hello everyone, I return with more angst, this time, Willex!
As The World Caves In
Words: 2,554
Summary: 90s Alive AU where Sunset Curve performed in the Orpheum and are now rising stars. Alex and Willie have met and began dating shortly after the show. Around a year of their relationship, Willie falls seriously ill, and Alex is there to support him.
Disclaimers:
The boys are all around 18, as this is set a year after the orpheum performance where they were all 17.
The boys did not die in this AU, merely just had a bad case of food poisoning.
As this is set in the 90s, Flynn, Julie, Nick and other characters do not exist.
This is based on the assumption that Willie was also alive and 17 in the 90s.
I do not own any of these characters, however both Willie and Alex's parents are my own interpretations.
Ao3 link:
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
@thedragonemperess
Alex looks at Willie's face, and smiles weakly. Willie looks...weaker, than usual, and was clearly trying to put on a brave face for his much loved boyfriend.
"How do you feel today?" Alex asks, gently.
"...Better, I think." Wille replies, sheepishly.
"Willie, you don't have to pretend you feel okay, you know that, right?" says Alex.
"...You're right...well then, my chest hurts when I breathe, and I feel constantly tired. The other day, Reggie brought me in food that his mom made specifically for me, and it looked great and it smelt divine, but I couldn’t muster the appetite to eat it. He just looked so...disappointed, Alex."
Alex sighed, and took Willie's hand.
"He understands though. It's...it's harder on you, and we both know Reggie would never hold it against you."
"I know just-" Willie begins coughing violently mid sentence, "...Sorry. But it's just, I hate feeling so...useless, y'know? I want to get out and function like a normal person, but even getting out of bed winds me for the next hour, never mind walking out of here."
Willie looks at Alex. His eyes are so...tired looking. Alex's heart breaks a little more at the sight. Willie's eyes, the eyes that were always so bright and full of life looked so dull now. His face which always bore a smile, so...gray looking, skinnier. Even his arms which Alex loved to be held in were weaker. And yet he was still the man Alex loved, and would continue to love.
"Willie...I...look, you just..." Alex stammers over his words.
"Hotdog. It's okay. I know you're worried, but really, I'll be okay. I'm doing better than I look, the doctors say so. And lord knows they're being paid enough to tell the truth."
Alex laughs weakly. Willie still has his sense of humour. That has to be good, right?
Right.
A nurse enters the room to inform Alex that visiting hours end soon. Alex nods, and says he'll be out in a bit.
"You have to go?" Willie says sadly.
"...Yeah. I do."
"...You'll be back tomorrow though, right?"
"Of course. Of course I will."
Alex kisses Willie gently on the forehead.
"Is that it?" Willie says, a smirk on his face.
"Oh- Uh-" Alex stammers as his face turns bright red.
"You don't have to, you know? I was teasing."
"No- I- I just wasn't expecting to hear it. But since you asked," Alex leans in, "sure, that's not all."
Alex kisses Willie passionately, moving one hand to Willie's shoulder, and the other running through his hair. Willie pulls Alex in closer in suit. The two break apart, both smiling wide.
"That certainly wasn't all then." Willie laughs.
"What a 'bye for now', huh?" Alex says, his face still red from his moment of bravery.
"For now," Willie says, pausing for a second "I love you, Alex." he adds.
Alex stares at him for a second, unsure of what he just heard.
"...I love you too, Willie."
A few months later, Alex is visiting Willie again. Willie is still hesitant to admit it, but with his recently shaved head and the numerous more machines beeping and such around his bed, it is clear to Alex that his condition is worsening.
"Stay still, will you? I don't want to nick you." Alex says as he slowly, carefully, shaves the recently appeared stubble on Willie's face.
Willie does not reply but does become more still, merely watching Alex as he shaves his face with such care.
"There. Feel better?" Alex asks as he prepares to shave Willie's head.
"...Yeah." Willie says, hoarsely.
"I'm gonna help you sit up now so I can get your head, okay?"
"Sure." Willie says. As Alex helps him sit up, he starts coughing again. When he moves his hand away from his mouth, there are a few drops of blood. He makes hesitant eye contact with Alex, who, aware that Willie doesn't want to be made a fuss over, merely cleans his hand and sighs softly.
As Alex lathers his head with shaving cream, Willie starts to cry softly. When he notices, Alex stops, cleans off his hands, and sits on the bed beside him.
"Willie...what's happened, dear?"
"They, uh...they told me the results of my scan yesterday. The lung cancer...it's progressed. It's spread to my kidneys now. Alex...they uh, they aren’t giving me long to live."
Alex's shoulders slump in defeat. All the fighting...all the effort and the pain. Willie even lost his hair trying to fight off cancer and...for nothing. Alex stands up, wordlessly, and begins to shave Willie's head.
"So, you're just...saying nothing?" Willie says, a tangible note of hurt in his voice.
Alex bites his lip to stifle a sob. He can't cry in front of Willie right now. Willie is the one who's allowed to cry right now. He keeps shaving.
"Alex. Please. Say something...anything."
Alex lets out a sob, and immediately he feels Willie tense up.
"Alex-" Willie starts as he tries to turn around.
"No, please. Just...just let me finish shaving, please." Alex says, his voice breaking slightly.
Willie turns around again, facing away from Alex, and lets him finish shaving his head.
When visiting hours end that evening, Alex hugs Willie as tight as he can without hurting, and pats Willie's back as he sobs and yells into Alex's shoulder. He says it'll be okay, he tries to comfort him, but they both know this can't possibly ever be okay.
Alex is in a mall with the other three boys. In front of them is a case of rings. A jeweller walks over to them.
"Ah, you're-"
"Sunset Curve! Tell your friends." cuts in Reggie. The boys laugh.
"...Yes. My daughter loves you, she's booked tickets to your next tour."
"Ah! A fan! Or...well, rather a parent of a fan." Says Luke, excitedly.
"Indeed. Well, how may I help you boys today?"
"Well, uh, we're looking for a ring." Alex says.
"I think, if you follow me this way, you'll find more what you're looking for? This is the...engagement ring section."
The boys look at her blankly.
"Oh. Well, someone's a lucky girl-"
"A lucky boy, actually." They correct her, all looking towards Alex, who currently looks rather sheepish. The jeweller makes an "oh" face.
"Well then, Mr. Mercer? I think this ring right here will be perfectly suited."
She points to a silver band.
"We do ring engraving too, if that's your thing."
Alex looks at the boys. They smile at him and nod, already knowing what he's thinking.
Willie and Alex's parents crowd into the small hospital room. All four of them look ecstatic, an odd sight for a room with a dying man in it. Outside, Luke, Reggie and Bobby are fighting to get a good look.
"Alex, love...what on earth are you doing?"
Alex laughs, his hands shaking behind his back. He looks to his parents, who nod, then Willie's, who smile at him. He gets down on one knee beside the hospital bed.
"Willie, I have loved you since the day I met you backstage at the orpheum. I have loved you since you looked after me during the aftermath of that nasty ass hotdog, and I have loved you since you stayed by me when I came out."
Willie looks at him, unsure of how to react to what he's hearing. Alex brings out the ring box from behind his back.
"I know that we can't legally get married. And I know that it will never feel properly real because of that. But Willie...if I could..." Alex trails off.
"...Go on." Willie says, quietly.
"Willie...I- Will you marry me?"
The energy from the couples' parents in the corner of the room is electric.
"Of course, Alex. Of course."
Alex breathes a sigh of relief and stands up to give Willie the ring. The boys cheer and whoop from outside the room, before being shushed, because people are dying here.
"Alex...did you- did you get a hotdog engraved on this?"
Alex smiles slightly.
"I love it. I fucking love it." Willie says, as he lets Alex slide the ring onto his finger.
"And look," Alex says, pulling out his own counterpart ring from his pocket "mines has a skateboard."
Willie laughs, the first genuine laugh he's had in a while, but then in a snap back to reality, begins coughing harshly, and both Alex and his parents rush to hold him, and wipe his face of the blood spatters.
The rest of visiting hours are spent sneaking the boys a toast of champagne - for they know Willie won't live to 21 - as well as sharing baby photos and many, many congratulations.
Days later, Willie signs a deed poll to change his surname to Mercer. Both Alex and Willie reason it's as close as they'll ever get to marriage.
A month later, the nights get colder faster now, and Alex notices it more than he ever has as he speeds to Willie's hospital at 11 at night. As his listed emergency contact, the hospital have contacted him as well as Willie's parents. Alex is trying desperately to calm his breathing to concentrate at the wheel before he causes an accident, to little aid, as his vision is blurred by tears anyway.
He doesn’t even lock his car doors as he bolts to Willie's room. He can hear multiple doctors in the room, all discussing what's and how's and when's. Alex begs them for information but as he's neither the patient, a (legal) spouse, or a next of kin, they can tell him nothing. When Willie's parents arrive shortly after, they are informed that Willie has went into kidney failure, and as his cancer has already metastasised, a transplant would only delay the inevitable, information they immediately relay to Alex. The doctors give Willie a few hours at most.
Alex cries quietly at Willie's bedside, holding his hand as he watches his chest rise and fall slowly. The doctors have put him on morphine, to make his passing easier, more comfortable on him. Willie's parents stand behind Alex, Willie's father placing his hand on Alex's shoulder as comfort.
"Son...do you want us to give you a minute?" Willie's father asks. Alex nods quietly.
When he hears the door click shut, Alex lifts his head to look at Willie.
"Willie..why'd it have to be you?" he says quietly, weakly as he cups Willie's face and his thumb strokes his cheek. This isn't how it should have been. They should have been able to grow up together, get old, maybe even someday, possibly, get married. They should have been able to hopefully adopt a few kids, to watch them grow up and become adults of their own. And yet here Alex sat, being robbed of his first, his only love.
Alex buries his head into Willie's hospital gown. He cries out when all he receives is the horrible, sterile smell rather than what he wanted, Willie's warm, wood-ish smell. He doesn't have Willie's hair to stroke, it was all shaved off when the chemo started making it fall out. He looks at Willie's face again. He looks so...fragile. Alex's heart is shattering and he doesn’t know if he'll ever put the pieces back together again.
Willie's parents enter the room again, hot drinks in hand, and Willie's equally distraught mother hand Alex a coffee with a weak smile. Alex sips it, and grimaces at the bitter, yet watery taste. Nonetheless he is thankful for the caffeine.
A few hours later, while Alex and Willie's parents are engaged in light conversation, Willie's heart monitor starts beeping loudly in an alarm. When the three of them look at the monitor, they can see that Willie is flatlining.
"No. No. No this can't- No!" Alex starts shouting. He grabs Willie by the shoulders and shakes him. "Come on Willie, please, no, not now, please-"
Doctors flood into the room, and Willie's father pulls Alex back out of their way. Alex struggles to get loose but eventually goes limp as he sinks to the floor to wail in grief. The doctors, unable to do anything due to Willie's D.N.R, stand to one side and turn off the alarm.
"Time of Death...1:32AM..." one of them says, flatly.
Days later, at Willie's funeral, Alex seems to have been cried out. Even as one of the pallbearers, Alex's face just remains blank, empty. He sits at the front, with Willie's family. He even comforts Willie's younger siblings with a hug as they cry. But Alex himself sheds not one tear. He just stares into the distance. He barely talks.
Willie's parents ask Alex to say a few words, and rather reluctantly, he agrees. As he walks up to the front of the small church in Willie's hometown, his hands start to shake and he feels a lump form in his throat.
He looks out at the crowd, herded into the very much packed church like sheep. He clears his throat.
"I...I have known- I knew, Willie, for around a year. I knew him before his diagnosis, when he could still do the things he loved," Alex's voice shakes, "like skateboarding...or helping people, helping me. Not many of you know this, but I loved Willie. I still do. His death doesn't feel real to me and I doubt it ever will. I will miss him dearly, as I'm sure you all will. Uh...thanks for listening."
Standing at Willie's grave site, it isn't raining. In fact, the sun is shining and the temperature is almost mild. Alex watches in silence as they lower his partner's body into the ground. As they begin to shovel dirt onto the coffin, Alex's facade that even he wasn't aware existed, begins to crumble, and he buries his head in his mother's shoulder and cries out, his tears soaking her nice black coat. He hears other people begin to sob, and had he felt up to it, he would have consoled them. But right at that moment, at that exact time, nothing mattered to him apart from the fact that his partner, the man he loved enough to want to marry, was dead, was gone forever and was never coming back.
Weeks later, Willie's parents ask Alex to come to Willie's grave with them. Alex, who had barely left his room since the funeral, reluctantly agrees, letting him pick him up in their minivan. They drive to the cemetery in silence, none of them have the words to talk with, until they're walking over to where Willie was buried.
"We know that we didn't ask you...but since it's his legal name, we had to use it for the headstone..." say Willie's parents.
Alex looks at them, unsure of what they mean. And then he sees the name on Willie's headstone. Willie Mercer. In some strange way, he never expected to see it anywhere so official, so permanent. He realises that Willie's parents are awaiting a reaction, but he blanks on what to do. The sadness of seeing his love's grave taints the small joy that is seeing his own surname on it.
"I- I- Thank you." He eventually stammers out, and Willie's parents pull him into a hug.
For the first time in a long time, Alex begins to feel that things might, eventually, be okay.
