Adventures of Jasoos Narayanan Kutty

[jasooskutty]

Who will be the Angry Young Man of Indian politics?

India vs Bharat. It’s a political slogan but it’s truer than ever before. We must accept there are two Indias.

Just think.

The only time I travel by train or bus is when I am in Kerala.

When I need grocery or vegetables I book online.

Most of us middle class rarely get to see Bharat or know its share of problems.

The only time we do that is when we take an Uber or Ola cab and strike a conversation with the driver. Or when there is whitewash or construction work on at home.

When such an opportunity presented itself recently, I decided to take up the most pressing issue these days.

Why are Pushpa and KGF super-duper hits when Hindi films are tanking at the box office?

The cab driver was very clear. “Hindi films bekaar ho gaye hain. Dekho to south ke films dekho.”

He then gave me a tip, “If you happen to be down, just watch Pushpa or KGF. It will lift your mood.”

“Why not RRR,” I asked.

“RRR bakwas hai, aap Pushpa aur KGF dekho.”

As I got out of the cab, he said, “Pushpa Part 2 will be better. Some new villain has come His name is Shekhawat. But Pushpa is a proud man. I fear he will die in the next part.”

The painters at my house concurred with the cab driver.

I acted on their advice and watched Pushpa and RRR and bits of KGF.

Pushpa is a kolamass film. So is KGF. Both have punch dialogues and action.

Now RRR is tricky. RRR is a patriotic film that ends with the protagonists becoming Ram and Bheem to finish off the British colonizers. Of the three films this one has better special effects. It is a raging hit among the middle class. Then why were the cab driver, carpenters and painters gushing over Pushpa and KGF more than RRR?

This became a hot topic in our weekend drinking session.

After three large pegs, we started to see light.

“Many Hindi films that have released over the last few months have also been patriotic films and turned out to be duds,” pointed out one.

“We are being fed patriotism round the clock on news TV free of cost.  After this we are expected to pay to see more patriotism in the theatres,” explained another, “We want to forget our worries and enjoy a bit. Pushpa and KGF do that.”

“There is more to Pushpa and KGF,” the wise one among the drinkers theorised, “Heroes in both films are taking on the establishment. They are the Angry Young Men of today.”

He then down another double large and extrapolated further, “There is anger in society. The question is who will channelize it.”

We then downed a couple more pegs and moved on to weightier issues like legalizing cannabis.  

[jasooskutty]

Natasha & Devangana: The Deepti Navals of Activism

This week two student activists ruled the Internet. Natasha Narwal and Devangana Kalita.

The JNU students, who have been charged under the anti-terror law UAPA, were released on bail Thursday evening from Tihar jail after 13 months of incarceration.

It’s a classic David vs Goliath story.

Two twenty-somethings versus the might of the Indian State.

After a little bit of sloganeering and singing after stepping out of the prison, Natasha and Devangana interacted with the media. Only a few TV channels interviewed them, the one with Rajdeep Sardesai stood out.

The 15 minutes they were on the screen told us a lot about them.

They were not the Angry Young Women they were expected to be.

They were laughing away.

They did not look bitter.

They didn’t shout threats.

They didn’t preach.

One of them loves fish curry and didn’t get it the entire year.

Their demeanor was endearing.

They were anything but the terrorists they are made out to be by the Narendra Modi govt.

They were the girls next door.

Natasha and Devangana are the Deepti Navals of activism.

That is why such interviews trouble the middle class. Most turn their faces away from the screen.  They don’t want to face the truth.

It could well be one of theirs tomorrow.

They got a taste during the farmer toolkit controversy when Disha Ravi was arrested for alleged sedition after she shared a tweet or what was it. Sedition, mind you, nothing less.

In our days college students would do a few uthak-baithaks in the police station if they were picked up for holding protests. Natasha and Devangana spent a year in jail and could face many more for doing that.

Kesavan Mamas, remember this when you go to sleep every night.

[jasooskutty]

Interview

Sudheer adjusted his tie. He rarely wore one, but this is an interview for a job, that too for a store manager. He lost his job a few months ago. His former company shut down a few divisions. They blamed it on the coronavirus, the lockdown, the sinking sales.

This interview is important. These days the classified pages in The Time of India are erratic. There was a time they came as a 32-page supplement, now they are hardly two pages inside the main sheet, and most are for teachers. Having applied for many positions, he has finally got a reply. A proper reply, not an auto-generated one. One with a zoom meeting id and pass code.

A few years ago, this meeting would have taken him to Delhi with reimbursement for sleeper class train fare. In Covid times a 40 minute chat on computer will do the trick.

The computer buzzed. Ramesh Kumar, the GM, was online. The name sounded familiar. A very common one, so hard to place a face to it. If it was a Thamarakshan or a Nalinakshan, there was no question of forgetting. But names like Rajesh, Ramesh, Rakesh…. They could be anyone.

“Good morning Sudheer. How are you?”

“I am fine sir.”

“We gather from your CV that you are jobless right now.”

“Sir, you know these are troubling times. Downsizing, upgrading…”

“You seem to have some experience in running warehouses.”

“Yes sir, I used to work in a C&F warehouse in Delhi.”

“That is what we are looking for. We have some space in Kochi. We have tieups with a few companies. Basically we will run C&F for them from this one warehouse.”

“Sir is this an existing business?” “Not quite. We need someone who knows Hindi. Someone who can handle the labour.”

“I am proficient in Hindi.”

“Most of the labour will be from Bengal, Jharkhand and Odisha.”

“Not a problem, sir.”

“They can be handful for someone who doesn’t know their language. Communication is the key.”

“From ulloo ka patha to MC-BC, I have it all covered. Not an issue sir.”

“Sudheer, you are from Paravur, is it?”

“Yes sir”

“Where in Paravur? Which school did you go to?”

“Vazhikulam, I went to Pullamkulam school.”

“I too am from Paravur. I went to Samooham school.”

“I thought I had met you somewhere, that is why,” Sudheer tried to stretch his memory. ‘Who exactly is this chap?’

“You were into politics, if I am not wrong”

“We were clueless sir. Those days we were stupid. I am totally out of politics now,” Sudheer dodged the bullet. Trade unionism is the last thing you want to be linked to if you want a job in the private sector.

“Nothing to worry Sudheer. But I do remember one fight you got into.”

Sudheer didn’t know which direction the conversation was heading.  

“One near Poosharippadi. You guys were terrific.”

“Oh that one. We got into that brawl as a friend sought help. Had no clue what it was about. We just bashed up the guy.”

“That is the thing about friendship. One doesn’t question friends,” Ramesh said, “And you were a hero that day.”

“Sir I won’t brag about that. But the guy had it coming. You don’t come to our area and take panga with us. See sir I know Hindi slangs pretty well.”

“You gave him quite a pasting”

“Haan sir, now when I think about it I don’t remember his face. Actually we didn’t get to see his face at all. We were busy kicking him.”

“Oh, no wonder you didn’t recognise me.”

Sudheer’s face turned pale but he soon regained  his composure.

“To be fair to you sir, you were very brave. Never seen anyone fight like you.”

“What do you mean?”

“You held your ground against the five of us. Normal people would have crapped in their pants.”

“What are you doing in the stores, you should be in the sales division,” Ramesh laughed.

When the call ended, a voice came from the kitchen. “I have told you many times ‘don’t pick up fights, don’t fight up fights’ but you won’t listen. Now suffer,” shouted Sudheer’s wife.

Sudheer is an optimist. He is brushing up his sales skills now.  

[jasooskutty]

Why Sreedharan did what he did

Everyone knows James Bond throws the best party in town. It is one party I have been wanting to attend for years now. How frustrating it is to be the best spy in business and yet not get an invite to Bond’s dos. My sources say the MI-6 agent may throw the best parties but all is not well there. For instance, at the last party they didn’t put the right amount of vermouth in his martini. At another one, Kerala beef fry was undercooked, giving the dish a very bad name. If only I was there, nothing of this sort would have happened.

This is why I not just know Sreedharan’s pain but also feel it.

The Metroman has been waiting for that elusive invite to the one party he always wanted to be in, to serve under the one man he considers a true leader.

In the five-year buildup to 2014, Gujarat CM Narendra Modi had shown how a state is governed efficiently. You guys might question the claim today, but honestly most people bought it hook, line and sinker then. Modi was supposed to handpick meritorious people in his team. Many waited in vain for that phone call, probably Sreedharan did too.

Over the next seven years, there might have been many instances Sreedharan expected a call from his leader. Take the inauguration of Kochi Metro for instance. Modi came, shared a few awkward moments with Pinarayi Vijayan, cut a few ribbons and went back. There was no ‘moment’ between Sreedharan and Modi as one would have expected. No planted stories in the media about how the PM sought out the nation builder seeking his advice. I don’t know about Sreedharan, but it was a rude shock to the Metroman’s fans like me.

After all these years of snubs, Sreedharan probably decided to take matters into his own hands. With the help of the state unit of the BJP, he has gatecrashed into the party he longed to join.

Political commentators have been very soft on him. They have tried to psycho-analyse Sreedharan. They have described him as the technocrat par excellence, who, like his tribesmen, is afflicted by tunnel vision and is unable to see the social trends around him.  This would have been true had he joined the BJP in 2014. But not today, after all those murders over food habits and disastrous policy decisions.

His interviews show Sreedharan is not the outsider out to practise a new brand of politics. Sreedharan in fact is trying to prove he is as true a Sangh insider as anyone can be.

There is no need to mollycoddle Sreedharan. It’s time journalists and commentators drop the kid gloves.

[jasooskutty]

Here is How Rahul Can Stop Modi

Even during my toughest missions in the remotest areas hunting down enemies, even when I am busy seducing or being seduced by pretty spies and operatives of all kinds, even when I am getting drunk on arrack and rum, even when I am experimenting with truth, half truths and innocent lies… I don’t take my eyes off my primary objective – that is world peace. But that is not the case with Rahul Gandhi.

Rahul is a nice chap. A handsome old young man with no known vices and quite a tharavadi. In short, sundar and susheel. Qualities any parent would seek when looking for a match for their daughter. Now the problem is he is not seeking a bride but looking for votes, enough of them to unseat Narendra Modi in 2024 or even 2028.

Nothing he has done till now gives his fans the confidence he will be able to do it.

Look at this. Rahul goes to Bihar where Tejashwi is working up huge crowds with his promise of 10 lakh govt jobs and what does he do? He starts talking about demonetization. Agreed note ban was a blunder of gigantic proportions, but people have moved on, and don’t seem to mind the trouble DeMo brought on them.

For Rahul, somewhere the fight has become personal.

He probably hates the PM who has slapped cases against the entire Gandhi family and bad-mouths the dynasty starting from Jawaharlal Nehru. Naturally so. But he was not out there seeking votes to settle a personal score.

He probably thinks 'how does that dumbo rule the country while I sit in the opposition', but then the BJP says Rahul is the dumbo, and unfortunately for Rahul, the voter seems to share that view.

To be a politician you have to have two necessary qualities. One, he or she must be a good communicator. Rahul is not. Two, he or she has to be a cunning backroom player.

If the BJP can build a Hindu umbrella alliance, who is stopping the Congress from a forming a Brahmin-Dalit-Muslim tieup in let us say, Uttar Pradesh.

If BJP can split votes by fielding Asaduddin Owaisi, as the Congress claims, what is stopping the Congress doing something similar to the BJP.

Rahul is neither a communicator nor a cunning operator.

Like I have written in a post earlier, a Priyanka or a Rahul won’t win the elections for the Congress just because they are a Gandhi. We have moved on from the dynasty and it’s time the party and the family realized that.

I don’t know if Priyanka can revive the party, but from the 11 years we have seen of Rahul, we can safely conclude he can’t.

Every time he joins a protest or supports a cause, the BJP is able to dodge the bullet.

For example the current farmer protests have cornered the Narendra Modi govt and what stands out is Rahul’s absence.

Rahul Gandhi must focus on the objective.

If the aim is to remove Narendra Modi from the throne, then Rahul must abdicate and let someone else lead the Congress into the next election.

If the aim is to be the chocolate boy of Indian politics, he has won the title hands down. It’s time he let someone else take a shot at that title too.

[jasooskutty]

Mandir Needs Modi More Than Modi Needs Mandir

Ten days ago, millions of Indians watched Prime Minister Narendra Modi preside over the bhumi pujan for the construction of the Ram mandir. The seating arrangement was a message in itself. The sants and spiritual leaders got a place in the audience, the RSS chief, UP governor and CM sat a few inches back forming a square. The pride of place was reserved for Modi.

Modi that day was the king conducting ashwamedha.

His critics were appalled to see the absence of Advani and Murli Manohar Joshi, they were upset to see the line between the State and religion converge. They called Modi the publicity hunter who stole the whole occasion for his sole benefit – the man who won't share the limelight with anyone.

I differ.

If Modi wasn't there, there wouldn't be a show to talk of.

Do you think people will switch on TV to watch Mahant Nithya Gopal Das and Mohan Bhagwat, or for that matter Advani, do the puja? Nah.

Did you see any buildup to the bhumi pujan off the TV screens. Many RWAs asked people to light up diyas and celebrate Diwali in advance. I feared I would be blacklisted if I didn't do it. But to my surprise in an apartment complex of 1,000 flats, hardly 10 to 20 households celebrated Diwali that day.

Do you see anyone rushing to donate money to build the temple?

Do you see anyone quitting jobs to do kar seva in Ayodhya, though you may argue enough jobs will be lost to coronavirus pandemic and there will be enough jobless people do the honours when the time comes.

Even when the Supreme Court gave its verdict, gifting the land to Ram Lalla, viewers switched off television sets once the ruling was read out.

The mandir movement died long ago. To be precise: on December 6, 1992. Narasimha Rao, knowingly or unknowingly, finished the agitation. Once the Babri Masjid was gone, the Hindus didn't feel the emotional connect anymore. It didn't win anyone votes in all the elections that followed over three decades that even saw 10 years of Manmohan Singh rule.

Half of India's current population was born after 1992, says an Indian Express report. None of them saw the rath ratra or the riots it triggered.

The excitement about the mandir is limited to TV, with much of its audience above 40 – the generation that actually saw or took part in the movement. The rest are on Netflix or Amazon or Youtube or any of the hundreds of OTTs.

That is not to say Hindutva is dead. Hindutva is alive and kicking. It has metamorphosed into Moditva, which is essentially Hindutva raised to the power of two. Mandir is only a small subset.

It is safe to say the mandir needs Modi more than Modi needs the mandir.

[jasooskutty]

China policy explained

[jasooskutty]

Indian Railways will go to any lengths to serve you better

[jasooskutty]

SC says it can't monitor migrant movement on roads, rejects plea seeking relief for migrants

[jasooskutty]

Irrfan: the Super Actor Among the Stars

“Hello bhaiyon or beheno, main Irrfan hu.... me aaj aapke saath hoo bhi nahi bhi,“ said Irrfan in his last message his fans ahead of the release of his latest film Angrezi Medium.

His words turned out to be prophetic.

Irrfan aaj hamare saath hai bhi, nahi bhi.

He went as he came into Bollywood, without any fanfare.

A quiet good-bye to the master who found eloquence in silence.

Irrfan was so soft spoken, even when he was shouting, his villains were more adorable than the others’ heroes.

Irrfan could switch into any character as easily as changing robes, or did he just make it look that easy?

He could be the rebel, the troubled lover, the obsessive lover, the adulterer…

In his hands ordinary roles became good, and the good ones extraordinary.

His eyes spoke much more than he did.

Intense.

That was Irrfan in one word.

In his cameo in the Oscar-winning Life of Pi, Irrfan says, "I suppose in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye."

Cancer is so cruel. It puts you on notice, and gives ample time, not just a moment, to say the final good-bye.

Alvida Irrfan.

[jasooskutty]

The Great Migrant March

[jasooskutty]

What Modi is doing Manmohan couldn’t have done

Sometime when the the capital city was done with rioting, when the ruling party was plotting the fall of a state govt, when the country was busy wondering if the junior finance minister actually said goli maaro, an Opposition leader warned the novel coronavirus was heading India’s way and it wasn’t getting the respect it deserved.

That Opposition leader, you may find it hard to believe, was the Pappu of Indian politics - Rahul Gandhi. Now his fans are asking what if Rahul Gandhi was the PM and not Narendra Modi. Would India have been better prepared?

That is an unfair question to ask. We know what Modi’s performance is like but we don’t have any work by Rahul Gandhi that could be compared with Modi’s. When he could have become a minister and honed his skills under the best tutor he could possibly get, he refused. Instead he chose to wield the remote control to the govt even as he let his advisors remote control him.

Now one can argue, as I often do, it is better to have someone who does nothing than have someone who does demonetisation.

The valid comparison one can make though is between Manmohan Singh and Narendra Modi.

What if Manmohan was PM

We can safely assume Manmohan’s govt would have been prepared for the coronavirus crisis. We can expect that for many reasons. He has done it many times in the past, so he can sniff trouble when it comes. We would have had enough PPE kits, we would have mass produced ventilators, etc, etc.

Yes, there would be media plants on how Sonia Gandhi put her foot down, Rahul Gandhi put his best foot forward, how Digvijaya had his feet on the ground, while the sardar was always on the wrong foot.

In all that chaos, Manmohan would have ensured order, and seek no credit.

But we would still be unhappy. We Indians are like that. How many Indian victories we didn’t savour because Sachin Tendulkar scored a century and the match got over with a few overs to spare. Instead what we ask is why didn’t Tendulkar win that match we lost.

Now think of the present day. We didn’t plan for the novel coronavirus and we are where we are now. In such a situation Narendra Modi is the best PM India can have.

No other PM could have announced a lockdown at 4 hours’ notice.

No other PM could have asked citizens to bang their thalis and belans and katoris and made them do exactly that.

No other PM could have asked citizens to light lamps and candles and mobile flashlights and received total obedience. 

In fact they did more than what Modi asked for. Like the old Hindi dialogue goes, Modi ne dil manga, hum jaan dene ko taiyaar hai.

No other PM could have made the Amit Shahs, the Ajit Dovals, the Rajnath Singhs of his govt fall in line so meekly. No hunt for headlines, no hunt for credit, it is all reserved for the Saheb.

No other PM will come out of the crisis unscathed and blemishless like Modi is going to do. The man is going to blame every failure on coronavirus - the failing economy, the social strife over citizenship law, the Kashmir distrust, the badly made dhoklas you get in Aggarwal’s mithai shop. You name it, it was all because of corona. And the countrymen believe it.

Some time last week, a message started spreading that we all have to stand in the balconies for 5 minutes to salute the PM. We were all getting ready to do exactly that -- some out of fear and some out of bhakti -- when a wise soul said it was a prank.

Good or bad, it is this unquestioned obedience to Modi that is going to save our lives in the pandemic, though many of us may not have a job to survive.

Jaan hai to jahaan hai.

[jasooskutty]

PM Narendra Modi's healing touch after Delhi riots

[jasooskutty]

JNU under attack

[jasooskutty]

Faiz Ahmad Faiz Haazir Ho

Jasoos Narayanan Kutty has scooped the report of the investigation committee that probed whether Faiz’s poem Hum Dekhenge is anti-Hindu. Excerpts from the report are given below.  Translation of Faiz’s lines under investigation 

From the House of God Every idol will be removed We, the pure, the faithful Who were barred from His house Will be made kings Their crowns will be flung in the air And thrones will be smashed We shall bear witness

Critical analysis by investigation committee

From the House of God Was it vaastu compliant?  Since the poem was written in Pakistan, chances are it didn’t follow any features prescribed by vaastu shastra for a healthy and meaningful life.

Every idol will be removed What is the reference?  Is Faiz alluding to ordinary idols like Narendra Modi, Sachin Tendulkar, Shah Rukh Khan? The verse per se doesn’t elaborate. The poet has mischievously left it open-ended. He could well be referring to a ruler, but it can’t also be ruled out he might be referring to Ram or Durga for that matter.         

We, the pure, the faithful Who are ‘we’? Does ‘we’ indicate the people or believers of a particular faith?

Who were barred from His house OK, someone closed a door on someone. That doesn’t mean we write a poem on that. Free speech my foot.

Will be made kings Even harbouring such thoughts of becoming a monarch goes against the very foundation of our Constitution - that is democracy, equality, liberty. Totally not done.

Their crowns will be flung in the air If their crowns are flung in the air, does it mean the new ruler will have to buy a new crown. If that is so, who pays for it? Wasteful expenditure, recommend a CAG audit of the poem.

And thrones will be smashed Again totally unnecessary. If it’s a functional throne, why smash it? All this smells very fishy, like a scam in the making. Dal mein kuch kala hai.       

We shall bear witness And do nothing? These people are material witness to destruction of public property and the poet is asking them to stay silent and - even more shameful - support the criminal act. That amounts to conspiracy and tampering with evidence. A notice should be issued to Faiz to recover the cost of crown and throne if and when they are thrown and smashed.

Conclusion

The police have not been able to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the poem ‘Hum Dekhenge’ by Faiz Ahmed Faiz is against Hinduism, and by extension, India. But some logical reasoning by this committee has proved beyond reasonable doubt Faiz’s intentions were suspicious. There are many gaping holes in the poem which leave it to interpretation. The committee hereby decides to summon Faiz for questioning. It may be noted this is India, and the poet can’t plead the Fifth Amendment if he chooses to depose before the committee.

[jasooskutty]

Five Reasons Why PM Modi's CAA Helps Economy

The popular perception is that the Narendra Modi govt has amended the citizenship law to keep illegal Muslim migrants out. This will polarise the society further and lead to more consolidation of Hindus, enabling a bigger victory in 2024. Abki baar, chaar so paar.

All that might be true, but that will only be a side effect. There must be a bigger picture, the jasoos in me thought. A visionary like Narendra Modi wouldn't do something that affects the lives of 135 crore people for a few handful of votes. Not unless it is in some way for the welfare of the 135 crore people.

This got me thinking. My week-long study of classified documents and interactions with the most powerful people who oil the wheels of the govt have led me to some startling revelations. Here is the gist of my research.

1. National security

India's security forces, especially the state police, hardly have any work or rather hardly do any work. Most are pot-bellied, though they would like us to believe it is some special muscle they have developed over the years by consuming high-protein diet that incidentally comes wrapped in fat. A little bit of action like a lathicharge will do them no harm. Many of them have no shooting practice. Mob violence gives the police a chance to practise what they learnt in the classrooms. Days or months after the protests die down, the Indian police force will be vastly improved and fighting fit.

2. Pakodanomics

The security angle is happenstance. More important is the effect these protests have on the economy. Everyone knows we are following the award winning economic theory called Pakodanomics. As has been explained in these pages earlier, pakodanomics has led to serious imbalance between supply and demand. Every economist on the planet agrees consumption is at the lowest in India in decades. What it means is we have too many people making pakodas and too few eating the pakodas that are getting made. The protests provide a unique opportunity for pakoda sellers, they are getting a ready-made market. Needless to say pakodas are selling like hot cakes in Shaheen Bagh, India Gate, Azad Maidan, Marine Drive, etc. Consumption slump is a thing of the past, now please don't say we don't have enough supply. The govt can only solve one problem at a time.

3. Oil and gas

Arvind Subramanian is a smart ass. He spent years as chief economic advisor to the finance minister but never made any public comment against any policy against demonetization. Instead he stayed under the radar collecting data for his research for the next 10 years. Economists like him point to the reduction in fuel consumption to prove there is a slowdown. That is not a big issue at all. Today I took 40 minutes to cover 3 km in my car. Imagine millions of cars stuck in traffic jams caused by anti-CAA protests. Fuel consumption jumps, oil firms profit, consumption all around. Everybody is a winner.

4. Stimulus

The protests and the crackdown create a sort of stimulus for the economy. The pharma sector gets a big boost. Just imagine the business hospitals are doing now with all the injured flocking there. A bandage here, a surgery there sends the hospital cash registers ringing.

I admit the country's telecom sector is facing a serious crisis. A couple of companies may shut down,  a few thousand people may lose their jobs, but the govt is on the job. It will certainly find a way to use the protests to aid the ailing telcos.

You don't believe me, just look at the Sensex. It is above 41,000 points. They know their business. There can be no better proof.

Postscript: This is a study in progress. If you know Reason No. 5, please do share.

[jasooskutty]

Anti-Citizenship Amendment Act Protests Escalate Across India