How to Get a Boyfriend in Ten Easy Steps: An Illustrated Guide, by Castiel.
1. Once you’ve identified the object of your desire, begin with a grandiose show of affection. This may involve buying him roses, asking him out to dinner, or raising him from the depths of eternal damnation.
2. After this is done, you are ready to begin introductions.
Note: be careful not to come on too strong! This will only serve to frighten him, and may leave permanent hearing damage.
3. Don’t be discouraged if your first meeting doesn’t go quite as planned.
4. Just give him some time to recuperate, and then casually try again.
Note: though it may seem unnecessary, you will be much better received if you ask before entering his home.
5. Some humans have greater difficulty coming to terms with their sexual preferences than others. Nevertheless, if your feelings are reciprocated, he will most likely find a subtle, socially appropriate way to convey that to you.
6. Once your relationship has been comfortably established, personal space is no longer necessary.
7. Lover’s quarrel’s are rarely pleasant, but are unfortunately a constituant part of any relationship. If, by chance, you are in the wrong – perhaps you forgot your anniversary, or accidentally unleashed an army of primordial flesh-eating monsters – it is best to find some way to apologize as soon as possible.
8. If cleverly named board games don’t do the trick, the best way to go about this is to prepare him the food of his preference.
Note: be careful to check all animals for parasites and console them adequately before their slaughter.
9. It’s best to establish positive relationships with future in-laws as soon as possible, even if they lie to you about having guinea pigs.
10. Having an emotionally-repressed significant other can be difficult. However, if he truly loves you, there are various ways in which you both may express it. These include:
Prolonged periods of staring and/or suggestive gestures.
Lingering, socially inappropriate glances over one’s body.
And of course, protecting one another from the fell creatures that seek to brutally kill you.
Congratulations! You now have a boyfriend.
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