tbh i miss it. I miss the hitting my thigh when i messed up and the stinging. The punishment i gave myself. It was a comforting pain. I hit my leg and i wanted the sting.

if i look back, i am lost
Not today Justin
we're not kids anymore.
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@jayxjackie
tbh i miss it. I miss the hitting my thigh when i messed up and the stinging. The punishment i gave myself. It was a comforting pain. I hit my leg and i wanted the sting.
Its happened guys. After a year and a half, of being heartbroken over and over again. It was the right person, wrong time. Maybe i wasnt mature enough at the beginning, i tried to force myself into a relationship with him after he got out of one, and i waited, waited for him to heal, and yes he hurt me so much during the process, but honestly it was all worth it, It was worth it to hear him say he wants me, that he wants something with me, that he cares about me. Right person wrong time, and hopefully this time its the right time. He told me when i left him, he cried, he didnt want me to leave him. He didnt want me gone, and god that all i wanted to hear, he gave me more than enough of what i wanted to hear. He cried for me, he wants me. The guy who ive been head over heels for since i met him. Fuck i just dont want to mess this up, when is say hes helped me more than he’ll ever know this is what i mean. Im so happy it didnt work yesterday...
You guys say my relationship is toxic, but who was there for me in the middle of the night? Not you. Who was the person who would listen to music with me, and even when i felt like not talking talked to me? Not you. Who took me back ever single time i fucked up or made a mistake? NOT YOU. Who was there for me and made me realize what a good future would be like? Him. Who showed me what it was like to feel loved? Him. Who was there for me even when he had his own problems? Him. So no i will not explain to anybody why i am still with him. Because he’s literally the only person im even here for, the only fucking reason i want to be alive. He is my reason for living.
Why, why do i havw to be like this and ruin everything when its good?
6/7/2020
Its been a while since ive been on here. I got a job. You keep coming back into my life and then leaving but honestly your not even the problem anymore. I love you and i always will. I feel so alone. I have no one. No one. I cut everyone off because they all act like dont care... because nobody does. Im going back to being bad. I just need you to call me and tell me your here but you wont. You dont like talking to me when im crying. I just cant be here anymore. Ive tried to get my life together. I just dont want to be here anymore.
these are actually hella fucking cute y'all
1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?
2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?
3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?
4: how do you take your coffee/tea?
5: are you self-conscious of your smile?
6: do you keep plants?
7: do you name your plants?
8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?
9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?
10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?
11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?
12: what’s your favorite planet?
13: what’s something that made you smile today?
14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?
15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!
16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?
17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?
18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.
19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?
20: what’s your favorite eye color?
21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.
22: are you a morning person?
23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?
24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?
25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?
26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?
27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?
28: sunrise or sunset?
29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?
30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?
31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.
32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.
33: what’s your fave pastry?
34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?
35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?
36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?
37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?
38: tell us about your pet peeves!
39: what color do you wear the most?
40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?
41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?
42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!
43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?
44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?
45: do you trust your instincts a lot?
46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.
47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?
48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?
49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?
50: what’s an odd thing you collect?
51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?
52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?
53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?
54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?
55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?
56: what are some things you find endearing in people?
57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?
58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?
59: what’s your favorite myth?
60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?
61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?
62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?
63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?
64: what color is the sky where you are right now?
65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?
66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?
67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?
68: what’s winter like where you live?
69: what are your favorite board games?
70: have you ever used a ouija board?
71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?
72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?
73: what are some of your worst habits?
74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.
75: tell us about your pets!
76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?
77: pink or yellow lemonade?
78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?
79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?
80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?
81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.
82: are/were you good in school?
83: what’s some of your favorite album art?
84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?
85: do you read comics? what are your faves?
86: do you like concept albums? which ones?
87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?
88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?
89: are you close to your parents?
90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.
91: where do you plan on traveling this year?
92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?
93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?
94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?
95: what are your plans for this weekend?
96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?
97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?
98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?
99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.
100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?
“I lost myself when I lost you.”
— Lana Del Rey; Terrence Loves You (via quotexcerpts)
Seeing you with her just rips my heart in two. I’ll always love you.
Fuck. I miss you. Every part of my soul longs for you. Very song reminds me of you in some way. I miss us. I try not to think about you but then I think about you more. I catch myself constantly worrying if you miss me or think about me. I wonder if you are hurting like me. I don’t know how I’m supposed to move on when I still love you.
“Somehow, a part of me still believes you are my soulmate. That you’re just lost, and you’ll find your way back to me eventually.”
— but how long will that take? ( @words-of-heartbreak )
Someone asked me what my dream job is.
Then I realised I have no idea because I never expected to be still alive at 20.
you’ll never be able to fully understand how deep i was in love with you
That’s the thing about almost or unrequited love, people do not understand the pain you’re feeling because they think you never had anything substantial. Because they think it never happened, so how can something that didn’t happen hurt you so much? Because they think if people can get over break ups, loss of loved ones, how can you not get over your unrequited love story? They belittle your pain by saying things like it’s about where you met or how the circumstances weren’t ideal. And the worst, ‘what else did you expect?’ I guess the only reason they don’t understand it is because they weren’t stuck in that limbo. That limbo where you were about to get what you wanted, where they almost loved you, they could’ve loved you only if. That only if does not rest till it eats away at your soul. And that’s the thing about mourning unrequited love, it hurts as bad if not worse as requited love not working out. But you’re made to feel as though it’s wrong for you to feel that pain.
— we almost dated, but I was in love
2/26/2020
My last one had so many grammar mistakes its because i made it at a bad time and im not motivated enough to fix it. I dont know what to feel, one minute i think im getting over him and the next its back to square one, i dont even care anymore i just want him to call me so i can hear his voice one more fucking time.
“But you always were wrong; only I can’t help loving you.”
—