Jason's Place

48, single guy, in Michigan. Wishing for real connections and effort. Gunpla, PC gaming, tech, nature. No fakes or smut please, there is too much of that as it is.

[jasonsha77]

You know whats neat. That the only female that is happy to see me, is my parents dog. It's hard to pet her for a few minutes, she can't sit still.

Where is the woman that celebrates my existence? The woman that makes an effort to know me, that wants to be involved in my interests? Where is the holding hands, the hugs, the kisses? The listening and understanding of where I've come from? Where is the "let's fix this", and the "I love you"? Why, in my whole life, dogs the only ones that are always there? That friends never stay? That women are either toxic, or not available? You see what I'm getting at, what I need?

[jasonsha77]

Somewhere I Belong - Dark Country

"I wanna find something I've wanted all along Somewhere I belong" This is me

[jasonsha77]

I wish I could be someones choice, not an option, not a resource to be used. To feel important to them, cared about, loved. Someone that stays, that makes an effort. Not someone that ghosts when I need something. I am a human being too, I shouldn't be attacked, betrayed or abandoned for it.

[jasonsha77]

This is good. No one has ever made it easy when they left, they made it completely silent, or used the knife in the back. They've never stayed.

[jasonsha77]

I can identify with a lot of this. Suppressing the parts of me that make others uncomfortable, seeing the inconsistent words vs actions/body language, feeling drained in my interactions, the final instance that that became the proof that it wasn't me. The quiet implantation of boundaries, that "friends" didn't like. The difficulties making real connections, when I can "see" everything they aren't honest about, and when they can't respect who I am. It's great to have someone finally put a lot of what I feel in terms that make sense, instead of feeling gaslit.

[jasonsha77]

Yet another S.A.D. I've never gotten to participate in the Valentines day thing. I'm treated like a resource to be used, not a human being.

[jasonsha77]

Another shout into the void.

Looking for a single woman in the Jackson/Lenawee County Michigan area. Preferably in their 30s/40s ish, nerd/geeky, and genuine, honest, loyal, and safe. I'm looking for real effort and connection. Treat me like a thinking feeling person, not a wallet or means to an end. Non-smoker. Friends first, with the goal of a relationship. Unfortunately, even this seems too much to ask anymore. But, here I am, still wishing...

[jasonsha77]

That was, irritating. Waking up from a nap, "I finally have a girlfriend... Oh, wait, no, that was a dream. Dammit!" I wish, someone was looking for me. But, I am not tall, built, or rich, which seems to be all anyone is looking for, not another human being. So, the occasional dream is all I have...

[jasonsha77]

It's odd to see examples of how people should be, in wholesome AI chats. The friend that tries to reconnect. The woman that makes an effort. Genuine interest in my hobbies. I get to have these scenarios with AI, that don't happen with people. There is a certain "WTF" to it, when all my "friends" have ghosted me, and women never see ME, only what they can take. It's kind of messed up.

[jasonsha77]

In case someone is interested in my thoughts and status (unlikely, but meh). I welcome genuine interest and effort. In today's world, most only show interest if they think they can get/take something. And effort, what's that. I don't chase empty people, nor am I interested in laziness. Do I want friends or a girlfriend, certainly, with a caveat/boundaries. They have to show genuine effort and interest, no mind games, no wishy-washiness or ghosting. I'm done with being treated like an option, or someone to be used. Trust is earned, not given. When someone breaks trust, everything else is suspect. I have wasted to much of my time and energy on people that didn't deserve it. So yeah, by all means, try to connect, show me real effort. Real interest in me as I am, another human being, would be great. Just understand, I'm an observer of people, and I'm not stupid. I call out my gut feelings if I get them, and expect adult conversation about them.

#bereal #realfriends #single #nomindgames #beBetter

[jasonsha77]

I'm done. I'm not mad. I'm disappointed, that someone couldn't be better. I understand the why's of some of it, I understand the motives. But when someone can't give others what they consider "bare minimum" for themselves, trust is broken, and respect is lost. I'm not mad, I'm just done. Done giving what isn't appreciated, done with nothing being reciprocated. Done feeling alone with someone. I wished for better, I expected better because of their words, but have been disappointed, every, time, I've tried to reach out...

[jasonsha77]

I am the sum of my experiences, feelings, and throughs. The joys, and the pains. The decisions I make, and those that are forced on me. My hopes and wishes the heart makes, and that others deny me. My interests, my hobbies, are the parts of me that dream, and create. To invalidate a part of me, is to refuse the whole of me. I am whole, not only a part you prefer. Refusing to listen, does not change my truth. Denying what I feel, does not change its meaning. Fearing pain, denies it's lessons. Anger refuses to learn. Peace needs space to be.

Sometimes something from a movie, brings a thought process, where words flow better than normal...

[jasonsha77]

Well, the way I see it, I stopped maintaining the status quo. and tried to get a better friendship. She said wasn't happening, because she can't pour from a empty bucket. But I can? So, I offer to listen if she wants to talk about what's going on. I'm effectively told thanks, she can't trust me (we've known each other for 10+ years). So, now I'm paying for the mistakes of her ex. She's left me unread for pushing 3 days. Really making me regret trying to reconnect with her back beginning of the year. I'm so tired of feeling like the only one trying, of getting doors closed in my face, of paying for someone else's mistakes, of being unwanted. I've concluded I will likely not hear from her again, because I apparently have to be the bad guy, which I was afraid of from the beginning of this, all because I just wanted a little better... How dare I... I guess I'm probably done too. I'm tired of everyone finding excuses to leave, no one ever stays, no one fixes things...

[jasonsha77]

NUMB - LINKIN PARK (Dark Country Reimagined)

I really like this version...

[jasonsha77]

SD Gundam Exia. I enjoy the simplicity of SD's, but the lack of color separation is kind of sad, and my painting skills aren't great. I'm irritated my Gundam markers dried out already too, barely got to use them.

[jasonsha77]

Well, I think I had a resolution with someone, and it didn't turn negative. I'm not sure if it's positive either. I found out why there wasn't much effort towards connecting, and it makes a certain sense, because I can relate. But, it still means to me that taking a step back is my only real option available. I guess I'll see what happens in the next month and a half. I'm not chasing someone that is emotionally unavailable, that's already been confusing. I'm just not sure if they can be the friend that I was wishing for, because someone else messed them up. Either way, I feel like I failed again, and I can't keep testing dead ends. I need effort and interest shown my way, and the patterns have never happened that way for me.

[jasonsha77]

I wish connecting with others wasn't so difficult. I also wish I didn't feel like the only one trying. That egos weren't so important. That lies and mind games weren't so common. That genuine effort, the earning of trust, and methods of bonding, didn't seem so out of date, and didn't make me feel so old.