𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘'𝐑𝐄 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐑 𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐃
⚠️ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐟𝐥𝐮𝐟𝐟, 𝐣𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐧
ꨄ︎ 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬: 𝐪𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐡𝐮𝐚𝐧𝐠, 𝐚𝐩𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨, 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐡𝐚, 𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐬, 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐢𝐝𝐨𝐧, 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫, 𝐥𝐨𝐤𝐢, 𝐬𝐮𝐬𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐨 𝐧𝐨 𝐦𝐢𝐤𝐨𝐭𝐨, 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐳𝐞𝐛𝐮𝐛, 𝐬𝐢𝐞𝐠𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐝
He was basically the third wheel in the family now
He knew the responsibilities of a father was serious, especially now that his son was going to be the heir to the throne
But he didn’t expect his son to be the bane of his existence
“Mommy, am I cute?” (S/n) asked sadly.
“Yes, you are.” You smiled, “Very cute.”
“I’m cute too!” Qin shouted next to you but his cries went unheard
“Very strong, sweetheart!”
“I’m strong too!” Qin shouted once again, flexing his muscles but no one batted him an eye
“I’m handsome!” Qin shoved his face into yours.
“Am I more handsome than daddy?” (S/n) asked with a shit grin on his face.
You blinked as Qin slowly turned his head to look at his stupid son
“Yes, you’re more handsome than daddy. You are the most handsome man in the world.” You giggled
“Him? Handsome?” Qin repeated slowly, “What can he even do?! He can’t even stand on his two legs or lift you up or protect you! He can’t even write his own name and he’s the size of a shrimp!”
“Qin, calm down!” You blinked with confusion.
“All he does is eat, sleep, and shi-”
“Okay! That’s enough! Both of you are handsome!”
This was the worst day of Apollo’s life
He was looking forward to spending time with you so imagine his disappointment when you left for an emergency meeting and he was stuck here in boredom
“Wow, you are terrible at this daddy.” (S/n) pouted as Apollo accidentally set the kitchen on fire again.
“How about you do it then?” Apollo snapped at his son.
“Mommy is so much cooler than you.” (S/n) began to daydream, “She can do so many things at once and she never loses her composure. Unlike you, who can’t even beat an egg properly.”
Apollo ignored him as he angrily whisked the batter
“Did you manipulate mommy in marrying you?” (S/n) asked from behind
“No, I did not!” Apollo whipped around, “If you question-”
A pancake was thrown onto his face, as the syrup dripped into his hair and clothes
(S/n) began to holler with laughter as Apollo was shaking with rage
Why didn’t he pull out that one time-
You finally got home in the evening and you were confused when your husband and son were absent
A scream alerted you and you rushed up the stairs to see Apollo dangling (S/n) over the balcony
“Apollo! What are you doing?!” You freaked out.
“I’m teaching him a lesson!” Apollo shouted passionately, holding his heart with his free hand, “He’ll never question our love again and I’ll make sure he never comes between you and me!”
“Shut up and put him down!”
He knew he was better than this
This was so childish, unnecessary, and stupid but at the same time, he was jealous of his son
You were humming a song while your son was curled up in your lap, and your husband was sending daggers behind his book
That stupid brat was in your lap for 4 hours!
Hades never even got 4 hours with you!
Well he did, but that was before you gave birth
His son was so clingy to you, following you everywhere like a new chick and you in return… don’t pay attention to your husband anymore
“Mommy! Can we go to Mt. Olympus today?” Your son asked you excitedly
“Of course! But what about daddy? Don’t you want to take him too?” You asked him gently
“No thanks.” (S/n) replied right away, as if Hades never existed, “He’s always so focused on work and his image, plus he’s always hogging you. I want mommy to myself!”
You were taken back by your son’s words but before you could say anything, an arm wrapped around your waist
“You want my wife to yourself?”
His son blinked as he watched his father hug you and place a gentle kiss to your cheek
“Don’t touch her!” He snapped at Hades
“I want mommy to myself too.” Hades replied smoothly, making you blush, “How about we go on a dinner date tonight?”
“B-but what about (S/n)?” You asked worriedly.
The god gave you a gentle smile before his eyes darted towards his son, as he smirked victoriously and viciously
Oh, (S/n) will be alright
Because Poseidon will watch over him
He swears this child is an accident
He was slowly sulking as he was forced to watch you bathe (S/n), who was hogging his mother on purpose
The God of the Sea was so tired and despite his ruthless self, he was looking forward to spending time with you
Until he remembered there was an extra at home
Poseidon thought his piercing gaze and aura would catch your attention but you never once turned to look at him
“I want a big cake for my birthday along with unicorns, pegasuses, and fire-breathing dragons!” (S/n) listed, “I also want mommy to be there to help me blow the candles!”
“What about daddy?” You snickered.
“Daddy can stay at home.” (S/n) shot back with glee, “He always ruins the fun and his face scares everyone.”
This kid was definitely an accident
(S/n) was about to say something when he spluttered as the water in the bath began to overflow
You squealed when you were suddenly lifted up into the air by your husband
“Let me make this clear.” Poseidon hissed at the shithead in front of him.
His son was a mirror image of him
“This is my wife. I’m the only one who gets to be with her and I’ll never let you take her away from me, you little brat.” Poseidon threatened.
His son immediately began to cry and he couldn’t help but smile
“Poseidon!” You screamed out loud, “You deserve to be punished for that!”
Poseidon didn’t even care until you spoke the next line
“No kisses for you until you apologise!"
Buddha thought he was excited to be a father until his son stole all your attention
You hardly pay attention to him anymore, you barely spend time with him at all, and what’s worse… you don’t even bake for him anymore!
Every time his son would hug you, the little squirt would send daggers along his way along with a slappable smirk
You may have birthed him but without his help, the little brat wouldn’t even exist!
“Mommy! Daddy ate all the cookies!”
Your son was bawling his eyes out as he sobbed
“Buddha! Did you eat all the cookies I made for (S/n)?!” You confronted your lover
“Huh?” Buddha didn’t even care
The god was draped over an armchair was he licked his lips that were covered with crumbs
“How many times do I have to tell you to not eat (S/n)’s cookies?! I have to make another batch again!” You groaned
The little shit was watching him closely behind your legs, as a wide smirk was present
He scrunched up his face and he suddenly looked unwell
“What’s wrong?” Your face instantly changed to worry
“I-I don’t know, baby…” He choked, “I don’t feel very good. I think I might be sick.”
“From you not paying attention to me.” He whined, “All you do is talk about (S/n) this, (S/n) that, (S/n), (S/n), blah, blah, blah. Do you even love me?”
“Of course I love you!” You quickly told him.
Buddha smirked and he opened his arms and you immediately hugged him, placing kisses all across his face
Buddha’s eyes glistened victoriously as he stuck out his tongue at his son, whose mouth gaped to the ground
“I want to marry mommy when I grow up!”
He and his wife were sitting in a bar in Asgard when the little shit had to start running his mouth
You giggled at how cute your son was while the others around you three were silently cooing and awing at the interaction
Thor was debating whether or not to throw his son out the window
“But what about daddy? Mommy will be sad without daddy.” You replied, pretending to sniff, “Can’t we take him along?”
(S/n) froze as he knew how much his father was in love with his mother
Thor was absolutely obsessed with his mother, always protecting her, hugging her, and pressing kisses against her forehead
(S/n) watched with wide eyes and he knew he also wanted to have a loving life in the future like his parents
Which is why he wanted to marry mommy
“I love daddy too but I love you more!” He exclaimed, “Don’t worry! Daddy can be my bridesmaid!”
A loud sound instantly shut him up as Thor slammed his cup onto the table
“Don’t you dare steal my wife from me.” He threatened.
You were going to scold him for acting so childish in public but (S/n) didn’t back down as he puffed his chest
“Fight me then!” He demanded.
His father stared at him with irritated eyes until he leaned down and kissed his wife passionately in front of everyone
You stiffened as you felt your face turning redder than your husband’s hair as (S/n) began to freak out
“No fair! You’re cheating!”
Loki knew his life was going to turn upside down when you told him you were pregnant
A little life was going to be born and he didn’t know if he would be a good father, but you assured him many times
When his son was born, things got a bit better
The first time he held his son, he knew they were going to create chaos to the world together
He didn’t believe he could love someone as much as he loved you
“Mommy, why did you marry someone as ugly as daddy?”
Loki was napping in the tree until his eyes shot open
WHAT DID THE LITTLE SHIT SAY?!
He looked down and to his horror, his son was dead serious while you laughed
“I think daddy is very handsome.” You giggled, “I don’t regret marrying him. If it weren’t for him, you wouldn’t be here, (S/n).”
“He got yelled at by Odin last night and Uncle Thor beat him up.” (S/n) pouted, “I think you can do better, mommy.”
Loki’s eyes were twitching and in an instant, he turned into a crow and he began to peck his son
You freaked out since you knew it was your husband as you tried to separate them
“Stop it, Loki! Getting jealous of your son?! How hopeless can you get?!”
Loki was forced to sleep on the couch that night
You were the love of this god’s life so imagine his horror when a little nugget suddenly became the center of your life and he casted off to the side
When he first realized he was going to be a father, he was ecstatic
He could imagine him and his son training, fighting, and winning battles all over the pantheons and he was thrilled he could get the chance to share his experience with his offspring
It was always mommy this, mommy that, “I wAnT MoMmY!”, and yada yada yada
Whenever he would try to spend time with his son, the first thing the little brat would ask is, “Where is mommy?”
He hardly even sees you anymore because of this shithead!
You were in the middle of relaxing while your son cuddled into your lap
“Can we go to the hot spring, mommy?” He asked
“Of course! We should bring daddy too!” You replied and he frowned.
“But daddy ruins all the fun!” He whines, “I want mommy, I wAnT mOmMy, I WANT MOMMY!”
The god was in the other room and he heard the entire conversation
He stormed in and he pushed his son out of your lap, before he cuddled in his place
“Honey! What are you doing?!” You asked in alarm
He gave you a charming smile in which you blushed, while his son began to throw a tantrum
“How about we spend some time together?” He asked you sweetly, “I miss you, my love. A lot.”
His voice turned deeper as he emphasized a lot, his hand squeezing your thigh, sending butterflies swirling in your stomach
“What about me?!” The third wheel snapped like a shrimp
He lifted you up and he sent his son a devious smile
“You can stay in the kiddie pool.”
This poor bloke craves love more than anyone in the world so imagine his happiness when he could live a life with you without any consequences
The moment you announced you were pregnant, this god was so happy yet nervous
He was afraid he’d somehow hurt his child or reactivate his curse the moment he expressed his love, but you reassured him everything was fine
When his son was born, he held the precious bundle tightly, vowing to destroy the world for his son if needed
Until his son broke his heart
“Mommy has a meeting. You stay home with daddy, okay?” You asked your son.
“I don’t want to.” He pouted.
He heard that clear like glass and he felt his heart shattered
The moment you came home, your son was being watched by a nanny and you asked for your husband’s whereabouts
You found him curled up in his bed, sulking with such gloominess you thought you were going to turn miserable
“What’s wrong?” You asked him with worry
He refused to talk but the moment you teared up, he relented
“Our son hates me.” He mumbled, “I have no need to exist. I can die now.”
“He doesn’t hate you!” You snapped at him.
“You heard him, he said it himself.” He grumbled softly.
“He doesn’t mean it! You just need to spend more time with him, that’s all!” You protested, “It’s way better than locking yourself in that lab of yours!”
He didn’t want to but he finally agreed
It took a while but after your son realised his father wasn’t a douchebag, he wanted to spend time with him everyday
“I’m going out now!” You called your two boys.
“Have fun.” Your husband responded, allowing his son to draw all over his face
All they needed were a little push
Honestly, out of all those above, this demigod is probably the most sane
He wouldn’t want to throw his son out the window, stomp him, drown him, challenge him, peck him, abandon him, or any of that nonsense
He’s very serious in relationships and he completely devotes himself the moment he realizes he’s going to be a father
Even though he knows his son loves you more, deep down, he’s glad that you’re such an amazing mother
“Mommy, who do you love more?” Your son asked and you raised an eyebrow
Your husband was right beside you and he cast you a look, as if daring you to choose the other option
“I love you both equally.” You responded with a smile, praying that answer was enough
“You have to pick one!” Your son protested, “Me or daddy! Tell daddy you love me more!”
Your son pouted and you couldn’t help but gush at how cute he was
This little nugget was so good at manipulation
“I can’t choose between you both! You’re both my boys!” You raised your hands
You were stuck in such turmoil until you blinked when your husband lifted you up in one arm
He then took your son and he held you both closely to him
“Well, there’s always enough love to give to all three of us, isn’t it?” He asked calmly, “All that matters is that we’re together. Forever.”
He kissed his son’s cheek before he placed a deep kiss on your lips
“That’s right. There’s no need to fight.” You smiled, completely falling for your husband’s handsome tricks as you snuggled against his neck
“You still didn’t answer my question, mommy…” You son fidgeted his fingers but you laughed and stroked his hair
Hey guys, it's been a while! Life was extremely busy for me so I didn't get the chance to focus on my oneshots and stories. Doctorate school has been so busy, the wedding date has been set, and we've recently adopted a dog as well. Anyways, I hope you enjoy these funny headcannons! It's inspired by a scene I saw at the airport lol. ⋆⑅˚₊🍰🥄 ୨୧
In addition: my messages and inbox has been turned on once again. I'm happy to answer any questions regarding my stories but I'm not accepting requests. Just a heads up in case I don't reply - not that I don't want to, I'm just too busy and my past inbox was swamped with requests so it kind of stressed me out. Also, many of the requests were crossovers with fandoms I've never heard of. Other than that, I'm aiming to update my stories this coming weekend. Thanks for all the support.
