for her to take his hand, does this mean she was agreeing with him, siding with him, doing what he wanted. But right now the hand looked like something familiar, that old comfort that had came with JD before everything went to shit, before Kurt and Ram where the other protected her and made her feel good. She was still a dead girl walking and she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to continue to stand before crumpling to her knees, but at least JD would be there to catch her. “I guess it is.” She spoke, her words sounding more certain then she wished they did as she reached out to take the others hand, not sure what she was getting herself into, again.

When Veronica took his hand he felt like he had won. They had always been made for one another, he knew that. He knew deep down he’d never find anybody who fit him quite like Veronica did. Closing his hand around hers, he gently pulled her towards him. JD reached around to put his other arm around her shoulders and he held her close. Closing his eyes as he relished in the moment, he placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. The one thing he had truly ever loved in his life besides his mother was Veronica. He was sure he had lost her, but now that he had her once more he made himself a promise that he wouldn’t lose her again. His already broken heart wouldn’t be able to take it. “I am yours, Veronica Sawyer,” he whispered softly into her hair, tracing small circles on the back of her hand that he was still holding.

#c #veronica #c: veronica #trying to imagine jd in a sweater like that made me laugh ngl x)

vcronicaxsawycr:

“I’m technically responsible for Chandler, but Kurt and Ram are on you. I’m not the one who knew we were firing real bullets, you spun me some lie telling me they were tranquillisers. You were the one who shot them.” Because she thought all they would do was knock them out cold for a few hours, she didn’t believe that they would have died because of their prank. Their revenge. No wonder she seemed so blind when it came to JD, the way he spoke he was a master manipulator and she just felt herself constantly getting caught up in his words over and over again. “That is not what is on my mind, this is what is on yours. You don’t know me the way you think you do.” Or maybe he knew her too well, maybe there was a part of her deep down that was just as dark as him.

“Maybe it’ll be hard but that doesn’t mean it’s not doable.” Though the laugh that followed his words made her realise that he probably wasn’t willing to change, they were still so young and if he thought this way now who’s to say who he’d become later in life. There was a spark of hope there in his words, or at least there was for her, “There is, I believe we can figure all of this out.”

Veronica dropped her hand to her side and she felt something in her stomach, was she sad that he didn’t take it, upset that he didn’t seem to consider it, why should she feel that way about someone like JD. Why couldn’t she stop herself from feeling that way about him, from-… from loving him. She was at war with herself everyday when it came to the other, not knowing where she stood with him or how she felt, she wanted to hate him and every time she tried to, she failed. So instead of fretting over her emotions she simply accepted a cigarette that the other was holding out to her, letting out a sigh as her shoulders sagged ever so slightly.

JD pursed his lips a little when she spoke about the bullets. ‘Ich Lüge’ literally means ‘I lie’ in German. He had spun that lie about the tranquilizers in order to get Veronica on board with the plan. Kurt and Ram had made her cry. They spread a dreadful rumor and crushed Veronica while also falsely tarnishing her reputation. How could he let them go on after they did something as unforgiving as that? “If you say so,” JD replied with a little smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. She could believe what she wanted to, and he’d believe what he knew was right. Unfortunately JD had a bad habit of taking into account facts and only really chose to believe what he wanted to believe.

He watched Veronica carefully. She seemed to be so adamant on getting her point across here. She wanted to prove that there was hope for them, that they could be better. While JD knew he was way beyond repair, he’d play along and see where things went. So far there were no threats to Veronica, but if any were to come across his path he’d deal with them however he saw fit. For now, he’d put aside his gun and murderous antics to see what Veronica’s version of ‘them’ would look like.

Pulling out his lighter, JD lit Veronica’s cigarette before his, tucking away the packet and lighter back into his pockets soon after. He took a long drag of his cigarette, not taking his eyes off of her. She was there. She was his again. That’s all he had ever wanted. Slowly, he raised his hand out towards her this time. After all, Veronica was all he had wanted all this time. Everything he had done was for her. “Our love is god after all, isn’t it?”

#c #veronica #c: veronica #i actually researched about the bullets just now for this lol

vcronicaxsawycr:

“Because I’ve met and spoken to a lot of them, they’re not any worse then what we are. I’ve been here for a month and I haven’t had any trouble, why try to cause it now.” Because honestly there were probably people in this world that were a lot more scary then what JD was, one’s who probably held a bigger grudge and could step on them so quickly that they wouldn’t have time to react. “We’re bad people!” She all but shouted at the other, because they weren’t good, they were the furthest thing from it. “I didn’t say that! You’re twisting my words.” Because maybe she hadn’t been upset about the deaths of Heather, Kurt and Ram, but that didn’t mean it was the right thing to do. JD’s last words from their school rang through her mind at that moment, he was damaged, far too damaged but she wasn’t beyond repair. She wasn’t sure if that was true anymore, she was pretty sure she was just as damaged as him.

“This isn’t high school, this is different, you could like it here. There’s just me and you- isn’t that what you wanted?” Because if she had him close, maybe she could control him a little more then if she kept him at an arms length, she created this monster in him, it was only right for her to control it. “I’m aware of that, I’m aware of the fact that I can never take back what we did, I can’t right those wrongs but I can try to move on from them. And you should too.” It was those words from the other that made her realise she was never going to be rid of JD, she was never going to be able to escape from his tight hold that he had around her and she was so tired of fighting. “Then start over with me-” Because they both needed this, fresh starts and it could be a beginning to saving the boy that she knew the other could be, she had seen hesitations in him before, maybe she could work on that. “We’re both damaged, really damaged-… but I believe we can make it in this world as better people.” She spoke, her hand still outstretched to the other, not sure if she wanted him to take it or if she wanted him to reject her so she could move on without him.

“Whatever you want to tell yourself, Veronica. But what we did is irreversible. And what we did -- we did together. I’m not the only guilty one in all this,” he replied. Perhaps in his last moments he had been more optimistic for her. JD had allowed himself to imagine her living out a better life, being a better person. Putting all of the events at Westerburg High behind her. But that was when he thought he could no longer have her. Although he truly believed she was destined for a lot more, he couldn’t bear the thought of someone else having her if she was right there in front of him and he could try and make this work all over again. “Twisting your words? No, Veronica. I’m speaking your mind,” he replied coldly. He didn’t know when it had begun, but he had fallen so far into this that he couldn’t stop. Brainwashing her into all this was the only way to keep her close. He couldn’t go on without her in his life.

He looked around at the city briefly before looking back to her. This place certainly looked less depressing than Sherwood. In fact it sort of reminded him of Chicago or New York. “Move on? It’ll be hard to move on from murder,” he replied with a hollow laugh. They had only been seventeen when they’d gone through with that. They’d killed three people. Poisoned a girl and shot two boys. There was no forgetting that. “But if you can manage to be hopeful about all this, perhaps there’s a way to figure all of this out,” he added with a little shrug.

JD looked at her outstretched hand for a moment, considering things. Mostly trying to convince himself of all of this. Sighing a little, he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and flipped it open, putting one in between his lips and holding the packet out for her if she wanted to grab one for herself.

#c #veronica #c: veronica #tw: murder mention

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vcronicaxsawycr:

Veronica was trying to search in her mind for the moment when all of this became so screwed up, wondering if this was all her fault, that JD became the man he was now because of her. There was Heather Chandler, she complained and whined and told him how she had wanted her gone, she had screamed in her sleep from the nightmare of the blonde girl and he was there. She had killed Heather, she had been distracted and not realised she picked up the wrong mug, Heather’s life wasn’t on JD, it was on her. Then Kurt and Ram, they were disgusting but they were young, only seventeen, they could have learned to become better people and the reason they were dead was because of some gross rumour that made her cry, if she hadn’t called them and decided to get revenge would they still be alive? JD was just going along with her, following her like she was his shepherd. The monster that he was because of her, she was his God. Her stomach churned at the sickening realisation that she knew was always there and yet she hadn’t touched it scared of the truth, and now here they were, JD looking into her eyes but she knew he was lost. He was so far gone that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to save him, but she had to try right? This was her fault…. right? “…. You’re the one that I chose.” And that was after the murders, after everything, she still chose him because she loved him? Because she was scared? The emotions all flooded together and she couldn’t pull the one out that held the most truth, the worst thing about this all was that she never truly felt bad about the fact they were dead, in honesty she had felt more pain when she thought she had shot JD dead. Was she just as twisted as him? “The people here aren’t like them, this isn’t Sherwood and it’s not Westerburg. No one here needs to die!” She exclaimed, her mind clouded but not enough to know that. “Killing them would cause me harm, I don’t need protecting that way. If-… if you kill anyone and I mean anyone then… I’d be next, because no one else deserves to die when I’m still alive.” It was an empty threat, but she knew JD, she knew how he felt about her and if it was choosing to kill someone or lose her for good then she confident on what he’d pick, or at least she hoped she was. She held her hand out for him, letting him choose on whether or not he wanted to close the gap between them, just as she had done many times, “Life is not war, JD. You don’t have to do this anymore, we can start over, we can live in this new world and not have to have the demons we carried in the last, it doesn’t have to be the same as it was back there.”

It was obvious she was doing a lot of thinking things over. He could almost see the little gears turning in her head and all he could wonder was how her mind worked and what she was thinking about. JD just wanted her to understand how much he worshipped her. He wanted Veronica to stop second guessing everything and just own it. She was everything. She was all that mattered. Perhaps there had been a time where he would’ve considered his actions reckless and irresponsible, but ever since his mother killed herself nothing was the same. Veronica was the first good thing to come into his life in a long time and what he feared most is that his dad would decide it was time for them to move away again and he’d lose the best thing about him. JD couldn’t lose her. He wouldn’t lose her.

“How do you know they’re not like them? Bad people are everywhere Veronica. There’s bound to be some different remake of a Heather or a boneheaded jock,” he reasoned. “No one here needs to die? So you agree back in Sherwood those three needed to die? Finally,” JD replied, twisting her words into concepts that made more sense to him. Veronica was going to have to own that they were both damaged. Perhaps she wasn’t beyond repair, but now that he had a chance to be with her again, he was afraid repairing her would mean he would lose her again. JD refused to accept that. “My life has been nothing but war. High school was war. I have no clue what you’re on about,” he retorted. “Maybe. But you can’t expect the demons to be gone. Like I said, what we did will never go away. Even if you began fucking Mother Teresa or something -- you’d always have blood on your hands,” JD insisted. He suddenly got up and threw the slightly crushed slushie cup into the trash. He looked back to her, “I choose you, Veronica. You’re always going to be the one I choose. In this lifetime and the next. I’d do anything for you.”

#c #veronica #c: veronica #tw: murder mention #tw: suicide mention #gosh it's like he's hearing what she's saying but he's not /listening/#smh

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#deliquent #our queue is god

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#inspo #aesthetic #our queue is god #tw: gun

vcronicaxsawycr:

“People fawned over the Heather’s, I don’t think that’s quite the same as making them sick. They were Westerburg’s celebrities and we shouldn’t have killed Chandler and we definitely didn’t need to kill the rest. McNamara is actually sweet.” Heather Duke on the other hand, well she might have been a bigger bitch then Heather Chandler. “It’s only going to be a new beginning if you promise not to-.. I can’t believe I’m saying this- if you promise not to kill anybody.” Because really you shouldn’t have to say that to someone right? To not murder anyone. It should be basic knowledge, something that was common sense. She wasn’t sure if she liked the idea of conquering the world, of being under JD’s rule, that would probably include a body count and she was already at three and she was only nineteen. “Because you’re taking people’s lives when there’s no need, look in my eyes, focus on me, no one else matters.” Because if she could stop the other from killing others then she would. She shuddered at those words, closing her eyes for a moment, “Our love is too good to lose.” Something she had believed a long time ago but she was scared, terrified and it’s not as though she could tell someone else about her doings. In this world and out of it she was going to be stuck with JD, maybe this was her hell.

“They were manipulative and cruel. Sure some idiots wanted to be them, but a lot of people would prefer them out of their lives. The Heathers made people miserable,” he insisted. JD had never liked them and often steered clear of them. When Veronica mentioned him promising to her he wouldn’t kill anyone, he blinked at her. He’d already had a taste, how could she expect him to end it just like that? Look in my eyes, focus on me, no one else matters, she said. So he did. She was so beautiful. Everything about her, inside and out was just beautiful. She was worth giving up everything for. He would die for her. But would he stop killing for her? “That’s right,” he smiled when she returned the line. “Our love is god. Our love is too good to lose.” The smug smile on his lips made it seem as though he was entirely sure he had won her back. He was willing to forgive her, even though she had turned against him. She was the only person he’d forgive. Ever. “As for not killing anybody else... well, I can’t make any promises. I don’t know what people here are like. If there’s somebody like a Heather, Kurt or Ram here, then I will have to break that promise. You deserve everything. Why would I let there be people who could cause you harm? I’m just trying to protect you, Veronica.”

#c #veronica #c: veronica #tw: murder mention #jfc poor veronica jd is cray cray get outta there

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vcronicaxsawycr:

“I’m not sure she would have killed me, my reputation, yes. My living body, probably not.” Because Heather Chandler was a mythic bitch, but she was all bark without the bite. She’d ruin you in seconds but she wouldn’t have been capable of murder, but then again she didn’t think she would have been capable of murder either and yet here she was, an accomplice. “They treated everyone like shit, they were disgusting and said some crass fucked up shit but they-.. they didn’t deserve to die. Jail probably, but not dead.” Their blood was on her hands and she felt their ghosts following her around everywhere she went, she heard their voices in her ear and it was like they were there with her, with every single step she took through life. “Life didn’t get better with them gone, it just got more complicated.” Because she was constantly on edge, scared of what was going to happen next or who was going to be next, scared of someone finding out and scared of it being Martha and JD adding her onto his hit list. Veronica jumped as he snapped, his anger had always been a sour thing, something she couldn’t swallow and should have taken it as a warning sign from the very beginning. “Then why couldn’t we have just been normal? Why couldn’t we have just gone on crappy dates to the movies? Because we’re too damaged for that kind of shit? Because I believed we weren’t beyond redemption until you wanted to blow up the school.” Veronica didn’t need the reminder from him, that what they did wasn’t going to go away and with JD here now she was going to be stuck with him, maybe this was her punishment, or maybe it was her chance to try and save him for the fifth time. “You want to start over? Really? So you won’t kill the next person who looks at me wrong or say’s something you don’t agree on?” Because she didn’t believe that to be the case. “You being on my mind isn’t necessarily a good thing, but your last words to me-… everything you’ve ever said to me, it’s like it’s on repeat in my head.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” he replied, rolling his eyes a little. What was Veronica’s big deal with murder? He’d only ever done it for good. He didn’t see the problem. “The Heathers made everybody sick. Chandler deserved what was coming to her and the rest should’ve followed,” JD reasoned with a shrug. He had no remorse for those bitches. “We can still do all that, Ronnie. This could be our new beginning,” he said as if none of their talk of murder had just happened. It was scary how easily JD could swap perspectives. “Those Westerburg assholes were in our way. But no longer. This world is ours now, Veronica. As it was always meant to be.” At her next words JD pursed his lips. Perhaps she wasn’t wrong there. If someone were to so much as look at her the wrong way or spout anything he didn’t agree with, it was very possible he’d have a go at them. Murder was so much easier for him now that he’d done it three times. What was another? He would do anything to protect his Veronica. “I don’t see how it’s a bad thing either. I obviously made my mark. I just don’t want you to ever forget that our love is god.”

#c #veronica #c: veronica #tw: murder mention

vcronicaxsawycr:

“Your form of worship is killing my best-.. enemy because she wanted me gone. Killing two guy’s because they were being classic school boy dicks and made me cry, wanting to blow the school up because you believed they were the reason that I didn’t want to be with you anymore…” Veronica had thought it was sweet at first, he worshipped her, he’d trade his life for her own, he loved her, it’s what every girl had wanted to hear when in a relationship- right? “I just wanted to be with you, I wanted you to choose me over all of that and you didn’t even try. I chose you and you chose them.” Because she thought he had put all his ways behind him then, when she had asked them if they could just be normal teens, but then the talk of killing had came up again and she started to lose it. Veronica listened to him and then she saw it, that drop in his face that made her heart skip despite everything he had done to her because he cared for her, about her, wanted her to be better and live on in life and accomplish everything she wanted. She shook her head, she couldn’t fall into his trap, he couldn’t be the one she chose, not this time. “No, I’m not dead. I’m very much alive and thought this place was second chance, a do-over. Where I could escape from Heathers and murder and-… you. But I could not get you out of my mind and now you’re here, maybe my subconscious was trying to warn me.”

“They didn’t treat you how you deserved to be treated. Chandler was pure poison. If we hadn’t killed her she would’ve killed you. Don’t pretend like you don’t know that,” JD replied as if murder was just as easy a topic to talk about like sports or the weather. “Kurt and Ram were disgusting. They treated you like shit – you really think I’d let them get away with what they did to you? Besides, everything’s better with all those three dead. Wouldn’t you agree? And we made sure they died seeming like better people than they were. We did good, Ronnie,” he added, shrugging as though it were a no brainer. His mind had gotten so twisted and dark that he believed his murderous actions could be justified. “Don’t say I didn’t choose you,” JD suddenly snapped, raising his tone as his grip on his slushie was suddenly so tight that the plastic crushed a little under the pressure. “I always chose you,” he insisted, taking a deep breath as he controlled his temper. “I wouldn’t have done all of that if I didn’t.” He was so frustrated that she couldn’t see that everything he did was for her. He belonged to her. “What you and I did is never going to go away,” JD stated at her mention of a do-over. “But we can start over here. You and me. Just like it was meant to be from the beginning.” In his mind all of this made sense. No more Heathers, no more Kurt and Ram – no more Westerburg. “You couldn’t stop thinking about me? Nice to know we’re still on the same page,” he said, the smirk returning. “You’ve been on my mind as well.”

#c #veronica #c: veronica #tw: murder mention

vcronicaxsawycr:

The smirk that came so easy on his face made her feel uneasy, it was one that she had first seen and thought was hot, thought it belonged to someone who could protect her all while being proud to be seen with her. Now she just associated it with death and destruction, she had tried to save him and couldn’t. Part of her wondered if he had even wanted saving. “You expected me to be warmer? Seriously? Last time we were together you pointed a gun at me, you tried to kill me-” But he didn’t, because he worshipped her, he loved her, their love was God. “You shouldn’t be here, you blew yourself up. I watched it happen. You were dead.”

Despite her responses, it was obviously not getting through to him that she wanted nothing to do with him anymore. JD was not one to take ‘no’ for an answer. “It’s because you couldn’t see that we’re meant for one another. I worship you, Veronica. I don’t understand how you can’t see that. How you can’t see that I would literally give my life for yours,” he said, unable to take his eyes off of her. She was the only person he had trusted ever since his mother had killed herself. Veronica was everything to him. How could she not comprehend that? “When it comes to that I’m just as confused as you are,” JD admitted with a morbidly placed chuckle. “I was beginning to think this is where you end up when you die if the afterlife really exists, but if you’re here too... I must not be dead. Unless--” his façade briefly fell at the thought of her being dead. JD made sure she wouldn’t get caught up in the explosion. She was meant to live, “You’re not dead too are you?”

#c #veronica #c: veronica #tw: suicide mention

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