dear diary; @vcronicaxsawycr - Tumblr Blog

jascnxdean‌:

Closing his eyes at her words, it sent a gentle shiver up his spine. She was the only thing keeping him going. He had lost sight of what the point of life was until she had come into his life. When she had chosen him, he felt like he was worth something again. Everything he had done and would ever do would be done with Veronica in mind. He didn’t see anything that mattered more than her and her happiness. No, not her happiness. Her safety. She was rarely actually happy with what he was doing, but he knew it would keep her safe and that was what mattered. JD tilted his head so he could get a better look at her, “Want to go for a slushie?” The one he had been sipping on when Veronica had come over had been already almost finished, but its remains had now melted into an artificially red liquid. No good for freezing your brain. “I could use another,” he added.

Veronica wasn’t sure if she’d ever taste the sweetness of freedom, she thought she had had a glimpse of it briefly when JD was... well... gone, but even then she had been riddled with guilt. it seemed to be heavier too with no one to share it. She had a body count on her hands, blood, and she might as well have added JD’s death to that too, because it was her fault, right? Or maybe it wasn’t, maybe she was the reason he kept going for as long as he did, she guessed she would never know. Because she was in this place with everyone being so unfamiliar and him, she’d never be rid of him and as much as that thought sent shivers down her spine, it also comforted her. She snapped out of her thoughts at the others question, giving him a very brief and very tentative smile, “Yeah, a slushie doesn’t sound so bad right about now.” Freeze your brain, Veronica. Her mind called out, she could numb all these feelings, all this uncertainty with the help of some sugar syrup and ice. Just like JD had taught her to do.

#thread: jd #convo #tw: murder #tw: suicide

jascnxdean:

When Veronica took his hand he felt like he had won. They had always been made for one another, he knew that. He knew deep down he’d never find anybody who fit him quite like Veronica did. Closing his hand around hers, he gently pulled her towards him. JD reached around to put his other arm around her shoulders and he held her close. Closing his eyes as he relished in the moment, he placed a gentle kiss to her forehead. The one thing he had truly ever loved in his life besides his mother was Veronica. He was sure he had lost her, but now that he had her once more he made himself a promise that he wouldn’t lose her again. His already broken heart wouldn’t be able to take it. “I am yours, Veronica Sawyer,” he whispered softly into her hair, tracing small circles on the back of her hand that he was still holding.

Giving her hand to the other was letting him win and she knew that, but she was tired and fighting him was like punching a wall and expecting it to crumple. Sooner or later you realise you’re not strong enough to break through, your hand is bruised and bloody and you give up, that’s how she felt with JD and she knew he didn’t see it that way. so she simply followed him, like a blind sheep to a demanding shepherd. She felt her stomach flip when his arm moved around her shoulder and she felt his warmth, though she wasn’t sure the feeling was because of the love that still lingered for him or the hate that she felt towards herself for giving into the other, the lips to her forehead made her feel the same, a never ending stomach ulcer for her to live with. “And you are mine, Jason Dean.” Because he was, she could try and deny it all she wanted but he was hers and she his, it’s just the way her life worked, it’s how it was always going to be.

#thread: jd #convo #[[ honestly. jd in a holiday sweater. priceless]]

jascnxdean:

JD pursed his lips a little when she spoke about the bullets. ‘Ich Lüge’ literally means ‘I lie’ in German. He had spun that lie about the tranquilizers in order to get Veronica on board with the plan. Kurt and Ram had made her cry. They spread a dreadful rumor and crushed Veronica while also falsely tarnishing her reputation. How could he let them go on after they did something as unforgiving as that? “If you say so,” JD replied with a little smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. She could believe what she wanted to, and he’d believe what he knew was right. Unfortunately JD had a bad habit of taking into account facts and only really chose to believe what he wanted to believe.

He watched Veronica carefully. She seemed to be so adamant on getting her point across here. She wanted to prove that there was hope for them, that they could be better. While JD knew he was way beyond repair, he’d play along and see where things went. So far there were no threats to Veronica, but if any were to come across his path he’d deal with them however he saw fit. For now, he’d put aside his gun and murderous antics to see what Veronica’s version of ‘them’ would look like.

Pulling out his lighter, JD lit Veronica’s cigarette before his, tucking away the packet and lighter back into his pockets soon after. He took a long drag of his cigarette, not taking his eyes off of her. She was there. She was his again. That’s all he had ever wanted. Slowly, he raised his hand out towards her this time. After all, Veronica was all he had wanted all this time. Everything he had done was for her. “Our love is god after all, isn’t it?”

The smirk at the end of his words was what send her blood running cold, if you say so, the reason it affected her so much is because she was the one lying to herself there, JD did know her, he probably knew her more than most and what did that say about the people who she let into her life. She was stuck with JD, that much was given and if this world ever ceased to be she'd be without him again, he'd be dead. Shouldn't that mean she should revel in the time she got to spend with him now? Try to redeem him and make him a good man so when all of this was over and done with she could feel a little less guilty?

Veronica allowed herself to breathe in the smoke from the stick between her lips, hoping everything would melt away in the sweet taste that it offered, something else of JD's to get hooked on and something else she couldn't find herself stopping. Her eyes caught sight of the others outstretched hand, a change in roles between the two of them and she didn't know what it would mean for her to take his hand, does this mean she was agreeing with him, siding with him, doing what he wanted. But right now the hand looked like something familiar, that old comfort that had came with JD before everything went to shit, before Kurt and Ram where the other protected her and made her feel good. She was still a dead girl walking and she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to continue to stand before crumpling to her knees, but at least JD would be there to catch her. "I guess it is." She spoke, her words sounding more certain then she wished they did as she reached out to take the others hand, not sure what she was getting herself into, again.

#thread: jd #convo #[[ GDI JD ]]

jascnxdean:

“Whatever you want to tell yourself, Veronica. But what we did is irreversible. And what we did – we did together. I’m not the only guilty one in all this,” he replied. Perhaps in his last moments he had been more optimistic for her. JD had allowed himself to imagine her living out a better life, being a better person. Putting all of the events at Westerburg High behind her. But that was when he thought he could no longer have her. Although he truly believed she was destined for a lot more, he couldn’t bear the thought of someone else having her if she was right there in front of him and he could try and make this work all over again. “Twisting your words? No, Veronica. I’m speaking your mind,” he replied coldly. He didn’t know when it had begun, but he had fallen so far into this that he couldn’t stop. Brainwashing her into all this was the only way to keep her close. He couldn’t go on without her in his life.

He looked around at the city briefly before looking back to her. This place certainly looked less depressing than Sherwood. In fact it sort of reminded him of Chicago or New York. “Move on? It’ll be hard to move on from murder,” he replied with a hollow laugh. They had only been seventeen when they’d gone through with that. They’d killed three people. Poisoned a girl and shot two boys. There was no forgetting that. “But if you can manage to be hopeful about all this, perhaps there’s a way to figure all of this out,” he added with a little shrug.

JD looked at her outstretched hand for a moment, considering things. Mostly trying to convince himself of all of this. Sighing a little, he pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and flipped it open, putting one in between his lips and holding the packet out for her if she wanted to grab one for herself.

"I'm technically responsible for Chandler, but Kurt and Ram are on you. I'm not the one who knew we were firing real bullets, you spun me some lie telling me they were tranquillisers. You were the one who shot them." Because she thought all they would do was knock them out cold for a few hours, she didn't believe that they would have died because of their prank. Their revenge. No wonder she seemed so blind when it came to JD, the way he spoke he was a master manipulator and she just felt herself constantly getting caught up in his words over and over again. "That is not what is on my mind, this is what is on yours. You don't know me the way you think you do." Or maybe he knew her too well, maybe there was a part of her deep down that was just as dark as him.

"Maybe it'll be hard but that doesn't mean it's not doable." Though the laugh that followed his words made her realise that he probably wasn't willing to change, they were still so young and if he thought this way now who's to say who he'd become later in life. There was a spark of hope there in his words, or at least there was for her, "There is, I believe we can figure all of this out."

Veronica dropped her hand to her side and she felt something in her stomach, was she sad that he didn't take it, upset that he didn't seem to consider it, why should she feel that way about someone like JD. Why couldn't she stop herself from feeling that way about him, from-... from loving him. She was at war with herself everyday when it came to the other, not knowing where she stood with him or how she felt, she wanted to hate him and every time she tried to, she failed. So instead of fretting over her emotions she simply accepted a cigarette that the other was holding out to her, letting out a sigh as her shoulders sagged ever so slightly.

#thread: jd #convo #tw: murder

JD: Here you are, a nice hot cup of coffee.

Veronica: It’s cold.

JD: Nice cup of coffee.

Veronica: It’s horrible.

JD: Cup of coffee.

Veronica: I’m not even sure it is coffee.

JD: Cup.

Veronica: This is a bowl.

#&&; dead girl walking #&&; our love is god #&&; musings

detectiveccnncr:

“Back home was not calm, nor easy nor nice for you? I’m sorry to hear that,” he replied cordially. Connor had an easy life back in Detroit until the deviants had begun to break out and the android war had begun. He could relate to the calm and easy points the young brunette had brought up. “For a month? Is that how long you’ve been here? Also sleep is very important for the human body to regenerate. You should be getting more of it.”

“No, but then again that’s Sherwood Ohio for you, or well Westerburg High.” Because she was pretty sure they were just as bad as one another when it came to making life hard for people, unless you were pretty, popular aka a jock or a Heather. “Around about that time, yeah. I know it is, but it’s kind of hard to sleep when you’ve seen the things I have. Maybe I should get something to help me, sleeping pills or something.”

#thread: connor #convo

isaacxlaheyx:

“Sorry, you just look a lot like her. Different worlds I’m guessing,” Isaac replied. This girl - Veronica - looked exactly like Alison actually and it freaked him out just a little, “Ohio? Well I’m not surprised then,” He joked.

“That’s what I’ve been hearing, different worlds. Different lives. Different people sharing one another’s face which is totally freaky. Also different parts of time, I met someone the other day who technically should be dead considering they’re from the 1920′s and look like they’re just turning nineteen. That shit is wild.” Veronica explained with a shake of her head as she thought that over, “Yeah, Ohio is the asshole of the country, or maybe that’s just my opinion, especially when coming from Sherwood.”

#thread: issac #convo

kennaxdexpoitiersx:

Kenna looked at the girl strangely as she explained. Whether it was because of the explanation itself or the way she was explaining it, she didn’t know. Clearly the brunette wasn’t fond of these slushies, “That doesn’t sound very pleasant. Why would anyone want a brain freeze?”

“I guess it’s a love or hate kind of thing and I’m not sure, it gives you a rush maybe?” Or it numbs the pain of everything else that is going on in your life, she thought to herself, shaking her head to try and get the others words out of her head. “I’m much more partial to milkshakes. Or red vines. Or drinking a milkshake through a red vine.”

#thread: kenna #convo

captainxkillianxjonesx:

Killian didn’t quite believe her at first but then when she mentioned getting used to the place, he nodded, “Ah, of course. Totally understandable and you’re not alone either.”

“Yeah, so I’ve noticed. Plus side is that there seems to be people here who are more confused here than me. Perks of being here for a little over a month, you’re no longer to new girl in town, though that didn’t last long either given people seem to pop up in this place all of the damn time.” Including her ex boyfriend who she was pretty sure was dead, but apparently death didn’t stop people here.

#thread: killian #convo

jascnxdean:

It was obvious she was doing a lot of thinking things over. He could almost see the little gears turning in her head and all he could wonder was how her mind worked and what she was thinking about. JD just wanted her to understand how much he worshipped her. He wanted Veronica to stop second guessing everything and just own it. She was everything. She was all that mattered. Perhaps there had been a time where he would’ve considered his actions reckless and irresponsible, but ever since his mother killed herself nothing was the same. Veronica was the first good thing to come into his life in a long time and what he feared most is that his dad would decide it was time for them to move away again and he’d lose the best thing about him. JD couldn’t lose her. He wouldn’t lose her.

“How do you know they’re not like them? Bad people are everywhere Veronica. There’s bound to be some different remake of a Heather or a boneheaded jock,” he reasoned. “No one here needs to die? So you agree back in Sherwood those three needed to die? Finally,” JD replied, twisting her words into concepts that made more sense to him. Veronica was going to have to own that they were both damaged. Perhaps she wasn’t beyond repair, but now that he had a chance to be with her again, he was afraid repairing her would mean he would lose her again. JD refused to accept that. “My life has been nothing but war. High school was war. I have no clue what you’re on about,” he retorted. “Maybe. But you can’t expect the demons to be gone. Like I said, what we did will never go away. Even if you began fucking Mother Teresa or something – you’d always have blood on your hands,” JD insisted. He suddenly got up and threw the slightly crushed slushie cup into the trash. He looked back to her, “I choose you, Veronica. You’re always going to be the one I choose. In this lifetime and the next. I’d do anything for you.”

“Because I’ve met and spoken to a lot of them, they’re not any worse then what we are. I’ve been here for a month and I haven’t had any trouble, why try to cause it now.” Because honestly there were probably people in this world that were a lot more scary then what JD was, one’s who probably held a bigger grudge and could step on them so quickly that they wouldn’t have time to react. “We’re bad people!” She all but shouted at the other, because they weren’t good, they were the furthest thing from it. “I didn’t say that! You’re twisting my words.” Because maybe she hadn’t been upset about the deaths of Heather, Kurt and Ram, but that didn’t mean it was the right thing to do. JD’s last words from their school rang through her mind at that moment, he was damaged, far too damaged but she wasn’t beyond repair. She wasn’t sure if that was true anymore, she was pretty sure she was just as damaged as him.

“This isn’t high school, this is different, you could like it here. There’s just me and you- isn’t that what you wanted?” Because if she had him close, maybe she could control him a little more then if she kept him at an arms length, she created this monster in him, it was only right for her to control it. “I’m aware of that, I’m aware of the fact that I can never take back what we did, I can’t right those wrongs but I can try to move on from them. And you should too.” It was those words from the other that made her realise she was never going to be rid of JD, she was never going to be able to escape from his tight hold that he had around her and she was so tired of fighting. “Then start over with me-” Because they both needed this, fresh starts and it could be a beginning to saving the boy that she knew the other could be, she had seen hesitations in him before, maybe she could work on that. “We’re both damaged, really damaged-... but I believe we can make it in this world as better people.” She spoke, her hand still outstretched to the other, not sure if she wanted him to take it or if she wanted him to reject her so she could move on without him.

#thread: jd #convo

thcscraphcasticl:

“Lost in your head… I am guessing you mean figuratively speaking.” Because it wouldn’t be the first time Castiel had gotten confused by something like that.

Veronica’s eyebrows furrowed as she looked at the guy in front of her, “No I mean physically, I’m up in there roaming around trying to find my way out while my being just exists here.” She retorted with a roll of her eyes, “Yes I mean figuratively.”

#thread: castiel #convo

detectiveccnncr:

Normally everything was clear for him, but at the young lady’s words he couldn’t help but actually know what she meant. Ever since he’d gotten to this place he’d found himself getting lost in his own thoughts. He actually had thoughts now. Being human was so confusing. “Yes, it’s alright,” he said with a brief nod. Connor put down the single bottle of water he was purchasing after the brunette before him had put all of her articles down on the conveyer belt before him. He was just trying to get a grasp for being human and something he knew is that he was thirsty and hungry all the time. Catching the young lady’s eye, he noticed she seemed very tired. “Are you alright? Forgive me if this sounds invasive but you look a little… exhausted.”

Veronica looked at the other for a long moment before letting out a chuckle that sounded tired and a little bit manic, “I guess you could say I’m exhausted.” She hadn’t slept well ever since that night, but how could someone after witnessing all of that. “I’ll be alright though, I mean-... this place is nothing compared to my home, this is easy and calm and ... nice.” Because at least she wasn’t being followed by her ghosts anymore, her head was quiet for most of the time and she felt better? Almost. She felt more free that was for sure. “I don’t think I’ve slept more then two hours a night for a month though, probably why I seem exhausted.”

#thread: connor #convo

cafeaes

VERONICA SAWYER AESTHETIC // heathers

“September 1st, 1989. Dear Diary: I believe I’m a good person. Ya know, I think there’s good in everyone, but here we are first day of senior year. I look around at all these kids I’ve known all my life and I ask myself: What happened?”

#tag: dead girl walking #tag: musings

TASK 001; CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

Veronica Sawyer

#tag: dead girl walking #tag: musings #wvrptask1

jascnxdean:

“They were manipulative and cruel. Sure some idiots wanted to be them, but a lot of people would prefer them out of their lives. The Heathers made people miserable,” he insisted. JD had never liked them and often steered clear of them. When Veronica mentioned him promising to her he wouldn’t kill anyone, he blinked at her. He’d already had a taste, how could she expect him to end it just like that? Look in my eyes, focus on me, no one else matters, she said. So he did. She was so beautiful. Everything about her, inside and out was just beautiful. She was worth giving up everything for. He would die for her. But would he stop killing for her? “That’s right,” he smiled when she returned the line. “Our love is god. Our love is too good to lose.” The smug smile on his lips made it seem as though he was entirely sure he had won her back. He was willing to forgive her, even though she had turned against him. She was the only person he’d forgive. Ever. “As for not killing anybody else… well, I can’t make any promises. I don’t know what people here are like. If there’s somebody like a Heather, Kurt or Ram here, then I will have to break that promise. You deserve everything. Why would I let there be people who could cause you harm? I’m just trying to protect you, Veronica.”

Veronica was trying to search in her mind for the moment when all of this became so screwed up, wondering if this was all her fault, that JD became the man he was now because of her. There was Heather Chandler, she complained and whined and told him how she had wanted her gone, she had screamed in her sleep from the nightmare of the blonde girl and he was there. She had killed Heather, she had been distracted and not realised she picked up the wrong mug, Heather’s life wasn’t on JD, it was on her. Then Kurt and Ram, they were disgusting but they were young, only seventeen, they could have learned to become better people and the reason they were dead was because of some gross rumour that made her cry, if she hadn’t called them and decided to get revenge would they still be alive? JD was just going along with her, following her like she was his shepherd. The monster that he was because of her, she was his God. Her stomach churned at the sickening realisation that she knew was always there and yet she hadn’t touched it scared of the truth, and now here they were, JD looking into her eyes but she knew he was lost. He was so far gone that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to save him, but she had to try right? This was her fault.... right? “.... You’re the one that I chose.” And that was after the murders, after everything, she still chose him because she loved him? Because she was scared? The emotions all flooded together and she couldn’t pull the one out that held the most truth, the worst thing about this all was that she never truly felt bad about the fact they were dead, in honesty she had felt more pain when she thought she had shot JD dead. Was she just as twisted as him? “The people here aren’t like them, this isn’t Sherwood and it’s not Westerburg. No one here needs to die!” She exclaimed, her mind clouded but not enough to know that. “Killing them would cause me harm, I don’t need protecting that way. If-... if you kill anyone and I mean anyone then... I’d be next, because no one else deserves to die when I’m still alive.” It was an empty threat, but she knew JD, she knew how he felt about her and if it was choosing to kill someone or lose her for good then she confident on what he’d pick, or at least she hoped she was. She held her hand out for him, letting him choose on whether or not he wanted to close the gap between them, just as she had done many times, “Life is not war, JD. You don’t have to do this anymore, we can start over, we can live in this new world and not have to have the demons we carried in the last, it doesn’t have to be the same as it was back there.”

#thread: jd #convo #tw: murder #tw: suicide #tw: abuse #[[oh boy]]

stilinskislydia

Visit Original Link

heathers the musical, track 016 -- (yo girl)

#tag: dead girl walking #tag: lick it up baby #tag: musings

jascnxdean:

“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” he replied, rolling his eyes a little. What was Veronica’s big deal with murder? He’d only ever done it for good. He didn’t see the problem. “The Heathers made everybody sick. Chandler deserved what was coming to her and the rest should’ve followed,” JD reasoned with a shrug. He had no remorse for those bitches. “We can still do all that, Ronnie. This could be our new beginning,” he said as if none of their talk of murder had just happened. It was scary how easily JD could swap perspectives. “Those Westerburg assholes were in our way. But no longer. This world is ours now, Veronica. As it was always meant to be.” At her next words JD pursed his lips. Perhaps she wasn’t wrong there. If someone were to so much as look at her the wrong way or spout anything he didn’t agree with, it was very possible he’d have a go at them. Murder was so much easier for him now that he’d done it three times. What was another? He would do anything to protect his Veronica. “I don’t see how it’s a bad thing either. I obviously made my mark. I just don’t want you to ever forget that our love is god.”

"People fawned over the Heather’s, I don’t think that’s quite the same as making them sick. They were Westerburg’s celebrities and we shouldn’t have killed Chandler and we definitely didn’t need to kill the rest. McNamara is actually sweet.” Heather Duke on the other hand, well she might have been a bigger bitch then Heather Chandler. “It’s only going to be a new beginning if you promise not to-.. I can’t believe I’m saying this- if you promise not to kill anybody.” Because really you shouldn’t have to say that to someone right? To not murder anyone. It should be basic knowledge, something that was common sense. She wasn’t sure if she liked the idea of conquering the world, of being under JD’s rule, that would probably include a body count and she was already at three and she was only nineteen. “Because you’re taking people’s lives when there’s no need, look in my eyes, focus on me, no one else matters.” Because if she could stop the other from killing others then she would. She shuddered at those words, closing her eyes for a moment, “Our love is too good to lose.” Something she had believed a long time ago but she was scared, terrified and it’s not as though she could tell someone else about her doings. In this world and out of it she was going to be stuck with JD, maybe this was her hell.

#thread: jd #convo #tw: murder

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dear diary;