Iām not asking for pity, Iām asking for someone to listen. I NEED WORK. Iām 17 years old and I do commissions. At this point Iāll try to draw just about anything if it means escaping this god forsaken house.
When I was younger I never quite understood the truly cruel nature of verbal abuse and how much it affected people until it happened to me. When you live in a household where you do not feel loved, you hurt. You feel useless because your own parent tells you so. Youāre reminded every day about how you werenāt wanted and that you were just a byproduct of sex. You feel like a bastard, you are called a bastard, and every day youāre not belittled just for existing, youāre preparing for the next shit storm.
Iām so tired of living here. For those of you who donāt understand the extent this goes to and the severity of the matter, allow me to explain.
The Effects of Verbal Abuse
1. Low Self Esteem.
I feel like garbage for every day that Iām home. Iām called a āfuckerā, ābitchā, āwretchā, ābastardā, and frequently, everyone in my family are āassholesā just for being there.
2. Powerlessness
Do you know how much it hurts to watch your younger siblings being told it would be better had they not been born and when you say something about it, your own mother tells you to āfuck offā?
3. Feelings of Damnation
My mother rants about āfamily cursesā and how most of us will turn out to be sluts, child molesters, or how weāll be fucked up in the head to the point weāll be locked away in some mental institution.
4. Impending Uncertainty
Abuse comes in a cycle. They abuser hurts you, they feel guilty, they try to fix what they did wrong so you feel okay, and then they hurt you again. I never know when my mother will blow up. It could be because a fucking throw pillow was on the floor that she tells everyone what worthless pieces of shit they are.
5. Exposure to Insensitivity
My mother tells my stepfather quite frequently how she canāt wait to get her college degree so she can leave his ass. She openly admits to using him for his money and how heās just a penis to her. He follows her anyway because sheāll kiss the wounds she gives him and he believes that she cares.
6. Pitting Family Against Themselves
There is no praise in this household. You are never appreciated for being yourself, so everyone competes for the love they donāt have. Just today my youngest brother, only 10 years old, was ready to tell on his other brother Caleb for the sake of nothing more than praise. Even though both him and Caleb shared the opinion of not liking our mother, he was ready to tell on him for it. When I told him not to and that it would only escalate things, he turned to me and said āBut momās being nice to me.ā
My own Stepfather falls prey to the same thing. He loves us and he pities us for what we hurt for, but like a sheep, he can only follow what our mother says is right. He has to blindly agree with her or he knows his life will be made a living hell.
ā-
I do not feel safe in this house. I wanted to earn enough money to make it on my own when I turn 18 this December. I canāt stand it here anymore. Every Saturday is cleaning day, and thatās not so bad. I donāt mind chores. The problem is when you canāt do them and are yelled at them for it.
Weāre expected to perform tasks we werenāt taught to do and she gets frustrated at us for not knowing. She yells at us that sheās just the pussy of the house and so sheās expected to do everything just because she āshit us out of her vaginaā. The deal is, she only has to ask us once to clean. We will actually perform the task. Every one of us has proven ourselves capable but she tells weāre not anyway and does everything within her power to show to us thatĀ āwe canātā. Before we can even start scrubbing the bathtub, she calls us assholes and takes over to do it for herself, telling is we wonāt do it the right way anyway.
How can we do it the right way if she doesnāt give us room to learn! We never see the chance to prove ourselves because she takes it away from us before we can even start.
āIām gonna hit everybody so goddamn hard because you all just need to shut the fuck up.ā She said this just now as I was typing. Iām very tired.
When I go to school I want to throw myself down the stair because I canāt handle the thought of going back home into a house so hateful, to a person who could care less if I lived or died.
I came out to my family as lesbian last year and my motherās immediate response was to tell me I was going to hell and that all I wanted to do was lick pussy. She continues to tell me how Iāve damned her to hell because she couldnāt raise me to be a proper Christian. My sister opened up to being Aiethiest and so our mother told us that if she ever finds herself attracted to animals, she can just go ahead and fucking shoot her.
Our biological father was sent to prison for molesting both my sister and myself, yet my mother constantly threatens to give us back to him when he gets out of prison this February.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BUY MY ART. My mother wonāt let me have a real job because sheās paranoid Iāll tell on her to people at work. She even harasses myself and my siblings for information on what we tell our family councilor when sheās not around.
My only hope of escape at this point is to save enough money to make it out of here as soon as possible. The account is a joint account so Iāll withdraw as much as I can to keep a physical stash somewhere, ANYWHERE. I just canāt be here anymore. Iām close to breaking down into tears every time she even looks at me.
I need to set a successful example for my siblings. Theyāre hurting for this and no one can fix it. If I get a place of my own then at least they can visit me and escape for a while. I believe in myself. I know I can do this if you give me the chance.
MY COMMISSIONS ARE CHEAP AND I WILL WORK QUICKLY AND WITH MAXIMUM EFFORT. Please. Iām losing hope and this is all I have left to hold onto. All I hear in this house is yelling and crying anymore and I have no escape. Give me a chance to make my own.
MY COMMISSION INFO IS HERE
https://friendofmegamantrash.deviantart.com/art/COMMISSIONS-OPEN-711173789
A preview. My art has since improved and obviously the āWonāt Drawā stipulations have changed. Please. Iām desperate. My brother is crying and I canāt help him.
IF YOU CANāT BUY SOMETHING, THEN REBLOG! IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME.
