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oozey mess
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Game Changer & Make Some Noise
Love Begins
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Product Placement
titsay
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Noah Kahan
One Nice Bug Per Day
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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Today's Document
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@jason-luca-blog
“You don’t have to pay, I could just give you my sob story for free.” They offered, sitting down opposite of him. “I feel like trustworthy people don’t have to say they’re trustworthy.”
Jason laughed, ordering a drink from the waitress who walked past their table. “Alright, yeah. You’re right. Just trying to prove my worth, I swear.” He leaned on the table, briefing glancing at the menu. “So, what’s the big sob story? I’m intrigued now.”
“Well then let’s do the mature thing and act like adults. Let’s agree to disagree then and change the subject,” She suggested not wanting to fight with some stranger.
“Fair.” He swirled his drink around in the glass, watching the liquid move. “What’s your name? What do you do? You already know I work here.”
You know…I definitely said yes to a few dates in my lifetime out of embarrassment…I thought it was accidental but maybe that was just their angle and they did it on purpose. Really? I don’t know…I guess I don’t find the acting part all that hard. You put yourself out there, you say hey I’m attracted to you, I feel some maybe potential here, what do you think? If they say no it’s not like the world crumbles.
It’s one of those subconscious things that people don’t really notice but it’s very much there. I didn’t mean about asking someone out, though. After you ask them out. Ever been on a bad date you thought would go well? It’s like that.
“I wouldn’t take it personally, I’m naturally not very trusting.” Devon said, still putting their phone away when he told them to. “You’re really hyping it up.” They commented, looking over from him to the place they were now in front of. “I’m trying my best.”
“Hey, I’m not either.” He told them, opening the door. “Come on, I’ll pay. You can tell me why you don’t trust anyone.” When the two stepped in, they were seated. He looked over to them. “I’d like to think I’m a trustworthy guy.”
“…Oh God, are you actually one of those hopeless romantic types? Dude, there are so many hot chicks out there. So many to pick and choose from. Can’t have just one.” This was usually the front that Philip put up, but in all reality, he could relate to what Jason was saying. No matter how much he tried to deny it himself, somewhere deep down, he wanted to find something stable. But since he is his own worst enemy, there was a slim chance that would happen. “Like how depressing though? Are we talkin’ early 2000′s emo band depressing, or like… the feeling you get when a dog dies in a movie depressing?”
Jason looked away with a smile, giving the clear answer without saying a word. “Feeling you get when a dog dies, absolutely.” He agreed, nodding his head. He looked at the people emptying the bar. “For the record, I sleep around a lot. I still want just one.” He hated admitting that but it was true. “You’re not awful to talk to.”
“I can tell that you are. How horrible is that?” She sighed, “Yes to make the world a better place. Don’t you like to think that you made a difference in this world? That your life hasn’t been just for nothing? That you’ve made a positive effect on the world and those around you?”
“Honestly?” He turned towards her. “No, I don’t.” He was serious. No over dramatic flare of words, nothing extra to say. He just didn’t feel that way. “My published papers in college about stock market crashes and the feeling of mutual love really drew some people in for a life altering experience.” Jason rolled his eyes, taking a drink from his glass.
“With you?” She then laughed before shaking her head. “You would be so lucky to hook up with me darling.” She may have been an easy lay at times, but she wasn’t so easy to actually suggest it when the person hadn’t even complimented her in any sort of way. “I’m good, babe.”
“I was kidding.” He gave a smile, reaching for his beer before remembering she took it from him. “Not that you’re not gorgeous but I’m not that kind of guy. At least, I’m trying not to bed.”
“Why don’t you? Some girls fall for that writer type, man. They wanna fall in-love with you so you’ll write poems and speak poetically into their ear.” His head shook a few times, a new smirk curling onto the edges of his lips. “If I was good at writing shit, I would be flaunting that fact every two seconds. You’d get a new hot pick of the week every single day.”
“Contrary to popular belief, I don’t want a new hot pick every single day and I don’t exactly want to speak poetically into any girl’s ear.” His eyes faltered to the bar for a moment before looking back up at Phil. “I don’t tell anyone for that reason, actually. Writing is my thing. It’s not a hobby to share with some girl that wakes up in my bed and happens to read my journal.” He passed off a final drink to someone at the bar. “Besides, they wouldn’t want to read it. It’s depressing as fuck.”
She had been holding her breath and hadn’t even realized until he explained that she wasn’t the only one who lost. Trinity almost didn’t know what to say, the whole situation was complicated, they always were but love had been stronger in other times and right now she thought they faced a storm they couldn’t weather. The kiss happened so fast and yet to her it was slow and appreciated, a grin forming on her lips as he said those three little words. God, she did too, she loved him and that was probably the worst of it all- they loved each other so much it hurt them both. The brunette laid down a bit, until her head was on the pillow and she waited for him to do the same before she spoke. “I love you too.” She said back before turning to look at him, her eyes exploring his face in the dim light as if it were the first time she was looking. “I probably always will… and that’s terrifying. But us… you and me, gosh it’s so complicated- w-we’ll never be together like that again and…” Trinity stopped rambling, somehow her voice had become rushed and filled with fear. “But, this…” Bringing a hand up to his face, the girl caressed the side a bit before turning to run her fingers through his hair. She was more relaxed now, a small smile escaping her lips as she stared right into his eyes- she could swear her heart skipped a beat. “Doesn’t it feel right? That somehow in between all the darkness, within our flaws, loving and hurting… we can still be somewhat okay?” The words had left her lips without a thought, all that much as she blinked away the small bits of water that had formed in her eyes. She sort of needed a reply, a sign that it wasn’t just her.
Jason sighed, his head collapsing on the pillow. “You’re not even willing to try!” He was interrupted by her thoughts, reminding himself to calm down. His hand reached forward to run fingers through the side of her hair. “It feels so right.” He only managed to repeat her words, unsure of what his own would be. “I’m not the bad guy here. A little different, maybe. But I’m not the bad guy. I wasn’t going to force you to be with someone so awful.” He watched her eyes, trying to trace her emotions. He didn’t want a fight or even a discussion. His fingers tugged on her hair, teeth sinking into his bottom lip. “You’re beautiful and I love you. I don’t feel like this with any other woman. All the feelings from high school just come flooding back and I’m me again. I haven’t been me in such a long time.” A thumb caressed her cheekbone and he leaned forward for a kiss, moving to her neck. “I don’t think I’ll love someone quite like I love you and that fucks me up. It fucks my writing up. It fucks my life up. I’m not that guy who sleeps around. You know that I’m not.” Only she would understand his rambling, his inability to form words when he was passionate about something. “I’m not blaming you. I’m just saying that this is me without you.”
“Your so not fair, and here I thought we were friends.” The blonde teased, helping herself a glass of scotch, “what’s he done now, wait you didn’t tell me he was sidekick……so i’m guessing hiring a hitman is out of the question huh?”
“He’s a lawyer which is just as close to a psychic. And that’s exactly what he wants me to be.” He drank down his beer and set the glass on the bar, immediately requesting another.
Aelish ordered a beer before turning back the man beside her. “That is the most depressing thing I have ever heard. I think there are probably multiple purposes of why humans are on earth. To make the world a better place. To help our fellow human beings,” She shrugged. “It’s better to think there is a purpose than to think there isn’t.”
“What can I say? I’m a depressing guy.” Though, he wasn’t trying very hard not to be. He wasn’t surprised when people said those things to him. “To make the world a better place...” He repeated, narrowing his eyes. “Right.” He flagged down the bartender to get another drink. “I like to expand my opinions so I have multiple viewpoints.”
“I can’t say I’ve thought about it while looking at a star…but I get what you mean. I’ve questioned my existence before.”
It was just an example. It’s easy to question. Being on Earth makes me question it quite a bit, obviously. Just couldn’t tell you why.
“Wait, were we supposed to turn on that street over there?” Devon asked, looking down at their cell phone and checking the map which was now nothing but confusing. “Are you sure these burgers are going to be worth it? If we ever find them?”
“I know where I’m going. I come here for lunch all the time. The lack of trust is appalling to me. Put your phone away.” He looked over to them with a smile and grabbed their arm gently. “They’re so worth it. They’re greasy and disgusting. You better know a good dry cleaner.” He joked, stopping in front of a door. “Trust me.”
I like that opinion, I’m glad you feel that way. He’s probably a person that feels insecure about all social interactions and overcompensates…which makes me feel bad for him. He’s probably a nice guy. But finding chemistry with people shouldn’t make you feel like you’re back in high school taking a test.
Or he was taught from a young age that the only way to pick up girls is to outright embarrass them to try and get them to go out with you out of nervousness. Finding chemistry with people is easy but actually acting on that chemistry properly is almost impossible.
Well maybe you just need to take some time for yourself, yeah? Like, give yourself a day to unwind and feel at ease.
And then think about everything all day? No thanks. That’s where my first mistake came into play.
text | jason + lyla
Lyla: Okay, Mr. Glass-Half-Empty. That is depressing as hell.
Lyla: A story I won't make you tell me over text.
Jason: Don't you know me at all?
Jason: Please don't. My thumbs can only move so quickly.
I mean, I do think about it, too. I’m just trying to not let it consume me.
Of course I’m trying too. It’s an all-consuming thing for me lately. Honestly not sure why.
