I’ve come to Earth and it is quite different from Toril. Fascinating, truly! Did you know they have books about me? If I had stayed on Toril, that is, but they are popular! And the MUSIC! I’m in love!
I am not a good friend. I get caught up in my plans and endeavors and can let a friend linger too long in misery even as I struggle to resolve that which is making them miserable. I do it in the wrong way and burn all the goodwill I could have possibly earned with them, break their trust in my devotion, and give them no choice but to treat me like the curse I am.
The spider has a plan for me, and I am just the misery machine sent out to ruin everyone he loves.
“There is a beauty to the Underdark,” Jarlaxle told him. “Our tunnels are all around you, but you never quite know where, or when, we might come calling. Anytime, any place, Knellict. You cannot continually look below you, but we are always looking up.”
love him being silly but scary Jarlaxle is very important to me
Unless you have the patience for a drunken fool drow mercenary’s laments, scroll on.
I am what I have always been, a fool child blessed by the Spider Queen, given to her in my first cries, murdering in her name from hour one.
Something in me is wrong, I can feel it. I drive my friends away or fail them in their desperate moments enough times to wipe out any time my actions saved them. Why should they have to tolerate me and my eccentricity when I am a poisonous thing? When my very presence invites Lolth to the dinner table? When my good intentions push those I am closest to into situations they cannot escape, traps they must live with the maiming from or will never escape alive?
Those I have loved most are the most hurt. In another place I lost Zak right as he was finding peace, right as his moment had come, right as I let my guard down. Not only did Artemis leave me, I later sold him out to an evil tiefling to save my own skin. I could do nothing for poor Catti-Brie and Regis, couldn’t find them when they seemed gone forever, couldn’t cure them, could not be a friend to Drizzt and Bruenor desperate not to lose theirs.
And when have I ever been a true friend to the son of Zaknafein? I am the one who brought the spiders back to him. I am the one my vile mother and wicked goddess used to hunt him down and bring misery upon over and over and over again.
Maybe I am too great a war criminal. Maybe I am just too far steeped in the evil that is the Lolthian Cult. By birth my fate was sealed. By my actions, the Spider Queen delights. I can actively work against her designs and she shows me all too clearly that I am her instrument.
I am a worthless friend to have. What good luck I can share and good times I can provide, it seems to be, after failing my friends so spectacularly thinking I still had time to save it, somehow-
I thought avoiding confrontation with my dear friends was a step on my journey to being a better person. What really happened was I was a coward, too fearful for the consequences to myself to stand up for one friend against another and now?
…now?
…now friends are gone.
And it is because of me.
I am a wretched friend. Zak should have cut me down in that portable hole. He deserved to be free of that place, but I bring it with me wherever I go. The beatings and whips and manipulations and desecrations were all just the building of me, the time bomb sent to hunt down Lolth’s favored targets against my will.
I fear what I have done through inaction is irreparable. I have no right to demand I be able to fix it. I have no means to do so right now anyway…
I belong at the bottom of Donigarten, with the other tragic third sons.
Actually I decided I DID need to revisit the fact that the underdarks greatest dilf Zaknafien was fighting with a whip that opens a rift to spit hellfire on people
Fairly high, depending on who they are and where their house ranks compared to the party they just left. It makes for some very amusing jobs wherein Bregan D’Aerthe must protect a noble without them knowing they are being tailed, often because they are prideful and want to give off the appearance of unconcern. Many a noble daughter and some prized noble sons get such treatment.
I bet Artemis Entreri was one of the few to enjoy the spell plague
Watching previously powerful wizards explode like fireworks trying to fight him would be entertaining.
Entreri: watching you suffer with your unreliable trinkets through the spell plague would’ve been entertaining. I should’ve been there for that at least
Jarlaxle: at that time we had to fight a second draco lich. More powerful than the last one we faced. You would’ve hated it
One of things we know little of but I want to know more about is Jarlaxle’s upbringing. It’s mostly secret.
We know his mother covered up the failed sacrifice. Jarlaxle wasn’t his birth name. Most other matron mothers don’t know he’s a Baenre (most Baenres don’t know) but it was hinted by Kim that house Oblodra knew the secret (due to involvement with the failed sacrifice) and it was known enough in the house for kim to know. Bregans first HQ was under House Oblodra in the clawrift.
Fav Jarlaxles upbringing theories?
Raised as a noble in secret by the Baenres
Self taught on the stench streets
Raised by another house like Oblodra (double agent)
Well for my personal perspective, knowing I am one of many versions, I was raised secretly in House Baenre until I was shipped out to Melee Magthere as part of an unknown house, seemingly “self-funded”, and told to never reveal my origins. In my personal experience, Jarlaxle has been my real name for as long as I can remember and I remember my birth thanks to the Oblodrans. I was a street rat from Graduation onward, and it is there I made my friends and empire.
Hey insane thought. You know how drow have infravision temperature sensing and all that. Yeah okay so do you think they have a kink about it and how do you think they'd exaggerate that in porn. Like being able to see your partners body temperature change under that kind of vision. Do you think that's a thing some of them are into.
