para | love mends the pain
absbranning:
The blonde let her hazel hues scan over briefly to the older man who was once her boyfriend and the look of worry that surfaced on his features when he seen her, and how he rushed to his feet. She felt her entire being flood with an indescribable feeling, maybe it was relief at seeing someone who could be there for her, or fright at having to face the reality of the events that had just gone down. Abi knew that the latter was something she desperately didnât want, because to be frank, she didnât know how to deal with it, without going insane. The insanity had already struck when she began rambling, it had struck back in the hospital when she could hear Stevenâs words on a continuous loop like some sick kind of torture, build to add salt to already painful wounds. Nothing could change the last few hours or erase it from her mind, which was why she was falling apart inside. There was absolutely nowhere to run. At his apology, she gave a wave of her hand, dismissing it, in a way that showed there was no need for it in the first place, besides, it wasnât like he had expected her to walk through the door at the crack of dawn in the mess she was in. Her hand shook as she held the glass of water as if her life depended on it, afraid sheâd drop it and it would shatter just like everything already had around her. Her nerves were shot, her mind a mess, everything was completely ruined.
At his suggestion, she looked in his direction, still avoiding eye contact and let her mind run over whether or not she was ready to speak, or to be within human contact without breaking down. Before she could give herself a chance to over think it, she walked over, a little shaky at first, holding onto the side of the couch, she sat and put her glass on the table in front. Had it been Ben who had offered, the answer would have been a simple no. There was still distrust there, lurking deep down, and she didnât feel like opening up to her former best friend. âI⊠I canât stay up long. Need to get a few hours.â She tried to make some lame excuse, even though she knew it was because in moments sheâd be spilling everything to Jay, nausea washed over her, and she brought the back of her hand to her mouth for a moment, hoping it would pass. Not only was it pregnancy at itâs finest, it was the whole memory of seeing someone she cared about slip away before her eyes. When he asked the question she had expected, her head lifted, and her eyes met his and for a moment, tears collected over hazel orbs and she found herself at a loss of words. âI-IâŠI couldnât sleep after what had happened. I just kept seeing it all again and again. And⊠And-âŠâ Lifting her hand, she wiped a tear that had spilled down her cheeks, her voice becoming all thick as the emotions made their way out of her in a less than orderly fashion. There was only one way sheâd snap. Either through sadness or anger. Despite her attitude these days, she still had a heart. âIt was just a reminder. They said we were okay.â At her last words, she looked down and realized what sheâd said, mentally scolding herself. âI mean, they said I was okay so-⊠So I just wanted to get out of there, and I signed myself out after they had a doctor check on me.â She fiddled with her hands, trying her best to divert attention from her face with all her might. âI couldnât be there, Jay. I just couldnât. Stevenâs dead. He died last night. I didnât wanna be there after that.â
Jay listened to her speak, trying to focus on her words instead of her shaky hands and pale complexion. Seeing Abi in such a state reminded him that, actually, she was vulnerable and sensitive and she wasnât half as tough as she made herself out to be. Sure, most of the time these days, she seemed to act like a completely different person compared to the beautiful, intelligent girl heâd fallen in love with all those years ago. Sometimes, he looked at her and barely even recognised her. Sheâd been hurt -- badly. Sheâd been hurt so many times by so many people who were supposed to never hurt her (himself included), that Jay actually understood why sheâd spent so much of the past few years lashing out. He didnât know if he was ever going to get his Abs back; that kind, compassionate, loving, girl didnât seem to exist anymore. But she did - deep down, she was still that girl. She just didnât seem to want to be. Jay told himself in his mind that the way his heart physically ached watching her wipe away tears from her cheeks was just because heâd loved her once, a long time ago. Of course he still cared about her, he would always care about her, but there hadnât been anything more between them in three whole years now. She was his friend, and he hated seeing her so upset -- well, more than upset. It was as if she was completely and utterly distraught. He assumed she was talking about being inside the fire, the way she described seeing it all again and again. He remained silent, letting her talk, watching her fidget.
There was nothing that could have prepared him for what she said next. Stevenâs dead. Her statement took a few moments to sink in, but as soon as they did, his first instinct was to protect her. âOh, Abi..â he sighed apologetically. âJesus, Abs, Iâm so sorry,â he said, moving to wrap his arms around her smaller frame. Steven had saved her life in that fire, so he could barely imagine how it must have felt for her for him to later die. He didnât blame her for being so shaken up and wanting to leave the hospital the second she could -  he would have been exactly the same. The guilt would have been unbearable, he was sure of it. All he could do now was be there for Abi and make sure she knew that he was there for her. He soothingly rubbed her arm as he held her, thoughts of Ian and Lauren running in his mind. âThis is so awful. Were Lauren and Ian with him? When he...you know.â
